the one thing id never be happy to see is some preppy jerk, right? well no. because today a guy in like a jacket shows up from coates school. & suddenly he takes over. which is creepy except face it – we need someone to do something. that Sam guy everyone is talking about came back but all he did was sit & listen to caine. that’s the name of the coates kid. caine.
so anyway roscoe is feeling a little better today. i talked to him for a while & hes kind of cool. not goth or anything unfortunately but not judgmental either. not like he hates goths which lots of kids do.
trent has gotten slightly weird actually. its like hes pissed that roscoe is here. trent has had kind of a bad life. I guess like me only not exactly since he doesn’t have a Father. not at home i mean. but anyway trent has a lot of darkness inside him. hes a good person and all really. but sometimes its like hes not dark on the outside like me but dark on the inside.
i don’t think jezzie sees that. i dont think she notices maybe because jezzie is a really really good person. her heart is so pure. so she never even thinks anyone could be different than her.
its almost like trent is jealous of roscoe. which is stupid. because why would he be?
heres what is strange and im only writing it here because i dont think anyone will probably ever read this. it sounds like im crazy even acting like it might be true. so here it is. i went into roscoes room to see if he needed help changing his bandages and he was staring at nothing. but he was staring at nothing like it was something. i mean i turned around & started looking too because it was so like he could see something in the room.
hes in my brothers room. you know Wayne. i guess you dont know but anyway Wayne died two years ago. i don’t want to talk about it. and roscoe is in that room & hes staring like he sees something and i had like chills from it.
roscoe says it didnt hurt. it was over fast. he didnt hurt. but he wasnt talking about himself, roscoe. he was talking about whoever he was looking at that i didn’t see.
i know what happened in that room. i was the first to see it.
its crazy. no way roscoe was actually seeing anything. so im just being my usual weird self. just sinder thinking too much like always.
yesterday was bad. maybe today will be better. i dont know. i doubt it.
first off no they didnt all come back. the adults are still gone. we still havent seen anyone over the age of 14. it is so creepy you cannot believe it.
kids are mostly hanging out in the town plaza. kids are sitting around eating pringles and junk food and that little store down in the plaza has already been ripped off of everything. i took a red bull and a banana which was stoopid becuz I don’t even like red bull.
i found out why everyones talking about sam temple that surfer kid. there was a fire and i didn’t even know about it. this apartment building burned and i guess some kid was inside and sam ran in and tried to save her. if that’s true then its pretty cool. but hes not around and you know who is? orc. orc and howard his little butt kisser. theyve got baseball bats and steel bars and are totally pushing everyone around. and all the conformists are just going along with it.
i still cant get the picture out of my head of roscoe getting smashed by orc. i saw him today walking around all sad. roscoe i mean. he had like fifty bandaids all barely stuck on his hair and all crusty with blood. it would be funny if it was funny. he had this huge bruise. like the side of his face was twice as bulgy on the right side. and his eyes. he has blood in the whites of his eyes.
so I said look, come stay at my house for a while and at least clean off your head before you get infected. he didn’t say anything but he followed me. I said how old are you and he said he was fourteen six months older than me although he seemed younger. to me anyway. maybe because he was crying so much.
i tried to talk to him some more but he isn’t exactly chatty right now. hes just lying on my brothers old bed just staring and crying for his mom and dad. i don’t even know why i care because hes so not someone I would be interested in. i think hes a skateboarder or whatever and goths and skateboarders aren’t exactly friends.
anyway jezzie and trent moved in here to my house. no they aren’t sharing a room. not even. jezzie is sleeping in my room with me. and roscoe is in my brothers room and trent is on the couch. no one wants to use my parents room. not me for sure, gag, gag.
ok that was weird. roscoe came into my room where i am writing this and asked me if i was online. i had to say no im just a crazy person writing like someone can actually ever read it.
he looks different. he took a shower i think. he looks more normal. he said so youre like goth and all? and i said, um, yah. duh. and he said well i guess you were right about the world being all dark and sad.
so weird because then i started to cry. and he patted me on the head like I was a dog but it was nice anyway.
