I am, tired. I never feel as though I have achieved an optimal amount of rest in order to properly give a shit for the day. This is not just in regards to physical rest, but mentally. I feel drained; drained of all care, motivation, love and affection.
I am, a ghost. I walk, talk, eat, work, and LIVE, in tunnel vision. A tunnel without a goal at the end. I have no goals or ambition in life anymore. Or even in the day-to-day rat races of life. I wake up and I perform the exact same circles day in and day out. Like its some form of cheap sitcom; I have occasionally entertaining days in which I think to myself that I am normal.
I am, medicated. I wake daily and consume my 5am breakfast of paroxetine. I voluntarily consume this pill for no other reason but to ‘fix’ me; to make me bearable to people to talk and communicate with. I medicate myself just to have somewhat of a normal life.
I am, intolerable. Without a substance inside of me, telling my brain to do or don’t do