If you ever see anyone use any of my art without permission or credit, @ ME IMEDIANTLY on a comment on it, or comment a link to it on any of my art, my profile, status, gallery, ANYWHERE just let me know so we can start a really stupid argument, REPORT or both
DO NOT TRACE, COPY OR STEAL ANY OF DIS (Unless it's the REALLY OLD s**t, then I don't care because it sucks anyway)
Colorless| NOPE | Kan-SASS soon will be OR-E-GON
Hello I am TheColorlessCat, but just call me Colorless! My Art may vary from different fandoms for example Portal, Warriors, SCP foundation and Hamilton! I am very weird I know and don't waste your time correcting my AWFUL english skills (even though it's the ONLY language I speak) but I horrible at speaking english in real life too!
I still sometimes make traditional art and maybe more animations someday. Welcome now.... to my page. 🙋
Aka My DeviantArt Meme Squad
fav.me/dcfdm54 (Commissions, this needs updated btw)
fav.me/dcnverc (ASK AND DARE CHARACTERS!!)
PLZ JOIN THEMMMMM.. if you want tooo.
discord.gg/pGPRKHc (My main server, BOX)
discord.gg/WpPH7pw (SHIPPERS SQUAD)
discord.gg/qsSPNbs (Character Interaction Playground)
discord.gg/PWj2Rcn (The Oc Story Server)
discord.gg/dPxVuJP (Doki Doki Literature Club Server)
50 Secrets About Yourself
Be HONEST no matter what.
1. What is your natural hair color?
2. Where was your ID pic taken?
3. What's your middle name?
. . . *has to grab something to remember how spell it* Rhiannon.
4. Your current relationship status?
Single... senpai won't notice meeeee, jk.
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
I don't think so ;w; sh- they have a crush on someone else..
6. What is your current mood?
Neutral? Is that a mood? Meh whatever.
7. What's the color of your underwear?
8. What is one thing that makes you happy?
Hmm.. My cats or seeing beautiful art of my OTP ships.. dunno which makes me happier.
9. Who was the last person you cuddled with?
. . . BowTieKittie (I'm so sorry, I have to be honest)
10. If you could go back in time and change something what would it be?
Tell myself to get my shit together and GET. THINGS. DONE.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day?
I'd be a cat.. because of course I would.
12. Ever had a near death experience?
13. Something you do a lot?
Daydream, thinking of ideas n stuff.
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
I don't remember their names at all but there are two kids in my science class with their birthday on the same day as mine.
17. When was the last time you cried?
I don't remember exactly when but it was recent and it was because I was being really depressed.
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
My elementary school did concerts every year.. 1st grade through 5th.
19. If you could have one superpower what would it be?
20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
If they have a beard.
21. What's your biggest secret?I'd rather not say.
22. What's your favorite color?
23. When was the last time you lied?
Uhh. I of course wouldn't remember.
24. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
No, not really.
25. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing at the moment. But I last had milk.
26. What's your favorite smell?
Hershey's milk chocolate.. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's so good.
27. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
28. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
I get hugged by my dad.. which always makes me uncomfortable.
29. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
30. What are you thinking about right now?
Monika and Sayori, homework I should really do and this thing I'm doing right now.
31. What should you be doing?
32. What was the last thing that made you upset?
Depends on what you consider "upset". So Idk.
33. Do you like working in the yard?
I don't go outside really..
34. If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
I would change my last name to it's old Russian version!! Bar- Yes, my last name has an old Russian version that was apparently changed due to something that OF COURSE I DON'T REMEMBER CUZ' MY MEMORY SUCKS
35. Name 5 things in your closet
Stuffed animals, cloths, boxes, an OLD furby and mlp toys that still need to be sold.
36. Do you act differently around your crush?
Well my crush is my friend so I act more crazy around them.. since I act crazy around friends.
37. When was the last time you slept with a stuffed animal?
Everynight.. because I sleep with a pusheen plush.
