'Twas XIX: One Night At A Time

Twas the night before Christmas

and from where she stood,

Liane stared thoughtfully at

her old neighborhood.

The bridge that she stood on

stretched across a river

that was running some

one hundred feet below her.

It was just outside of town,

not far from the mall.

It gave her a good view

so she could take in all

the sights and colors that

lit up the cold night air

as she looked off with a

somewhat despondent stare.

Yet for a brief moment,

she let a small smile come

to her, 'fore it went back

to where it had come from.

Her eyes left the scene of

distant colorful lights,

for she wasn’t in the mood

for such thoughts or sights.

Her stare lowered a touch

as she stood in place and

looked at the falling snow

as she held up her hand.

The snowflakes landed on

her dark jacket and she

took in the six-sided flakes

she could clearly see;

each flake’s lovely design

and tiny, fragile form,

created by the impending

winter snow storm.

She watched as more flakes

collected on her dark sleeve;

something that gave her a

brief moment of reprieve

from the thoughts that had been

taking root in her mind;

ones that were not of the

“merry” or “good cheer” kind.

It was then that she heard

footsteps off to her right.

She looked over and saw

a peculiar sight.

A man in a long coat

that was colored deep red,

with black boots on his feet

and white hair on his head,

was walking toward her

with a smile on his round face,

from which hung a white beard

that was not out of place.

He had quite the belly,

and deep wrinkles that told

of the many years behind him,

in each one’s fold.

“Good ev’ning young lady,”

the man smiled as he neared,

bringing up his right hand

and stroking his thick beard.

He turned his head and looked

off at the same lights that

the woman he’d spoken to

had been looking at.

“Lovely, aren’t they?”

he added. “They’re such a sight

to behold as they glow

so brightly on this night.”

“Usually,” she said,

her voice rather subdued.

The man asked, “Why are you not

in a jolly mood?”

“Don’t you have something else

to be doing?” she spat.

“The last thing I want is

any idle chit chat.”

“My apologies,” he said

as his good cheer fell.

“I was just on my way back

from my work, and well…

“I saw you standing here

and just wanted to say,

that I hope you have a

wonderful Christmas Day.”

Liane looked him up and down,

then nodded a bit.

“You a mall Santa?” she asked.

“You’d be a good fit.”

“Something like that,” he smiled.

“But, if you would prefer,

I’ll leave you alone and

give you space, as it were.”

“I’d appreciate that,”

she said in a flat tone.

“I really just want the chance

to be left alone.”

“Then I’ll be on my way,”

the man said quietly.

Without another word,

he left and let her be.

It wasn’t long before

the man was out of sight,

which left her as she felt;

all alone in the night.

Her thoughts about him

gave her pause for a moment.

Her gaze drifted down,

and a grin came as it went.

But this pause did not last

and soon she began to

revisit dark thoughts of

what she’d gone there to do.

With it just shy of midnight,

no one was around.

Just the slowly falling

snowflakes that were abound.

She remained there, alone,

as she stood on the bridge

motionless until both

her feet moved just a smidge.

Her grip on the cold handrail

soon grew more intense

as she continued to stand

in complete silence.

No one was there to see

the resigned look that grew

in her saddening stare,

and her expression too.

It was then that Liane

climbed over the handrail,

then felt dizzy enough

that she began to flail

one arm in the air as she

used her other hand

to steady herself with

the rail where she did stand.

Her face filled with panic

as she looked down below

at the dark void where she

could hear the river flow.

With one hand on the railing,

she let out a sigh.

She looked to the colored lights,

then uttered, “Goodbye.”

Liane leaned toward the void,

let go of the handrail,

then fell through the cold air

without a word or wail.

The wind rushed past her,

growing louder as she fell

for what felt to her like

an impossible spell.

But soon the cold water

was approaching her fast.

She then took in a breath;

one she hoped was her last.

A moment later,

a hard slap rang out and she

felt a flash of great pain

as she thought, Now I’m free.

It was for just a moment,

that all had flashed white

and taken what she’d seen

on this Christmas Eve night.

