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About Literature / Hobbyist Lyn HarkeranFemale/United States Groups :iconthe-creative-cavern: The-Creative-Cavern
Beyond this point there be Muses
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Commissions

COMMISSION INFO
:bulletyellow: Due to a family emergency, I'm taking emergency commissions. Since I need the proceeds to pay bills, I will only be taking payments in USD via Paypal. Message me if you're interested. 

Paypal info: paypal.me/bandyandsisi


:bulletpurple: Prices for Normal Fanfiction 

        $8 USD for 1,000 words
        $18 USD for 2,000 word bracket
        $28 USD for 3,000 word bracket
        (For more prices talk to me directly)

    ** $1 USD will be charged per OC introduced.
 
         Bullet; Purple Prices for Reader Insert stories:

           $6 USD for 1,000 words 
           $16 USD for 2,000 word bracket
           $26 USD for 3,000 word bracket


        Bullet; Purple Prices for Original Stories: 

            $10 USD for 1,000 words
            $20 USD for 2,000 words
            $30 USD for 3,000 words

  ** $1 USD will be charged per OC after the first 2. 

Bullet; Green What I can write:
Romance, fluff, humor, violence, action, crime, slice of life, adventure, thriller, gothic horror. 
Fanfiction
Canon/OC
Canon/Canon
Reader Inserts
Original content
Poetry/Prose

Bullet; Red What I don't write: 
Smut/Rape (I can mention it in passing, but I won't go into details) 
Incest
Anthro/Humanistic animals (werewolves/shapeshifters are my exceptions)
Mecha/Robots 
Gay Couples (I have nothing against them, but I can't write them)
Mpreg or fetishes


**Commissions should be settled in full before I post**


Fanfiction Fandoms I write for:  (You can ask about more options)
  • Black Butler (Sebastian, Ciel, Grell, Ronald, William T Spears, Lizzy, Undertaker, Joker, Doll)
  • Mystic Messenger (Jumin, Yoosung, Seven, Zen)
  • Disney (Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, Hunchback, etc.)
  • Batman (Animated Series, Arkham Games, and Nolan Films)
  • Attack on Titan (Levi, Eren, Armin, Erwin)
  • Hannibal TV Series (Hannibal) 
  • Supernatural (Sam, Crowley, Cain, Castiel, Dean)
  • Hobbit and Lord of the Rings   
  • Harry Potter (Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Sirius, Remus)
  • Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (Edward, Alphonse, Ling, Armstrong, Scar, Mustang, any of the Homunculus)
  • Hellboy (Nuada)
  • Vampire Diaries (Damon Salvatore, Stefan Salvatore)
  • Soul Eater (Soul and Death the Kid)
  • Arrow (Oliver Queen, Slade Wilson) 
  • Studio Ghibli (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Howl's Moving Castle, Cat Returns) 
  • Leverage (TV series)
  • Blacklist (Red, Liz)
  • Person of Interest (Finch, Reese)
  • Jade Empire (video game)
  •  Fable (video games 1 through 3)
  • Castlevania Lords of Shadow (video games 1 and 2)
  • BBC's Sherlock (Sherlock, John, Moriarty)
  • Ouran High School Host Club (anime) 
  • Star Wars (Original, prequels, Force Awakens) 
  • Van Helsing (2004 film) 
  • Phantom of the Opera (Film, musical) 
  • X-Men (Wolverine, Young Magneto, Young Professor X, Beast)
  • Once Upon a Time (Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold, Hook, Mad Hatter)
  • Avengers/Marvel Universe (including Doctor Strange, Jessica Jones, and Dare Devil)
  •  Labyrinth (film)
  • Beetlejuice (Cartoon and Movie)
  • Walking Dead (Up to Season 5)
  • Kamisama Kiss (Tomoe, Nanami) 
  • Gugure! Kokkuri San (Kokkuri, Kohina) 
  • Dragon Ball Z (Vegeta, Goku, Piccolo) 
  • Steven Universe (Steven, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet)
  • Vampire Chronicles- Interview with the Vampire (Lestat, Louis, Armand, Claudia, Marius, Akasha)
  • Beauty and the Beast 2017 (Beast, Belle, Gaston, Lefou, Lumiere, etc)
  • Game of Thrones (only through Season 2 currently)
  • Galavant (Galavant, Richard, Gareth, Isabella, Madelena)
  • Into the Badlands (Sunny, Veil, Quinn) 
  • Penny Dreadful (Vanessa Ives, Ethan Chandler, John Claire, Sir Malcolm, Dorian Gray)

deviantID

Tarnisis's Profile Picture
Tarnisis
Lyn Harkeran
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Hey guys! I'm Tarnisis, but you guys can call me Lyn! :iconwavesplz: I am fanfiction writer by trade, and as you can see I write for many different fandoms. I have been writing and posting fanfiction for 7 to 8 odd years now, and have hopes of publishing originals down the road. :D

I write normal fanfiction as well as Reader Inserts, and have learned to enjoy both. :la: I DO write commissions, so check my info and hit me up if you're interested in one.
Also, it is my wish that my readers share my journey with me, so please don’t be shy! I always love to talk to those who share my passions! :heart:

I have accounts on Fanfiction.net and A03. To avoid plagiarism I will list my pennames for the following sites below.

