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About Literature / Hobbyist Abby EgerFemale/United States Recent Activity
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Literature
You Don't Know.
You may not know it now but you will
And soon.
The things about him that makes you swoon will make you cringe and I...
Well, I pray you learn faster than I was able to convince myself to.
Prepare to lose it all and it all in one fatal swoop.
I don't have the heart (left) to tell you.
No one does! We were all fools.
Ashamed to say no and yes and maybe.
Too saddened to pass along the info of our dearest friend's nearing demise.
It's okay.
They say pain helps you grow.
I will let you know.
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:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
Creating Rules
I never know what's on or in or by the book these days.
I take a step aside and let the ruthless make their battle plays because I...
I just can't fight anymore
Or anyone
But I know it's just begun and I am swimming with doubt.
Get it away
Just get it out and tell the world that you are over it as well.
Make your rules!
Let no one else push you aside.
I know you've tried but now I'm here and I see
All you can be when you just live.
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
Goddes In Her Own Right
She wishes that she could be Bast
But she’s nothing more than a stray black cat
Looking for a better home than she’s ever had before.
She’s beautiful with fur s thick and eyes that make hearts melt
But even so it didn’t show in how she spoke or felt;
A change is needed ever more.
Her friends, they laugh! But jealous, they.
For… They spent time in damp, bent hay
And *not* at every neighbor’s door with food in tiny dishes.
She *must* accept that *this* is home
And that, forever, she’s not alone
But that it’s okay to have wishes.
“But Bast!” She purrs, “The goddess of we!”
… How 8dare* you crave a higher tree.
The dogs, they will always come biting.
Accept your fate and live your life my darling pussycat.
You are you and that’s what counts when stepping up to bat.
… But… You still can go down fighting.
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Literature
Diff'rence for Diff'rence's sake
It’s slowly eating me alive…
This pain inside it’s so… Contrive.
To even *think* I could decide!;
… Such bliss it makes inside my mind.
You think you’ve got an accolade?
The hsien haven’t been around.
Cimmerian, this life, is odd.
Your ventose words are safe and sound.
A requisition! Made now and here:
Push away and pull in fear!
Act upon and with your dears
And reply ad rem! The Lodestar’s near.
Rutilant: The hope you keep.
You kowtow looking for a place
To keep you safe here while you sleep.
No difference made with unworthy chase.
And if you die before you wake?
I pray, your soul, all gods will take
And hold it high for diff’rence’s sake…
No more, inside, will there be ache.
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
Capacity For Love
Brian: Your capacity for love. When we met, we had a long conversation about polyamory. Sara needs for us to run with the tier system, and while I do that for her because it’s appropriate, a part of me wishes I were so free to just...love...and let every relationship pan out the way it would.
vogelstar: I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me, Brian. My capacity for love is the most selfish, irresponsible thing anyone could do to themselves OR for themselves. I love without limits. Nothing holds it back and each time I get brought to my knees in tears because of something, good or bad. There's no end to what I feel and because of that sometimes I forget that there is or was a beginning. I'm jealous. Very, very jealous. I suppose it is helpful but no one understands my jealousy because they don't love like I do. I'm alone in that... Constantly alone and always searching for someone, anyone, to take part of it away, to assure me that they understand and will listen to
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Literature
Take Down The Door
I’d like to crawl inside so I can crawl inside and find a room that’s so far in where I can go and hide.
I wish you’d tell me more about what is in store if I go in and leave you standing at the bolted door.
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
Mercy's Free
The clock ticks
My thoughts itch
Your voice breaks
Our minds race
The ground shifts
I make lists
You misstep
I weave webs
You call out
I reroute
The walls creak
Your mind speaks
My words yearn
your soul burns
I'll help you
You'll push through
I will walk
You won't talk.
My words need
You can't please
You'll hit me
You'll hit back
Mercy's free
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
No More Time
I'm lost in a strange world where I know all there is
and blind in a place where I can see
I'm deaf in a room filled with the sweetest music I have ever heard
and mute in a home where all I do is speak.
I'm ten kinds of broken, ten kinds of fixed
and full of holes no one but me can see.
Every day... Every day I swear I'm a little more gone.
I've been talking in my sleep
about how quick you'll end up leaving me
when you find out
just how much I have for doubt
Where's my place if there's another name scrawled over mine
Where's my heart if all that's left is waiting on time
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
Enabler
I will gladly be
The enabler who enables your enabling
The hypocrite who hates your hypocrisy
The lover who loves your lover and your love
I will gladly be
That thorn in your paw when you have no paw left
That stitch in your side when you aren't out of breath
That dream you remember when you haven't been to sleep in a while
I will gladly be
The person with money even when you are rich
The person with words even when you still speak
The person with hope even when you don't know why you should believe.