But soon, that white began

to fade to a deep gray,

one that surrounded her

and did not fade away.

It was like a dense fog

that shifted and slowly

swirled all around her,

and made all seem quite murky.

She looked down at her feet

that saw what she stood on.

It was the only spot

where the fog was all gone.

In its place, was what looked

like a deep frozen lake,

covered in ice that seemed

too thick to ever break.

She took a small step and

heard the ice give a CRACK!

which startled her and made

her take that step right back.

“Where am I?” Liane asked.

“Did I survive the fall?”

She heard her echo,

as if off a distant wall.

“Hello?” she called out.

“Is there anybody here?”

“Just me,” came a reply.

“I’m here with you, my dear.”

Liane looked around at the

ever shifting mist.

“Show yourself!” she cried out,

**then heard, “If you insist.” **

From off to her right,

she could see a shape start to

come through the thick fog,

and she asked, “Um, who are you?”

“You don’t know me?” came the voice.

“You should. After all,

you’ve known about me since

you were just two feet tall.”

With each step, the figure

began to grow clearer.

More details stood out

as each step brought it nearer.

Red and white fuzzy patches

began to congeal

into someone that

seemed familiar, yet unreal.

A red coat with white fur

that lined its waist and cuffs.

Shiny black boots that had

no dull spots, cracks or scuffs.

A red pointy hat that

had white fur on its base

and a fuzzy white-balled top

that hung by his face.

His gloves were pure white.

His black belt hugged his belly

that jiggled as he walked,

as if made of jelly.

His long hair and his beard

were as white as fresh snow.

She knew who it was and

let out a baffled, “Whoa.”

“Hello, Liane,” the man said,

he tone soft and kind.

“This isn’t real,” she said.

“I think I’ve lost my mind!”

“I’m quite real,” he said

as he walked up to her and

gave her a wistful smile

as he held out his hand.

“We’ve met before,” he smiled

with a warmth in his stare.

“It was on the bridge, yes?

I’m quite sure it was there.”

She took a step back and

kept her hands at her chest.

“Don’t touch me!” she uttered

to the man who was dressed

like a rented Santa

from some nearby big store.

With a panicked stare,

“Who the fuck are you?” she swore.

“Do you really need to ask?”

he said with a wink.

“My attire make’s it pretty

obvious, I think.”

“You’re not him,” Liane spat.

“There is no way in hell.

You’re some kind of mind trick

that came from when I fell!”

She took a second step

and again heard the CRACK!

of the ice, which brought her

to stop taking steps back.

“About that,” the man said

as he moved up to her.

“Don’t move too much, please.

You’re on thin ice, as it were.”

“I’m what?” she asked as she

looked utterly confused

at the analogy

that the man had just used.

He took her right hand and

held it up in the air.

That was when Liane noticed

the bad bruising there.

“This isn’t a dream,” he said,

“or some kind of ruse.

I’m very much real,

just like what’s causing this bruise.”

“Wait,” Liane said. “The fall.

Does this mean that I’m dead?”

“Not yet, but that time isn’t

far off,” the man said.

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“What the hell is this?”

He gave her a sad smile

and asked, “What happened, Miss?

“What brought you to this point?

What went so very wrong?”

When she gave no reply,

“Please, I can’t stay for long.

“Your time’s running very short,

so please talk to me.”

She pulled her hand away with,

“Look, just leave me be.”

She looked down at her hand

and she was clearly pissed.

The bruise there was bigger

and it spread to her wrist.

“What the hell?” she uttered

with a vexed, puzzled tone

**as she began to feel pain **

that dug to the bone.

She looked to the man

with some panic in her eyes.

He said, “This is what happens

before someone dies.”

“I’m dying?” Liane asked

as she watched the bruise grow

over her whole forearm,

then up to her elbow.

“You are,” the man said.

“And your time is running out.

Please talk to me, Liane.

What brought this all about?”

Liane watched as the bruise

slowly grew larger still.

And panic in her, this

sight did greatly instill.

“Who the hell are you?” she asked,

her voice filled with fear.

He then simply smiled with,

“You know who I am, dear.”