Fanfiction.net= Lyn Harkeran

A03= TarnisisLH


:bulletyellow: Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com :bulletyellow:




:heart: My boys~ :heart:

David Bowie Animated Portrait by C0y0te7 Untitled by UsFR Ian Somerhalder 51 by kwiku001 Hannibal by wolfwarrior74
Interests
Avengers logo design by IgorPosternak



So in honor of End Game and all my feels, I've decided to open some cheap Reader Insert slots!


These will be $6 USD apiece via Paypal.


My normal rules and guidelines still apply. I'll post a list below of the Marvel characters I'm comfortable writing, but you can ask about others that you may not see. 


(There might be a waiting period, so bare that in mind before requesting a slot.)



:bulletyellow: Paypal info: paypal.me/bandyandsisi 



Bullet; Green What I can write:

Romance, fluff, humor, violence, action, crime, slice of life, adventure, thriller, gothic horror. 
Fanfiction
Canon/OC
Canon/Canon
Reader Inserts
Original content
Poetry/Prose

Bullet; Red What I don't write: 

Smut/Rape (I can mention it in passing, but I won't go into details) 
Incest
Anthro/Humanistic animals (werewolves/shapeshifters are my exceptions)
Mecha/Robots 
Gay Couples (I have nothing against them, but I can't write them)
Mpreg or fetishes
Severe Hate fics


~ Character List ~


:bulletgreen: Loki


:bulletred: Thor


:bulletpurple: Dr Strange


:bulletred: Tony Stark (Ironman)


:bulletblack: Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier) 


:bulletblue: Steve Rogers (Captain America) 


:bulletgreen: Bruce Banner (Hulk) 


:bulletblack: Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff) 


:bulletpurple: Vision 


:bulletred: Peter Parker (Spiderman)


:bulletblue: Nebula 


:bulletorange: Rocket 


:bulletgreen: Groot


:bulletblack: Drax


:bulletyellow: Heimdall 


:bulletpurple: Clint Barton (Hawkeye)


:bulletred: Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff)




| SLOTS | 


1. 


2. 


3.



Activity


:bulletred: ~ From the Ashes ~ :bulletred:




Rick Phoenix often wondered how he managed to receive the worst assignments. And more often than not, he realized that it was his somewhat quiet and shy nature that made it possible.

Rick's magazine editor and chief, Nash Bailey, had told him more than once that he was given such trying assignments to make him a better writer. But after nearly two and a half years of drudgery, Rick was sure that it was just an excuse. A creative way to shut him up from asking for more than scraps. . . and to his shame, it worked. Other than some small grumbling and disdain, he'd never outright refused a project.

When Rick had been hired straight out of college he'd been ecstatic. The Largefield Magazine was highly respectable and gave him the chance to write with the best in the business… But after the initial excitement had worn off and his rose colored glasses had been removed, the young man had realized he'd been naive. Largefield didn't want him for his talent as a journalist. They wanted a grunt to take the crappy jobs and go on coffee runs.

In truth, Rick had wanted to quit for sometime. But his student loans and empty pockets demanded that he stay. So he'd kept his head down and done his work. But even in his quiet conformity he dreamed of being free from it all. From the horrible research trips and angry sources, to the awful deadlines and unforgiving grind. He wished to be rid of the magazine altogether, once and for all. . .

Though that wasn't to imply that he wasn't a good journalist, or that he didn't enjoy aspects of his job. But even with the good facets of the magazine, Rick longed for the chance to prove himself. There was such a wide world to discover and write about, so many breathtaking stories to share! … But he was stuck writing bland editorials and the occasional petty crime article.

Though currently, a police report sounded too good to be true. . .

Two days earlier, after running to grab his coworkers and boss their coffee, Rick had been called into Editor Bailey's office. The young journalist had hoped that it would be for something interesting, but no such luck. No, he'd been tasked with writing a nature piece and tying it into global warming.

"The readership deserve to be kept in the loop, Ricky!" Bailey had said around the brim of his coffee cup. "Go and dig up something about the great outdoors! It'll do you good to go out and get some sunshine and exercise. You're thinner than my nerdy lil' nephew."

Rick had left Bailey's office in mild annoyance, though it was hardy a new experience. Bailey always said heinous things to him, though this time he had to admit he was bothered by it. He didn't want to go out in the middle of nowhere to look at nature and write a half-assed article that no one would read. But then again, Rick Phoenix very rarely got what he wanted…

Now after an extremely aggravating morning of driving out into the wilderness, Rick stared up from the base of the massive mountain that he'd stopped at. To say he wasn't excited for the project ahead would have been an understatement, but he didn't have a choice. The almighty dollar was calling to him, so he shouldered his backpack, zipped up his coat, and began his hike. He clutched his phone tightly in his hands, clicking random pictures of the rocks he scaled and the bushes he got close to. None of it was interesting, but he made sure to be thorough.

Originally, Rick thought he'd have a day or two to plan a trip to one of the national forests, or a waterfall, or perhaps even the ocean. But Bailey had moved up the timetable for the article and wanted a draft in his box by the following morning. So Rick had been forced to drive to the nearest mountain range and hope for the best.