some kid today said were trapped in here. she said she went and touched the barrier down by clifftop. she said it burned her hand touching it. some people are saying it must go all the way around us that were like fish in a bowl. trapped. which is kind of how i always felt anyway.
my name is sinder. maybe that’s not the name I had when i was a baby. but it’s the name I had since i started to wear the black.
im writing this with not much hope that anyone will read it. internet out. phones out. tv out. nothing. big electronic silence.
still have power. im typing this on my laptop. the wifi link still shows up. but there’s nothing. not for 2 days. nothing.
scared kids. there’s plenty of those. we got a lot of scared kids. me? yah im scared. oh my goth. i keep missing keys because i jump every time i hear a sound. i turned my desk around because i wont sit w/ my back to the door. not anymore.
its stoopid of me even writing this. I used to have this blog. i got so i needed to write stuff down. just so the crazies in my head wouldnt get 2 intense. & now im doing this why? because maybe some day this all gos back to normal and then ill show this to my friends and theyll be all wow, you were really scared huh?
or else maybe it doesnt ever go back to normal. & maybe anyway I dont make it. but maybe someone finds this way in the future and figures out what happened. maybe kids in school in the future will be reading this thinking what was up with that stoopid babybat sinder?
so im typing this. then ill scan it in too in case word screws up which wd not be a gigantic (!) its like someone just hacked the universe here in PB so im saving everything like 10 different ways.
this may be all anyone ever hears from me ever again. it would suck if i lost it.
what happened? everyone just poofed out of existence. basically that’s it. i mean everyone whos older than 14. my mom is gone. my dad is gone too which is not the worst thing ever. but my mom i mean we fought and all but I never wanted her to die or whatever sometimes id say something like I wish you were dead but that was just me being an RW2 (Rhymes With Witch)
mental huh? im still keeping it clean in case my Dad walks in and sees it and freaks. how lame am i? even now with him gone im scared of Him. i still hate him. i do. im glad Hes gone thats the truth.
bitter much sinder? um yah. so what?
are they all dead? no one knows. no one knows what happened to them all.
anyway everyone just poofs out of existence. i was in the vices office getting yelled at. again that would be a big no (!) right?
and suddenly vice vicky is gone. in mid word. like she starts to say furthermore and she stops at furth. and shes gone!! & i sit there staring at the air like a moron. & shes still gone.
so i go out of the office & kids are all falling out, acting weird and crazy and yelling that theres no teachers anywhere. and then its like whoa theres no phones or anything either. no worldwide anything.
maybe you think cool that would be lovely-lovely. maybe except it was all of a sudden & no one knows so its not exactly a party. i find jezzie and shes freaking too just like me just like everyone and shes crying and black streaks all down her cheeks looking all panda and im suddenly realizing so am i.
it would have been funny i guess except it wasn’t. it was lunatic because for a while all of us even the jocks & the surfers & the cheerleaders all the normals & conformists were scared together & so were we me and jezzie & trent &
something going on in the street. brb
omg that creep orc just beat someone down with a baseball bat. oh my god oh my god! i was right there. it was right on the street. he wasn’t even trying to hide. i saw it up close. i was trying to stop it yelling stop it! stop it! but he just pounded this kid roscoe and just beat him so bad.
everyones like where is sam? I don’t even know sam hes just some kid from school I think like a surfer or whatever but people are like this wouldnt be happening if sam was here.
oh my god, I have blood on me. its on my tights. i don’t even know what to do with it.
im going to be sick. oh god im so scared. ive never seen anything like that before. no ones there to stop the bullys.
i have to go find jezzie and trent and the others. we have to stick together. maybe we shd all move in together becuz this empty house with nothing but me is too dark.
never thought id write that huh? too dark. too dark for sinder.
so i made out with roscoe and i don’t mean to go all teen romance but it was really really really great. if i was a better writer i could probably come up with some better word but im not duh so all i can say is i would do it again any time.
