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Take-an-Umbrella

Take an umbrella, it's raining
107 Watchers
33.3K
Page Views
501 Deviations
Artist // Hobbyist // Digital Art
  • July 12, 1996
  • United Kingdom
  • Deviant for 11 years
  • She / Her
Badges
Half-Moon Cake: Half-Werewolves love it (3)Half-Moon Cake: Half-Werewolves love it (3)Half-Moon Cake: Half-Werewolves love it (3)Half-Moon Cake: Half-Werewolves love it (3)Half-Moon Cake: Half-Werewolves love it (3)Half-Moon Cake: Half-Werewolves love it (3)Half-Moon Cake: Half-Werewolves love it (3)
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Super Albino: Llamas are awesome! (267)
Paranoid: Wears a tinfoil hat
My Bio
Check out my instagram: MyNameIsAlinaa
People I know in real life:
:iconpand43monium: :iconfillyflight: :iconroslunarbite: :icondeafeninglight: :iconanniperson: :iconamzkitten: :iconv-ito: :iconhowardphail: :iconvickywicky: :iconcosimabellydancer: :iconshowdog12345: :iconwhodyathink: :icontalon-heartless: :iconpr1ncessshrek: :iconartdelolly:

Favourite TV Shows
Mighty Boosh, IT Crowd, Farther Ted, Arrested Development, The Office (US)
Favourite Books
Pride & Prejudice
Favourite Writers
Jane Austen
Tools of the Trade
Pencil and paper, oil paints, acrylic
Other Interests
Writing

Statistics

Page Views33.3K
Deviations501
Watchers107
Watching456
Favourites4.3K
Comments Made8K
Comments Received2.5K

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107 Deviants
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272 Badges
Llama: Llamas are awesome! (1)
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220 badges sent, 272 badges received:
Llama: Llamas are awesome!
Llama: Llamas are awesome!
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Llama: Llamas are awesome!

Comments

Thank you, that is really helpful. I am writing a new piece now, so I probably will not be re-writing this one, but I will keep in mind all the things that you said, and I think they will really help me in the future. Thank you for the critique, sweetie xx <3
They don't dislike jasper because of who he is, they dislike him because i am so obsessed with him, as he is based on an actor that i apparently "stalk"...
but thank you for your help. I will try and practice more. haha :D
Your critique was very helpful. I wrote this early chapter a while ago, maybe when i was 11- 12 years old so i have to admit a that some parts were a bit strange.
Sometimes i am not even sure what was going through my mind, and i seem to have been distracted and not checked carefully.
I think since then i developed the characters quite a bit more. i understand the things you are saying and in the future i will keep it in mind. I am not very grammatically correct sometimes because English isn't really my first language (i live in England but i originally speak Russian, and mostly tend to read Russian books) so sometimes my sentence structure is incorrect. But i do like to think i am improving.
About the italic part: well, it was in the original document but when i posted it on deviantart it completely ignored all the fonts and and sizes. It seemed a little time consuming to add them in later, and i didn't because i was very busy at the time.
I am glad you enjoyed the detail because that is probably the part i enjoy most in writing. I don't mean to write long but i get so caught up in the detail, metaphors, similes that i occasionally feel that i may bore the reader. Maybe sometimes it is best not to add so much, for example describing Vita. I have very strong images in my head and i want to immediately share them with the readers so that they kind of get exactly what i think of in my head. The older i get the more i understand that this is not the most important part. For example, i based Jasper on a person i like, but i few of my friends really hate him, and if i say "imagine him, exactly like this," they may be a little put off. I guess people have different tastes and it is important to appreciate that.
Another thing i find is that i end up presuming that people know things i haven't told them. I guess this happened a lot in the character development area or maybe in the details or explanations. I end up presuming that everyone thinks as i do and understands, what are, probably, private jokes.
I appreciated your advice and critique very much and i am sure it will help me improve. I think about a year or so has passed since i wrote that and i already feel more confident about my writing. I still make some of the same mistakes sometimes and I do hope that i continue improving.
Thanks again for the critique.