I will gladly be
The person you run to in pleasure and pain
The person who helps you mix up sun and rain
The person who shows you that time is just hands on a clock
I will gladly be
The one who breaks you to build you
The one who hurts you then holds you
The one who always gives up so she can give in to you
I will gladly be...
I will gladly be me.
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
Line Up
Abby,
baby,
understand…
She’s
everything;
My
Elysium.
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 0 0
Literature
What We Had
I thought we had something…
That through the fog and thick, thorned brush there was a smile that could match my smile and a heart that could touch my heart.
That against every possible odd stacked against us you would be there to lend a hand and help me rise back to my feet.
That when I near my end you would tell me you could never let go, had never let go, and will never let go.
That you could brush away the dust and webs from the darkness of my mind and let me see the light for how beautiful it is.
I thought there would always be something here for me…
That I wouldn’t find myself hunting for the smallest scrap of acceptance and appreciation.
That my heart would never again hurt as bad as they day I discovered I was far past broken.
That there would be no need for a second time around.
That I could own an unwavering presence of my very own.
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
5 (+7 more!) Relationship Truths We Often Forget
I've been handed an interesting assortment of cards this time around and I find it is always easier to provide myself and my loved ones with links to what I try and express to them. On one hand it solidifies my beliefs and feelings and lets me know that I am not the only one who has though about/felt/dealt with it and on the other hand it gives them a physical representation of how I feel and if I cannot explain it on a level that pleases me there is a big chance the link will (probably because I want it to).
Being poly has left me with a very VERY small support system that is, in all honestly, still confusingly large. My mother will not spend more than two minutes on the phone with me without offhandedly mentioning her distaste for my lifestyle (I call to talk about what I'm dealing with stress-wise, per her request, and she starts asking if I made a good choice to live like this, etc. Sometimes it's even more subtle.), my friends who I can actively speak to about trials in my life ar
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 0
Literature
Words
Words, Words, Words… All I do is think and I'm still at a loss for you, Words.
You're in there throwing parties; Gettin' so wasted you can't even walk along the line.
"Simple, easy, tell 'em how you feel," I plead, "Stop slacking, it's your only job!"
You flip me the bird, you do! I saw it!
They laugh and run off to their action movies and cheap, warm beer.
I swear you think I raised you so you could be the kind of things we use to parody movies.
Yes, it *is* imperative that you tell them when the meeting is, what is this to you, interpretive dance?
Sure, I realize you're tired but Words, come on, you know better than to think that sentence makes sense.
You run circles around my brain; I'm so dizzy inside I can't think straight and you…
Words you don't know what you do.
He doesn't know because of you.
Words, she doesn't know because of you.
Stop being such a chicken and go out and find another godsdamned job; You've clearly given up on this one.
All I ask for is a little cooperation. N
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 3
Literature
I Couldn't See
"And when I have forgotten everything but the look in your eyes when you see me smile
I need you to promise you'll help my weary heart rest.
I know I said no promises
But I know you have the time to make it up to me."
She whispers this to me –
A foot out the door,
A single bag packed,
A solitary tear edging into her vision –
And I know it is real this time.
"I didn't want to go. I tried my hardest, I'll have you know, but you…
I couldn't figure out what to do…"
The screen door is blown closed behind her –
The rattling metal blaring through our… my… house –
And she's gone.
"I'll give you time!"
I begged.
"I'll give you everything you didn't know you needed!"
It wasn't good enough, no not for her.
She wanted me.
She knew what she wanted and I… I just couldn't see.
Silly me…
:icontaelifay:taelifay
:icontaelifay:taelifay 1 3
Literature
Cry
My eyes never burn as bad as when I cry for you
Deep down I really feel there's nothing I can do to end this war.
It's tough to see my days slip through my very hands
I can't escape the thought that there are more commands for me than you.
:icontaelifay:taelifay
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Literature
We Should Be Equals
It's not the same…
It won't ever be the same.
No matter how hard I try,
No matter how much I give…
I still get left behind.
I don't want to hear you.
I don't want to think about what you could be doing when you invade my time.
I don't want to dream about what I saw
What I felt
What you did.
I want to wake up knowing it's the same…
Wake up knowing you'll treat me like you treat them.
Wake up believing I'm not just someone you can get favors from.
You're not more important.
You're not better.
You're not perfect.
But there's still no place for me.
You get everything you could ever want and I…
I grapple for scraps.
I search for an iota of what it must feel like to be you.
I can't talk to anyone but everyone can talk to me.
Speaking my mind is wrong yet, as everyone can see, they are allowed,
I can't try any harder to not be me.
I can't give any more of myself up for you.
I know what you went through.
But I still have to be me.
You love me? Love *me*.
Don't love who you
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Favourites

