What He Doesn't Know ch 20 (Fraycest)

Mikey's pov

I heard Gerard's car crank up this morning and when I saw him out of my window pulling out, I knew he was headed to see Frank. I laid in bed for a long time thinking about everything. I felt so bad about not pulling Frank back up immediately. To tell you the truth I have no idea what had come over me. That just wasn't me at all. All I want to do is get back to the way things were and damn it, that's exactly what I'm going to do!

I got out of bed and passed my mom in the laundry room. She didn't see me as I passed making my way down to Gerard's room. There was no light except from the small window behind his bed. I decided against turning his light on. Times spent in his room were always best when the light wasn't on.

I walked around the room as the dim light shown over his drawings on the walls. The comics he had on his table. Some of the band posters he had. I made it to his dresser where I saw a picture he had of the two of us from about 3 years ago. About the time that our midnight affection had begun. It showed if only to me by the look on my face in the picture that I was already in love with Gerard. He had his arm placed brotherly around my shoulder as I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes. My face beaming the way it always did when I looked at him. I knew how wonderful my brother was when nobody else did. When nobody cared enough to pay attention to it. People thinking he was weird. Amazing is what he was. Still is.

I laughed as I sat down on his bed staring at that picture. I was so much shorter than him at that time. Now we were the exact same height. I loved the days I had spent looking up at him though. The way his eyes shined as he smiled looking down into my curious eyes. I'd ask him everything in the world and he would always answer me without acting like I was annoying or stupid. The way he used to hold my hand to cross the street. I remember how my heart would light up when he grabbed it.

xoxo

I remembered the time he grabbed my hand and I felt the usual electricity between us before knowing what it meant and then running across the street together as the wind picked up and I felt like it lifted my heart with it as we ran hand in hand. When we made it to the other side I remember him looking down at me and smiling as he lifted me up from under my arms before placing me back down on the side walk. He just continued to smile at me in wonderment without saying a word as my eyes drew a heart around his face. Then when the wind hit heart again it had blew his hair in his face and made me shiver. He took his coat off and wrapped it around me before grabbing my hand and us running all the way home.

We ran in the house laughing about how he had to hold onto me so I didn't blow away. I was already blown away. We burst into his room still laughing as he tore his coat off me and I spun around pretending I couldn't stop before he tackled me down landing on his bed with him on top of me. The huge grin still on his face from all the fun as he lay on top of me as I giggled making our stomachs jiggle against each others. I remember the feeling I got when he brushed my bangs out of my eyes with his soft hand before his fun grin had started to fade into a serious look I didn't understand. His eyes gleaming as they searched mine back and forth before they drifted down to stare at my mouth. I had been frozen wondering what was wrong with him as he leaned in closer to my face until I felt his hot breath on me. How it made me giggle again and his eyes shot up looking into mine as though he were suddenly afraid of something. He jumped off me and said he'd race me upstairs for some hot chocolate. I had just laid there a moment confused but wishing that he hadn't left. I didn't know what I wished he would have done but had a feeling he wanted to do something more.

xoxo

I laid in his bed thinking of all the special moment's we had shared like that.

It wasn't until three o'clock when I woke up still laying in Gerard's bed as I heard him running down his stairs. He turned the light on and before he noticed me I could see the huge grin he had plastered on his face. It faded just like it had when we were younger only this time not to a look of fear but one of concern and almost disappointment.

"Uh hey Mikes."
"Hey Gee."
"Why are you sleeping in my bed?"
"Why were you smiling so big when you came in?"
"I asked you first."
"I just came down here to um.. look for you and you were gone and I just fell asleep again." He reached over seeing the picture I had of us still laying on the bed and picked it up and smiled at it before his smile faded to one that looked heart breaking. He put the picture back on his dresser and started fumbling through his drawers looking for his work clothes.

I got up and handed him a clean shirt out of his clean clothes basket. He barely looked at me as he hesitated to grab it from me.

"Is everything okay Gee?"
"Yeah Mikes it's fine. Look I don't really have time to talk right now but I did want to tell you that I um, I'm really sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"I'm sorry I yelled at you last night."
"Oh." I stared down at the ground as I remained seated on his bed.
"I know that you didn't push Frank and I know that you were just in shock before you pulled him up."
"Oh."
"I'm just glad everyone is okay now and I don't want you to be mad at me or anything because I'm really sorry I yelled at you and I am not mad at you at all anymore."