like right now? i would absolutely like to be kissing him. this is so not the way i am in real life but since im not ever going to let my friends read this and probably no one will ever read this and anyway i have to tell someone. that’s not even a sentence is it? i don’t care because i am liking the way I feel ok? so whatever.
he has very soft lips. and yah there was tongue omg. but nothing else because roscoe is very gentle and not at all pushy and whatever.
i know i know i keep saying whatever and i keep saying omg and i don’t even talk that way but i don’t know what else to say because i have never felt this way at all which is in love.
i guess. i mean whatever. i guess this is what it feels like. how would i know? how does anyone know? aaaarrrrggggh.
deep breath there sinder, get a grip. but this all happened like just ten minutes ago maybe so my heart is still having a heart attack and my face feels all hot and im pretty sure i am having my own global warming.
no seriously calm down sinder. only see i don’t want to calm down I want to go and find him and do it some more because I liked it. but i guess you figured that out right?
maybe I would only roscoe is going out to see if alberts macdonalds is open and get us some burgers or whatever because we don’t have any food left here in the house. trent keeps taking too much of the food and jezzie is like ‘what am i supposed to do?’ and im like ‘tell him to stop’ and she lookes at me like im an idiot because i don’t think anyone is saying no to trent anymore.
which sucks and is crazy like everything is crazy including how i feel which is halfway like im going to hurl and halfway like omg really good.
must fight the urge to draw little love hearts with my name and roscoes name in them because that would be even too lame for me.
okay, one more time: oh. my. god.
roscoe kissed me. i dont think he even meant to but he did. its not like it’s the first time i was ever kissed. okay it kind of was. it felt very weird. and my lipstick got on him and made me laugh and i think maybe that hurt his feelings a little bit and so as usual i screwed up. duh sinder. i am such a moron sometimes. it was not a big deal no one was getting serious you know?
trent didn’t see it. i told jezzie and she was like don’t tell trent and i said why not. and she said he wont like it. and i said who cares what he likes anyway and she said he kind of scares me.
he scares me too.
a lot scares me lately. a kid got practically killed in church when the cross fell on him and kids are saying it was caine and that caine can do things like that.
i have these nightmares lately where i am all alone except that someone is always watching me. and whats so sad is i started thinking maybe trents not totally wrong carrying that pipe of his around. maybe i should get something like that too. i mean there are even guns around in peoples homes you know. and i get scared and i think whoa calm down there sinder. i mean seriously? im going to get a gun? not happening.
but whats so weirding me out is even thinking about it you know? thinking about i better have some kind of weapon or something because there is just this bad feeling now.
i read this book once called dune. in dune you know what they said? fear is the mind killer. fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. theres a whole big pile of fear around this fayz.
i have jezzie and i have roscoe and i talk to jezzie and i think about roscoe. a lot okay? Roscoe doesn’t have any kind of weapon or whatever because he says he doesn’t want to go down that path. hes very kind of mature i guess. hes smart and sweet and he doesn’t want to be some guy with a stick in his hand all the time like trent.
oh my god bette was killed. orc killed her. he hit her with a baseball bat. oh my god oh my god. and its not like there are cops or 911 or anything.
i went and got a knife from the kitchen. im carrying it right now. i mean its on the desk while im typing but its right there and i am looking at it. and i don’t want it. but what am i supposed to do? im scared. this is a different scared than i was already because this is like kids can do something worse than just punch each other out after school or whatever this is like kids can actually kill each other.
bette was always nice to me. i wish i knew her better. or maybe i don’t wish that. because i guess her friends must be so sad right now.
i never in my life thought i could be this lonely. i just seem to sit around all day watching old dvds and listening to music and all. i guess if you knew me youd think it was pretty weird of me to say it but i actually miss school.
that’s right its me sinder saying i miss school.
the only good thing is jezzie and me are still getting along. but trent and roscoe are totally not. trent seems like maybe hes not really goth anymore which is okay i mean that’s his choice and all. but instead hes suddenly all into caine and whats going on with all those coates kids.