HPL's The Call of Cthulhu - Cover by DrFaustusAU HPL's The Call of Cthulhu - Cover :icondrfaustusau:DrFaustusAU 1,047 166 A friend in the darkness by myster-mase A friend in the darkness :iconmyster-mase:myster-mase 2 2 ROTG - Your skin is pale white and ice cold... by Fuugen ROTG - Your skin is pale white and ice cold... :iconfuugen:Fuugen 2,370 454 Chibi Slenderman by Kzar5678 Chibi Slenderman :iconkzar5678:Kzar5678 3 1 Sophisticated Llama by jelikattebayo Sophisticated Llama :iconjelikattebayo:jelikattebayo 21 10
Literature
The Boy Who Never Knocked
he found her alone that night
the boy who never knocked.
she lay curled up on her side
in a web of fabric and feathers
and twisted threads of restless sleep.
tears adorned her lowered lashes
but went on to stain her sunken cheeks.
even when she was at rest
it seemed that fear pursued her
causing her to catch her breath
a cruel and unfair hunter.
when her unseen guest knelt down
to whisper in her ear
she did not hear a single sound
but his words still dried her tears:
"through better or worse, i promise
that what you once held dear
will once again be precious
the smile you've had to make a lie
will shine strong and pure and true
that weakness helps you find strength
in the hearts of those you never knew you had
and finally, that good will always come
no matter how long you're sad."
he bent to her he loved so much
to kiss her tears away
though she felt not a single touch
to verify his stay
with a sigh not ever made
by any who drew breath
he went back to his watchful grave
the boy who lov
:iconTales-of-Tao:Tales-of-Tao
:icontales-of-tao:Tales-of-Tao 2 2
Vanellope Von Schweets by kingofthelostkids Vanellope Von Schweets :iconkingofthelostkids:kingofthelostkids 1 0 Doctor Who: Transformations are Cool! by darthfilart Doctor Who: Transformations are Cool! :icondarthfilart:darthfilart 4,445 931 cerby by Pekoponian cerby :iconpekoponian:Pekoponian 6 4
Literature
For you my superior
Once again i sat here waiting
It's all my fault of course
For i wasn't exactly conversing
Once again, my heart seems to sink
Knowing i can't hear your thoughts
Until tomorrows afternoon bell ring
Once again i lie here in turmoil
My mind split in two, or is it three?
And I worry about you my precious royal
Who doesn't worry about there queen?
Once again i laugh, realizing my sincerity when i call you supreme
Realizing how much i end up (looking up to you?)
Hanging on your every move
Once again, my mind shuts down
I neglect you
And slowly we start to diminish
Once again, I realize my mistake
Maybe this time, it's not too late
:iconEpicaracacy:Epicaracacy
:iconepicaracacy:Epicaracacy 4 2
Literature
Explode
Lets hold in the explosives
A single grenade of hate
5 pounds of the C4 self loathing
5 sticks of dynamite fueled by sadness for the terror of fate
1 bottle of nitroglycerin
Made by tears and fear
Lets hold in these explosives, till they blow right out my ear
Sure i could share them around