I stood up and walked towards him as he had pulled his previous shirt off and I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him into me. He pulled away quickly and threw his work shirt on before changing his pants.
"Gee, something is wrong. Please tell me what it is."
"It's nothing Mikes. I just have to hurry up so I'm not late for work."
"Late? It's 5 minutes from here and you have almost an hour."
"Yeah but I want to get there early today to see if I can get in a little extra time." He still didn't look at me as he shoved his feet into his shoes and grabbed his wallet shoving it into his back pocket. "I'll um, I'll see you later okay Mikes?"
"Okay Gee." I took a step towards him before he ran upstairs saying good bye to our mom.

I didn't know what to do and I felt sad so I just grabbed the picture back off the shelf and clutching it to my chest I laid back down and drifted back off to sleep.

xoxo

Gerard's pov

When I came home after work Mikey was still asleep in my bed. I walked over to his sleeping figure without turning the light on. He was so cute as he slept. All I could see was the back of his head as his mousy brown hair laid a mess on my pillow. Him curled in a ball with no covers on. I could feel my body crave to do what had always been the most natural thing to do and curl up behind him where I fit like a perfect puzzle piece and snuggle up to him.

I took off everything except my boxers. As I went to lift the blanket I kept across the bottom of my bed I could see something shine at me from the moonlight laying on something Mikey was holding. I looked closer to realize it was that same picture of us he had before. Everything came back to me as I realized the dumbest thing I could do right now would be to snuggle up to Mikey. I was trying so hard to let go of any and every feeling I had for my little brother except the feelings of brotherly love. I had to help him to do the same. This I knew was what was best for him. Even though my heart and body ached to be close to him, I could only think about the future ridicule Mikey would get if people ever found out about us. I had to end us before that ever happened. We had to be just brothers. For Mikey's sake. I put a shirt on and went upstairs to sleep in Mikey's room.

When I got to my younger brother's room I sat down on the bed and jumped right back up again. I turned the lamp on beside the bed to see that I had sat on his math book. I went to put it in his book bag and noticed as I opened the bag there was something written inside it. I opened it further to see a large G with a heart around it hidden inside. I sighed as I reached back to turn the lamp off before my hand hit something that took my breath away.

I reached up and pulled the necklace that hung from the lamp down. It had a ring on it. The same vampire teeth ring with the red ruby on it that I had given him on his 13th birthday back before I turned 17.

xoxo

Mom had thrown Mikey another one of her 'my sweet little boy's growing up party's'. More like trying to prevent us from growing up. She had hired a damn clown. I didn't know a thing about it and it was supposed to be a surprise for Mikey and oh it was alright.

Mikey and a few kids he had finally managed to make friends with at school were laughing and playing music in the yard before Mikey got to open his presents. It was hot out and mom kept pushing Mikey to open this huge present she said her and dad got him. Dad was away then too at one of his business functions.

When Mikey pulled the ribbon off this huge present all of a sudden a huge idiot in a yellow and red suit jumped out, white paint dripping down his neck from sweat as he shoved a huge horn in Mikey's face before honking it which not only was extremely loud but also squirt water all in my poor brother's face. I had been sitting in my lawn chair when it happened and I saw the look of horror turned total embarrassment on Mikey's face as the kids all started laughing at him.

Mikey ran into the house and mom got up to run after him but I knew she was the last one he would want to see right then. I stopped her and asked her to let me talk to him. She agreed maybe this was more of a brother moment than anything.

I went to Mikey's room but didn't find him. Instead I could hear him crying from the bathroom. I knocked softly on the door..
"Mikey.."
"GO AWAY!"
"Mikey common it's me. Gee."
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET MOM DO THAT TO ME!"
"I didn't know anything about that clown Mikey I swear! .... Mikey please let me in!" I put on my best tweety bird voice. "Pweeeeeeese".

The door opened and there I saw his tear stained face as his glasses hung low on his nose almost falling off. His brand new Anthrax shirt dad had got him and the torn blue jeans he had stolen from me. I didn't mind though. I had already started wearing tight black jeans most of the time by then.

I walked in the bathroom and closed the door as Mikey sat down on the lid of the toilet.
"Mikey I know how you feel."
"No you don't Gee! You don't know at all! You have friends! I don't! Now I never will!"
"I actually don't have many friends anymore Mikey. I told Ben that I was gay last week and he freaked out and told everyone I knew and now I don't have any friends either."
"You're sure that you are all the way gay?"
"Thanks for your concern about my lack of friends," I laughed, "but yeah, I'm sure."

Mikey stood up and walked to the bathroom sink looking in the mirror before turning back around and jumping up to sit on the counter.

