Humiliated In The Heartland

I was lost. There was no getting around it. The last sign I remembered seeing said, freeway ends and the road became a highway, then a two lane street. My GPS wasn't working for some reason but I knew if I headed west I'd finally make it to Hollywood!

I had an audition that I was going to nail. The movie, a thriller called Dynamo! It’s about…well you’ll see me in it soon enough!
Yes rustic villages like this will never see me again and probably will be blown away to learn a megastar like me once graced this one horse town.
Welcome to Jasper Ohio.
"These poor Midwest yokels lives must be so boring and sad!"
My eyes darted back and forth at the micro sized stores on each side of the street. Who could find an outfit in that store? Not like anyone here would even know anything about fashion anyway.”
I chuckled,  "They Probably only wear overalls around these parts anyway"
I let my sense of humor be my calm because my GPS was still on the fritz.

 

The fine people of Jasper (jackass of jasper newspaper) probably just discovered the technology and hasn't made it to the "common folk " just yet.
I laughed again and continued what I thought was west. I drove for about 10 minutes and saw nothing and more nothing. I was bored out of my mind.

"How do these hillbillies do it" I asked out loud as I fixed my makeup in the mirror.
"One thing is for sure, I'm definitely the most fly girl to ever come through this.."

All of a sudden my self centered bragging was shattered as well as the rear bumper of the brand new Mercedes that I had rear ended!!

"Holy shit!! Did that just happen?" I shook my head in disbelief. I had never been in a car wreck before, I didn't know what to do next.
"Are you okay?" Her sweet voice was like lace. She slowly climbed out of her car and I paused by how pretty she was. Definitely had star quality, I mean not like mine but she was cute.

 "Didn't seem too hard of a hit" she said, almost remorsefully
I, on the other hand, was a little more annoyed.
"You idiot!" I snapped. "Why would you be driving so slow?"
She didn't get upset. Instead she calmly explained to me that she was doing the speed limit and something about exchanging Insurances to which I wanted no parts of!
This is making me late to Hollywood!

 Big A list stars don't deal with problems like this and nor shall I.
"I'm leaving. I'm on my way to Hollywood, ever heard of it, Country? Quite frankly this whole...situation... is slowing me down, toots. So take your basic wardrobe and look and beat it.”
She flipped her wavy blonde and half smirked.
She is definitely NOT basic but I'd never give this bitch the pleasure of hearing me say it.
She politely smiled, showing her beautiful set of blinding white teeth. A smile I had wanted since forever! I closed my mouth to hide my teeth in embarrassment because it didn't compare to hers.
Her cheerleader esque tone angered me even more, "I really can't let you leave."
I couldn't believe my ears! Did she say what I think she did?
"The audacity. The nerve! Let? Let me?
I'm Maya Mochacchino baby! You don't
“Let” me go anywhere! I go where I damn well please!"
By now a small group of local Jasperinnians? Jasperites? Had gathered around to watch the show and I flipped right into showtime mode.

"I hate to have to kick her ass in front of you fine people" I said with my best enunciation causing two or three people to cheer. I was winning the crowd over, this is why I'm going to be a star!

I approached her, “What’s your name anyway, Redneck!”
I pushed her shoulder and within an instant of contacting her shoulder she grabbed my arm and twisted me into some Judo submission I had never heard of. Before I knew it my neck was in the crease of her forearm and bicep and I could feel myself being choked out! I flailed my arms wildly to no avail!

“What the fuck are you doing!! Let go of me!”

 

Her voice was still eerily calm despite having my neck in a position where she could literally snap it in two, “My name is Brittany “BarbieBreaker” Lewis”

The crowd that had now gathered around and of course pulled out their phones started to roar loudly, louder than the reaction I had gotten..

 

She continued, “I’m undefeated in MMA fights in the tri-state area. But I’m sure you all knew that!” She tightened up her grip on my neck causing me to gag and getting a good laugh out of the crowd.