Cause some more scars that will never heal
But keeping it inside me is great
I can contain the explosion
And control the hate
Boom. I'm in bits
But everyones safe
Thats what really matters in the end
That your alive and sitting up straight
Sure i could let the pain be shared
Maybe those wounds are easier to repair
But i can't bear the thought of leaving my weapons to hurt another
So light the fuse
I don't really care
As long as you're all safe
That's all that really matters
So let me go off in peace
:iconEpicaracacy:Epicaracacy
:iconepicaracacy:Epicaracacy 3 6
Literature
Purr in the moonlight
Flittering across the wall
Like a dancer enveloped in dance
You slink across yet hold yourself so proud and tall
As if no one else has a chance
Your eyes hold such mystery
As you hold your dancers stance
You purr as i grow near
Your velvet black fur leaves my mind in a trance
My hand runs across your back
And you make noises in delight
As we sit upon the wall
Purring in the moonlight
:iconEpicaracacy:Epicaracacy
:iconepicaracacy:Epicaracacy 4 0
And The Gigolos Run Like Spiders by XxDreamsToRealityxX And The Gigolos Run Like Spiders :iconxxdreamstorealityxx:XxDreamsToRealityxX 57 28
Literature
Into the fire
Into the fire he dives
The coals igniting sparks of envy
Over his chest and thighs
Stay with me forever it hisses
And screams ensue "let me survive!"
As the coals pull him closer
Hugging him to death
The coals give in to there desire
And melt him to a puddle of mess
The fire licking its lips
As once again it hugs the victim
Loving him till his last breath
:iconEpicaracacy:Epicaracacy
:iconepicaracacy:Epicaracacy 4 0
Literature
This is short
Fear love
Hate love
Throw love away
Burn love
Bury love
Call it a day
Sad/love
Broken/love
Love used for gain
Hollow
No emotion
Love gone with the rain
:iconEpicaracacy:Epicaracacy
:iconepicaracacy:Epicaracacy 6 18
Literature
Blessings
I never loved you because you were good
I loved you because you mine
Despite you pushing me away from your heart
I drew you closer to mine
And I wanted you to love me for me
But you only wanted me for my blessings
And I gave my life
So I could be personal in yours
But when I ask you to trust
You make up delusional signs
Yes I'm the one who holds the universe in my hand
But you're so desperate to hold onto
What little control you have
And I wanted you to love me for me
But you only wanted me for my blessings
You love me only so long as the world is going your way
Otherwise you spit out curses at me,
"God, why is this happening?"
I did not give up my life
Just to give you a career and a wife
I gave up my life
To claim your heart
And I wanted you to love me for me
But you've always wanted me for things
I am the Lord of Lords
I know your every step
I couldn't love you more
I gave my life and death
I am the Lord of Lords
I know your every step
But you are out of your mind
If you think that
:iconheadingnowhere:headingnowhere
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Activity


