Hadron Collider: New Color Discovered

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A funny thing happened at the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The world’s most powerful particle accelerator was engineered to prove or disprove the existence of the Higgs boson – the so-called “God particle” that could unlock the secrets of several major conundrums of modern physics. But along the way, whilst smashing atoms together in their collider, the scientists have come up with something else. A new color.

But wait a minute, you say.

Color has to do with spectrums of light interacting with our eyes. For a “new color” to exist, a new spectrum of light would have to exist, which makes no sense. Unless … your eyes are glued to the split second of impacting sub-atomic particles smashing into each other in the Hadron Collider. That’s when the unique light spectrum briefly exists and the new color can be seen. The sight of the new color has sent observing scientists into spastic fits followed by weeks-long comatose states. But upon waking the scientists describe the experience as “euphoric” and “epiphanous” and pleasurable beyond any sensation in their former lives. A noticeable increase in the affected scientists’ intellectual output led to their being given I.Q. tests. Their test scores came out substantially higher than tests administered over years before.

When asked to describe the new color, the scientists cannot place it any section of the standard light-color spectrum, nor find descriptive words for it. They have given their new color a name. It is Bjork, named after the idiosyncratic Icelandic singer. None of the scientists know how the name was adopted, some swearing the color told them it’s name. The international supervisory board of the Collider must now make a decision as to the importance of the “new color” discovery, and how much of its resources should be shifted to adequately research the phenomenon.

Your Thoughts

  1. Do you want to see the new color, even though there are health risks – as well as substantial personality alteration involved?
  2. Do you think there will be an effort to profit from “Bjork?” even though its existence is a fleeting thing of the moment, not unlike the actual singer herself.
  3. Might this new color that opens the perceptions of the mind’s inner eye have some mystical or religious significance? Is a new color that heightens IQ like the Tree of Knowledge from which Eve plucked that apple? In looking for the God Particle, did we find the Satan Particle?

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I wanna reach Björk color consciousness!
Silverbullet56's avatar
Too Bad. If it was real I would call it the Hoffman Particle, for the guy who discovered LSD. Maybe if the scientists were to drop some, they could find what they are looking for, sans Hadron Collider!
desdemona16's avatar
April fools great creativity though
CrystalSabre's avatar
Didn't believe it for a minute.  Just like that spaghetti on trees joke all those years ago.  They put that on BBC news a little while ago.
SirCassie's avatar
3 jokes in a day? Lol nice. 
AlexaDream's avatar
Seerfree's avatar
For a second this had me but then I realised when this was posted... 
Milyusia's avatar
Mantis shrimps HATE this.
Psi-Stardust's avatar
You tried too hard for an April Fool's joke
Chraven's avatar
Ugh...next time, don't get overzealous with the details. You had me until the bit about IQs. Take something plausible, and embellish it realistically. Every article on April Fool's day is a disappointment now.
lauraendy's avatar
Noooo!!! I believed it!! TT
RedCatStudioArt's avatar
i hate everything.
daughterofmoonlight's avatar
Other colors exist. Our eyes can only process Violet through red. but there is infared and ultra violet that are colors we cannot perceive.
Noxe-ApplePi's avatar
Other wavelengths of light, you mean. "Colors" only exist inside the spectrum of light visible to humans. Many animals like cats and dogs can see ultraviolet, but it's not considered a color.
daughterofmoonlight's avatar
I'm sure that a cat would consider ultra violet a color. Also some humans with aphakia can see ultra violet light, and humans have been known to see it when undergoing laser surgery on their eyes. (which by your definition means it is a color) Just because human eyes cannot see it doesn't mean it's not a color.

Noxe-ApplePi's avatar
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color defines color as "the visual perceptual property corresponding in humans to the categories called red, blue, yellow, and others" though, which implies that light seen by other animals doesn't count as color. Tbh color itself is hard to define since everyone sees things differently (like the dress for example). But then if like you said some humans can see ultraviolet (which would be pretty cool) then I suppose that certain wavelengths in that range would be considered colors for them. Since it's a general definition though, and most people can't see ultraviolet (or infrared), ultraviolet and infrared aren't colors in my opinion.
Oh well whatever it is, it would be really interesting if we could actually discover a new color.
hannahelizabethh's avatar
Good joke DA well played!
Verylittlecow's avatar
Agh. I got excited for a second xD forgot it was April fools... Now I'm sad
JM--Designs's avatar
You had me at new colour discovered.
PurrtyFlower's avatar
1. Do I want to experience the almighty power of bjork? Do I want to risk suffering permanent endorphin imbalance in my brain and becoming a depressing piece of s**t who is nothing but a burden to others around him? Yes.

2. Due to the outstandingly pleasurable nature as a result of visually observing bjork, it sounds like a clever idea to profit off of other people's likely addiction to witnessing this previously unknown wavelength of the visible light spectrum.

3. Are you kidding? The very idea of bjork is causing me to have doubts about my normally atheistic nature. I don't think this is God's work nor even Satan's work, but the work of an entirely new deity, altogether. I cannot quite describe it myself, just like those scientists cannot give a proper description of bjork.
lonewolf23k's avatar
What...  they couldn't have called it Octarine?
hannahelizabethh's avatar
True today. Very true
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