I usually hate seeing journals like this, but given that I’ve spent 13 years on this site and met thousands of people, knowing there are at least a few of you who would probably want to hear if something was going on, I figure this is the only way to tell you.
For the past several years I’ve been dealing with health issues that I originally attributed to being overweight and/or having a sedentary lifestyle.
A few months ago, I was dealing with a chronic sinus infection and drainage from hell. To offset my symptoms and maybe get some sleep for once, I went to bed with a breathe-right strip on my nose. I woke up with no nose strip to be found and a weird feeling in my throat, like something was there. I went to the emergency room assuming I had swallowed the strip; they looked in my throat and said they didn’t see any plastic strip, but they did see that my throat (epiglottis, vocal cords etc) was terribly swollen, and because I work at an airport, tuberculosis had to be ruled out before I could leave. They kept me in the hospital overnight to test me and watch the swelling. Obviously I didn’t have tb as I had been vaccinated years before, so they let me go and had me follow up with an ear/nose/throat doctor.
They had me take an allergy test, which came back negative. Not allergic to anything.
Then they suggested a biopsy, to see if they could figure out what was causing the swelling, as it hadn’t improved since I’d been in the hospital 2-3 months back. They would also give me a steroid shot inside my throat to see if that would help.
The surgery went okay I guess. Two of my IVs infiltrated which hurt like a mf, I still have a huge bruise a week and a half later, and they said the piece of my throat they cut out was yellow instead of pink--obviously not good.
The steroid shot did nothing. I got the results on Monday, and as it turns out, I have a rare condition called Amyloidosis. Basically, in reaction to a chronic infection, my body’s antibodies become proteins and build up in my tissues and organs. That's what's causing my throat to be twice the size it should be.
There are a few different types of amyloidosis based on which organ is most affected, and treatment varies. However, there is no cure, I will never breathe normally again, and the maximum life expectancy is maybe 10 years with the best form of the disease and early diagnosis and treatment.
I’ve been having symptoms since high school, so we can go ahead and knock at least five years off of that. Also, I don’t know what type I have, and I’m supposed to see a doctor at Vanderbilt to get their opinion and see if they can recommend a treatment. They haven’t called with an appointment time yet but I’m sure it’ll be months before I can go. I might not have that long.
Bros, I’ll be honest for a second. I never expected to live to 30, really I never expected to live long after Jack ended because that shit was keeping me going for so long. But knowing that I might not make it to 25, that I might not make it to tomorrow, is something I didn’t expect. I know I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but if I’m unfortunate enough to have developed this disease, I’m probably unfortunate enough for it to be too late already.
I don’t want to give up yet. I still want to finish World of Light, just to finish something for once in my life, and leave something for this world that proved I was here that can bring other people joy the way these characters have brought me joy. I had other things I wanted to do, fan content and original ideas, but I realize and accept that I probably won’t be able to do them. I had two jobs, just quit one. I’m going to dedicate all my free time to finishing my story. In the event that I do end up dying before I’m finished, someone I trust will release all the material I have and the ending.
This also means that I will no longer be finishing commissions. I’m deeply sorry that I have basically strung some of you along for almost two years, and I’ll send what I have to you. If you’d like a refund, please send me a note with your up to date paypal and that’s what the rest of my money will go to. Again, I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you.
If you ever wanted to ask me anything, tell me anything, get to know me, or whatever, now is the time to do it. Leave a comment or send me a message and I’ll do my best to respond to you.
I’ll keep you all updated here in this journal.
Thank you all for everything: For your support, your kind words, your encouragement, your gifts, and your own contributions to the world that have made me so happy over the years and kept me going.
There are shy people like me who might not tell you how much they appreciate or adore your work, but live to see you post something new.
No matter how unloved you feel, there is always someone out there who would be destroyed if you died.
Life is short, maybe shorter than you think, so spend it doing something you love...even if that something is drawing weird crack fan art.