people are saying kids are going all xmen. like kids are having these powers. i havent seen any yet but jezzie has. she says she saw a kid make something float in the air. i guess it was a trick or whatever but who knows. jezzie is pretty smart. and she wouldnt lie to me. but she might have been tricked.
trent is all like we need someone to be in charge and tell everyone what to do. i mean does that sound goth to you. me neither.
mostly i think trent is just jealous of roscoe. the other day roscoe made me toast using the last of the fresh bread. and he gave it to me. and so trent said roscoe was sucking up to me and he liked me.
i dont think so. anyway why would trent care? hes into jezzie who is my best friend so why would trent care if roscoe does like me not that i think he does.
i don’t trust caine. orc is with him now. and orc is a total bully.
im just this mix of bad feelings and some good feelings. mostly bad. i miss my mom and school and im starting to wonder if its always going to keep being like this all lonely.
trent has started walking around with a piece of pipe that’s like three feet long. he put tape around one end so he could hold onto it. he says hes just getting ready to protect jezzie and me. but he likes that pipe too much. he never puts it down.
i don’t like the way trent looks when he has that pipe. he looks like orc.
and i feel like hes always watching me.
hi its me sinder duh. i havent written this in a while. i havent felt like it. the big thanksgiving feast seems like a million years ago. o my god we had pie real pie. we’re all hungry now and any memory of food is torture. someone told me they ate a rat and you know what i was thinking? i was thinking it sounded good and i was jealous. i was all like um how did you cook it?
we were such idiots. no one even realized all the fresh food and meat and all was going bad and there wasnt as much canned stuff as you probably think. people are searching the whole town. roscoe is on one of the official search teams. i guess i am on an unofficial one because i busted through a screen porch to get into a house no one else had searched. i found crackers and i ate like half before i even thought about sharing.
roscoe and me i guess thats over. hes kind of a jerk now and he moved out so hes living with some boys in another house. jezzie and trent are back together though. its weird because in the big battle roscoe thought he was being a coward or whatever and so now hes trying to act all tough hanging with just boys.
trent is different. he hates what he did and hates caine and hates drake especially. so hes like i am not that guy anymore i will never be that guy again. hes reading the bible and all which is too much for me but better than being with that psycho drake.
i hate him im sorry i know i shouldn’t hate someone not even drake but i do.
i volunteered to try and pick some veggies in the fields tomorrow. at least maybe well get something healthy to eat.
this boy charlie was talking to me. i told him about goth and all and he didnt make fun of it or me. i told him it wasnt about death or anything because i have totally seen death now and believe me thats not it. it was about not being what all of society told me to be. pretty and a fashionista and all that.
but no one cares really. thats all kind of old world. outside world stuff.
now its all just about food and staying safe. trying not to be scared all the time.
charlie was nice. hes going to pick veggies too. i hope we get to work together because it will be nice having someone to talk to. sinder the vegetable picker. whatever.
i have this tooth thats really hurting. not like loose like a baby tooth like hurting kind of bad. some kid told me lana could help and someone else said no she cant. i dont exactly know what to do if it keeps hurting this bad.
i found her. jezzie. shes alive shes alive. i found her at the so called hospital where dahra baidoo who is like a saint i swear was taking care of her. she was hurt but it wasnt life threatening it was just painful. she got hit by a piece of wood that caine threw. the piece of wood was like this massive beam but it just scraped her side and shoulder. it burns and hurts but dahra bandaged it and shes waiting for lana to get to her.
i cant even think about what would have happened without lana. before this i didnt know she had the power to just heal people. its crazy to watch. like watching a miracle right in front of your eyes. but she cant fix dead people.
i didnt count the graves. but there were a lot.
i hate this place. i hate the fayz.
its almost thanksgiving. yeah we have so much to be thankful for. how about a bunch of dead kids and my best friend gritting her teeth and trying to be brave and saying no, no, take care of someone else.
roscoe showed up. i kind of dont want to talk about him because i dont want to say anything about how he acted. what can i say. he was scared. so was i. he ran away. now i know he feels so bad about that but he wont talk about it.