For a moment, her words

could no longer come out,

**and she winced as the pain **

that continued to sprout

from the growing bruise

that had covered her whole arm.

“Where am I?” she asked,

her voice filled with much alarm.

“You’re in the last moments

of your life,” the man said.

“That final bit before

you’re gone and truly dead.

“I know you’re growing scared,

but I’m right here with you.

But before our time ends,

what I’d like you to do

“is to tell me what pushed

you to reach this moment.

**What made you seek this out **

as if you were hellbent?”

Liane stood dumbfounded,

unsure of what to say.

But after a second,

she turned her gaze away.

“This is some nightmare,” she spat.

“It doesn’t make sense.

You’re lying to me

like I’m ignorant or dense.”

“I wish I was, Liane,”

the man said with remorse.

“These are your final moments.

Your life’s run it’s course.”

“If that’s true,” she said with ire,

“then just let me die!”

The man looked heartbroken

and asked her simply, “Why?”

She turned away from him,

as she winced in pain and

looked at the massive bruise

on her right arm and hand.

“My husband cheated on me,

then shifted the blame

and said that I had done it.

So ev’ryone came

“to his rescue as if

I had been the bad guy.

No one believed me,

regardless of how I’d try

“to show I was the one

who been cheated on.

But ev’ryone believed him.

My friends were all gone.

“Then in the divorce,

my husband said that I had

abused my son daily.

Then things got really bad.

“He accused me of being

an alcoholic,

then made up all these lies

to help make it all stick.

“I pleaded and swore what

he said wasn’t the case.

But somehow, I had it all

blow up in my face.

“The judge took ev’rything.

My ex-husband had won

the house and full custody

of my only son.

“I was barely allowed

to visit with my son.

Then I lost that too

once that Covid had begun.

“I was just hanging on

with my job as it was.

Then back in November,

I was let go because

“the store I worked at

chose to cut my position.

One day I had work,

and the next day, I was done.

“I tried for unemployment,

but I was turned down.

So I took a hotel room

on the edge of town.

“I got that check for

1,200, but it went fast.

I tried to stretch it out,

but it just didn’t last.”

“I was broke and lonely.

I had nowhere to turn.

The world was against me

and just watched my life burn.

“My friends all turned away.

My family did the same.

I really needed someone,

but nobody came.”

Liane brought her bruised hand up

and covered her eyes.

“I was someone they came

to completely despise.”

The man stood quietly and

watched as Liane fought

with ev’rything inside her

that made her so wrought

with sorrow and anger

from all that she’d been through.

In a soft voice he said,

“So you chose this for you.”

“What else could I do?” she asked

through a fought down sob.

“My rent is past due and

I’ve got no goddamn job.

“I got a note from my

landlord that says I’ll be

evicted on the second

of January.

“My family hates me,

and my friends feel the same.

My life went to complete shit,

yet I’m not to blame.

“No one gives a damn and

I can’t take anymore

of ev’ryone thinking

I’m some abusive whore.”

With a grimace of pain,

she unzipped her thick coat

with a hand that looked like

it was starting to bloat.

With concern in her eyes,

she pulled up her shirt some,

as she noticed her hand

had started to feel numb.

The large bruise on her arm,

was not just forming there.

She could see it spreading

seemingly ev’rywhere.

It was on her belly

and growing on her side.

And the pain she felt was

impossible to hide.

“What’s happening?” she asked

as she looked to the man

she had been speaking with

as her bruised arm began

to feel as if it were

starting to fall asleep.

And into her eyes,

more panic began to creep.

“Where we are is like limbo,”

the man said calmly.

“Time is much slower here,

but not stopped completely.

“It crawls forward so that

things still happen in here

that mirror what happens

in the real world, my dear.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“What does that all mean?”

The man gave a sad smile

with, “We are in-between

“life and death in this moment

that we briefly share.

You’re not dead yet, Liane,

but you are nearly there.

“What you see is a slowed

version of what happened

the moment you hit

the water just one second

“before I brought you here

so we could have a talk

and see if from your life,

you’re still wishing to walk.”