Rick had never been the most athletic person, nor did he go hiking often. But lucky for him, the path up the mountain wasn't treacherous. It wasn't exactly a straight shot, but there was an odd little path that clearly led up into the alcoves of the mountain that wasn't too strenuous. He followed the trail without thinking, as he snapped picture after picture and mentally made notes of his surroundings. Thank goodness the article was short, or he'd never have had anything to say…

In fact… it was quite surprising how the path led him along. He had expected a hike from hell, but that hadn't been the case. Rick hadn't planned on going too far, but somehow his feet and hands made the climb of their own accord. As if something were leading him along, or perhaps that maybe he'd visited the mountain before and knew the path... With a nervous laugh, Rick pushed the thought out of his head and continued on his way.

For nearly two hours he hiked the paths of the mountain, stopping several times to catch his breath or merely look around, before a dark spot caught his eye. For a moment, it looked as if the mountain had been punctured by an endless darkness… But then Rick realized it was an opening in the rock formation. . . The entrance to a cave.

The thought of going into a dark cave didn't appeal to Rick in the slightest. There was no telling what kinds of creatures might call it home… But before he could turn around and go back the way he'd come, the silence was broken.

At first it sounded like a cry on the wind, a whisper of promise. But then the sound grew, until Rick could make out words; words coming from the depths of the cave.

"… Free me…"

In that moment, Rick Phoenix forgot every horror movie he'd ever seen, or crime report he'd read. Instead, he brushed his raven hair from his eyes and entered the cave, intent on finding the owner of the voice.





The cavern was pitch black, but Rick's iPhone was able to illuminate the space a bit. The cave was high-ceilinged and vast, seeming to go on for eternity in the void. The young man shivered as fearful goosebumps rose on his arms and legs, but he continued to creep forward. If someone needed help, he couldn't very well leave them in here on their own.

"Hello," he called into the darkness, shining his cell phone flashlight high. "Is someone there?"

There was no reply for a moment, before the voice whispered in his ears, "... Closer..."

"Where are you?"

"...Closer…"

Rick obediently drew further into the cavern, and noticed that the ground was uneven beneath his feet and clunked each time he took a step. As he glanced down at the ground with his flashlight, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Gold? Gold coins? The more he looked the more he fought his disbelief.

The cave's floor was covered in innumerable pieces of gold. More wealth laid here than one country could ever hope to ascertain. But it was real, and it glittered in the small light of his phone, winking at him.

Rick reached down with shaky fingers and pocketed a handful of the gold coins. Before leaving the cave he would fill his backpack with the amazing treasure. But first, he needed to find the person who had called to him.

He picked up his pace and nearly tripped on the uneven, coin-laced ground, but caught himself just in time before toppling over. It was a good thing he'd worn boots with a good grip or he surely would have fallen and broken his neck.

After several minutes of walking, Rick called out again and the voice responded, though this time it was stronger than before. No longer did a whisper answer him, but a deep, guttural rumble that vibrated throughout his entire body and echoed about the cave.

"Closer child of man, so that I might see you clearly."

Child of man? What on earth was this guy talking about? And why was his voice so deep? It was as if the earth itself was talking to him, simply waiting to swallow him whole.

"Who are you?" Rick asked, waving his light from side to side, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious speaker. "And why are you here in this cave, man? Did you get lost?"

"Lost to time," the voice replied. "But little else."

When Rick began to shake from the beginnings of fear, the disembodied voice chuckled. "Do I scare you, little one? Does my presence make your heart falter and your stomach roil with dread? I surely hope so."

As the laugh grew louder, Rick covered his ears, but found that it did nothing to stop the noise. Instead, it intensified until the journalist thought he'd go mad from the sheer force of the sound. It was almost enough to burst his eardrums.

"STOP!" Rick screamed, dropping his phone as he desperately clutched at his head. "PLEASE, STOPPP!"

As his phone hit the ground it shattered and the light was snuffed out, leaving Rick in absolute darkness. He cried out as he felt something touch him, and scrambled to get away. He ran several steps in the dark, before his feet twisted beneath him and he fell. When his head smashed into the golden floor, a dizzy spell settled over him, making it impossible to move. And all the while the voice laughed.

"My! What fine entertainment!" Once more Rick felt a presence settle by him, and he looked about in the darkness. "I had nearly forgotten how sniveling your kind can be. But I must thank you, nonetheless. You have cured me of my infinite boredom, if only for a moment."

Rick tried to make sense of the words and what was happening to him. But his mind was too muddled and his heart raced far too fast. Though he didn't have more time to consider as the voice addressed him again.

"Tell me your name, human. So that I might know the title of the one I will consume."

"C-Consume?"

"Oh yes," the voice crooned wickedly. "You were doomed from the moment you set foot in this cave. You just didn't know it."

Rick jolted from the ground and began to run again in absolute terror, though this time, it wasn't a physical force that sent him to his knees. It was something unnatural and incredibly powerful; Rick felt it like an electroshock through his veins and was helpless to fight it.

From the depths of the cave, from the very bowels of the mountain, a formless presence manifested. It reached out and infiltrated the deepest parts of Rick's mind and soul, and as his knees landed on the gold, he could feel the presence rise and take root inside him. Something that wriggled in his mind and delved into his core, manipulating it and absorbing all in found. There wasn't time to resist or even scream. And then in the matter of a minute, it was over. . .