"Gee I'm scared." I walked over to him and laid my hands on his shoulders.
"Why are you scared Mikes?"
"I'm scared because... because," he looked up at me from the floor pushing his glasses up on his face. "because I'm gay too." his eyes teared up again. "I am afraid to tell anyone." I smiled at him.
"You just told me." He smiled back at me.
"Yeah" I wiped away the tears that were streaming down his cheeks and left my hands on his face as he spoke again. "Do you think we will be alone forever?" He looked at me so innocently. So sweetly and full of fear. I couldn't stand that look on his face.
"We're not alone now Mikey." I wiped my finger across his soft pink lips wanting so badly to feel them pressed against mine. I knew it was daylight and everyone was just outside but I couldn't help how I felt. I leaned into him wrapping my arms around his waste as I pressed my lips down on his softly.

Immediately I pulled myself back, forcing down the feelings stirring inside me. Mikey just wrapped his legs around mine and his arms wrapped as high under my arms as he could get them as he still sat on the counter. He pulled me in quickly and feeling his warm delicious lips pressed against mine, I had no choice. I picked him up from the counter as we made out furiously. His hands roamed around under my shirt as mine squeezed at his ass before I pressed him into the wall. I mashed my body into his and feeling both of us were already quite hard I let out a soft moan into his mouth. He squeezed me tighter as nails dug softly into my back. I leaned back as I lifted him higher against the wall before immediately reattaching my lips to his neck. Kissing and sucking soft enough to not leave a mark.

I felt his hands travel down to the front of my pants as I sucked in. My pants at the time just loose enough that as I did this, his whole arm fit down into my pants as I felt him squeeze my erection. I let out the quietest yelp I could hold in before biting down a tad bit harder on his neck, almost not caring if I left a mark.
"Gee.."
"mmmhm?"
"I.. I um.."
"Oh fuck Mikey that feels so fucking good!"
"I love you Gee!"
"mmmm I love you too Mikey. Keep doing that!"
"No Gee. I mean, I'm IN love with you." I froze.

My eyes shot open before I slowly leaned my head back to look at him, hoping this was one of those times when you were just caught up in the moment and you said things you didn't really mean like when women scream "I wanna have your baby" and then cuss you out the rest of your life when the little stick turns blue. Saw it on a movie once.

"Um.. what?"
"I'm in love with you Gee. Deeply in love with you! You are the only one I.."
"Mikey no stop! Don't say that!" I pulled his hand out from my pants as my member had now gone into shock along with the rest of me, and I let go of his legs letting them hit the floor before letting go of him and turning away.
"But it's true Gee! I am totally.."
"NO! Don't say that Mikey! Oh my god!" I started pacing back and forth in the bathroom pulling my hair and wiping sweat from my face. Mikey standing against the wall about to cry. "I should have known this would happen!" Of coarse I should have known, I had already figured out I was in love with him 6 months ago. "Oh fuck Mikey no! You can't.. We can't.. Mikey it's not right!"
"What is right then Gee? Ignoring how I feel about you because that sure doesn't feel.."
"I SAID NO MIKEY!" I didn't have to look at him to know the tears were beginning to well back up in his eyes.
"But Gee."
"I'm sorry Mikey. We are not going to be able to do this stuff anymore. You are going to have to just.."
"NO! NO GERARD NO!" Mikey lunged for me as I put my hand on the bathroom door. "Please! Please Gee, just please stay for a minute!"
"Mikey I.."
"Please! It's... it's my birthday damn it!" I turned around to face him. "Gee you can't end things between us now! You just can't! I um... I promise to find someone and move on someday okay? Just.. just don't say this is over right now!" He tilted my head back until my eyes met his. "Please Gee?"

I couldn't help myself once I saw those eyes. I wiped the tears from his face before I spoke again. "Mikey, I didn't give you my present yet."
"I know." He smiled. "What is it?"
"Well outside with all your other presents is a copy of the origional 'Night of the living dead', but my real present" I pulled the necklace with the ring on it out from my back pocket. "...is this." I held it up for him to see and my heart melted as his smile grew wide across his face. He took the necklace and kissed it.
"Will you put it on me?"
"Sure." I leaned over him and clasped the necklace around his soft neck seeing the beginnings of a bruise I had just put there just starting to show. "Shit!"
"What?"
"You are going to have to put on some of mom's make up before going back out there! There is a bruise on your neck!" Mikey looked into the mirror as he held onto the ring around his neck.
"Not a bruise Gee, I love bite." He smiled before kissing me again. Me melting for him like always.

xoxo

I laid down in Mikey's bed as I pulled out of the memory. I laid smelling him in the pillow and I cried knowing that soon I would have to break both our hearts when I told him that I really wasn't going to be able to fulfill my promise to him. It was going to take all I had to look at him and lie as I told him that I... I didn't love him like that. The only thing that would help me do this was thoughts of Frank. I smiled at the thought of my boyfriend's face. It faded quickly though when I thought again of Mikey crying. My heart ached. Telling him this was going to be the biggest lie of my life. I wasn't sure if I would even be able to do it.