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A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 19

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By TCPolecat7   |   
Published:
© 2013 - 2020 TCPolecat7
MLP (c) Hasbro

Well, hopefully I didn't lose too many of you readers with my little April Fools prank yesterday, because I got the real thing RIGHT HERE!

That said, this is probably the sappiest of the chapters I've written. That ending... I KNOW it's a bit contrived, but the chapter refused to end any other way, so there it is. Also this chapter marks the event a lot of readers have been waiting for as well... even if it happened a bit faster than I planned (this was a case of the characters demanding I stop screwing around and let them just DO it already!)

Anyway, as always, comments, critiques, and feedback are encouraged.

- Polecat

G-docs link: [link]
Comments26
anonymous's avatar
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Jiro-Dyne's avatar
Woot for Little Key! :la: :la: :la:

Too bad wasn't a rated M story with the sexy described, but oh well I can live with this. :la:
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Heh, even if it was rated higher, I wouldn't have written it, no offense. Not my cuppa...

- Polecat
Eenor5000's avatar
Great chapter! I was a little late getting to it as life got in the way (I didn't even see your April fools prank until several days after the fact.)

Clockwork's reciprocation did occur suddenly, but it didn't feel rushed. I think you executed that very well.

If Verdegris is siding with the Price (who I still think is Discord somehow), he can't be that bad. At worst I would suspect him of an "end justifies the means" type thing.

The end may have seemed a little artificial, and was definitively sappy, but it worked and we all need a little sappy now and again.

Once again, great chapter. A New Breed is the best story out there and I look forward to your next chapter.

(Planning on a book 3! Yay!) :excited:
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Real life has to take priority, I understand completely.

Good, that's about what my editor said too. It still felt kinda sudden to me, but everyone seems to think it fit perfectly (People would scream if they knew how long I originally planned to drag that out...)

Maybe. I am witholding a reply on the nature of the Prince. ;)

That's good. The ending felt a touch contrived to me, but it seems to have appealed to everyone nicely.

Glad you're enjoying it. :)

- Polecat
vulcanfire09's avatar
Clockwork's falling for Galaxi in this chapter seems a bit abrupt, but it is cute and works. Well done.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah, it did seem a bit sudden to me as well, as I said in the comments, but I'm glad it "works". :)

- Polecat
Iks83's avatar
page 15 last line: "...she glided silently over one of the guards to <<light>> quietly atop the warehouse in question." land?
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No, that one is alright. It's not a common usage of the word "light", or "alight", in place of landing, but it is an acceptable use...

- Polecat
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
Heh, so it turns out Clockwork has a thing for Mares at work... that's cool that Galaxi can help her out there, using her powers to do things Clockwork can't and keeping her social without crowding her.

Remarkably level-headed of Verdegris there to be able to look past how Alto has wronged her, that must be a hell of an end goal this Prince fellow has.

And that does provide another piece of the puzzle as to why Clockwork was susceptible to PTSD.

Ahh yes, and a very nice echo of Fluttershy to comfort Filigree while she's hurting.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, Flourish correctly pointed out that what would "do it" for Clockwork wasn't fancy dresses and court attitudes...

Well, Verdigris didn't ENTIRELY look past it, but she was convinced that it was important enough to let it slide... for now anyway. The Prince's plan comes together as we enter the final act.

Yeah, I thought so too. Oddly, Clockwork told me that bit, I didn't pre-plan it in the least...

Thanks. It felt a little contrived to me, but one of my editors insisted it was the perfect feels for the moment.

- Polecat
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
Still, to think that seeing Galaxi with a spanner and covered in grease would get her motor running...

Heh, well characters can do that sometimes, organically show they're better suited to something than you'd have suspected, whether through subconscious meaning you impart with them without realizing it, or them escaping your control...
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Originally it was going to be a little grease smear on the bridge of her nose that was the final straw, but the "cute scrunchy thing she did with her face" just felt right to me. ;)

And yeah. These characters have a lot of say and pull. Entire segments of the story got revamped because of the directions they decided to go. I'll put it down later in my author's comments after finishing, but Mare-Do-Well's role in this story went through a massive change, as did how long it took for Clockwork to come around (CW was originally planned to go rogue from the group as her actual "rock bottom". As you can tell, that didn't/isn't happening).

