I'm so tired. I've caught a lot of bad luck since my last journal. I started back at my job (I guess that's good news?)! But it's going on three weeks and those old feelings of depression and wanting to just die have come back to the surface. I spent 17 months on recovery only to have those old habits return in less than a month? Something isn't right about that. More good news about my job! (/s) They won't start paying me until the middle of next month (April 2019) so I've been pretty much working for free. No health insurance, just lost my phone and car insurance, and my bank account is firmly in the red. They expect me to keep working with zero funds until next month. I'm completely broken and tired of being everyone's punching bag.
So the only way to fix it? Death. I've officially started my hunger strike against life on February 27th, 2019. I will not eat or consume water until my end comes. I've made up my mind about this. I don't care how long it takes or how much pain it puts me in. I no longer want this life. 29 years of wasted life and potential. No longer. I will not give them a second more of my free will. It's my life, right? I'll end it on my own terms. No force on this planet will keep me here when I don't want to be here.
Edit- March 3/3/2019- My family held an intervention on me (very weird) and convinced me to start drinking water again. I'm still not eating. Too stressed to try to eat when bills are mounting up left and right. I've opened up a GoFundMe. I've never thought I'd have to do this before but here I am. Anything helps. A dollar helps. Please