I've been super explodingly busy lately and I have maybe fifty things... probably more... that have to be uploaded. Yay for procrastination! In any case, until I'm able to focus enough to do so I'm just going to update you guys on my life since.. Well, since whenever I last posted something I suppose!

Last June at my wedding I met one of Jorge's friends. His name is Travis but is normally talked about using the name Panda. Long story, not important. I started spending time talking to him and after a bit I requested that he help me through some personal issues I was having in the bedroom department. After a few months we began an intimate, committed relationship. I know that sentence right there is going to throw some people off so read this and leave it be. Polyamory

Erm.... Okay. So then lots of things... Got some more pet rats. Went on a few short road trips (in the same state, lame, eh?), started planning for Connecticon (I still don't know if we're going), signed up for Forest Folk (awesome camping trip, 5/19!!), and got invited to go to Atlantic City in November (yay I'll actually be 21!), and two of my rats died... I started a relationship with Travis's girlfriend, Kate. We all are going to be living together at the end of June (Jorge and I are moving in) and Kate's going to get me a kitty!!

I've been writing... A lot. I'm always getting picked on for how I look so that's part of it. Some philosophy, a game vs game review that accidentally reads like a Cracked.com article, a bunch of co-op poems, and a co-op story that is still a work in progress. I painted a few things. Played out my interior decorator side. Hurt myself a few times. Sword fought (using shinai) with Travis. Taught him how to throw knives. Started socially smoking. Found out I can't get drunk, just really tipsy (we tried one night). Went to a reggae/modern concert and danced for three hours. Had a lot of threesomes. Started a garden. Figured out the tattoo I want to get first and where. Got a few new video games that I really enjoy. Bought myself new panties. Started driving the car (in CT a person over 18 can drive without a permit or license as long as there is a 21+ person with a license in the passenger seat). I already knew how to drive, I just get to now.

Sorry about the choppy sentences, I'm trying not to miss anything.

Bakes bread. Made fish and learned I like it now. Made pot pie. Made lava cakes. Made soup. Did a bunch of laundry. Cleaned the basement at Travis's for four hours... There's still more to do.

Blarg, I can't really think right now. I'll see what I can do about posting some things xD

deviantID

taelifay
Abby Eger
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I'm honestly no one. Nothing special, nothing important. t least compared to my art. My art to me is my passion, my one true uninhibited love. Drawing is probably my weakest area, but it is also the one I work the least one. My true passion lies with writing, or those special candids you get when you set up a photoshoot and it falls apart.

Try as I may, I will never be as good as my art. And I do not care. Nothing should outshine art; Not life or death or war or partying. Art makes this world worth being in.

Current Residence: Windsor, CT
deviantWEAR sizing preference: XL
Print preference: 9" X 12"
Favourite genre of music: Country
Favourite style of art: Abstract
Operating System: Windows XP
Favourite cartoon character: Lillian 'Lil' DeVille
Personal Quote: It isn't what we need or don't need. It's about what we want or don't want.
Interests

Comments


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:icontales-of-tao:
Tales-of-Tao Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Hey! Thanks for the fave. ^_^
Reply
:icontaelifay:
taelifay Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hey! You're welcome! It really hit home, you know? My partner tells me that a lot but it's hard to believe it coming from just him. Sometimes you gotta know someone else thinks it about the people in their lives too. ^_^;
Reply
:icontales-of-tao:
Tales-of-Tao Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student General Artist
I definitely know what you mean. I'm glad to hear you say so, actually. :) So thanks again.
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student Writer
Thankyou so much for the faves tealifay :)
Reply
:icontaelifay:
taelifay Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're quite welcome! I'd be commenting but my thoughts don't really translate well to words sometimes xD
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student Writer
Haha. Yeah neither do mine really :)
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Student Writer
How i love llamas :) thanks :D! :)
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Student Writer
Faves!!! Thanks :) remind me to look at some of your other stuff later mkay? Danke
Reply
:icontaelifay:
taelifay Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! I love your work! I'll remind you at some point xD Bitte!
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Student Writer
I saw you on DA years ago! Like when i first started :P twas grand. Hadn't seen you since
Reply
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