“So, I’m not dead, but I’m

not alive,” Liane posed.

“No,” he said. “But you life’s book

will shortly be closed.”

“Let it close” she sneered.

“I just don’t care anymore.

Just leave me alone and

let me walk through death’s door.”

“I can’t do that,” he said.

“It’s not in me to do

something as callus as

turning away from you.”

“Why should you care?” she asked.

“No one else gives a damn.

They’re just as sick of me

as I sure as hell am.”

The man looked at her sadly

and said with remorse,

“If that’s your choice, Liane,

you can make it, of course.

“But while I know you’re in pain,

in more ways than one,

is what others did reason

enough to be done

“with the world around you

without fighting back for

the chance to reclaim some

of what was taken, or

“to find a way for you

to start your life over?”

He stepped up to Liane

and placed a hand on her

shoulder as his eyes

were filled with much sympathy.

“But please, let me say this,

if you’ll listen to me.

“What happened was unfair

and heinous to go through.

It hurt you very deeply.

I know this is true.

“But of those that you lost,

some are not gone for good.

Your life may be painful,

but I think that you should

“not let the man you loved

or your own family

push you out of this world

for all eternity.

“You ache and you’re tired.

I understand this too well.

But there’s one thing to you,

I can truthfully tell.

“As bad as all of this

has been feeling to you,

I believe that you still

have the strength to get through

“the mess that’s swirling

around you at this moment.

You have already survived

so much as you went

“through a divorce and

all that followed after it.

You have made it this far,

taking hit after hit.

“I know things feel much too dark

to continue on.

But I promise, others

will miss you if you’re gone.”

“Oh, like who?” Liane spat.

“My landlord or that guy

who peaks out his door,

and gives me the evil eye?”

“I can’t really say,” he said,

as he cupped her chin.

“If you want to get back

at them, don’t let them win.

“Don’t let them define you

and tell you who you are.

Don’t allow their vile actions

to push you this far.

“Turn away and just leave if

they won’t let you be.

Write them all out of your life

and get yourself free

“of all the reminders

of what they put you through.

Don’t worry about them

and just focus on you.

“You were a good person

before things went so wrong.

That much hasn’t changed, Liane.

You need to stay strong

“and see that this world,

despite all it’s put you through,

would still be a lesser place

if it loses you.”

Liane said nothing as

**she stood while what he’d said **

hung over them both as it

echoed in her head.

Her body ached more as

the bruising continued

to spread under her clothes

where it couldn’t be viewed.

He took his hand from her chin

as the bruising spread

up her neck and continued

slowly toward her head.

“They tried to hurt you,” he said,

his voice soft and kind.

“Show them your great strength and

leave this outcome behind.”

“I don’t know if I can,”

she said in a meek voice.

“I do,” he said warmly.

“But you must make your choice

“now if you hope to

take back what you will soon lose.

So please tell me Liane,

what is it that you choose?”

Liane grimaced again

as the bruise reached her jaw.

Pain shot through her body

as she looked down and saw

that her hands were swollen

and split open as well.

She couldn’t feel her legs

and had started to smell

a strange odor that was

not unlike rotting meat.

Her body had grown cold

and she felt her heartbeat

had started to slow and

get weaker with each hit.

She knew what was coming

and soon uttered, “Oh shit!”

“Make your choice,” the man said,

his voice filled with unease.

Liane looked to the man,

then said, “Send me back, please!”

With a flash of white light,

she no longer felt pain

and found herself on

that cold, snowy bridge again.

Then a wave of dizziness

swept over her too,

which gave her a powerful

sense of deja vu

as she gripped the rail firmly

and looked down below

at where the cold, dark river

continued to flow.

“I’m back where I was?”

Liane said with some surprise

as her sense of bewilderment

shown in her eyes.

For a moment, she stood

on the handrail’s wrong side,

but quickly stepped over it

while she was wide-eyed.

She looked about at the scene

that surrounded her.

At the falling snow and

the distant lights that were

filled with dots of colors

like blue, red, green and more.

