literature

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thebeautifulfoot's avatar
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Literature Text

sometimes your graveyard art
shows its circular maze endings
in ways
we did not believe until
we saw

...most alive on roller coasters
--what with their lights
and hand grippers--
there’s always how you
can see the world
through railways and
bumps

commence to the former--
I’ll meet you at the corner
of my black
and your white

and maybe I like it
how it reminds me
to wake up and love myself
hug the mirror, etc
because reflections
don’t lie

yes--we’ve been here before
no--we don’t learn
I will never shut me up

never knew
just how much ugliness
could be found in
staircases and smiles,
glass tears

and here’s your opportunity
with its glitter and flashing lights
with its pomp and glamour
with its disease

here it is
get moral support
we still need someone
to love us
and aw
isn’t it just...
so
cute

and don’t think
they don’t miss you
because
you’re so wrong
just like always
right...

turn-----
you can’t
-----turn

so Superman
so God
so someone
the penny glinting
in the well
I have a little

hope/wish/
infallible pie-in-the-sky
request/promise
make me a
promise

just
give me a
purpose/reason/
design
because I can’t help
being so helpless

(((IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME
I AM SORRY FOR ___________)))

---goodbye---
to everything
I knew
was wrong/right
black/white
the grey
has consumed-----

(((ENDING)))

so
here is
the plan
we’ll make it routine
and normal
so I can remember

buckle up
(cross your fingers)
wink for the
camera
g-r-i-p,
don’t s-l-i-p,
and,
please
wait patiently
until
we come to
a full and
complete

S_T_O_P---
I stole "corner" from Salinger. I stole "pie-in-the-sky" from Bailey. I stole "glass tears" from a famous photo. Everything else is...everything else.
© 2003 - 2022 thebeautifulfoot
Comments7
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altruisticlies's avatar
I agree with Ignite's criticism, I'd also like to see you experiment more with punctuation. Some of these line breaks should be read without pause as one complete thought, whereas others seem to have a natural break but you don't indicate it with punctuation.

I enjoyed a lot of what I thought you were attempting with playing with the written language. I'm curious as to whether you enjoy the way it looks like that (it feels right?) or if you're seriously using them for a spoken word emphasis.

Some cool images and ideas, revise and this could be stellar. I'll be checking out your other stuff soon.
kabloona's avatar
Hey congratulations. This was in the daily top favorites of poetry.
unlaidenswallow's avatar
((Sometimes I get so tired of waiting.))

But what are we going to do?

I know, start a Bernanna fan club - no bananas allowed.

Verrrrrry niicccceeee.

-Masbeth
ignite's avatar
this is a little too choppy/disjointed to me..the stanzas didnt read very well together and i had trouble understanding anything. i think your line breaks could have been improved a little. i'd toy around with it a little more until the words flow right. however, it does look like it has potential. even though it's a little abstract, you have some nice ideas and images. pretty creative. good luck.
lemonadepanacea's avatar
sigh, brianna, what am i going to do with you?
kim and i have a plan, we're going to advertise you to the world...so everyone will know how fabulously amazing you are. you're so cool/silly/crazy/amazing/smart/creative/inspiring/etc.

what would we do without you? briannaface...our little princess...you're going to be so famous some day, and if the ice bitches go their seperate ways (which would only happen by some terrible tragedy like an elephant stampede) i would find you. and if i found you in the redding ghetto, married to a homeless man, like you've always dreamed of, i'd have to abduct you and make you famous. because you are THE most talented person in the whole fucking world!

even though you didn't make princess..we still love you, just remember...you didn't trip!!!
and you're such a fabulous writer, that everyone in the world is jealous of you...we love you brianna!!!!

Here's a kiss for you, my love!
ni's avatar
Wow, I don't know exactly how to describe my reaction to this, but I really, really like it. You've written a mainly- pessimistic sort of poem without sounding like some sort of whiny teenager. And that TAKES something :\ Seriously, there are too many kids around who try and sound "deep and depressed" and act uppity about it (myself probably included... oops) so it's really really refreshing to see something like this done right. I love the way this speaks, its message is clear but at the same time you wrote it in a ... semi-abstract-ish (do you know what I mean? @_@) way with images and such so that it's interesting at the same time. Oh hell, I'm never coherent! Let's try this again:

Hello. +favlove
OOOOO, Brianna. All I can ever say is "WOW" when it comes to your work. I love every bit of your writing.

and maybe I like it
how it reminds me
to wake up and love myself
hug the mirror, etc
because reflections
don’t lie

yes--we’ve been here before
no--we don’t learn
I will never shut me up

Yes yes, that was my favorite part. I never have an explanation for my favorite part, but I like what I like. You've got talent...I'm officially jealous of how well you write.
But nevertheless, wonderful job with this.
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