"Richard Phoenix." Now the entity spoke directly from within Rick's mind, as if he himself were thinking the words. "A fitting name for my vessel."

"V-Vessel?" Rick asked, as his panic fought to overwhelm him.

"Yes. My spirit has been trapped in this accursed mountain for a millennium, waiting to be set free. And now, I have found my salvation in joining with you. . . Together we will ascend and make good on your namesake: rising from the ashes to be reborn as something devastating and unequaled in our majesty!"

"...What are you?"

"In life I was a God, though your kind knew me as a Fire Drake. Smaug the Golden, the Defiler! Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities!"

"Wait… You were a dragon?"

"I AM a dragon," hissed Smaug. "Now and forever."

Rick felt the warmth of a thousand suns travel though his body, before his consciousness faded to the back of his mind. He was still very much present, but now Smaug held supremacy. Rick no longer controlled his limbs, as his body unhurriedly stood from the ground.

As he left the cave behind, his back was straighter than an arrow, his footsteps graceful but heavy on the ground. So unlike him..

Due to the dragon's spirit, everything had changed. But who in Rick's life would notice the difference? No one had much interest in him… Both dragon and human laughed at the situation, one with eagerness, one with sad acceptance.

Rick stared into the radiant sunlight; his once dull amber eyes now a luminous bright red- further proof of the creature that had possessed him…



. . . A Few Weeks Later. . .


It was almost midnight and Rick was wide awake. Though that had been normal since he'd gotten his new companion. After the first week, Smaug had given him back control of his body, though had stayed ever present in his mind. Now, after the initial fear had worn off, Rick found the Dragon to be a profound source of wisdom and hope for the future. Smaug understood him more than anyone ever had, and didn't treat him like he was less. . . In fact the opposite was true.

Smaug respected him, so Rick now heeded the creature's advice without question. Which was how he currently found himself on the rooftop of the tallest skyscraper in the city. It was raining, but Rick felt nothing as he stood at the ledge and looked out towards the skyline and the city that lay below him. It all seemed so insignificant to him now. Gazing at the lights and the countless superficial buildings and people, it was a wonder that he'd ever cared to fit in among them.

"I don't know what I saw in this society," Rick thought. "I never should have tried to join them. I was always bound to be different… To fail."

"You were never good enough for them," Smaug agreed. "Your boss, your peers, your so called friends, they were never able to give you what you really needed."

"Yes. But now I have you."

"Yes, little firebird, you have me." The deep voice rumbled with a laugh, and Rick joined in, though his wafted through the air to be lost in the rain.

For several minutes Rick stood in silent contemplation, before Smaug spoke again. "Do you wish to be free of your confines, as I am, Rick Phoenix?"

"You know that I do."

"Then you must embrace what you wish to be," the deep voice cajoled. "Walk from this ledge and into the sky."

"But I'll die…" Rick looked down at the sprawling city of Largefield, gauging the distance from the rooftop to the ground. "If I impact there will be nothing left of me."

"Do you really believe I'd let my vessel die? … Do you believe you could die? When you are a phoenix to be reborn from the ashes?" Rick felt the power and prompting as real as a hand to his shoulder, and he basked in the warmth before he understood.

It was the only way.

With one last look to the skyline, Richard Phoenix jumped from the skyscraper and began to fall. The wind and rain pelted him and batted him to and fro, but Rick never panicked. The man enjoyed the feeling of free-falling, knowing that he'd be safe in the end.

"Give me control, little bird…. Give me control, and I will make your wildest dreams come true!"

Rick surrendered himself completely, and in an instant his eyes began to glow an unearthly shade of red. Then with a mighty roar, Rick began to transform.

Red scales, wings, and a body nearly as big as the skyscraper, and two minds intertwined for all time.

Rick was no longer human.

As the massive dragon flapped its wings, it stopped falling almost instantly, and then turned its attention on the city.

"BURN IT!" The dragon cried in a voice that sounded like a hurricane. "BURN IT TO THE GROUND!"

Then with a great inhale, he blew out a line of fire that collided with the nearest buildings. Even with the rain, the structures went up like kindling. Quite satisfied with the result, the dragon flew high above Largefield City, and rained fire down on all it saw.

Even from so high up, the screams of the dying and wounded could be heard. It made the dragon laugh triumphantly as it continued.

Diving towards the skyscraper he'd jump from, the beast held onto the spire with wicked claws, before channeling the largest blast of fire it could muster into the building itself. As the massive building imploded with flames, the dragon thrummed with pleasure. The orange tendrils flicked up to tickle its belly and began to work at the foundations.

Noting its success, the creature lifted off to finish the job it had started.

It decimated every inch of the metropolis, wiping the humans and their filth clean with every bash of his tail and turret of flame, until only ruins and corpses remained.

The dragon landed on the wreckage and surveyed it's work. Finally there was silence. No noise to take away from the glorious night.

"Beautiful," the dragon crooned, admiring the way the smoke billowed from the charred ruinsLargefield City was gone, along with the 7 million humans that called the region home.

"You can never go back, little Phoenix. You will never be rid of me," Smaug whispered to Rick, as the two shared the moment. "You have been forever reborn."

"I have no desire to go back," Rick replied aloud, smiling widely at the destruction. "The flames have set me free."