At the old neighborhood

that she used to adore

back when her life was

filled with joy and family.

But that stuff felt like such

a distant memory.

She lowered her gaze

and stared down at the river

that she thought would be

some kind of release for her.

Her stare drifted a bit

as her mind did the same.

She then turned and walked off

back the way that she came.

She left the bridge behind

and went back to her pad;

an old run down apartment

that housed all she had.

She looked very drained as

she got herself undressed

before she climbed into bed

with such little zest,

it was almost as if

she wasn’t really there.

But she was far too worn out

to pretend to care.

It took barely a minute,

but sleep came for her

and took Liane away

to dreamland, as it were.

The alarm soon went off,

which pulled her from her sleep.

She slapped its snooze button

and didn’t make a peep

as she rolled onto her back

and laid there a bit

with a drawn look that told

of her beaten spirit.

But in time, she got up

and got herself some food,

as she tried to shake off

**her melancholy mood. **

As she sat at the table,

she heard the small squeak

of the mail slot in her door,

which brought her to peak

from where she was sitting

to see if she could tell

whether or not from

that small slot, a letter fell.

And sure enough, there was

a letter on the floor.

She got up from the table

and went to the door.

She reached down and picked up

what someone had slipped in.

She saw that the envelope

had nothing written

anywhere on its front

and not on the thing’s rear.

She then muttered, “Now who

in the hell put this here?”

She went to the sofa

and sat down before she

opened the envelope with,

“Who gave this to me?”

She took out a folded

sheet of old, thick parchment.

When she opened it up,

she picked up the faint scent

of peppermint candy

that was mixed with the smell

of burning wood, like from

a fireplace, as well.

“Dear Liane,” she uttered as

she began to read.

“I hope that you’re better,

after your time of need.

“We spoke for a short time

while you were in such pain

from how life had become

far too much of a strain

“on your broken heart and

on your world-weary mind.

So much so, that it left

you in a horrid bind.

“I know things seem hopeless

at this point in your life.

That ev’ryone and -thing

is out to cause you strife.

“But please do not forget that,

just like each new day

these bad moment’s will pass

and start to fade away.

“Their pain will lessen

bit by bit as time goes by.

And though at times it will seem

far too hard to try

“to push on through it all,

please don’t give up the fight.

A new day will follow

each dark, harrowing night.

“It may seem as if there’s

no way for you to win,

but don’t let those thoughts rule you.

Don’t let those thoughts in.

“You’re stronger than you know,

even if you don’t feel

as if you can face the world

when it makes you reel

“back in anguish or sadness

when it comes at you.

And I hope that last night

showed you what not to do.

**“Don’t let liars and those who **

wrong you have their way.

Don’t let those who hurt you

get your life’s final say.

“It won’t always be easy,

but please, don’t give in.

Take last night’s dark moment as

a chance to begin

“the next chapter in your tale,

not the final one.

See it as a sunrise

**and not a setting sun. **

“New days bring new moments

that can be good or bad.

Some will be wonderful,

while others, will be sad.

“But face them all, and know that

you can make it though.

Even if you doubt yourself,

I believe in you.

“I wish you all the best

on this bright Christmas Day.

Stay safe, well and healthy,

and don’t forget to say

“‘I love you’ to her when

she calls you up, my dear.

And say ‘yes’ when she asks

if Santa Claus was here.”

Liane was confused as she

looked at what she’d read.

There were quite a few questions

that ran through her head.

A moment later, the phone

let out a loud ring

which gave her a fright and

brought her to quickly bring

her attention to her phone

that was sitting on

the table by the couch

as she let out a yawn.

The next moment saw

the room fill with a white light

that made her gasp from how

it was blindingly bright.

It lasted just a second

before it winked out.

She blinked a few times

and said, “What was that about?”

She looked down at her hands

and saw the note was gone.

That was when she uttered,

“What the hell’s going on?”

Her phone continued to ring

as she sat with a

confused, annoyed look,

’till she said, “Yeah! OK.”

She reached over and picked up

her phone’s receiver.

With it next to her face,

a “Hello?” came from her.

