I Left My Heart in SacramentoTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXV: I LEFT MY HEART IN SACRAMENTO
By Jake Collins
Helga was walking towards the front door with her hand outstretched, but the unignorable voice of her father stopped her in her tracks.
Helga! Big Bob barked from the lounge, where he was watching football on the TV. What are you doing?
Im going out, Dad, Helga frowned, as she stuck her head into the lounge. Unlike you, I dont intend to waste my vacation in front of the boob tube.
Hey, I run a busy beeper empire and I need to relax during my time off! Bob returned heatedly. Thats why Ive drawn up a list, Helga, a list of
Things you need me to do for you, Helga finished for him. Well Im afraid youll have to do them yourself, because Im going to see someone.
Oh, I wonder who that could be, Bob
You Drive Me CrazyTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXIV: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY
By Jake Collins
A few seconds after Arnold woke up, he realised that it was his birthday. The familiar feeling of excitement that had gripped him at this moment on all his other birthdays thus far was slightly weaker than in previous years, but it was still there. Arnold looked at his alarm clock, and saw that it was nine oclock. He knew that Grandpa would have been up for hours, and he would have the kitchen table stacked up with presents and cards for his grandson, just as he had always done in the past. Not wishing to keep the old man waiting any longer, Arnold got out of bed, paid a quick visit to the bathroom, put on his clothes, and went down to the kitchen. Here he found Grandpa, Miles and Stella sitting around the table, which was, as Arnold had predicted, full of presents and cards.
Morning, guys, Arnold ventured. Those arent all for me, are they?
Only the LonelyTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXIII: ONLY THE LONELY
By Jake Collins
Helga was in need of advice, so she decided to phone Phoebe.
Phoebe, its Helga, Helga announced unceremoniously. I need some advice, so I thought you could give me some.
Well, Ill certainly do my best, Phoebe replied obligingly. What kind of advice are you after, Helga?
The kind that tells me what I should get Arnold for his birthday, Helga explained. I want to get him something really special you know, something that really shows how much I care about him.
Oh, well, thats very sweet of you, Phoebe remarked. But surely that kind of gift has got to be something personal something straight from the heart, if you see what I mean.
Well, er Im not really sure. What did you get him last
Unfortunates, Part 2 Challenge over! the Voice declared to everyone. You have failed, miserably!
Good thing too, Mona muttered.
You must now vote for who you think is the saboteur, said the Voice. Adam, who do you think was the saboteur, and why?
I think it was Dottie, said Adam, because she didnt say anything.
Adam knew full well, of course, that this reasoning was completely illogical.
Lily, who do you think was the saboteur, and why?
Dottie, said Lily. She obviously didnt want us to win because she looked pleased when we got one wrong.
Dottie, who do you think was the saboteur, and why?
I think it was Lily, Dottie said nonchalantly, because she seemed very sure of herself.
Mona, who do you think was the saboteur, and why