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ProtC Prologue: Page Five

By talonserena
I've redone this page twice trying to get the dialogue flow right, and I still think it needs another redo. This is going to have to do for now. Poor Jahrd's just not quite getting the hint, is he? Although maybe he's got a point there. Not necessarily an original point - you can bet others have thought the same thing - but a point nonetheless.

Edit: At the suggestion of a wise reader, I switched some of the panel art around. Hopefully the result is clearer. :3

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Prophecy of the Circle: Tangent, page five. For more info see the official site at www.prophecyofthecircle.com.

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hannahmcgill's avatar
Still liking the traditional media touch to these. :)

In the last two panels, the direction of the character faces are confusing--In panel four, the green guy is facing right, then in panel five, it's the brown guy facing right. It's reading as a zoom-out panel, and the switch to a different character in the same position confused me momentarily.

Try flipping panel four so that green guy faces left, and put panel four on the right corner of the page so that it becomes the new fifth panel. Adjust the positions of the text bubbles and see if that reads as more smooth. :heart:

I can draw a doodle if that would help, I'm having a hard time conveying my suggestion in text.

Anyway, keep it up!
talonserena's avatar
What I was going for was that Jahrd (green guy) looks over his shoulder in panel four and then turns around to stomp back into the tent and face down his dad in panel five. I didn't think it would be terribly confusing considering he's shown both here and on the previous page with his back to his dad, looking out into the black, but... then again, I know 'tis the folly of being close to the material is I don't always see what'll throw people. Rarely do, in fact.

At any rate, flipping that panel I could do, and will definitely consider, but I don't think I want to put panel four last, like you're suggesting. Jahrd is supposed to be calm at the beginning of the page, but as it goes on he gets more and more upset and in panel five he snaps, gets properly angry, and continues to be angry on the next page. So panels one, two, and three he's listening, his dad says something that irks him and in panel four he turns around to reveal that he's getting annoyed (but not mad yet) and then in panel five, his dad's response causes him to stride inside and start yelling.

If I switched them, we don't have that same build-up. Instead he would get angry right off the bat and stride into the tent, then stop and look a calm-ish sort of annoyed (there's no indication of action from Jahrd in panel four, and there'd have to be for it to lead into the next page), and then all of a sudden, next page, he's outright yelling again, none of which follows the dialogue, which also gets increasingly ragey, rather than dipping in intensity like that.

Possibly I just need to redo the last panel, and maybe panels four and one while I'm at it. The last panel is the one I mentioned earlier where I had trouble getting it to properly look like Jahrd had turned around and, now that I'm looking at it, it's hard to tell how mad he is, too.
hannahmcgill's avatar
I have no idea what Jahrd looks like in your next page, as far as progression of emotions go. I haven't seen the page yet. (Hopefully I will see it soon.) It could be like a calm before the storm type thing.

Jahrd looked equally annoyed in both panels, to me. ^^; The close-up to his face makes him seem more intense, so he's equally angry as he is zoomed-out and portraying angry body language.

At any rate, flipping the fifth panel horizontally will solve the character-switch problem more quickly than my first suggestion. :heart: Unless there are things I'm not seeing in that, such as one of the characters having an asymmetrical design that would be compromised!

I like that you are considering my suggestions. I'm saying stuff cause I want to see more of this project, so hopefully I'm not giving you too much of a headache. :)
talonserena's avatar
There we go. I gave it a fix up and hey, I think that's a lot better. I still want to make it spiffier looking overall, but this'll let me rest somewhat easier until I can do that, I think.

Again, thanks much for your insight. :3
hannahmcgill's avatar
I think at this point it's more important to keep your momentum going. Keep making pages further along and then come back to this once you've made the whole book. ;)
talonserena's avatar
True enough. That's what I've pretty much had to tell myself throughout this project. Normally, I am loathe to post anything that I'm less than happy with to the public eye, but the thing about a webcomic is that it's far more important to deliver on time than it is to deliver perfection, especially since, if you're new to it, I find that it's one of those things that you can only really learn by doing. Mistakes get made. Moving forward has to happen regardless, and slowly but surely there's learning and improvement, but at first, things are pretty darn rough.

It's the same way I write my stories, actually, except that in those cases I squirrel the rough copies away and only show them to the closest people. Same thing, though. First time is to get the idea down in a readable way. Step two is going over it and making it perfect. =P
talonserena's avatar
Oh no, you're not giving me a headache. I have a lot to learn about how to think with sequential art.

Maybe flipping that last panel would do it, you're right. I think so. I just tried flipping panel four right now and ohmygosh does Jahrd not look right when he's facing the other way (best bud :zoe1718: has this way with faces so that no matter how you flip her drawings, they always look lovely, but mine.. just don't have that quality, it seems. XD ). so... yes. I think I'll give a shot to flipping panel five. That should do it.

For now, anyway. I've been thinking I need to redo this page since yesterday, and I still think it's true. It just feels to me like it was drawn while I was tired, and that I could make it look better. Clearer.

I thank you. :3 I'll get on that. Hopefully it helps.
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