i want to say roscoe of course you were scared. i was scared too. caine was hurling all kinds of stuff and sam was shooting like fire out of his hands. i cant even believe it even now. i was so scared i wanted to die and roscoe i would have run away too except i was too paralyzed.
roscoe i didnt decide to like you because i thought you were some big hero. and anyway youll be brave next time.
he wont talk to me. hes just quiet and he wont look me in the eyes. its hard for him because everyone looks up to sam so much for standing up to caine. kids even kind of like orc for fighting drake.
i saw all that happen. im not thinking about whether someone was a hero im thinking it was so awful so terrible. it makes my insides clench up like someones twisting my stomach. it hurts. the coyotes especially. but the guns too. and sam and caine and drake with his whip arm and really really even as im typing this my throat cant swallow and my heart wants to stop beating.
no wonder roscoe ran. thats what i should say to him. no wonder you ran away i wish i had i wish id never seen it. god if i could cut the memory out of my brain i would.
but part of that is the memory of roscoe running away. and thats a big thing in his head right now too. it doesnt help that trent that creep that sick freak didnt run away.
i wish i knew how to help trent. but i dont know how to help myself right now.
in my whole life ive never seen anyone die. i never really thought about it. i.
okay starting over. trying to get this down because i cant have it in my brain and not get it down okay. if you knew what i saw.
third try. third try. its been a couple of hours since it all happened. i think i can write it now. i think im ready. my fingers were too shaky before. and i felt like i was going to throw up. i felt like i wanted to throw up like i had to get rid of whatever was inside me like it would make me clean again.
but im not ever going to be clean again. its always going to be in my head and i almost want it there because i dont want to forget i dont want those poor kids not to be remembered.
its not about me. i dont want to act like its all me my mine because i was just there and that was bad so freaking bad so awful but those kids. i can hear the backhoe. i can hear the engine. its what edilio uses to dig the graves. god how does he do it. i mean seriously god if you exist if you see all this how does edilio go out there and dig those graves for those little children. i cant even type and hes digging graves.
i dont know how many. i dont want to know. theres no number low enough.
i heard someone say theyre going to pile up the dead coyotes and burn them. good. burn them. burn them and after you burn them burn them some more. i wish i believed more in religion and in hell because there ought to be a hell for what happened today. for what the coyotes did to those children. and caine. caine and drake.
caine. and you know who was with him. trent. i saw him. trent was on caines side in the battle or massacre or disaster or whatever were going to call it. nightmare. maybe thats the word.
and poor roscoe. he was so scared. thats why he ran. its not his fault. he hasnt come back yet.
lanas out there now taking care of the injured kids. i should help. i started to. i mean i was going to. but then i saw this boy and he. and i can’t tell you about it because it makes me want to throw up and a lot worse it makes me fill up with rage like burning lava inside me and i want to grab a gun and go shoot caine and shoot drake. i think i would kill them if i could.
they did that to me. filled me up with hate.
i need help. i need my mom. i need someone. but jezzies not even home yet. i should look for her. if i go out on the street i dont know what i will find. i dont know and that scares me. if i find jezzie hurt or killed im afraid i will burn up with rage.
im losing myself.
its been a long time since i wrote anything because my battery finally died. like an idiot i fell asleep and left my puter on. so youre thinking then how can you be writing now. well i managed to grow some veggies which i traded for some solar charger time. it turns out i am kind of good at growing things. you would not believe it seeing me digging in the dirt and planting seedlings. i sprout the seeds on damp sponges or in potting soil right and then…
okay, thats boring to everyone but me. but my carrots are growing really well and theyre very sweet. my tomatoes have bugs but i think i can get rid of them by…
ok thats boring too. only here in the fayz food is never totally boring. we still dont have enough but we arent starving anymore. albert has things organized and he says if i grow enough veggies he will sell them for me or trade them. which is good because i dont like to stand around at the market bargaining.
things are better since the big fight with this gayaphage i dont know if thats how you spell it. caine is gone back to coates. we have astrid and some other kids running things but really albert. the only weird thing is orsay who is one strange chick.
i wouldnt tell anyone this because its like creepy that i kind of snitched but i told sam about her. i felt very creepy doing it because its not like im someone who tells on people. but what she is doing is kind of scary because its like shes acting like this prophet or whatever. i dont trust her and i really dont trust that nerezza girl. everyone is like i dont even know that girl. so were all kind of figuring she came from coates. where else.
but mostly i have some baby carrots and i know thats like so stupid to be excited about and past sinder from before the fayz would be like seriously? carrots?
and i would say, yah, carrots.
