- I'm sorry, Kesha, we're just friends.
- But please!! Give me a chance!!
- My life sucks!!
- Innokenty Smoktunovsky?
- Errrm, yes... And you are?
- Onotole. I'm here to give you an invitation to the School of Magic.
- Are you serious?
But I'm far under 30. I still have some time...
[School of Magic]
- We shall use this time to prepare you to the anniversary accordingly. Or were you thinking that you will get your superpowers without a proper training?
Here it is.
- Holy shit!
- Here will happen your metamorphosis from a usual virgin to the super virgin.
- Sounds badass.
- So, all these guys never, well, had a girl?
- Don't you even think about that, youngster! If you ever, one single time, make sex with a girl...
...All your magic powers will disappear.
Wait for me here.
I'll get prepared for your initiation.
- I can't wait...
- Psssst... Dude, wanna fuck?
(I've been waiting for these words for my whole life. And now I can't say yes.)
- You do know that I can't do that.
- Well, indeed. I'm from the Guild of the Strong and Independent. I visit this place from time to time in hope to seduce someone.
But all my attempts were totally unsuccessful. No one ever agreed to make sweet love with me.
- Bullshit!! I don't believe it! A girl like you failed to seduce a guy? This is the School of Magic, so...
- Let's do this, babe!
- As you wish.
Congratulations! Your initiation is complete.
And hereby I declare the rule #1: no gals.
// Translated by m1kc with his deepest apologies to Innokenty Smoktunovsky and Anatoly Wasserman.