"Our destiny awaits, dear phoenix. Our fates and minds intertwined in this singular form. With the charge to wipe this world clean!" Smaug rumbled as his mind once more became one with Rick's. "Who are we to keep them humans waiting?"

As the dragon lifted into the air, it spiraled up above the ruins with purpose. Then as it glided into the rain clouds it laughed heartily. "One city down, twelve to go…"


Avengers logo design by IgorPosternak



So in honor of End Game and all my feels, I've decided to open some cheap Reader Insert slots!


These will be $6 USD apiece via Paypal.


My normal rules and guidelines still apply. I'll post a list below of the Marvel characters I'm comfortable writing, but you can ask about others that you may not see. 


(There might be a waiting period, so bare that in mind before requesting a slot.)



:bulletyellow: Paypal info: paypal.me/bandyandsisi 



Bullet; Green What I can write:

Romance, fluff, humor, violence, action, crime, slice of life, adventure, thriller, gothic horror. 
Fanfiction
Canon/OC
Canon/Canon
Reader Inserts
Original content
Poetry/Prose

Bullet; Red What I don't write: 

Smut/Rape (I can mention it in passing, but I won't go into details) 
Incest
Anthro/Humanistic animals (werewolves/shapeshifters are my exceptions)
Mecha/Robots 
Gay Couples (I have nothing against them, but I can't write them)
Mpreg or fetishes
Severe Hate fics


~ Character List ~


:bulletgreen: Loki


:bulletred: Thor


:bulletpurple: Dr Strange


:bulletred: Tony Stark (Ironman)


:bulletblack: Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier) 


:bulletblue: Steve Rogers (Captain America) 


:bulletgreen: Bruce Banner (Hulk) 


:bulletblack: Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff) 


:bulletpurple: Vision 


:bulletred: Peter Parker (Spiderman)


:bulletblue: Nebula 


:bulletorange: Rocket 


:bulletgreen: Groot


:bulletblack: Drax


:bulletyellow: Heimdall 


:bulletpurple: Clint Barton (Hawkeye)


:bulletred: Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff)




| SLOTS | 


1. 


2. 


3.



I'm thinking about opening cheap $5 Marvel Reader Insert commissions. Would any of you be interested in that?  In honor of End Game? 

:bulletblue: Thorin x Reader: Madame Burglar {Pt.2} :bulletblue:



As the first day of traveling with Thorin's Company drew to a close, (F/n) Vermyra Took, Mistress Hobbit and newfound burglar extreme, came to several realizations. First, that riding a horse for the better part of 13 hours was enough to bruise her rump worse than any tumble or physical labor. Second, that the dwarves had far more stamina then her or Bilbo could ever hope to match. And lastly, that she was having the time of her life.

For the first part of the morning, she'd shared a horse with Thorin. He'd been rather quiet, but it didn't matter. She'd enjoyed having him so close. His strong arms had kept her planted securely in front of him, and she'd noticed that while his left hand held the reins, that his right remained at her middle. She'd been a blotchy blushing mess the entire time, so when she finally switched horses, her face was almost permanently red. Kili had asked if she was feeling well when she climbed up with Bilbo on his pony, and she found herself unable to string two words together. Several in the company had chuckled at her flustered state, while Thorin had smirked and demanded they continue.

Then around lunchtime, when the dwarves had been tossing rations to one another, she'd gotten an apple directly to the face. Luckily it hadn't been Dwalin who'd thrown it, or she'd have been in a coma for the remainder of the day. She did sport a rather striking bruise on her cheek though, and Bofur had apologized who knew how many times for his bad aim.

So when they finally stopped to make camp later on that evening, the little hobbit was beyond tuckered out.

As Gandalf helped her off his horse, she felt as if she'd die of happiness. Never had solid ground looked so wonderful. When the wizard left her alone, (F/n) sighed in relief and rubbed her hindquarters.

"You doin' alright there, Missy?" (F/n) turned to catch Balin giving her a sympathetic grimace.

"Yes, I think so." She shook her head with a small laugh. "I don't think I've ever rode for so long! I'm used to plowing fields, making cheese, and tending to the animals. Gardening and farming! Silly me, to believe being on a pony would be less work. . . My rump is dying."

Before Balin could comment, Kili had cut in as he walked by. "What's this about a rump?"

"None of your business, laddie," Balin said as he gestured for the younger dwarf to continue about his task of unloading the saddlebags. "Just a private conversation between Miss (F/n) and myself."

Kili looked offended, before waving his fingers at (F/n) happily. As she smiled and waved back, he continued,"Just because you're ancient as the hills doesn't mean you get to keep (F/n) to yourself, Balin."

"Aye," Balin lifted a brow in challenge. "But I'm not the one you'll have to fight for her time, laddie. That privilege goes to another."

"Listen to him, little brother," Fili said as he joined them, winking at (F/n) before wrapping his arm about Kili's shoulders. "You know he's right."

Kili snorted before offering an easy smile, and walking off with Fili. As they disappeared between two of the ponies, (F/n) found herself quite confused.

"Whatever did you mean, Balin? Why would anyone be fighting for my time? You know that I'm free to spend time with all of you."

"That may be true, lass." Balin patted her shoulder as they drew towards the others. "But you've still caught the attention of someone special. Nothing to do about that."

