LOOK AT MY GARBAGE.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
YOU LOVE IT.
DON'T DENY IT.
LOOK AT MY GARBAGE.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
YOU LOVE IT.
DON'T DENY IT.
Do you struggle every day to make yourself known on this poorly managed faux art site?
Do you want to become a role model? An icon? A monolith standing above all of these other sub-par artist types?
Do you wish to capitalize upon your basest of talents?
Do you desire to boost your pageviews?
Do you have the drive to succeed no matter the cost?
Well, boy howdy, I sure can help you with that!
People say that building a positive and strong self image depends upon how much time you put into evolving and making yourself a better person by doing good by others, taking the time to build good rapport with your friends and colleagues by lifting everybody else up with you.
Well, that may be true, but if you want to fast-track your way to success, you can't waste time bothering with all of that self-actualized transcendence rigamarole!
You want to get popular NOW dammit!
These are the three simple steps you have to follow in order to become the best at one thing and one thing only—Being Popular!
This is the most important step you have to take toward your road to fame.
Forget all of that intent to become a better artist by putting in the time and research that it takes to become really good at something. Give that up right now. In fact, the less time that you bother working on stupid stuff like muscle memory, color theory, perspective, foreshortening, and (god forbid) anatomy, the more time you have to bombard everybody's page with all of your minimum-effort scribbles!
Is it not finished? Great! Post it.
Did you draw it at 3am when you were stoned and everything looks broken? Awesome! Post it.
Didn't even try? PERFECT! Post it.
Just BOMBARD the living shit out of all of your watchers on this website with as much unfinished junk as possible.
The uglier and more ridiculous your stuff is, the more people will notice you!
Abuse your submit button. Make that button your bitch.
Shove as much content down people's throats in as little time as possible—it's like making fine foie gras, you gotta force-feed them your stuff so they become docile and complacent. You'll see results after about a week or two of constant posting. If not, try to draw gift sketches for other, more popular artists and get your stuff featured by them. Keep posting every single day no matter what!
Remember: NEVER EVER FINISH 99% OF WHAT YOU POST.
If you simply must finish something, then do it with the least amount of effort possible, take every single shortcut you can, and move on.
In order to be popular, one must assimilate with the popular.
Get cozy with the most easy to manipulate popular artists on the site, become 'friends' with as many of them as possible to maximize your gains. Make sure to coerce them into drawing all of your dime-a-dozen character archetypes and self-indulgent Mary Sues/Gary Stus and feature their stuff sometimes, too. Just not as much as you feature your own ideas or else you'll be working against your own tide.
It also helps to make friends with a bunch of known drama-llamas and posers. You'll also need a good scapegoat if things ever go sour so make it clear to them that you're only their friend out of the goodness of your heart because they needed the support. Whenever you give support, make sure they know that you expect as much and more in return down the road, otherwise they're just dead weight. Make sure they know this at least implicitly! It'll make them cling to you harder and give you more control.
Make sure that those other big popular kids feature the hell out of you with livestreams, videogames, journals, art, and forum praise so you can gain karma at quadruple the rate of all of those other art peasants out there.
It's like a free exp booster that you can exploit forever!
The biggest secret to gaining watchers and attention is to be the biggest jerk to EVERYONE that you can possibly be. Everybody loves drama. The more you make, the more people will be interested in you.
Long time friend having a hard time? TOO BAD. Tell them to go talk to someone who cares, you don't need to hear about their problems.
Someone drawing you gift art and you don't like their style because they're a 13 year old kid who just started drawing? STOP IT. You only deserve the BEST art from ACCOMPLISHED artists.
Commissioner upset with you because you promised to deliver but didn't? GET LOST. Tell them to go commission someone else, you're not here to pander to their tastes.
Make sure that everyone sees your exchanges so they know who's the boss. Who da' boss? YOU DA' BOSS.
Positive publicity is good.
Negative publicity is incredible.
Turns out, the more people who hate you, the more that your page views will artificially inflate because they'll be circling your page like vultures trying to bully you into ending your reign of terror but little do they know, they're aiding your cause.
Someone make a callout post on you totally nailing every little jerk thing on the head and it's kinda hurting your feelings because it's true?
DEFLECT IT. Make a journal post and talk about how stupid the callout post is and that they're just trying to get attention.
DRAW VENT ART. Let everyone see your glass case of emotion and be bound by it (bonus points if you make off-handed remarks in the artist comments and self-deprecate when anybody tries to comfort you).
POST ANOTHER JOURNAL. Make sure to feature their callout post and let it be clear to your watchers that you'd never do such a thing and that they're all jealous liars.
MAKE A CALLOUT POST ON THEM. You've conditioned your throwing arm this whole time with all of the other exercises, so make it really hurt with your own post talking about every stupid comment they've ever made dating back to when they were a middle schooler. Show them who's really in control. (If you can also convince your friends to make subsequent callout posts, the impact will be amplified!)
The more you deflect and defame other people, the stronger you become.
The more they get mad and the more people you have to come to your aid, the stronger you become.
The more people who come to your page to tell you to stfu and gtfo, the stronger you become.
You really can't lose when it comes to good or bad publicity, so milk that cow for everything it's worth.
After this point, who cares if people can't deal with who you are?
This is satire. Don’t take this seriously lulz. It's a joke.
Commission Pricing Here:
COMMISSIONS IS OPENHEY FRIENDS UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE I'M ALWAYS OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS!
COMMISSIONS HELP FUEL MY COLLEGE EDUMACATION. PLEASE CONSIDER EVEN PURCHASING A SINGLE SKETCH--EVERYTHING HELPS! C:
COMMISSION PRICING HERE:
If you're interested in commissioning me or just wondering about price, hit me up here for a quick quote or at
if you're serious about ordering something!
No harm in askin'
Note: On Invoicing
I predominantly use Square for national transactions.
I use Paypal almost exclusively for international transactions only! But be aware that paypal transactions will carry a small fee on top of them due to the charge they incur for the use of their services.
Please keep this in mind and let me know if you're out of country so I can write up the appropriate invoice with the appr
YO YO WHASSUP HOMIES
Welcome to my half-abandoned hovel on this trashcan of a website.
I am a 90's kid art gremlin who likes watching cartoons and petting chickens. My hobbies include drawing impulse-art, walking myself to death in pursuit of meat, and generally not giving a damn about anything that isn't my problem.
Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually a pretty decent human being who likes hanging out with people (including fellow admiring artists) and playing the videya games with said peeps. I don't consume souls but I do like to consume pizza.
If y'all wanna come hang, I'd love to meet you and see what things we have in common. We can have a bit of fun while I'm not horrendously busy with earning the monies and keeping life from eating me alive.
Thanks fo' droppin' in, friends!
Other Places You Can Find Me
Blogs and Art Sites
devianTART: [You are Here] TheCau
I have come to destroy everything by facilitating the upheaval of the system as it stands by doing absolutely nothing outside of existing.