I can't believe that I am editing this.
Apparently someone has been causing problems to 4 people and trolling them in some way and people have accused me of being part of that troll. I want to info you that I've done absolutely nothing, all that I did is write this journal explaining on how I feel and while I did have some desire to fix everything and confronting people to sort this out, and while I do thank the people who believe in me on this I do not and will not ask people to harass people nor do I approve people for doing so in my behalf. If you were the ones who were trolling them, you have a lot more time in your hands and I advise them to do something else that would benefit people and not hurt them.
As for the people who were affected by this, I'm sorry for the trouble that has been caused on you but I'm not associated with this person or anyone, I'm not looking to contact you or picking a fight with you. This journal's sole purpose is to express my feeling of all this, stuff that I wanted to say to you guys in person but couldn't. If you want to believe what you want to believe, then it's your call. As for me, I'll do nothing and I'll always do nothing about this while moving on and focusing on other stuff that I can do.
So...these past couple of weeks have been crazy for me.
So long story short I was talking to someone who I wanted to talk to especially how the person copyright claim a picture from my gallery. Now granted the person in question was the one who drew this as I've paid him to do so, so in a way, he does have the right to do so. However, because I have gotten permission from him to post this as at the time, the person wasn't here and when he was here, he didn't take action for 4 years as the picture was in my gallery all this time. What followed was a situation that both of us could of done better. But focusing on me I've made a journal saying my thoughts on it as at the time I thought that the copyright claim would affect my account...not to mention that I was being not the nicest person in the world at the moment. Then again this was the same person who tried everything to ban me from Deviantart just because I used another account to contact this person. Regardless not everything that I've said wasn't great especially how I was wrong on several things like this person does have the full rights to the picture as I was mixing up video game rights and picture rights of who owns what. Not to mention that yes, he did post the picture in his gallery and if that were the case, he could of asked me rather than a copyright takedown as it may have affected my account in some way and it might, it's just that I've gotten confused as they said it's three strikes and I'm out and a lot of people has taken down some of the pictures even though that either I have permission from the owner or they were gifts to other people but it may not be the case so I guess it's something else. Still, there were somethings that all of us could of done better as there are multiple ways around it, but we choose the wrong ways of how to handle it. So for those parts, I do apologize everyone who has been affect by my part as I'm really sorry
Anyways, I've talked to this person and while it was hard for me as I hard to confront a lot of hurt, I learned so much as the two of us explained our side and I've learned a lot of things, including hidden stuff that I didn't know about, stuff that I wanted to know for so long, to properly understand the people that I've heard and who has hurt me. It's something that I wanted for a long time and I've got part of it only as we only talked about how what were feeling and figuring stuff out but in a way we didn't exactly solve anything and the overall talk just stopped but having to talk with this person did help a bit as it's something that all of us should of done in the first place, confront each other and talk about our feelings as we face the past. Regardless, it's clear that the person didn't open up and explains everything that I've done and that in the end, after everything is said and done, I should just cut my losses and move on with my life. And you what, they are right. Anyone shouldn't waste their time trying something that is impossible like fixing something that has been broken beyond repair. What you guys have been telling me for all these years is that I should leave you be and forget that I have ever meet you. If I was another person, a person who would respect the wishes that other people have given him then I would of done it a long time ago. Now that I've gotten to properly talk to you even if it was a little bit, I do understand why you feel that way and your point of view on things, not only in this but in life as well. So I respect your thoughts and I thank you for finally talking to me...however...I do apologize but I can't agree with you.
There have been something that has happened to us in the past to make us what we are today. After talking to one of you I don't know exactly what happened to make you all this way but I feel like I got a better understanding. However it's clear that you don't want to understand me about how I feel or why I'm doing this. To tell you the truth I am always destined for failure. The illness that I have, the fact that everyone around me is doing a lot better than I am, the fact that I've was held back for one year away from my friends, the fact that I was separated from them to begin with and a divorce from my parents. I guess all that stuff could really mess with your head. Then again I was really a late bloomer compared to everyone else due to a stroke at a young age that really messed me up on the language side of things. That's why I couldn't speak until I was 5 years out. So a lot has happened in the past but one things for sure, I love to entertain people and when I realized when I messed something up, I do my best to make it my priority to make them feel better whether I caused it or if they are sad because of something. I mess up a lot but I always want play with other people and make them happy or laughing. It's the one thing that keeps me pushing in this life despite me having to deal with everything else, with life and what everyone else says what I can and I can't do. To have your whole life crumble before you by both your body and other peoples decisions...it hurts. I've lived my life with these thoughts in mind and I question a lot of things, mainly different possibilities and scenarios that I could have in my life like what if I wasn't disabled, what if I wasn't held back away from my friends, what if nothing was wrong with my parents...maybe my life would of came out differently. Heck if that were the case then I wouldn't have never met those people in the first place or if the same thing happened of what started it almost 4 years ago, then I would of taken what you said to heart and actually forget about you or my actions and moved on. But unfortunately the chain reaction of my life and the chain reaction of your lives resulted in this outcome. Maybe it was fate that this could of happened with no way to avoid it, what begin as a misunderstanding and not confronting each other and telling us how we felt...has evolve to a horrible outcome...I've tried to avoid the same mistake that my parents did...only to hurt the people I care about.
