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A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 16

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By TCPolecat7   |   
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© 2013 - 2020 TCPolecat7
MLP is (c) Hasbro

And we made it to 16 finally. I meant to release this earlier in the weeks, but life happened. Anyway, for all those who commented about Honey last chapter, you should be pleased with her role (and her daughter's) in this one.

I could say more, but I'd rather let this chapter stand for itself, it is (in my personal opinion) one of the strongest of this "book" so far.

As always, comments, critiques, and feedback are welcome and encouraged.

- Polecat

G-docs link: [link]
Comments20
anonymous's avatar
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Eenor5000's avatar
That was an excellent chapter! I especially liked Luna's character development.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. Luna gets a bit of development over time as well, but we're seeing her "softer" side right now. :)

- Polecat
Siarnaq21's avatar
Siarnaq21Hobbyist General Artist
I can't think of anything original to say, and any errors I saw were minor enough that I forgot about them by the time I clicked the comment box, so keep up the good work!
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thankya. Glad you're enjoying it. :)

- Polecat
Iks83's avatar
page 2: Clockwork’s tail was already rather short, so it only took some >>shaping made<< it look stylish.
"shaping to make"?

page 8: “There is a longstanding theory >>that that<< the element must be
destroyed in preparation for a new bearer...

page 13: ...had tried to push off or take >>win g,”<<
Iks83's avatar
Some things are hard to detect since the brain sometimes fixes stuff when reading so you don't notice. If English is your native language it probably happens more often when reading English text.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That last one seems to be a formatting error form the conversion, the rest... bleagh. I even had my editors go over it additional times to catch everything.

- Polecat
SandBlaster3000's avatar
SandBlaster3000Hobbyist Digital Artist
Heh, Honey and Indigo make a perfect team.

Mr.Froster was hillarious! (but shouldn't it be "Keep it down up there," at the end?)
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Mother and Daughter are perfect foils for one another, I agree.

Hehe. I liked tossing him in. And while I could have used that, I'm happy with what I did use.

- Polecat
DarkonShadows's avatar
Justice was served and as anyone else is to remember Clockwork has super intelligence and 'cunning' which is a super power.(Aladdin level cunning, quick thinking and action solving horrible problems.) Eclipse left a trail a mile wide. Love's love, even if it takes forced awkwardness, makeovers and meticulous meddling match making merry mares.

Last Thoughts: Luna is making the world better one pony at a time. Clockwork is bouncing back from depression. A bit of extrapolation on the elements. And now for something completely different... ALBATROSS! Also nice use of sherlock, but the dinner is getting cold and the rabbits foot is red hot. I can only begin to guess what the Indigo Prophecy is, but I bet it'll be sweeter then Honey and as silly as the music of a Deadly Premonition. Next less proletariats slotting positions and more symbolism for what's going to happen to cause the mexican standoff of the century. Remember that your enemies are closer than they appear, so keep your friends as close!

Anyway Season 3 is almost kaputski, a lot of stuff has been buzzing about in the fandom o something I've known since the first season. It's not the destination, it's the journey getting there and I doubt it'll change the dynamic of anything at all.

For a game about violence and crazy stuff with cloud cuckoolanders it certainly had a theme I'm willing to whistle with as I know what's next-> [link]
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Technically just intelligence, but Clockwork is a quick thinker regardless. And yes, Eclipse left a trail, but it's hard to track magic like that, isn't it? And sometimes Love takes a bit of assistance...

Luna is good Princess. Only one way to go after hitting bottom, and CW hit hers a few chapters ago. That's the second time I've used that Sherlock quote in this story, the first being back in book 1.

Yup, S3 is almost gone. There have been a few changes to the story based on Season 3, but the events here at the end will require that I finally have to separate this story from the show. I cannot account for the Twicorn in this story (and the "Great and Apologetic Trixie" also throws a wrench into things). Everything else (despite appearances contrary) I can account for. No I won't say how yet, because some of them are major plot elements, and some of them are red herrings. ;)

- Polecat
DarkonShadows's avatar
That's assuming I need to fish anymore.

And with what will approximately happen within the next five chapters... :) (On the assumption you don't go for the extra pie that is.)
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Five chapters? heh. How many do you assume I'm writing now?

- Polecat
DarkonShadows's avatar
I'm not assuming how many your writing, I'm assuming that one of the several things will happen with those chapters.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm curious now what you think will happen, and how long it'll take...

And how hard i should laugh and/or facepalm that it isn't in there. ;)

- Polecat
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
Well good to see that Hawk and his goons didn't get to hurt anyone that day, and that he's going away for a loooong time. It's a shame that Clockwork's first real experience seeing how pretty she can be was marred by such events.

Good to see Filligree's team still on the right track, here's hoping they're close...

And that is a cutely hilarious way to close things out, Clockwork being so bashfull and Galaxi being so awestruck, forced to go out in public together with CLockwork attired thusly in order to get back to the castle.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Nope, Hawk got his flank handed to him. But then, he really didn't know who he was up against.

Aye, Fil's team is on the right track, but it's kind of hard to track magic....

And I thought so. More than a few people wondered about if CW and Galaxi had a relationship or something. This is the first sign one of them might actually want to make it happen, yes? ;) But yes, I liked how this one turned out, it was a good evolution for Clockwork...

- Polecat
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
True, though as long as Clockwork was outside her armour, things were a little dicey.

Well from where I was sitting, it was more a question of whether there was some deeper feelings than friendship between them rather than whether they'd actually gotten to having an established relationship yet.
TCPolecat7's avatar
TCPolecat7Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well yes, but Clockwork is still the "smart" one...

Aye, and I agree. But others had made other associations.

- Polecat
Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
True, she's handled herself out of her armour against even other specials before...
anonymous's avatar
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