themagpiepoet

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themagpiepoet

Jun 9, 2020

Hi!

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themagpiepoet

Jun 9, 2020

4 Years

2 min read

Wow. So it's been 4 years since I've been here. 4 years since I've written anything. I've been busy! My life is completely different now. I am married. I have given birth to 3 daughters. I am a Christian. My life and mind are no longer complete chaos.

Last night I stayed up late reading my old journals. Just wow. Was I really that person? That entitled, confused, broken girl. God has changed me, transformed me. I am still broken but He's putting the pieces back together in His order and time. I have learnt so much and still have so much to learn.I

I started reading again. With lockdown I've had more time for myself. Reading again have me the urge to write again. My mind is itching to write. I just don't know how anymore. I guess I'm afraid of doing it wrong. My husband (Pip) tells me to just do it, but I'm afraid of failure. Interesting.

So I guess I just want to say 'Hi!' to anyone who remembers me from the fairytale-heart era as well as this account. So much of my life has been documented on Deviantart, so much that I had forgotten. We think we'll remember but we don't.

Hopefully I'll start writing again.

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themagpiepoet

Oct 9, 2016

Where Did I Go?

2 min read

It's been over 2 years since I posted on this account. Wow. My life is significantly different. I'm a mum now, I have a home. My daughter will be 7 months old next week. She is amazing and my life is so much better than it was the last time I was here. I always get the urge to write at this time of year, but I'm rusty, I haven't written anything in a long time. Here are my thoughts from a few days ago.

Where Did I Go?

There is a conflict within my soul
Where did I go?
The girl I once was
Had some of her troubles unmuddled
Some of her broken pieces fixed
She became a mother
A woman with a child and home,
Single. Stigmatised.

My daughter is my world
But where did I go?
Old addictions occupy my mind
If I relent a little will I be broken again?
Can I invite a small part of my old world in
Without damaging my new world?

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themagpiepoet

Oct 9, 2016

Where Did I Go?

1 min read

I think it's been over 2 years since I posted anything on this account. A lot has happened since then. My life has changed significantly. I have a daughter now! She's almost 7 months out and she is amazing. I haven't written anything in ages but felt the need to get my thoughts out.

Where Did I Go?

There is a conflict within my soul,
Where did I go?
The girl I once was
Had some of her troubles unmuddled
She became a mother
A woman with a child and home,
Single. Stigmatised.

My daughter is my world
But where did I go?
Old addictions occupy my mind
If I relent a little will I be broken again?
Can I invite a small part of my old world in
Without damaging my new world?

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themagpiepoet

Sep 25, 2014

Beach Bake and Cemetery Dates

3 min read

I met a cute girl on OKCupid, let's call her Z. The night before last I met Z by the pier at about half seven in the evening. We went for a couple of spliffs on the beach - I supplied the weed, she supplied the chocolate milkshake - and talked about non-superficial things. She’s chilled and she rides a bike and she made me laugh.

Tonight, well last night, we sat in the Pavilion garden and smoked weed and talked about loads of things, then she bought us chocolate and we walked up to one of Brighton's cemeteries and smoked and munched and talked in the dark. She said she thinks my life's been crazy, which I find amusing because it's just been my life. Z's really cute but I'm so shy around girls when it comes to dating, I wanted to cuddle the shit out of her but knew I'd make it awkward somehow. I'm pretty sure she's into me, maybe, I dunno, hopefully.

Before I met Z, I spent a few hours wandering about, reading, smoking and people watching. I bought a cappuccino (large, to go, four sugars) then walked down to the beach, the tide was going out. I stripped my feet, rolled up my leggings and let the vicious waves lick my legs. Go in the sea freaks me out so I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to go in up to my knees when the water wasn't calm. I finished my coffee and smoke, then went and sat by the fountain at the Old Steine and read for half an hour or so before going to the Pavilion to wait for Z.

On the way back from spending the evening with Z, I bought some Biscoff at her suggestion - excellent decision. Dinner was Quorn bolognese with slightly stale bread and butter - tasty leftovers. I wrote some poetic fragments in my notebook while I was out, I'll work them into gallery-worthy pieces asap.

So yeah, I feeling okay about being alive right now. I just need to sort out my benefits, find out if Z wants to snuggle with me, and start writing a lot more. Maybe prepare for NaNoWriMo.

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Featured

4 Years by themagpiepoet, journal

4 Years

Jun 9, 2020

Where Did I Go? by themagpiepoet, journal

Where Did I Go?

Oct 9, 2016

It's been over 2 years since I posted on this account. Wow. My life is significantly different. I'm a mum now, I have a home. My daughter will be 7 months old next week. She is amazing and my life is so much better than it was the last time I was here. I always get the urge to write at this time of year, but I'm rusty, I haven't written anything in a long time. Here are my thoughts from a few days ago. Where Did I Go? There is a conflict within my soul Where did I go? The girl I once was Had some of her troubles unmuddled Some of her broken pieces fixed She became a mother A woman with a child and home, Single. Stigmatised.My daughter is ...

Beach Bake and Cemetery Dates by themagpiepoet, journal

Beach Bake and Cemetery Dates

Sep 25, 2014

A Little Update by themagpiepoet, journal

A Little Update

Jul 19, 2014

So, I'm back in Brighton. I'm renting a single room in a family's home. It's quiet and safe and away from the city centre. I've made new friends, I've been off anti-depressants for over a month, and I've been seeing a Gestalt therapist for about two months. I'm more independent than I've ever been and it scares the fuck out of me, but it's exciting. I've been spending a lot of time laying in the sun at the Pavilion Gardens, reading and writing and getting baked.No more getting wasted and feeling like absolute shit. No more alcohol, no more drugs.My heart was ripped out and shredded by the love of my life (I can't even type that without tea...

Yesterday, Penny died. by themagpiepoet, journal

Yesterday, Penny died.

May 13, 2014

She was my granddad's dog. When he died in 2010 my mum took her in and had her until last year when I moved to Cheltenham. It was just mum and the dogs, after a while she realised that she couldn't give Penny the attention she needed as she has a younger dog (Ruby) and does shift work. Nanny had her back out of necessity. She's not an animal lover, but she looked after Penny because her husband, my granddad, adored that dog.Penny was fourteen human-years old, deaf, almost blind, and had dementia which was getting worse. She loved running towards flocks of birds, spending them squawking into the sky, she'd bark and bounce around then come b...