I know that people said that I should just move on with my life...and if the outcome of my life was better or if I am the person that I'm not, then I would have. But the fact is that I care about the hurt. If something was wrong, I do my best to fix it even if it isn't my problem to begin with. Because I am a broken flawed person that's why I try my best to please people, to help out whenever I can even if it's something as simple has listening to what they have to say, hear their ideas and give my thoughts on them. It's those things that help me make a connection with people, even if it's a small connection or even if it's a bad connection, but it's something that I've treasure a lot as it's what helps me push forward, to up my game, anything to make that connection stronger and more importantly, to give them hope, because I am destined for failure as there are people who don't believe in me and in my condition and what I've done, I could see why people would think that...I want to prove them wrong! There is always more than one answer for a solution against a choose where an almost infinite paths that we take would end in a win-loss or loss-loss scenario but I believe that there is a path that I can take that would result in mending a hurt especially with people that I care about or even don't care about. And I'm fighting for that path. After all, I have a lot of connections with me, people who trust in me, people who fully believed in me, people who I've fought, people who I cried for, or cried with and so on. I share both positive and negative connections with people but regardless, it's something that I can't ignore, better yet, it's something that I can't abandon them especially ones that I have hurt a lot, especially my best friend from what I've heard, just a mention of my name would cause this person to be scared, and I don't want that as I don't want my name to be hated, I want my name to give people hope from a person who was destined for failure as I have my own goals, my own dreams and one of those dreams is to make people laugh and entertain them and be there when they needed me the most especially with those who I am connected to, to show them that regardless of how I am, I can do the impossible. And that's why I fight, as people believed that I can do this, how accepted me and think that I'm not a failure. I don't want to give them false hope, I want them to give them true hope and what I'm doing isn't impossible, it's only impossible until you make it possible.
My heart and the connections that I have are my pride, it's something that I can't abandon as other people have their pride, this is my pride and while I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, I fight for what I've believe is right despite people telling me they are wrong as I believe in this path not because I'm stubborn, because it's something that myself and others believed I can do especially those who have and are suffering, and I want to give them hope. So while I take back a lot of things that I've said and have opened my mind to the other side of the argument, I still want to fight. That includes talking to people to understand them better especially whose who I've hurt and who have hurted me in some way, battling them in Super Smash Bros Ultimate and doing what I can to fix what we have broken. I know it's selfish of me and I know that in a way at this point, it is impossible...but it's something that I want to fight for as it's something that I want to see, to mend the hurt, and get things mostly back to the way they were so that everyone could be happy. Even though that I want that...it's not up to me to decide or better yet, it's not my goal at the moment. Similar to the last journal, I'll do nothing. If they want to still to their status quo...well it's there call and not mine as I'm the one that put them in a rabbit hole and while I tried to force them out of it, it wasn't right. So I've going to leave and if they want to stay in that hole, well it's their call and not mine as some of them have their own battles to face, one that I would be happy to help them out at any time. As for now, I'm going to fight both past and future, as I'll move on with my life while fighting to fix what has happened between us. This is how I'm going to live my life from here on out as I'm now going to finish something that I wanted to finish for a long time so that I could be worth it and focus on much bigger problems. This is my choice and one that I'm going to stick with it after taking every single thing about my life and who I am, not what I'm marked with. Anyways to the people who I've affected, if you are ready to go to a Brave New World, you know where to contact me.
Speaking off because I close off, let me tell you why out of all the phrases that I've picked for my stream, Brave New World. It's because that I'm facing a lot of people both on Twitch and here who has a lot better content than I have, those who have bigger fan bases and high quality stuff under their belt while my content ranges from good...to not so good. Regardless I do want to improve my stuff but to do that, I need people's support which I have some but no enough to really go far right now. That's why I'm always thankful for people to stop by and see what I could do. Sure some people leave but others stay because in terms of my content and what I could do, I pretty different from other people but then again some people want to see things differently, something that they aren't used too or better yet curious to know about. That kind of explains who I am in a nutshell as I'm always curious about people and how they act as sometimes they could be similar to everyone else but others are different and regardless I do want to know people and in a way there world. Sure some people have their worlds locked up tight but it's a lot more healthier for a lot of people to open the doors of their world as well as your own to talk to them, to figure out different opinions and view points even if one doesn't agree over the other. While I always am curious with other people, I wished that others would do that with me even after I've completely opened my doors to everyone because there's a way that multiple worlds can blend together and one could help the other including how we feel towards each other. That's why I've always favored connections with people as no matter how long the connection or how little, not matter how much love or hatred, that connection regardless of what it is, is always a friend in my book regardless of what people say as I get why and I understand that people aren't my friends...but they are to me. If you are one of those people who are shut off, I understand why but it's your world and there could be more to that world if you open up. As for everyone else, it's time for me to walk forward and entertain as many people as I can while doing my best to mend the impossible hurt that we have caused. My world has been evolved and to those who are curious, let me be the first to say...
Welcome to a Brave New World!