38. How many times do you take a shower a week?
39. Do you brush your teeth every day?
Eheh.. no. TwT;
40. Have you ever said something stupid in front of your crush?
Yes, plenty of times.
41. Have you ever watched a hockey game?
42. Do you lie about your age?
43. Ever been jealous about something stupid?
Too many things.
44. Do you pick your nose?
45. One food you hate?
Black liquerous. God I hate the taste of that stuff.
46. What's the one junk food you can't live without?
47. How old were you when you found out Santa was fake?
I kinda always knew.
48. Have you ever blown your nose and looked inside the napkin?
49. Describe your favorite underwear you have?
I don't have a favorite underwear.
50. Did you lie in any of these questions?
Idk maybe I did.
cough BowTieKittie SENPAI NOTICE MEEEEEEEEE
Sayori sits next to me and looks at me with a really sympathetic expression, “Why did you want to stay?” I ask, realizing that’s a stupid question, Sayori puts her hand on my arm with the bandages, “Why do you think I DON’T want to stay with you after this?” Sayori answers, I sense something else in her expression but I can’t quite figure out what it is. “So how long are you staying exactly?” I also question, “Well.. is okay if I stay the night? I just want to make sure you don’t do that again tonight.” I felt mixed feelings when Sayori said that, “I still don’t know, Monika.. Why would you do that? Why did you do this?”, I just stay silent and look away.
Sayori sighs, “Monika.. Why won’t you tell me? Is it because of MarC? Whatever it is, I promise I won’t tell anyone else or judge you for it!”, “I’ll do anything to help, I swear..” Sayori adds, “How bout you confess your true feelings about yourself first? I know about, ya know.” I randomly request, why did I ask that? “Wait what? H.. how do you know about that? I never told you..” Sayori’s expression turns to bewildered, “Exactly, I know everything about this..” I can’t say we’re in a game, she’ll be so confused and freaked out, I have no explanation that doesn’t include telling her that we’re all in a game.. But I’m I really in a game right now? No.. I’m not in a game right now. I sigh, “Did you know Sayori.. We’re all in a game. Just a game on a PC, controlled by programming. Well, except right now, we’re not really in a game now, we’re in a story only pretending to be in the game.”, Sayori stares at me in confusion, “You’ll never be able to understand, Nor do I understand.” I add then sigh as I have to confess.. Everything, everything I did to her and everyone else, refreshing it all in my head.. Oh god.
“Monika.. You’re crying.” Sayori points out, I feel the tears on my face, I didn’t notice, “W.. well…” I stutter, “DON’T YOU DARE TELL HER”, “In the game..” I explain everything about the game and everything I did. Sayori just stares, I can’t believe she really wants to listen to me.
I start saying things without hesitation, “So now.. I wanted to fix everything. I hate myself, Sayori!! It all hurts to know what I did! It hurts so much! This voice in my head keeps trying to tell me why I should do it all again! Everytime I come home I feel a overwhelming feeling of loneliness! Now I’m being punished by feeling all of what you and the others felt when I did that to you all. How am I supposed to fix everything when I feel this way and with this voice in my head!? I’m constantly reminded of what I did! I hate it, I hate myself for it.”, I’m sobbing, Sayori suddenly wraps her arms around me tightly, “I forgive you.. Monika. But I don’t want you to feel like this, except.. I almost feel the same about myself.” Sayori says, she lets go of me then an awkward silence falls between us.
“YOU FAILED. NOW I’LL REALLY PUNISH YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE WRONG”
“I’m very tired now.” I finally say something, “Yeah, me too.” Sayori replies. suddenly I remember how hungry I am and all the pain come back in my stomach, I didn’t mention how I haven’t ate anything since breakfast because something is telling me not to eat, but I’ll pull through it like I have been, “Where do you want to sleep, Sayori?” I ask, Sayori looks at me, seems like she’s unsure what to reply with, “Well umm.. You said you always feel lonely here.. So I just thought maybe..”, I feel like I know what she’s suggesting but also I don’t know, “Ah.. N- nevermind. I guess I can just sleep on the couch..” She said that like she was really wanting to say something else but decided not to and is kinda disappointed about it. “Alright, that’s okay with me.” I awkwardly reply.