(F/n) didn't know quite what to say to that, but found that she didn't have time to address it. The company was setting up camp, and everyone was busy with a specific task. So instead of pondering the odd statements, the little hobbit pushed aside her sore fanny and fatigue and rolled up her sleeves.

As she began to riffle through the nearest food pack, she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She didn't look up as she answered, seeing as she was fully involved in her current endeavor. "Hmm? Something I can do for you, luvvy?"

"Oh? It's luvvy now, is it?" (F/n)'s eyes flashed up in surprise as Thorin's amused murmur reached her ears.

The hobbit visibly blushed before offering him a bashful smile. "Oh sweet, Deidra's toes! I'm sorry, Thorin! I didn't mean to-"

He held up a hand, stopping her apology. "If I minded, I would tell you. As it stands, I do not."

"Oh," she blinked up at him owlishly. "...You don't?"

He shook his head, the hints of a smile breaking past the corners of his mouth. Then he gestured back to the bag she was raiding. "What are you up to? Nothing too nefarious, I'd venture?"

She beamed up at him, noting his sarcasm. "Glad to see you trust me, Master Dwarf." She glanced down at the bag. "I'm just trying to see what we have, so I can prepare the evening meal."

"The evening meal?"

"Oh yes! If you dwarves are as ravenous as I am, we'll need something ready whippety-quick!"

Thorin stared at her, as if trying to read her mind. "...You aren't expected to cook, Mistress Took."

(F/n) snorted with gentle laughter. "I don't mind, sir! I enjoy cooking! Produce is my life! I am a hobbit, after all. Not to mention a farmers daughter." Her (e/c) eyes twinkled as she added."And besides, how else am I to earn my keep until we reach the Lonely Mountain? I'm not a fighter and there is nothing to burgle yet. If I can't do something, I'll go stark raving mad! I'll probably make a tree fall on us with all my anxious pacing. You know I'm trouble, whether I mean to be or not!"

Thorin sighed as he shook his head at the vivid imagery and rambling. Though he didn't seem annoyed; quite the opposite, he appeared to be quite amused at her antics. "Whatever shall we do with you, Mistress Hobbit? Calling down storms upon our heads with your clumsiness and good humor?"

"Hahah, well you could love me anyway!" She clapped a hand to her mouth, as she realized too late what she'd suggested.

Thorin briefly looked surprised at her bluntness, before he reached down and took her hand from the saddle bag. Placing a quick kiss to her knuckles he said simply, "Perhaps I'll do just that."

Then he turned and stalked away, calling out for Bofur and Bombur to help (F/n) with whatever she asked for. (F/n) accepted the help gratefully, but couldn't stop the dozy grin or her odd giggles as she made dinner. . .





After a well received stew, the company had gone to bed. Though not before tales of Thorin's past had been divulged to Bilbo and herself. The dwarf in question had stood on the rocks several feet from the fire, and it was clear that he heard everything that was said about him. Though other than a quiet remark, he remained silent during the conversation.

As the company curled up for the night, Thorin took first watch. (F/n) had reached out for Bilbo's hand and had sung them all to sleep with an old hobbit lullaby. Though before her eyes slipped closed, she noticed that a pair of stormy blue eyes were staring at her. She held the gaze for a time, before her fatigue got the better of her and she fell into slumber. . .

The next morning they were off again bright and early. They traveled with the sun across the wilds, with their stories and songs to carry them along. Once again, (F/n) switched off who she rode with throughout the day, this time getting to sit behind Kili, Fili, Bifur, and Dwalin. The latter hadn't said a word to her, though as they once more stopped to make camp that night, the massive dwarf had helped her from the pony and patted her head before leaving her alone.

Gandalf had disappeared after a dispute with Thorin, and the company had settled for the night, while (F/n) began to cook.

"I'm sorry you had to ride with Dwalin, cousin," Bilbo said, watching (F/n) while she made the food. "That must have been difficult. He's far from a pleasant sort."

"I was afraid at first," (F/n) admitted, smiling at her cousin. "He's a bit intimidating, but altogether nice. He made sure I didn't fall off the horse once, and even helped me down!"

Bilbo lifted his brow before shaking his head. "It doesn't take much to make you happy, does it, my dear cousin? Perhaps you should set higher standards for yourself. That way you'll be treated better. Hmm?"

"Nah! I'm already treated like a princess, Bilbo. I'm happy for them to like me in their own ways." She waved him off, as she placed two bowls of steaming stew into either of his hands. "Now go give these to Kili and Fili. They're watching the ponies. I'll dish out the rest and have yours waiting when you come back."

Bilbo rolled his eyes but did as he was told, and disappeared with the bowls of stew. (F/n) dipped up the remaining portions into the bowls she'd set out before her, before she spotted a small thicket of trees to her right. A thought overcame her, and before she could realize what she was doing, she was on her feet and moving.

Perhaps I can find some herbs to put in the stew, she thought hopefully. Give it more flavor, for the boys. It's the least I can do. I haven't done anything to help them on this journey. .. I've been more of burden than anything else. But I'll try to be better! I'll help in any way I can, until we get to Erebor!