84% power in the battery. but i need to write about this. lights still out. there was some kind of massive showdown between sam and caine and the monster. there are kids got killed. im not even shocked anymore almost.
the monster did something terrible to lana is what charlie told me. jezzie says she heard some kid say lana had joined up with the monster. the darkness thats what they call it but its all darkness now.
charlie said he would help me with my tooth. hes here now. roscoe could never do this i guess. im so mad at him for not being brave or strong and i know thats not good because its not his fault. but i need help and i need it right now because i cant take the pain anymore.
charlies here with two different pairs of pliers. i get sick just looking at them. im going to throw up on him if he does it. not that i have anything in my stomach.
im just stalling now. i have to do it. im going to do it now.
o god that was so bad. i cried the whole time and charlie started off like all just relax itll be okay but then he started and i lost it. i just started yelling like crazy. so he had to stop and he was like i cant do it if you dont let me and he was getting mad because hes as creeped out as i am by it.
so i said yes ill get a grip and i did. he tried the little pliers but they kept sliding off. i had to lie back on the bed and he kind of knelt down and he had to hold my forehead down with his knee and he used these massive pliers and he tried to work it back and forth to loosen it up and i said just pull it just pull it.
it was hard. he almost couldnt do it and i was sobbing and snot running down my lip and tears and hes pulling and pulling and then it starts to come out and then it slips so he starts again and the pain was so bad.
it came out finally. i think he got it all. he looked at it and said i think i got it all. i couldnt look.
i stuffed cotton balls into the hole which hurts but not as bad as it did when the tooth was still in there. my mouth was full of blood. but its been a couple of hours now and i think its bleeding less now.
im really grateful to charlie. but i dont think hes ever going to want to look at me again. he got out pretty quick after he was done.
now my battery is down to 72%. my stomach hurts from hunger. i havent eaten anything in like 24 hours. jezzie has a can of garbanzos though and says shell split it with me. but i cant eat with a big wad of bloody cotton in my mouth.
you want to know how much life sucks. im actually feeling better. thats how much life sucks. this is an improvement.
did i write about what happened to ez. these worms got him. and today we all had to go out and pick veggies like no big deal. craziness. i didnt get eaten by worms but we saw them and i wont be going back out there id rather just starve.
i have nothing to eat right now. everyone is like what are we supposed to do. whats going to happen. no one knows. charlie told us theres something going on at the power plant. like breeze and all the other muties are running around so everyone knows theres a fight of some kind.
roscoe is kind of working with albert now. i dont know what he does exactly but maybe it will give him some self respect again. i still really care for roscoe you know. i do. but you cant really love someone who hates himself.
i did not see charlie today. i thought he was going to come over but he didnt. probably because im in a really bad mood and putting off bad mood fumes or whatever lol. my tooth is killing me. i have to go see lana but shes not around and someone else said she took off left town.
that would be pretty bad because its killing me. even worse than hunger which is really bad. so what am i supposed to do. its not like we have a dentist. its a molar a big tooth. im actually thinking maybe i could use pliers or something and pull it out. which would be pretty bad. thats understatement by the way.
its so scary. i have too much imagination because im picturing all the details of blood and pain and what if the tooth breaks when i try to pull it out. this is so wrong. jezzie says howard could probably get me some major pain killers. which would help for a while but sooner or later right.
would i even have the nerve to do it. maybe i could get someone else to help me. the whole thing makes me want to just sit here and cry but it hurts so amazingly bad.
i have to find lana. shes the only one who can help me.
thats weird the lights just all went out. i looked out the window and no lights anywhere. i have to go see whats happening.