I get Sayori a few blankets and some pillows. “Thank you so much for listening, Sayori.” I whisper, Sayori smiles up at me. I leave to my room, I suddenly remember, “Crap, I haven’t made a poem for tomorrow.”, I grab a notebook from my desk, I have an idea I like but.. Should I really write it? Or should I just write the same poem I did before? Yeah, I should write something differ- a piercing pain goes through my head, “NO”, it feels like I just took a bullet to the forehead, “Fine.. fine.”, I have to listen if it's gonna bring pain this badly, I just write the same poem I did before then get ready for bed.
As I lie in bed, that.. loneliness feeling creeps up on me even though Sayori's in the house. Falling asleep was a bit harder with the pain in my arm.
~Another Author’s note~
I would’ve had Monika write a new poem but.. I don’t if I’d be good at making one because I’d guess people would want to know what the poem was. So yeah, Monika just writes the same one as in the game. Also could you tell in these chapters that I’ve been holding back forcing in the Monika x Sayori factor too quickly?
I manage to ignore the voice. I suggest that we all write poems tonight to share tomorrow, then end the meeting. Sayori gives me a worried glance before leaving, Sayori worrying about just kills me, plus I lied to her about everything being “okay”.
I walk home alone once again. I’m hungry but like yesterday, something is telling me not to eat, I’ll force myself to get through it, hunger isn’t comfortable at all. Staring blankly at the kitchen, I find myself staring at some knives, it feels like I lost all control over myself as I walk towards the knives.. Everything turns into a blur, I take a knife and begin cutting deeply at my arm, numb to the pain at that moment, I can hear a text notification sound from my phone but I don’t acknowledge it. Finally, I collapse to the floor, blood spilling onto it and all the pain welling up in my arm, tears stream from my eyes.
“WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF!?” I yell, “IS THIS WHAT I DESERVE!?”, Maybe it is, I think as I realize that all of what I’ve been experiencing in just these few days, is just what all of what I made them feel like in the past.. Sayori’s depression, Natsuki’s hunger, now Yuri’s self harm and I’ve already experienced being deleted.
I pass out on the floor.
Is this how they felt? I made them feel this way? Just to get some dude who would delete me anyway? I should’ve just stabbed myself in the chest.
N.. no, I can’t just give up like this. I remember my words, I will FIX everything. It’s only been a few days, I have to stay strong…
I wake up to the sound of Natsuki’s scream of terror. What is she doing here? Oh no.. she’s now seeing what I’ve done to myself. Suddenly I hear.. Oh not.. no, no, no. Sayori and Yuri come in, I hear their gasps of pure shock and terror, now they ALL know, I didn’t want this at all.
“W.. what are.. You all doing.. Hhhere?” I rasp, I feel dizzy and sick. “I.. I can’t believe you’d do this Monika..” Sayori whimpers, “We need to take her to some hospital!” Natsuki says, “N.. NO!!” I yell, “No one else should know about this!”, “Monika, your arm! You cut yourself really badly!” Sayori yells at me, Yuri goes to help me up, she helps me stand because the pain in my arm is unbearable. “Now I know for sure that nothing is okay” Sayori says, “I.. I’m so sorry..” I say quietly, “No need to be sorry at all, Monika!” Sayori responds, “But.. why would you do this? Before you were so happy, energetic, sure of things, and always excited for things, now you’re always spacing out, voice sounding unsure, and always have a uncertain or tired expression on your face.” Sayori says, it feels like my heart is being torn apart, how can I lie now? I just stare blankly at the expecting faces of Sayori, Yuri and Natsuki.
