Journal Entry: Wed Jan 2, 2019, 2:46 PM
I'm still alive, and here to ramble
briefly about what I want to do this year when it comes to art.
People have been asking about commissions, and my response has been "summer at the earliest". That still holds true for now, mainly because I don't have the need to do commissions, and I'd like to focus more on personal art and improvement. If I will take on commissions before the summer, they will happen fairly suddenly and in small quantities, which isn't ideal but I cannot promise anything more than that.
I miss art streaming and would like to do more of it, but it can also be really stressful and demoralizing when it doesn't go well. I'd like to go back to Picarto for casual streaming, but if the frame drops still happen then it's not worth it. Regardless, streams would only happen at most once a week (and probably not every week), during the weekends. We'll see!
Art in general!
I want drawing to be fun again. It hasn't been fun for the past 4 months or so, and I'm sure you've noticed uploads have slowed to a crawl. I have a full-time IRL job now, so I don't have a lot of energy at the end of the day to really do anything. I also suffer from anhedonia, which basically means my brain randomly decides "everything is meh", during which staying motivated on doing anything is very nearly impossible. My plan for when this happens is to do some form of art practice, but this is probably the single greatest obstacle for my art - it won't be easy. It's hard to draw what you love when you don't love anything.
Better, faster, more consistent is the goal. Back some while ago I made a poll asking if people preferred I make more art of less polished quality, or less art of better quality - most voted for better quality but less art. But I don't think that's good for me right now. Sure, having a nice polished gallery is fantastic - but it's really limiting my creativity and causing me a lot of stress about my art. I just want to draw more, but I also get bored of ideas fairly quickly. And I can tell you, it gets really demoralizing when you work on a drawing for 12 hours, only to end up absolutely hating the finished product.
Gonna experiment more this year, but things will probably be slow for a long time still, until I get into a better flow of things. The last half of 2018 was really chaotic, so I couldn't settle into a good flow. I don't know if I'll be able to do that this year, but I'll try as hard as I can. I've come close to giving up on art altogether, but I don't want to. I want art to be a rewarding hobby once more, but I don't know how I can make that happen. So I'll keep drawing with what little energy I'll have left at the end of the day.
I'd like to thank y'all for hanging in there with me, and for all the favourites and nice comments you leave! They are a ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak period of time for me. So please have patience, and I will bounce back for you eventually! If you have any questions or comments, you can leave a comment below or get in touch with me on Discord. I hope you have a great 2019! ^^