“Hi Liane,” came a voice

that Liane hadn’t heard

in quite a few months.

It was one that quickly stirred

her emotions as she sat there,

taken aback.

“Mom?” she managed to say

with her face a bit slack.

“It’s me, honey,” came

a somewhat subdued reply.

In just a few seconds,

Liane began to cry.

“Hi Mom,” Liane said,

with her voice cracking as she

let out a sob while her

tears began to run free.

“I’ve missed you,” she added

as she tried to regain

some control of what was like

a runaway train.

“I’ve missed you too, honey,”

her mom said as she too

had her own stirred up feelings

begin to shine through.

For an hour and a half,

Liane and her mom spoke.

At first, it was quite rough as

their words did evoke

a lot of bad moments

and feelings in Liane.

But slowly, that had faded,

and over the span

of the time they’d been talking,

some things did improve.

They laughed here and there

and the mood began to move

from one of unease and

uncertainty abound,

to one where some comfort

had finally been found.

It was as they talked about

all things Christmasy,

that Liane grabbed the remote,

turned on the T.V.

and soon found herself watching

the city’s parade

as she took in the floats

that volunteers had made.

Her mother was saying

how her father had been,

when the cam’ra on T.V.

began to zoom in

on a float that looked much like

a big Santa’s sleigh

as the announcer said,

“And Santa’s on his way!”

The cam’ra continued

to zoom in closer still.

As it did so, Liane’s mind

had begun to fill

with a strong feeling of

familiarity.

One that brought her to utter,

“Are you kidding me?”

There, on her T.V.'s screen,

she could see Santa’s face.

She recognized it well,

which made her freeze in place.

It was the same man she’d seen

on the bridge last night

and in the void after she’d

given up life’s fight.

That was when the man

on T.V. turned his head and

looked at her with a smile

and brought up his right hand.

He waved and winked as if

somehow, the man could see

Liane as she sat and watched

him through her T.V.

Her bewilderment swelled,

but after a short while,

her face became graced

with a warm, genuine smile.

She turned off the T.V.

and brought her focus to

what her mother was saying

when she said, “And you?”

“And me what?” Liane asked

as she realized that

she’d missed what her mom

recently said in their chat.

“Did Santa visit you?”

her mother repeated.

Liane smiled a bit and said,

“He certainly did.”

Liane continued to talk

with her mom a while.

They touched on Liane’s

ex-husband’s spouted revile.

Of all that Liane had

gone through when ev’ryone

wrote her out of their lives

when the divorce was done.

Of the pain, abandonment,

and many a tear.

Of how she felt so alone

for nearly a year.

Her mother then stated,

“This is long overdue,

but I’m deeply sorry

I turned my back on you.

“We walked away when

you needed someone so bad.

We left you on your own

when we were all you had.

“I hope you’ll be able

to forgive us someday.

Until then, just know that

we’ll help in anyway

“that we can to make up

for all that you’ve endured.

We’ll be there for you.

On that, you can rest assured.”

“Thanks mom,” Liane smiled,

then added, “I love you.”

Her mother replied with

a heartfelt, “Love you too.”

As they continued to chat,

Christmas Day rolled on

until hours later,

when the daylight was gone

and like the night before,

colored lights shined anew

as the night came alive

with their many a hue.

At times, the world can feel

very cold, dark and cruel.

Like it revels in things

that only seem to fuel

the darkest of thoughts in

the minds of some people,

and makes a problem that

feels like a huge steeple

that’s too high to jump over

or climb past somehow.

As if it were a cliff

that would never allow

that person to get by

and find some way to heal

from what caused them to endure

a tragic ordeal.

Just when Liane’s life was

about to reach its end,

she was given one last chance

to let her heart mend.

To withstand what had been done

to her and her world

and give more of her life

a chance to be unfurled.

This steep cliff had been climbed,

yet still more lay ahead.

Her moment of weakness,

now gave her strength instead.

This step could have never

been taken if her life

had been left to be claimed

by dark moments of strife.

And as her life’s new start

gave off its growing light,

Merry Christmas to all,

and to all, a good night.