My thoughts were racing a mile a minute! “Who is she? She’s what kind of fighter!”

I finally managed to eek out a sentence despite being choked, “let…me..go!”

I elbowed her in the ribs causing her to flinch but she only tightened up her grip on my neck.

“Oh Hollywood is fieisty huh?”

She turned me to face the crowd who all had their phones out at this point. I could do nothing but helplessly watch as she gave each local hillbilly a personalized picture of her holding me like some deer she had just hunted!

 

This is so embarrassing! I had to get out. I continued to fight and wiggle for about 30 seconds. I could hear the taunting and jeering from the crowd until I finally felt her grip loosening! Was I even making progress!?

I felt her finally let me go just as I was about to potentially pass out. My mind was still woozy from being choked but she had made a mistake, letting me free!

I gathered my thoughts and tried to shake off the cobwebs. I looked at her fit frame, her sturdy demeanor, she was unshaken. But I’m pretty street smart! And I’ve prepared myself for a potential action role! I can take her. No one embarrasses Maya Mochaccino and lives to tell about it!

I circled her and got in my best punch stance, the same one I did when I tried out for a boxing TV show a few years back.

“How hard can this be?” I thought to myself.

I threw a punch that I just knew was going to clean her clock, I felt the velocity when I swung. I knew if this punch connected, that it was lights out for little Miss BarbieBreaker!

But my punch that looked like a cruise missile to me must have been the equivalent to a beach ball calmly floating through the air to her, because Brittany caught my dynamic, powerful with one hand!

I couldn’t do anything but watch, I was powerless! She began to squeeze my clenched fist inside her hand that was so intense that it dropped me to my knees in pain!

“Let me go! My hand!!” I looked up at Brittany whose smile had now turned into a motivated and angry scowl.

“I tried to save you, Hollywood”

Brittany winked at the crowd, like I had done earlier, only this time the crowd roared to life with cheers.

I heard the crowd shout various things at Brittany as she held me and decided my fate,

“Break her, Brittany”

“Send that Tree Hugger back to Hollywood”

“Crush her!”

Brittany liked that one because the idea of, “Crushing” me caused that smile from before to return

“You’ve got the right idea!” Brittany quipped as she pointed to whatever crowd member gave her this violent idea.

Her free hand that wasn’t turning my fist into dust was cocked back almost like a baseball pitcher. I tried to pull away but her strength was unmatched.

 

I felt the first punch connect with my jaw and I hit the ground like a ton of bricks. I was still conscious but dizzied. I couldn’t tell which way was up, literally. I stumbled to my feet like a baby deer and attempted to throw a weakened and lazy punch to which Brittany easily ducked and even did a little dance before finally hitting me with an uppercut that turned my lights out finally.

I awoke to Brittany’s foot planted on my chest and her asking me, “Who’s my bitch?”

I didn’t want to say it!
“Who’s my little bitch, Hollywood?”

I was half conscious, “That’s..that’s not..my name!” I was able to cough out.

“’Your name is my bitch!” She kicked me in my face and then returned her foot back on my chest. That last blow broke me. This…ANIMAL, clearly didn’t care about my wellbeing!

 

 I was dizzy, my lip was busted, and the worst part was these inbred hicks are getting a kick out of me getting washed out here on main street!

**Above Picture Taken**

Brittany then stomped me between the legs causing me to yell out in pain.

“Squeal piggy!”

I grabbed my groin in pain and the crowd cheered at my pain.

“Again” one of them yelled!

“Don’t mind if I do.”

Brittany said as she obliged the asshole in the crowd and stomped me on my groin once again!

I screamed out in pain, “Ok okayyy! Stop! What the fuck!???”
I was still under her foot and helpless, still holding my crotch in front of what felt like 1000 people!

Brittany looked down at me, “Who’s my little bitch?”
I sighed and knew I had been defeated. I was in pain from head to toe and this crowd wouldn’t have let me out of here looking good anyway, I’m an actress! This is all just acting, I’m not REALLY going to be “submitting” to this girl. It’s just an act..yea exactly. These backwood bumpkins will believe any lie I tell them.

