Good morning, my buzzing killjoy. Im really glad you woke me up this morning, because I was definitely not having that dream where I become a rock star and have twenty fans mobbing me all at once. Yes, thank you for waking me up.
Its a decidedly gray day already, wonderful. And to think I was going to forgo packing the umbrella today. Oh well, looks like Ill have to get drenched instead. Darn.
And Senator Marshalls at my window, smiling and waving. Perfect.
Wait a minute, what in blazes
Im in my nightgown!
I run to the window and yank the shade down so hard it pulls off the rod. And now Senator Marshall has an even clearer view of my pink plaid flannel. Joy. At least hes still smiling, as though I actually looked good in my pajamas.
Now I know Im not voting for him.
I duck into the closet and throw on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. And then I sit in the closet for a second. Maybe if I stay in here long enough, hell go away.
I peek around the corner. No such luck. He waves again. Hello, Margaret! I can faintly hear him yell through the glass. Would you mind opening the window so I can come in?
Use the door! I yell, resisting the irrepressible urge to laugh. Its not locked.
Okey-dokey, then, says Senator Marshall, suddenly disappearing from view. I run to the window and look down. Fortunately for him, and most unfortunately for me, he lands right in my prize-winning forsythia bush.
He didnt use a ladder? I wonder aloud. Wow, then I guess he really doesnt have a lick of common sense. I walk down the stairs to greet the Senator, hoping against hope that he didnt bend the bush too far out of shape.
He stands, still wearing that sappy grin, just outside the door as I let him in. Hello, Margaret. My sources inform me that you are an undecided voter this election year.
This is almost too much. Yes, your sources are correct. I just cannot choose between two men who each seem as qualified to govern a country as my kitchen sponges.
Now, now, Miss Margaret. You mustnt go saying things like that. Youll hurt somebodys feelings.
This isnt happening. This can not be happening. Senator Irving Marshall is not standing in my kitchen lecturing me about respect. Nope, this is a dream, and I will be waking up in approximately
I open my eyes. Are you okay, Miss Margaret? You looked like you ate a big sour lemon there for a second.
I stifle a groan. Now, then, Miss Margaret, for the real reason I am here. Im here to tell you to vote for me for President.
What a surprise, I say sarcastically.
I know, he says. I never like to warn people Im coming, because when I do they always seem to have scheduled doctor appointments on the same day. He clears his throat as though hes making some grave pronouncement. I have prepared a list of reasons why you should vote for me. Number one, I am particularly skilled at negotiating tricky situations.
Like the Senate salary debacle, I seem to recall. Yes, you certainly know how to get what you and ninety-nine other millionaires want.
He scowls. Number two, I have much more foreign policy experience than Senator Brannock.
Im sure you do, Senator, because Im fairly certain Senator Brannocks never taken a spring-break road trip to Guadalajara.
Precisely, said Senator Marshall. Number three, I stand for the people.
Yes, of course, you stand for the people
right here in my kitchen, uninvited.
He ignores me and turns instead to my refrigerator. Here, see? Youve got magnet letters here that spell out ONE MORE DAY. And thats the way I like to think. Every day is one more day closer to the day that will bring me to my destiny.
Lovely. Its nice to know that you have dreams, Senator Marshall, but could you please harangue someone else? Im a little busy getting ready to go to work.
Oh, no, no, Miss Margaret! I cant canvass your neighbors, because theyve all polled in my favor.
Hey! That stuff is supposed to be private!
So is your vote, until they count it.
Thats clever, unexpectedly so. I decide there might just be more to this man than hes letting on. Tell me, Senator, whats reason number four?
Reason number four? Well, that much would be obvious, once you think about it. Its because I am obviously so much smarter than Senator Brannock.
Im not sure what to think of this. Can you answer me one question, please, Senator Marshall?
What is the most important thing that one can do as President?
Senator Marshall pauses for a moment. Remember how you got there.
Thank you, Senator. Thats all I needed to know.
Not a problem. Ill be going now, he says. With a big fake smile and a thumbs-up, he says, Marshall 08! I simply smile and nod, and he backs out without another word.
I pick up the phone and call my boss. Yeah, Steve. Im gonna be a little late today. Trust me, Steve, you wouldnt believe me if I told you.