TCPolecat7's avatar

A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 23

7 31 890 (1 Today)
By TCPolecat7   |   
Published:
© 2013 - 2020 TCPolecat7
MLP (c) Hasbro

Yup, another chapter nice and quick. Couldn't leave you just with that last cliffhanger... so have another one! :evillaugh:

That said, this (in retrospect) should be a nice poke in the eye to everyone who thought I hate Rainbow Dash. Really, I've got nothing against her, I'm just not the sporty type. I prefer the quiet, nerdy ones myself. ^_^

As always, feedback, comments, and critiques are appreciated and encouraged!

- Polecat

G-doc Link: [link]
Comments31
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
fotland42's avatar
"The king was perched above all upon his dragon,"
While it appears to be strictly valid, there has to be a way to express that that's easier to parse (such as replacing "all" with "the battle"). As it is, the "all" naturally sticks to the "upon" and it sounds extremely colloquial (and fairly silly).
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Eh, I dunno I agree with you. Saying he was perched above all makes him seem like he's holding himself above the fray, as if he's superior to it. A sign of his ego, or at least inflated self-worth...

- Polecat
fotland42's avatar
At least put in a comma after "all," if you won't change the wording. It would make "upon his dragon" somewhat more parenthetical in tone, but that seems acceptable. I'm not so sure we even need "upon his dragon" in the sentence at all; we already established that he's riding a gold dragon after all. That would certainly clear up the ambiguity.

Anyway, point it, trust me, "the king was perched above, all upon his dragon" does not convey any useful subtext, and "above" looks like the end of an idea if you don't force it to be read otherwise. On the subject of which, "the battle" isn't that great either; "the battle upon his dragon" is a perfectly valid phrase . . . this is why I'm not the writer.

Personally, I think his position conveys ego and aloofness just fine no matter what words are used to describe it.
Siarnaq21's avatar
Siarnaq21Hobbyist General Artist
"Surrounding the pair was a lose circle of ponies"
*loose

Mare-do-Well is notably silent, or absent. Just gone, everyone just forgot she existed, and therefore, she stopped existing. Or something.

Similarly, is Spectrum still bleeding out, or what? Did they take her with them, or did she die while Ultrapony was hallucinating?

"Guys? I'm not quite dead! In fact, I might just pull through! Where'd you guys go?" And then Spectrum beat up all the gryphons and dragons with one leg while lying on the floor in pain, offscreen, the end.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Doh!

Mare-Do-Well? You need to reread last chapter. She no longer exists as a separate entity.

Spectrum is stabilized by the Princess, but still dying.

Heh, nope. One more chapter still coming before I close out Book 2.

- Polecat
Siarnaq21's avatar
Siarnaq21Hobbyist General Artist
In my defense, I left to do stuff halfway through this chapter. Life ruins things like that.

Only one more? You writing machine, you.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Heh, I wrote ahead so that I'd have time to edit before posting. It mostly worked out, with a few kinks here and there, but it means the run up to the final chapters is a bit faster, since I only have to edit, not write new material too.

- Polecat
Eenor5000's avatar
I really likes what you did with Sunset Sparkle. Since he was first introduced, I have only seen him through Clockwork Key's eyes and thus, hated him. Seeing things from his perspective really makes you think. It doesn't excuse the things he has done, but it puts them in context.

The Elements of Justice played out pretty much as I had anticipated, though I am glad you didn't give Courage to Alto, he really didn't deserve it. I kind of feel bad for Zilch, she was just kind of left out.

Whatever happened to all of Filigree's griffon friends? Are they still flying around looking for Verdigris?

This was a surprise attack. What happened to the thousands of civilians who live in Canterlot? Did any survive? On that note, did the entire army fall as well?
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Redeeming the Irredeemable character was a bit of a challenge, but I am glad it put them in context and such.

The EoJ was pretty sketchy there. There's more going on than meets the eye. And Zilch didn't qualify for reasons I haven't explained (Tho partially because she is technically a sex-less entity, and the OeJ needed males).

The ones in the village are still out there. The ones in the city...

If you check back to right before the invasion began, the guard were noting that the city had been emptied out, that the ponies evacuated Canterlot. While I don't reveal how they were tipped off in this book, technically there's only one who could have... and he/she had the proper disguise to do it.

- Polecat
JusticeSnake's avatar
The fate of Canterlot in both my story and yours are similar, but beautifully avert one another. Monty Python is perfectly in poor taste. Go Chaos!
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*chuckle* Well Canterlot got sacked, and Eclipse is nothing if not tactless.

- Polecat
JusticeSnake's avatar
Are we going to get a full tally of military ane civilian casualties?
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't list actual numbers, but if you checked a few chapters ago, one of the guard conversations prior to the fight breaking out was about how Canterlot seemed to have been evacuated. This is why... someone saw this possibility, and it was the only one who could have made the move to get the Guard to evac the civilians.

- Polecat
JusticeSnake's avatar
Ah! Must have missed that.
Fun stuff, evacuations. Hopefully it was handled better than Katrina.
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
Huh, an interesting little insight into Ultrapony there, and what shaped him... and as to Dash's history with the Wonderbolts after her powers came in, so is that a retconn of her becoming a member in the third season or did they kick her out when her powers came up in your continuity?