“It might take her awhile to find energy to properly respond. I can treat her arm a bit. Then we can leave her to rest.” Yuri finally says something, “No, please don’t leave!” I say. “I guess you’re right, Yuri.” Sayori agrees, “Well.. we kinda have to leave, Monika” Yuri responds, “I will stay!” Sayori offers, I’m surprised by how persistent she was.
I sit next to Yuri on my couch so she can treat my wounds, Natsuki is clearly trying to think of something to say but can’t seem to find any words.
“Oh yeah. Why did you guys come here?” I ask. “Well.. I felt like going out somewhere but didn’t really want to go alone so I texted you if you wanted to go with me, you weren’t responded so I texted Sayori, I first told her that you weren’t responding and I guess she’s been really worried about you so she suggested we go check on you, and we kinda just dragged Yuri with us..” Natsuki explains, “Good thing we did come!” Yuri exclaims. Yuri is wraps my arm with bandages, “Your arm will hurt for a while, I can say that for sure.” Yuri brings up, “I have to go now sadly.”, “Me too” Natsuki also says, “Hey Natsuki, I could go with you. As you said you originally felt like going out somewhere with someone.” Yuri offers, “Uh, yeah, going out somewhere actually sounds really good now after witnessing.. This.” Natsuki responds.
Yuri and Natsuki say goodbye as they go out, I could see in their faces, that they were still questioning why I would do this to myself.
Got ready, finally ate something, went to school and walked into the Literature Club at the end of the day.
Natsuki was there with a thing of what I assumed were the cupcakes for the new member, I help set the desks into a big table formation. Yuri soon comes in, I’m guessing Sayori is getting her friend.
A bit later, Sayori comes in with him, the new member. “The new member is here!” Sayori cheers. Things start happening exactly like they did before, except I feel so.. on edge, and I can tell Sayori sees right through me. How does she see how I feel so much? It’s kinda creepy, but also strangely comforting.
~Quick author's note~
Just so you know, the protagonist’s aka MC’s name in this is MarC.. because I’m “creative”.
After introducing ourselves, eating cupcakes, MarC gets distracted talking to Natsuki and Yuri, Sayori pulls me out of the club room.
“S- Sayori!? What are you doing?” I question, “Monika! Tell me.. What’s going on?” Sayori begins, “What are you talking about, Sayori?” I lie, “Monika, you’ve been so off lately! You told me, you were okay, but I can tell you aren’t okay.” I’ve never seen Sayori so angered but concerned. Silence falls between us, “I- I’m sorry.” Sayori apologizes, “I’ve just never seen you this way. I’m worr-”, “It’s okay, Sayori, I understand.” I interrupted her. There’s sympathy In Sayori’s eyes as she looks at me, “Can you just.. Tell me what’s going on with you? Please. I’m vice president after all? I should know how the well being of the members of this club are too.” Sayori continues, “YOU CAN’T TELL HER, JUST LIE AND SHE’LL SOON EXPERIENCE IT, YOU JUST HAVE LEAVE HER HANGING.”, that voice always gives me chills, I try not to show any tears as I remember Sayori’s.. Lifeless hanging body from what I had told her to do in the past. I hate myself for everything I did then. “Nothing is going on, I swear! You’re just worrying too much!”, Sayori looks me in the eye, disappointed and to be honest, I’m disappointed in myself too.
Sayori silently walks back into the club room, I follow. I.. I can’t believe I just lied to her like that, it was a stupid way to lie too, she doesn’t look at all convinced. But why would she waste time worrying about me of all people? I kinda feel like just going home now, memories are now flooding my head, making me feel sick to my stomach but I decide to stay so Sayori doesn’t worry even more.
Everyone including me talking to MarC, he worried us that he wouldn’t actually join for a bit but he decided to officially join the Literature Club! Heh, I’m not actually excited, knowing I’ll just have to watch him get together with everyone else, as I’m just in the background. “IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT, MONIKA, YOU JUST HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME”.