And with that positive line of thought, (F/n) wandered off into the trees. After a time she found several herbs she recognized and pocketed as much as she could carry. There was therriberry leaves for a sweeter taste, linaleay nettles for a saltier flavor, and then soralax root for sleep. The latter she grabbed entirely on a whim, but she hoped it would be helpful down the line. Perhaps it would aid Bombur so he wouldn't snore so loudly…

It was as she re-entered the campsite some fifteen minutes later, that she realized all hell had broken loose…





The camp was in shambles and in the distance (F/n) could hear sinister laughter. There wasn't a dwarf to be seen nor a pony to be had. The little hobbit felt dread in the pit of her stomach, but pushed it aside and crept forward. She followed the sounds of laughter and the flickering glow of a fire, and was met with the most horrific scene of her life.

Three gigantic Trolls sat around a fire and cauldron, and next to the fire, the dwarves were all packed into sacks wiggling to get free, along with Bilbo. The beasts were fighting over how to eat and cook the dwarves. But a single statement caught (F/n)'s attention above all else.

"Come on! We ain't got all night!" One troll bellowed. "Dawn ain't far away, and I don't fancy being turned to stone!"

And then an idea began to form in the little hobbit's mind. She felt like crying and screaming in terror as she realized what she needed to do, but in the end she really didn't have a choice. She couldn't fight the Trolls, nor could she free the dwarves with stealth. So she would have to hope that her blabbermouth would do the trick…

(F/n) assumed Bilbo would have tried to talk his way out of the predicament, but from what she could see, he'd been knocked unconscious in the scuffle. . . So the other hobbit present would have to do.

With a moan and a prayer, (F/n) Vermyra Took stood from the bushes and entered the Trolls' camp, laughing heartily. "So you finally got what's coming to ya, then? Ya nasty thieving dwarves! And not a moment too soon! Ahahahahhah!"

She stalked to the center of the camp, and she could feel every pair of eyes on her. Though she focused only on the Trolls.

"What have we here? Another dwarf for our supper?" One creature called curiously.

"I should think not," (F/n) said. "I'm a hobbit. And those brutes deserve to be eaten!"

The biggest Troll grinned. "As do you, little crunchy bobbit!"

(F/n) nodded her understanding coolly, before seeming to consider. Internally she was about to faint, but she kept up the facade, acting to her audience with as much flourish and cunning as any jester or fool.

"I can see why you'd think that, my fine sir. I can imagine I'd make a lovely meal. After all, Shire grown is the best grown." She reached over to pat the nearest Troll, taking him by surprise.

Since she wasn't trying to run and seemed happy to be among them, they didn't grab her, but she was highly aware when one moved to block her escape route. She acted like she didn't care as she continued.

"But that being said, I've got a proposition for you lovely lads," she chirped brightly, giving her best smile despite the anxiety in her stomach. She made sure not to look at the dwarves or her cousin. Lest she lose her momentum.

"These nasty buggers have mistreated me since I was forced to join their company! I used to cook for the King of the Shire, if you can believe it! I made meals for bloody royalty! Ten courses with meats and pies and cheeses! I was challenged in my craft and happy! But they stole me away! And they aren't even grateful for my services!" She did her best to look appalled, lying better than she ever had.

King of the Shire, indeed. . . She thought, picturing Bilbo sampling her cheeses at Bag-End.

"What's yer proposal, little crunch?" One troll asked, getting impatient. She gulped before continuing with false bravado.

"I know you probably want to eat me along with the likes of them, and I'm sure I'm very tasty. But how about you don't eat me, and keep me as your personal cook instead?"

She held up a hand almost immediately, knowing that rejection was near. She had to seem harmless and stupid, or they'd never take the bait. . .

"Now hear me out, I know that's a lot to ask. But think about it! I can cook for you; wondrous meals that are fit for a King! And you lovely Trolls surely deserve that much! You're bloody fabulous, and smart to boot! And, if I don't do a good job you can eat me tomorrow night! That's fair, isn't it?"

The Trolls stared at her as if she were mad, before they erupted into whispers and discussed it amongst themselves. Then they grinned at her wickedly. It was clear they planned to cook her at their earliest convenience, but for now they would play along.

"You've got a deal, little crunchy." The dominant one laughed. "Now cook the dwarves!"

(F/n) had to fight back bile at the thought, but somehow managed to clap her hands and grin. "Oh lovely! You won't regret this, my dears! I'll cook the best meal you've ever had! … But first… we must cleanse your palates!"

"Cleanse our what?" One asked, sounding skeptical.

"Ohh, I've heard about them palates!" Another crowed. "It's the part of your stomach where the food stays until you po-"

"CLOSE ENOUGH," (F/n) screeched, cutting off the crude Troll before he could finish. "It's basically the taste buds in your mouth. We have to clean the last flavor you had, so that the dwarves taste sweeter! And I happen to have the perfect palate cleanser right here!"

With all her bravery, (F/n) held up the soralax root for their inspection. The Trolls stared at the roots suspiciously.

"Eh? What's this rubbish!?" The largest Troll bellowed, poking her in the chest. "Are you trying to poison us, crunchy! We ain't stupid ya know!"

"Ya, not stupid!"

"Or daft," the final added helpfully.

(F/n) laughed lightly, shaking her head so that her curls bounced. "Oh, merciful Took, no! It's not poison. It's a root. Perfectly harmless and boasts a hearty flavor!" When they glowered at her she continued, "As a show of good faith, I'll eat it first, shall I? That way you know it isn't bad."

