Jeez I ain't updated this thing in six months.
Artsiness has slowed to a trickle. For one thing because school is out, I no longer have lectures to ignore and a desk to hunch over. Also I have a laptop
which is great but the printer/scanner/toaster oven is all the way over there
and why should I get up when I'll just have to hook the stupid thing up somehow anyway?
I'm hungry right now and hungry all the time and thanks to my psychiatrist I will also be in That Place all the time, again, for as long as I'm trying to scrape together all the weight I can gain; That Place being the source of all that is ungodly and emo in my gallery. I look at my gallery and hit the back button; there's nothing I see that I like, I know I can put lines together better than some kids my age but that's all I see, lines. I know I'm not terrible at stringing words together either, I can write a bit, but I wish I could stop, both of them, writing and drawing. I wish I could, sometimes, maybe just out of perverseness or because I just can't stand
what I see, but the truth is that I cannot live 100% in the real world. Simply can't. Fact of life. My thoughts race; I've long been off that Ritalin substitute; sometimes I just don't like it in here. I should draw but I try and it's just pencil-vomit - just lines
- no better than any of the word-vomit I produce. I should stop until I can acknowledge that yes, maybe I do have this bigger-than-little spark of talent, but actually I'm not sure I've ever done that.
I like my camera though. Photography I'm no good at, not yet maybe, but there is something relaxing about being on this side of the viewfinder.
Of course my problem is that I can't contain this much misery without spewing some of it up in the form of pencil-vomit sooner or later, so maybe I will eventually hook up that stupid scanner after all.