okay im back. the lights are definitely out. taylor was in the plaza talking to albert saying its the power plant. caine that rotten b—–. he has jack with him and they just turned off the power plant. i’m looking at the battery thing on my puter. 95%. thats good but what if theres no more power then what.
no way. sam will probably fix it. but now its pitch black plus im starving and my stomach is growling and my tooth. maybe well all just die and then i wont have to worry about it.
i am so sorry for every time i was ever mean to anyone back in the world. im so sorry for ever complaining. someone should have just slapped me and made me realize how messed up life could get.
i better turn this puter off. save the battery.
if i dont have at least this stupid diary to talk to what am i going to do.
okay this is kind of major. charlie wants us to have sex. he didnt actually say it that way just straight out like that but he does. i can tell. he says little things like i want to be closer to you. i want to know everything about you. and then he does things you know and i kind of let him and then i stop him and hes like why are we even putting anything off till the future when there probably isnt even a future.
i dont have like some genius answer. maybe i should ask astrid what to say because everyone says she and sam are having problems. shes a good person i think but shes also kind of a b–ch and kind of a user.
i shouldnt have said that. now shell get killed and illl be all guilty.
i found some tomato seeds today and im wondering if i should try again. i cant believe how messed up i got over some stupid plants. but it was like they were my pets or something you know. in this place you dont want to take risks you know. you dont want to care about anything because the anything will get taken away. which is maybe what i should tell charlie. like charlie dont you get it that the fayz is where everything dies especially anything you care about.
sometimes i wonder though.
i guess i better try and grow some more veggies just so i can trade them for solar charger time and keep up this stupid journal no one will ever read. because i feel better when i write. hear that stranger who will never ever read this i feel better when i can talk to you.
all of sherman street is burned down. no one knows for sure who did it. kids say it was caine or it was sam or it was zil. kids saw all three of them kind of in the middle as it was burning. im coughing right now because the smoke was in my lungs. the smell is everywhere. the whole street is gray you wouldnt believe it. ashes on everything and at least half the houses burned down or mostly burned down.
joanie died. at least people heard her screaming and no one saw her come out. all that happened yesterday and no one has seen her yet. so yeah she probably died from burning or from choking. what kind of sick sick sick person does that. throwing gasoline bombs on peoples houses with them inside.
it wasnt like joanie was a friend really and we had an argument once over some stupid thing like i loaned her some soap back when we had water and she never paid me back only she said she did and really i dont know. and then shes dead. i cant be mean to anyone because you cant go around hating on people who might end up dead. and in this place that happens. we should all be so nice to each other because we are all trapped together.
but thats not the way it works is it.
orsay is saying all our parents and all are just outside the barrier waiting for us. sometimes i am so sick inside i almost start listening to her. why hold onto this.
the fire burned up my carrots and my tomatoes. not like burned but the heat just shriveled everything so the vines are all brittle and hard. i cried so hard over that. more than for the kids who got killed or hurt which is like so wrong. but its how i felt.
i hate this place. i want to go home. and no this is not my home.
so okay you probably dont care about carrots you – like you exist like anyone is ever going to read this. nuts. crazy. but anyway the thing is my carrots and also my tomatoes grow really really fast. like in three days instead of weeks.
jezzie thinks maybe im a freak. like thats my power. to make veggies grow really fast. which is way lame you have to admit as a power. the only good thing is i wouldn’t want a power like brianna has because every time something bad happens she gets dragged into it. shes kind of cool although i didnt like her at first because i thought she was too into herself. the breeze. i mean please i do not call myself the fertilizer.
anyway just in case there really is someone reading this i am kind of into charlie and he is kind of into me. i think. who knows. seriously who knows. roscoe and i are over but hes still a friend and he kind of lives here some of the time. that will sound weird to people who read this some day but look its the fayz so deal with it. charlie helped me pull my own tooth with me crying and snotting and all and he still says he loves me which is cool because seriously if youd seen what i looked like yikes.
i think i should
joanies house is on fire. kids are yelling.