The set of three paintings that I have just submitted (namely, piece no.1, piece no.2, piece no.3) doesn't belong to aforementioned time frame, for this is the imagery that has been with me since elementary school, forever burned into my memory as a result of a series of a peculiar, recurring sleep disorder that plagued my mind for several times before my elementary education had been concluded.
There is a known phenomenon referred to as the sleep paralysis - a sleeping disorder which results in mind becoming awake and aware of its surroundings while the rest of the body is fast asleep, leaving the hapless victims with but their eyes - a not exactly welcome state in the depth of night.
My disorder, however, seemed to be played in opposition to sleep paralysis: although both my body and consciousness have been awakened by the horror which engulfed my sleeping mind, a part of my brain could not be raised from its dream - and thus the terrible phantasm continued to haunt my head until I began to jumpstart that dormant spot by crowding out cycling impulses with new thoughts.
That 'dream', if one may call it as such, had its own checklist of accompanying imagery and sensations:
- For one, images conjured up by a portion of the brain that refused to wake up could be 'seen' similarly to how one 'sees' the graphic output of daydreaming while fully awake: they didn't obscure feedback from eyes and were terribly lacking in immediately discernible color, as if they were made of dust and brittle light.
- Imagery thus created bore no semblance to figments of everyday memory or imagination. Whenever I remember a dream, I can usually take it apart into settings that either occured in real life, or were anticipated in relation to it. In the case of aforementioned phantasms, they were completely alien to everything I could ever remember. In fact, relatability affected these states like poison, as the whole phenomenon evaporated from my life just as they began to resemble things that I was aware of - which might have been for the best, as these final occurences had a voice of their own.
- Each instance of this disorder initiated a sensation of exponential growth that seemingly affected each impulse from skin sensors, giving off a feeling of detachment from the body, as if it was dispersing into a large human-shaped cloud before regaining density at the state of a much greater volume.
- The main source of horror, however, was the sensation of being taken out of time and causality, as if everything had ended and that all remaining for me to experience ever again was a vision unfolding before the eyes of my mind.