Huh, and Goldtalon's move of holding back and letting Eclipse soften them up does seem to have surprisingly paid off, although with the dragons on hand he was going to have an edge anyway... so much for Eclipse being the final boss.

Also interesting that a number of Discord's team didn't get elements, and that Dr Relic did...

Unfortunate that Discord isn't being much use here...

And... that's a heckuva thing to try and come back from, a lot of history and real-estate going up in smoke, not to mention the definite symbolism.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It was an interesting challenge to make the irredeemable pony from book 1 into a redemptive character. As for the Woderbolts Academy, I'm assuming that is like a sort of pre-training camp. They were weeding out the ponies to find who was suited for the Wonderbolts, they hadn't actually been accepted yet, they were on the trial period and initial stages of training. In my continuity, the powers resulted in her being given the boot tho.

Aye, well Goldtalon is a bit of a conniver. He likes to think he's got all the bases covered and... well why should he waste resources to take out Eclipse when the ponies will do it for him? Not like he's willing to SHARE...

Yeah well, Zilch technically doesn't qualify as capable of possessing one.

Discord did sorta get hamstrung...

Aye, it is. And that's part of the point, as well. Final chapter is coming soon... of book 2 anyway. ;)

- Polecat
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
Hmm, I could see that then...

Yeah, and I could hardly see Eclipse leaving things to the griffins to rule either.

Mm, I suspected that might be part of it, which is why I was wondering at the makeup of that group of six, though without a special ability, it seems Relic will be more there for doing his part with the team-attack superweapon than on the front lines.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hazard of being ex-military myself, and entered on a delayed enlistment program. I know the drill there. If Dash was truly joined up, she wouldn't be back in Ponyville for a long time to come, because she'd have to go through basic training. The episode made it clear that the Wonderbolts are very much a Military flight team (patterned after their inspiration, the Blue Angels, which is a Navy precision flight team).

Precisely. So Goldtalon betrayed Eclipse before Eclipse could turn on him.

More will be seen next chapter about that, as well as who gets to carry the Element of Sacrifice after Sunset Sparkle (after all, he's not in much condition to do it now).

- Polecat
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
Mm, fair enough.

Yeah, I was wondering what was going to happen with his element and possibly also Star's considering the condition she's in...
pcdeltalink036's avatar
Very quick chapter posting. I was not expecting this for awhile yet but I'm happy for it anyway. Ultrapony and Burner are redeemed and in a great way. Kaos' team were the male elements.....why the heck did it take me so long to see this? Granted I think it's because I saw them as villains the entire novel until last chapter and didn't realize the implications of them now fighting for the princesses. Dang you write a heck of a story. Loved the flashbacks and Ultrapony's discussion about his past and failures, really made me feel for him even more. However nothing more was mentioned about Spectrum after the explosion that consumed Ultrapony so I'm still worried. And darn Discord's moment in the spotlight is shattered by overly-cautious princesses. Godkiller is going to be an issue and now Canterlot is gone. I look forward to the remaining segments of this story with great anticipation. And I know you'll be getting this question soon and I'm sure it will be months but I want to ask it anyway so...anyideaonwhenthethirdstorymaybestarted? Ok bye:)
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
When you don't have to write any more chapters, just edit them, it goes a little quicker. :) I'm glad you liked the pair's redemption, tho admittedly I felt Burner's happened last chapter, when he saved Indigo. I am glad the flashbacks worked as I intended it. Ultrapony had to really look hard at himself, and only now realizing his failures. The irredeemable was redeemed...

There is more to come in the next (and final) chapter of book 2. There is more to reveal and set up, but I really need to take a break before I start on book 3. I was near burned out come the end here...

- Polecat
SandBlaster3000's avatar
SandBlaster3000Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, Sunset went pretty much as expected. Junkyard and Crosswind got good element designs. Kind of surprised that Alto was passed over, but he was kind of a jerk so that's okay. Also a bit surprised that the 6th element is still magic.

Given that all Discord can do now is literally push up daisies, I don't really understand why Celestia was scared to death of him. This makes him less useful, but that's okay, because I'm pretty sure that script he tossed over his shoulder would have resulted in GK killing him after he took out the Dragons.

This almost feels like the end to a book.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Interesting that the rest wen "as expected". I figured that redeeming the iredeemable Sunset Sparkle would get more reaction. ;)

Yeah well, given he just broke out of his prison, Celestia and Luna didn't KNOW how much of his power was truly drained off...

Almost. There's one more chapter and an epilogue coming. ;)

- Polecat
SandBlaster3000's avatar
SandBlaster3000Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, I mean it's as expected as can be from someone with the element/virtue of sacrifice. (When you need to act. When your superpower is sacrifice. When you have nothing but your life to give, what else is going to happen?) I have a feeling that he would still have taken the plunge even if only to get back at Eclipse, but I guess it's nice that he took the Light side mentality.

The main thing that surprised me was that he stuck around and didn't go through that whole summerlands death-sequence, but then I remember that he bound himself to the element (as opposed to the other way around). I kind of wonder how it's going to be wielded in future, given that he's either the element's new face or some ethereal bearer.

And now I'm wondering what they did with Discord's power, if they were siphoning it off to the extent that he's nearly powerless. Given how different manifestations of his might can manifest after being separated for so long, it doesn't seem too wise to just stick it in a barrel somewhere.
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In