Fly CousinTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXXII: FLY COUSINBy Jake CollinsHelga was lounging on the sofa in the communal lounge at the Sunset Arms, a large icepack pressed firmly to her forehead. From the armchair, Arnold looked over at her with concern. Are you sure youre okay, Helga? he asked worriedly. You wouldnt rather go home and get some more sleep? I feel like a whole city is being demolished inside my head, Helga groaned. But we said we were going to spend the morning together, and Im not going to let Geralds stupid stunt with the vodka stop us! Well, what do you feel like doing? Arnold asked. Theres that new version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on at the multiplex, or we could go to the
Oh God, no! Helga interrupted. I cant go anywhere it practically killed me coming here in the first place!
Hillwood PD BlueTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXX: HILLWOOD PD BLUEBy Jake CollinsTwenty minutes after boarding the bus, Arnold and Helga were standing at the front of the Central Precinct of the Hillwood Police Department, staring up at the towering skyscraper in awe. Its very big, isnt it? Helga remarked. Well, they run the whole police department from there, dont they? Arnold reasoned. Just imagine the turmoil our city would be in if it wasnt for the work that goes on inside this very building. Yeah, I suppose, Helga sighed. You know, Arnold, Im feeling a bit nervous now. Theres no need for that, Arnold said reassuringly. Its not like youre here because youve committed a crime, is it? I guess not. Well, I suppose Id better get on with it. Are you going to wait for me, Arnold?
Tutoring ThomasTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXIX: TUTORING THOMASBy Jake CollinsIt was a hot, sticky afternoon in July, and Arnold and Helga were lying in the shade of a large tree in the local park. Its nice just lying here doing nothing, isnt it? Helga smiled contentedly. Well, its too hot to do anything else, remarked Arnold. Its even too hot to break open a fire hydrant or turn over an ice-cream truck. Those are very childish things to do, Helga yawned. We have much more important things to worry about now, Arnold. For example, youll never guess where Im going tomorrow. Wont I? Arnold replied offhandedly. Oh, okay then. You have to try and guess, Helga laughed, reaching out and punching him on the arm. I dont know, Arnold giggled. I hope its somewhere cool
Thicker Than WaterTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXVIII: THICKER THAN WATERBy Jake Collins Leukemia? Big Bob echoed. What the hell is that? Its cancer of the blood, Helga said hollowly. Thats right, isnt it, Miles?Miles looked down at the floor, and nodded his head jadedly. Miriam clung on to Big Bob in horror, while Olga continued to stare blankly at Miles. Cancer? she managed to say, as if testing the word on her tongue. How can my little boy have cancer? There must be some mistake. Im sorry, Olga, but theres no doubt about it, Miles said sadly. Robert has leukemia. Helga tells me hes been exhibiting these worrying symptoms for a few weeks. Is that right? Yes, it is! Olga wept bitterly. And I did nothing about it! Oh, Im a terrible mother! Now, now, dear, you mus
Part-Time SistersTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXVII: PART-TIME SISTERSBy Jake CollinsHelga and Miriam were waiting in the front hall, listening out for the unmistakable sound of Big Bobs car drawing up outside the house. Well, Her Majesty has arrived at last, it seems, Helga remarked dryly. Youd better roll out the red carpet, Mom. Now, Helga, I know youre not exactly thrilled about this visit, but Im sure youll be able to put on a brave face for your fathers sake, Miriam encouraged her. We dont want him getting all grouchy and depressed, do we? No, Helga replied through gritted teeth. That would never do!After what seemed to Helga like a disappointingly short period of time, the front door opened, and Big Bob entered the house with a large smile plastered over his features. He was carrying a suitcase in one hand. Shes here!&
Chokin' TedTHE ARNOLD AND HELGA CHRONICLES XXVI: CHOKIN' TEDBy Jake CollinsBig Bob Pataki slammed down the phone just as Helga and Miriam simultaneously entered the hall, looking like they were dressed to impress. Helga waltzed down the stairs, wearing her smart pink evening dress and with her long blond hair flowing freely down her back in a glimmering cascade. Miriam was wearing a purple trouser suit and a noticeable plastering of makeup. What the hell are you two up to, dressed up like a couple of hookers? Big Bob frowned in disapproval. Im going out with Arnold, Phoebe and Gerald, Helga announced. And I do not look like a hooker! Im going out too, B, Miriam said apologetically. Its an AA thing. Jesus Christ, at this time of night? Big Bob boggled. Well, neither of you is going anywhere until youve heard my news. News, B