How to Piss Off Alagaesia 3Epic People's Guide to Pissing Off the Whole of Alagaesia
~ chapter three ~
So Galbatorix is really mad at you because you stole his nuts and hid them under the couch, and he's mad at Shruikan, who you bribed to piss over everything in his castle, and, being a tard, Galby is currently spazzing real bad ...
112. Make fairths of the Twins and Galby and call them the 'Baldie Triplets'. Hang these up everywhere.
113. Steal the last dragon egg and draw a face on it.
114. Decorate Gal's crown with (:imhappyplz pictures - which is the Varden's new banner, remember??
115. Pour Seithr Oil all over his throne and his bed sheets.
116. Leave a note in elvan claiming that he is the father of Arya and sign it as from Islanzadi.
117. Put on the bottom of the note, 'P.S. you're still not getting another go >:'
118. Steal all his warhorses and replace them with ... LLAMAs!!!!!!!
119. Put a llama on his bed.
120. Tell his doctor or healer or whatever that he is having a llama spazz attack an
How to Piss Off Alagaesia 1Hello dear shur'tugal. First thing's first, you have to be either Angela or somebody epic like that for this to work, otherwise you would probably have died before you're halfway through.
Epic People's Guide to Pissing Off the Whole of Alagaesia
~ chapter one ~
Let's start at the beginning. The very beginning, before the tree-hugging elves sailed over the ocean, dying of tree-deprivsion. Helzvog attempts to create the first dverga (dwarf) from the roots of a mountain.
1. Go up to him and calmly explain to him that mountains, unlike trees, do not have roots.
2. Ask why his arms are longer than his legs.
3. Tell him he needs his beard cut.
4. Tell him you don't believe in his existence.
Now that you have successfully pissed off a god, we can move on to later things. The first elves, singing their haunting melodies, sail to Alagaesia for the first time.
5. Tell them they are singing off tune.
6. Ask why their ears are retarded.
7. When they try to attack you with magic (whic