 

I said it as quietly as I could, “I’m….I’m your bitch.”

Brittany pressed down on my neck, “Oh come on now Hollywood, I know you can project better than that! Say it where all my friends can hear it.”

 

Tears filled my eyes,this girl was a total bitch!

I cleared my throat and said it but only slightly louder than the first one, “I’m your bitch okay! Are you happy? Let me up!”

I tried to stand but Brittany’s size 7 feet planted me back to earth, “Not good enough Hollywood. I want them to hear you beg!”

Brittany pointed to the crowd, “Should I make her beg?”

The crowd roared to life and pretty much all agreed on what should happen to me.

Fucking yokels!!

Brittany grabbed me by both shoulders and jerked me to my feet, she rapidly spun me around, and put me in a full nelson hold this time! Think what WWE superstar Bobby Lashley does to opponents. Then to add insult to injury she started turning me one by one to each member of the crowd!

Every member did something different to me as Brittany held me in place for them to torture!

The first was a girl that was clearly friends with Brittany because she had a similar build and they acted like friends, they probably trained together, she kneed me in the stomach and demanded I apologize to Brittany.

What was I supposed to do?

“I apologize Brittany” I said as she wrenched the full nelson lock to make me scream causing the lady to laugh before patting me on the head playfully, “good girl.”

 

The second one was an elderly lady who poured a whole beer on me as Brittany held me in place. Wasteful and disrespectful, nice.

 

Brittany held me in place in a full nelson for a full hour for all 46 people  that had crowded around our “fight”.

Most just made me apologize to them for disrupting their towns peace. Some insulted me, and about 6 hit me, to which Brittany thought was hilarious! And each one of the 46 people made me call myself “Brittany’s Bitch.” It was mortifying.

 

After an hour in a full nelson hold and having to beg to or be attacked by 40 plus people I was pretty humbled. Brittany had not gotten tired yet and her hold was strong as ever.

“You win, Brittany.” I spoke in a low monotone voice.

“Can you please just let me go?” I continued.

 

Brittany didn’t budge her grip, “Almost done with ya Hollywood!”

She jerked me and I felt my body get snatched off the ground, still under her full control in the full nelson lock, she began to walk me towards an open field.

 

“Oh come on!!”

 

My mind started racing, “Where the hell are you taking me!”

Brittany didn’t say a word she just kept consistently marching towards the field with me in her grip. As we got closer I could see that it wasn’t just a normal field, she was marching me towards a pigpen!

 

“Oh Brittany, now listen! We’ve done a lot of things that we’re both going to regret today, let’s not go too far!”
Brittany chuckled but didn’t speak, just marching, me as her trophy.

I was getting desperate, “I’m about to be a HUGE movie star! You don’t wanna do this! I can get you in movies! You’ve got a great look!”

I continued to fight her grip but to no avail.

“Brittany please! These are my nice clothes!!”

We reached the fence, I could now hear the pigs grunting and groaning. The smell was unbelievable!

“Brittany I’m begging you! Please don’t do this”

Brittany lifted me up to dump me into the pig pen and I began to kick and fight the best I could. My legs kicked like I was fighting for my life, there was no way this overgrown meathead was throwing me in this pigpen!

I tried my best to continue kicking but Brittany punched me twice in the ribs stopping any fight that I had left in me. My legs dangled now lifelessly, my entire body had taken a thorough beating through this entire event.

 

She dumped me into the pig pen causing a big splat!

She had certainly broken one of my ribs because it hurt to breathe.

I lied there with pigs sniffing my supine body, unable to move and definitely the butt of this entire town of Jasper’s jokes for the next few weeks.

 

My acting career is still..budding and I was also made aware that if I don’t say this at the end of the retelling of every story that I will be “humbled” once again.

….I am Brittany’s Bitch.

 

 

..shut up..