In the beginning, there was only a void.
A vast, empty void in which no life could possibly thrive.
But then life DID thrive.
From absolutely nowhere and for no reason at all, cavemen emerged from puddles of goo and proceeded to populate the Earth. But having just emerged from said goo, they were without direction, thought, or purpose. For around eighty billion years, the cavemen did absolutely nothing except fight dinosaurs with rocks, poke things with rocks, and star in animated sitcoms where everything was made out of rocks.
But one day, a lone cavemen, while etching on one rock with another rock, discovered something incredible. Having tried to draw a random stick figure too quickly, he broke the rock upon which he was sketching! Underneath it, he found a giant, unbelievable stone... a stone which glowed in the glorious colors of red, white, and blue! A stone which bore thirteen stripes, a grand, blue field, and fifty magnif