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thelitbeast's avatar
By thelitbeast
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Published:   |  Mature
© 2016 - 2021 thelitbeast
Comments12
anonymous's avatar
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Chezzy-Am's avatar
This was a worthwhile read. I can't say anything else other than: it had a well thought out premise, and the descriptions (Henry Miller-esque as they were) gave each moment a breath of fresh air and a charm all their own; the ending was brutal and suave; and the pacing in each and every moment was a vitriolic pleasure to imagine. It is a wonderful work and I'm glad I finished reading it.

Keep writing. Fuck the pigs! Fuck People! And Bollocks to the System!
thelitbeast's avatar
I wish I was even remotely comparable to Henry Miller. Thanks, as always for your kind words and for taking the time to read and share my work. GDM. 
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Well, you remind me of him. I'd consider that an achievement :) :hug: Anytime, mate.
MangoSundae's avatar
Wow, this was a real treat to read! Thank you for writing and sharing this!

It started off with a rather cliche subject and tone, but it wasn't long before I could see that this is the work of a sure hand.

The details make it realistic and believable, and even though I knew what was going to happen, I was still curious as to how and when. 

I admit I was confused by the sudden "painted mannequin sex doll..." Was this Melvyn's former girlfriend or Finlay's rented date, who? This disorientation surely is no match for Melvyn's surprise; it didn't take me long to figure it out! (Moreover, for a long time I have had much to say about how TV news anchorwomen are mandated to be clotheshorses first. :roll: )

I like how the piece concludes with a view of another, similarly miserable, life.

ONE little issue, and even then it's personal preference. I can be as potty-mouthed as the next person, sure; however, I prefer to limit four-letter words when writing. It is easy to overuse them to no additional effect. However, I do understand that in this case, they reflect Melvyn's personality as well as his monumental, if impotent, frustration.
 
:+fav: :+devwatch:
thelitbeast's avatar
Hi there, thanks a lot for taking the time to read my work and for your thoughtful and insightful comments. I do accept that there is a lot of swearing in this piece, it's not something I like to use frequently, however it was (as you have identified) intended to reflect the character's helplessness and frustration. I tend to think that strong language is far more effective if used sparingly, however it seemed appropriate in this piece, just to show how angry the character is at his surroundings, and I felt that it underlined and emphasised his unerring disappointment in the people that also surrounded him. Please feel free to look at my other work and let me know what you think. Thanks again for your interest, GDM. 
ShotaXFreude's avatar
I genuinely enjoyed reading this! :XD:

:paranoid: ...even though it's a bit too close to my own life for comfort.. and as I suspect, to the lives of a lot of other people...
thelitbeast's avatar
Thanks for reading it. Yes, perhaps it is influenced by my own daily fury at rush hour.
nightshade-keyblade's avatar
As mordant and as despairing as ever, I expected no less.
thelitbeast's avatar
Of course, I'm not made for this world.
nightshade-keyblade's avatar
Where do you see yourself then? If Multiverse is a thing, that is?
thelitbeast's avatar
I take the idealistic viewpoint that this world should be better and people should realise, or at least be more aware of their misgivings and flaws. I wish that people would reflect more on their conduct and it would make it a more pleasant place for everyone. It may sound naive, but I actually believe that people can be better, my writing is intended to highlight things that frustrate and enrage me, in the hope that like-minded people can identify or relate to it. Thanks as always for reading my work. GDM. 
LindArtz's avatar
People can be better. Many don't want to be better. And therein lies the problem. One attitude effects the other, and so on and so on.  As you have effectively shown here with your character; thus, why he has come to his feelings; how his attitudes were shaped.

Nice read as always. It's been good seeing something new from you. :)
anonymous's avatar
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