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About Deviant Clive TemplarMale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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These are from a book called "Disorder in the Courts" and are things people actually said ...in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

 

 

 

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________ _
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________ ___
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
****
______________________________ ______

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.  
****
______________________________ _____________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me? 
***
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________ ______________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. CAN I get a new attorney? 
*****
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________ _____________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.  
****
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________ ________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
 *****
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
 ****
______________________________ ______________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________ _____
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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:iconproseuche:
Proseuche Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Hi!
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:icontaramara:
taramara Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2018
Ho 
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:iconnunopires:
NunoPires Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2017   Photographer
Hi Clive :wave: How are you?

:iconcheerplz: :iconvicing001::iconvicing002::iconvicing003: :iconcheerplz:


Have a nice week! :dummy:

:manhug:
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:iconcricketumpire:
cricketumpire Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
We should look forward to a Christmas enjoyed in the true spirit of seasonal joy  Merry christmas everybody 

Maybe my robin image will promote that idea - it's his Christmas duty to do just that!
       Thanks for faving him Clive   :iconenglishrobinplz:   
             Have a holiday that focuses on love and peace   Christmas Carol Two   
       
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:iconjasperinity:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2017
Happy birthday! :D
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:iconirishraine:
IrishRaine Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2017
I don't know how to do the fancy stuff on here, but if I could, it would be fireworks! Happy Birthday!!!!! How awesome! :heart:
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JJJMadness Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
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bunch of smiley faces
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Red EyeBendy the Dancin' lil Devil IconMoving Eye Ball Cup Cake 50x50 iconBloody Rain Have a Nice DayMoving Eye Ball Cup Cake 50x50 iconBendy the Dancin' lil Devil IconRed Eyebunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces
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:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2017
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's November 19th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: Viamie
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:iconhearsegurl:
HearseGurl Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2017
Happy Birthday Fellow Deviant! :iconspinningcakeplz:
Also Congratz on your 14th dA anniversary not too long ago! :D
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:iconingeline-art:
ingeline-art Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2017   Traditional Artist
Happy birthday to you
and have a wonderful day!
Greetings and hugs from cologne
Ingeline-art ;-) (Wink))))   :HappyBirthday: 
This is only for you!

happy birthday taramara by ingeline-art
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:icondavincipoppalag:
davincipoppalag Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
It's about close enough..so Happy Birthday Clive! :iconcakeplz: :iconbrewplz:
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