- Polecat
EQDLuna's avatar
I did enjoy this chapter, I was shedding tears at the end. It is often good to return to the beginning on one way or another and a memorial to Fluttershy is a perfect place to find solace. I think Clockwork might want to help Mare-Do-Well out by maybe getting her some form of legal backing from a Princess. Say something like the Privateers of old. I mean being all mystery mare of the night is okay but sometimes you need to be able to drop into the nearest guard barracks and get a few dozen guards to helps top a big thing form going wrong. Or maybe just a contact to one of Luna's intelligence networks. Let them do the work if things gets too big.

Alto better drake up and make up with his little sister before she goes all 'SAW' on him. Someone his is that good at working through puzzles could make some downright diabolical ones. Course if she ever goes back to the good side she will have huge amounts of valuable information for them. The prince is taking a huge risk on that, but then he may just want a sexy young hen around, horny old bastard that he probably is.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
As will be shown in a couple of chapters, there's some very good reasons why MDW hasn't wanted to have anything to do with the Princesses. ;)

You'll see why he wants a young chick around in the future, but Alto does have some problems, yes. Tho she's Filigree's sister, not Alto's (despite his best attempts to make her his sister-in-law). But it's kinda easy to see now why Filigree went for Chase instead of Alto, isn't it? ;)

- Polecat
Siarnaq21's avatar
Siarnaq21Hobbyist General Artist
I found no errors. Have a cookie.

For a minute, I thought the lullaby Galaxi heard was Luna interfering, but Great Fluttershy's Ghost works very well. Also works fairly well as an interjection. Almost as well as Great Caesar's Toast. /ramble

The ship arrived on schedule, not too early, not too late. Congratulations to the captain. Cargo's good quality as well.

All in all, one of your best chapters so far. Have another cookie.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yay cookie!!

I wasn't sure about the Fluttershy's ghost bit, honestly. It felt a bit contrived to me, but one of my editors insisted it was the perfect ending, and it even set up something I was able to use a chapter or two from now...

*chuckle* Again, I was worried that it was a bit fast, so you can thank one of my editors for insisting that it was in just the right place.

Yay! More cookies!

- Polecat
Siarnaq21's avatar
Siarnaq21Hobbyist General Artist
The Fluttershy ghost bit was well-placed and well-done. Your editor is a genius.

Love is often like that. Or so I'm told. Same editor, or do you have a team of them? The notorious Editor's Guild.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

Love is sometimes like that. As for the editor, I have a pair of them. One mostly edits content and helps me plug up plot holes, the other hunts down my errors, forgotten words, and misspellings...

- Polecat
Siarnaq21's avatar
Siarnaq21Hobbyist General Artist
Wait. Was that intentional? You just... but you... what? Was that intentional? It had to have been.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:D

- Polecat
McMesser's avatar
McMesserHobbyist Artisan Crafter
Oh that ending was really good, I loved it!

Good chapter as always, good to finally see Clockwork and Galaxi together. I hope it lasts but feelings like that have a habit of getting in the way when things start to go wrong. But we shall see.

And I must say... I'm starting to like Professor Burner. He cares for little Verdigris, so he can't be all that bad... Can he?
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*chuckle* Seems my sappy ending has some fans. :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and yeah, they are together. We'll see how it holds up in the future, ya?

I won't say... yet. ;)

- Polecat
DarkonShadows's avatar
Well that comfirms it, the last horshoe has dropped.

I thought Galaxi and Clockwork snuggling together was a cute scene. Filligree is still running the grief gambit, but is getting some kindness to help her out.

Final thoughts: N/A thought processes due to possible ruination of the story as a reason. All things aside the anti-heroes have a little support griffon named Jinx and maybe her luck will flip around right? Luna should really learn to play a harp or at least finish paying off the pegasus named Cupid.

Anyway no idea what you are talking about I spent most of April Foals day listening to this one song because that's just how I felt that day -> [link]
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh? Which "last horseshoe" was that? ;)

Aye, the pair are cute, if a little silly. They did jump in a little quick tho... And yeah, Fil is still in grief, but a touch of kindness can do wonders. :)

Heh. Yeah, it is getting close to the "main event" now, isn't it? Well, we'll see what happens. And Luna doesn't have to pay off cupid, she just spotted his handiwork before the victims did. ;)

No comment.

- Polecat
anonymous's avatar
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