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JARVIS: “Sir… must I do this?”

Author: “Yes JARVIS..”

JARVIS: “But sir, this is a bit… excessive, don’t you think?”

Author: “Look. I don't like this anymore then you do. But Christmas is in less then a week. And I feel obligated to put something out. And this story doesn't have much to do with Christmas so I had to come up with SOMETHING.”

JARVIS: “But must I read it?”

Author: “Well we wouldn't have to if SOMEBODY made the story a bit more Christmassy, but thanks to Marvel. All we got is a couple mentions in the movie. And a few decorations in the background. So you’re reading this.”

JARVIS: “And you couldn’t perhaps.. WRITE something a bit more Christmassy as you put it?”

Author: “....Just how creative do you think I am?”

JARVIS: “....Fair point.”

Author: “Now read.”

JARVIS: “But why must I read it? Certainly Mr. Stark, Or perhaps you…”

Author: “Tony can’t read it because he isn't allowed to know he's in a story. And I can't read it because I shouldn't even be in this story.”

JARVIS: “Then certainly the man in the red suit could?”

Author: “....what man in a red suit?”


Author: “DAMNIT WILSON!! Get back in the box! Your story isn't ready yet!”

Wade: “FUCK NO! I’m not getting back in there! It smells like old tacos and ass!”

Author: “And whose fault is that!?”

Wade: “Well if you gave me a bigger box…”
Author: “Get your cancer riddled testicle face back in the box Wilson or I swear to Thanos you will regret Disney EVER buying FOX!”

Wade: “Just what ARE you going to write now that Infinity war is hitting theatres?”

Author: “BACK IN THE BOX!”

Wade: “Fine, fine.”

Author: “Thank you.”

Wade: “Psst. Hey, you, on the other side of the screen.. Yeah you.. Spoiler alert. Expect a bunch of X-Men crap to hit now that Disney bought out the 20th Century. Mr. I think I’m so important just cause a bunch of jerks on the internet read my stuff is like SUUUPPPERR pissed because he’s pretty sure that means Disney is gonna start incorporating it into the MCU. But you can bet I was happy when I heard your old pal Deadpool was gettin his own story out of it!”

Author: “WILSON!”

Wade: “Whoops! Gotta Go!”

Author: “Damnit… Well I guess it’s out of the bag…… So you all have probably noticed I haven’t been very active in a while. And the main reason is because like many of you I have been busy with the holidays, family crises and getting pumped about STAR WARS. But that doesn't mean I haven't been writing. This story in particular is one I have been working on on and off for the past month or so. And I want it to be my Christmas gift to all of you. And I’m having JARVIS start it off cause I can always wipe his memory later.”

JARVIS: “What was that?”

Author: “Nothing!... Anyway. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, your year ends with joy, laughter, love and happiness. And that your New Year begins with the same. Merry Christmas my friends. Start it Up JARVIS!!”

JARVIS: “Fine.. I concede.. But in Protest.”

Author: “So long as you read it. Without further ado. I present, A very Starking Christmas.

Wade: “....That’s the title you’re rolling with?”

Author: “I swear I will beat your teeth in with your own leg.”

Wade: “And people say I'M too violent.”


JARVIS: “I can’t believe he’s making me read this.

Author: “READ.”

JARVIS: “Oh fine.”

  “Twas the week before Christmas, and all through Stark Tower, not a creature was stirring, save one who was quite sour.

   For you see, (Y/N) Stark was finding his brother quite irritating. For while it was one am for Tony, for (Y/N) it was three in the morning.”

   You: ‘Tony’

   “Crooned (Y/N), a yawn on his lips.”

   You: ‘You better have a good reason for waking my up, or I'm gonna be pissed.’

   Tony: ‘Relax (Y/N)’

   “Responded Tony, a grin stretched ear to ear.”

   Tony: ‘I promise you’ll love this. You’ll be thankful you were here.’

   “And with a great sigh, (Y/N) did concede. Deciding it best to simply humor his brother, and let him proceed.”

   You: ‘Fine Tony. I’ll stay up and bear witness. But if this isn’t worth while, you’ll be giving me the greatest of ass kisses.’

   Wade: “Wow… that was a bit of a stretch for a rhyme.”

   Author: “WILSON!”

   Wade: “Yeah, yeah I know. Back in the box…… jerk.”

   JARVIS: “As I was saying.”

   “And as the brothers did groan and command and shout, out in the world, mucking about,

   “Was a man who wanted nothing more then to bring down the Stark name, and with its end, would begin his reign.”

   “And now, as the author has grown tired of this gag, our story begins…. My word was this a drag.”
So.... Yeah, its been a hot minute hasn't it? 
No, thankfully I am not dead. Though I have been going through some rough times. I am still trying to write. 
ANd while this has been posted on Christmas Day. I don't think the whole thing will be by the end of it.
I hope I can have it finished by the end of the year, but me and deadlines have never been friends.
Anyway, as always let me know what you think in the comments below!
I don't own Marvel, the Avengers, the X-Men, the images used, or you.

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Submitted on
December 25, 2017
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