Thank you, that is really helpful. I am writing a new piece now, so I probably will not be re-writing this one, but I will keep in mind all the things that you said, and I think they will really help me in the future. Thank you for the critique, sweetie xx <3
They don't dislike jasper because of who he is, they dislike him because i am so obsessed with him, as he is based on an actor that i apparently "stalk"... but thank you for your help. I will try and practice more. haha
Your critique was very helpful. I wrote this early chapter a while ago, maybe when i was 11- 12 years old so i have to admit a that some parts were a bit strange. Sometimes i am not even sure what was going through my mind, and i seem to have been distracted and not checked carefully. I think since then i developed the characters quite a bit more. i understand the things you are saying and in the future i will keep it in mind. I am not very grammatically correct sometimes because English isn't really my first language (i live in England but i originally speak Russian, and mostly tend to read Russian books) so sometimes my sentence structure is incorrect. But i do like to think i am improving. About the italic part: well, it was in the original document but when i posted it on deviantart it completely ignored all the fonts and and sizes. It seemed a little time consuming to add them in later, and i didn't because i was very busy at the time. I am glad you enjoyed the detail because that is probably the part i enjoy most in writing. I don't mean to write long but i get so caught up in the detail, metaphors, similes that i occasionally feel that i may bore the reader. Maybe sometimes it is best not to add so much, for example describing Vita. I have very strong images in my head and i want to immediately share them with the readers so that they kind of get exactly what i think of in my head. The older i get the more i understand that this is not the most important part. For example, i based Jasper on a person i like, but i few of my friends really hate him, and if i say "imagine him, exactly like this," they may be a little put off. I guess people have different tastes and it is important to appreciate that. Another thing i find is that i end up presuming that people know things i haven't told them. I guess this happened a lot in the character development area or maybe in the details or explanations. I end up presuming that everyone thinks as i do and understands, what are, probably, private jokes. I appreciated your advice and critique very much and i am sure it will help me improve. I think about a year or so has passed since i wrote that and i already feel more confident about my writing. I still make some of the same mistakes sometimes and I do hope that i continue improving. Thanks again for the critique.