Haven’t written one of these in awhile... eh
I haven’t made digital art nearly as much as I’d like to, and I’m behind on art trades, I’m not gonna make up some excuses as to why this is, Ive already written like twenty of these it feels like within the last year alone
Truth is, I can’t commit to art anymore. It’s not that I don’t have time, or have other things preoccupying me, it’s just that I can’t do it. I don’t understand why I just can’t. Every time I sit down to make something I never get satisfied with anything I make and then I just give up. Everything I make looks terrible, and everything I make for people looks terrible. Last time I tried to make anything my vision started dissipating, and I literally couldn’t see what I was making. Every time I go into a doctor for it they say I’m fine.
Most people would say that I’m being too hard on myself and that I should take a break, but that’s the thing, I have taken breaks, several, and every time I come back I just can’t produce anything. There was a period of time around this time last year when I was popping out drawing after drawing and I just can’t do that anymore and it makes me upset. I want to create, it’s what I’ve always been doing since I was born, but I lack any motivation to do anything anymore. It’s not even just art, it’s everything I do. I play music, and every time I pick up a guitar I make a mistake within the first 30 seconds and put it back down and never play it again for awhile. It sucks.
I don’t understand any of it. And nobody has any solution to anything. Meds won’t fix it, anything I do won’t fix it, it just keeps coming back, like there’s something wrong with me that I can’t explain. Even when I tell my family about it they just think it’s something religious, like I’m possessed by demons or something. Way to help.
And yes, I have still been making art, you’d look at my traditional art folder and see drawings that I upload regularly, but those are just a few select ones I got lucky with. I have sketchbooks full of art, most of which never gets posted because, excuse my language, it’s shit.
I’m sorry I just can’t find happiness in anything anymore, you can post comments saying “hugs” and stuff and that’s great and I appreciate and love all of you
Nobody understands what it is, is there something wrong with me? Am I going crazy? Am I just being too over dramatic? Maybe, who knows
Nobody understands what it is.
Not even me...