(F/n) raised the root up to her lips, and glanced for the first time at the dwarves. Her cousin was still out cold on the ground, but the rest were staring at her. All she had to do was make the Trolls eat enough soralax to fall asleep and the sun would rise and turn them to stone. Or have them in a bad enough stupor where the dwarves would be able to get free. . . whichever came first. She wasn't a picky hobbit after all…

(F/n) smiled at Thorin, who's expression was unreadable, before she popped a full root into her mouth. She chewed the root thoroughly as she handed the remaining roots to the Trolls.

"See," she said upon swallowing. "It's perfectly safe. And it'll make the dwarves taste positively heavenly!"

"You better be right about this, crunchy. Or you'll be the first thing we eat." The largest Troll threatened, and (F/n) chortled while patting his leg again (which was the closest thing she could reach.)

"Bottoms up! You have to eat the whole thing or it won't cleanse properly. .. Good lads, that's it! Chew, chew, chew~! And swallow."

By the time the Trolls had finished their soralax roots, (F/n) was already beginning to feel dizzy. The soralax was fast acting, and if she hadn't had it almost every night of her childhood to sleep, she would have been knocked out cold. But lucky for her, her tolerance was still somewhat high.

She leaned against the nearest boulder, as inconspicuous as possible, and grinned up at the Trolls lazily. "You fine trolls are the best chewers I've ever seen! You could eat me up in two gobbles!"

"We could!" The smallest agreed. "In a half bite!"

"I don't doubt it!" (F/n) gestured towards the dwarves as her vision began to blur about the edges. She had to push through! Only a minute more and the trolls would be affected. "Now, each of you pick the dwarf you'd like me to cook first, and I'll begin."

"But I want mine squashed into jelly!"

"And I want mine raw!"

"That's all well and dannnndy!" She sang pointing to the dwarves. "But you must try my savory roast dwarfie recipe before you eat them any … other way. I … I insist!"

(F/n) knew she was slurring, but tried to play it off. They glanced at her strangely, before complying. They picked out their dwarves: Bombur, Dwalin, and Dori, before they set them before her.

The hobbit wobbled over to the dwarves and made a show of poking them. "Ahhh, these are good choices! They're fat and j-j-juicy! Marbled dwarf meat is so tender! Makes me want a b-bite!"

One Troll looked like he was about to ask her a question, before his eyes crossed. (F/n) glanced at the other two and noticed one looked pale, and the other was swaying. The roots were finally working!

"Oi, crunchy! W-What did you do?"

"What do you… mean?" She giggled. "I've done…. Nothing."

"She's poisoned us!" the biggest one screamed. "Grab her!"

(F/n) cursed as the Trolls reached for her, and she quickly ducked and dodged the massive hands. If they hadn't been drugged, she never would have avoided them. But in the end, the Trolls were a snarling dog-pile of limbs and teeth. And it was then, that Gandalf appeared above them on the jutting rock.

"The dawn will take you all! And turn you to stone!" As Gandalf's voice boomed over the clearing, (F/n) used her last bit of energy to jump farther away from the Trolls. And just in time. Ones fingers missed her by mere inches, before the wizard's staff cut the rockface and fresh sunlight flowed across them. In mere seconds the Trolls were turned to stone and were no more.

The camp erupted into cheers and laughter as Gandalf moved to untie the dwarves and poor Bilbo. The happiness of the company was utterly contagious!

They were saved!

Little (F/n) Vermyra Took flopped face down, giggling with relief and fatigue. She could barely put two thoughts together now, but her joy was undeniable. She'd done it!

And then, as she admired how soft the stones and dirt had become beneath her, (F/n) felt strong arms grab and lift her from the ground. She looked up into the worried blue eyes of Thorin and did her best to smile past her exhaustion.

"I'm okay, T-Thorin... It's just a sleepin' herb.." She cooed as she played with his beard, quite beyond boundaries, due to her drugged state.

Then as an afterthought, "S-Sorry about the…. terrible things I said. I didn't mean… any of it."

He smiled at her and it reached his eyes. "No apologies, (F/n). You did very well."

"So...My boys are … all safe?" She sighed, even as her eyes slipped closed.

"Yes, we're all safe. Thanks to you." She was unaware of the gentle lips that lingered at her brow, but she heard him whisper at her ear, "Rest well, sweet burglar."

(F/n) smiled as she slipped into oblivion, though she dreamed of tender kisses and blue eyes all the while.

Thorin x Reader: Madame Burglar {Pt.2}
A commission for :iconxxanimeseekerxx: (Hope you enjoy, dear! Thanks for commissioning me!) 

This chapter was so much fun to write! I don't know when it became so comical and fluffy, but there ya go! Laugh   The dialogue between the Reader and the Trolls is seriously the greatest thing I've written in a long while. I had a blast with it!  I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I did writing this! :wink: rvmp 

Disclaimer: I do NOT own: The Hobbit (book, films, franchise, universe, characters, etc.), Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, Gandalf, the company of dwarves, the Shire, Middle Earth, or Richard Armitage. Wink/Razz 

Picture drawn by the incredibly talented :iconem-mika: Please go check out their amazing gallery and share the love. 
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happy b-dayHave your cake and eat it too 
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