Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Hobbyist Helen20/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 182 Deviations 189 Comments 4,378 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Why So Syryus? by SyryusMystyca Why So Syryus? :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 4 0 The Price of Loving by SyryusMystyca The Price of Loving :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 0 0 Dark Before Dawn by SyryusMystyca Dark Before Dawn :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 1 0
Literature
Broken Shackles
Alert the guards, sound the alarm—
I’ve broken the shackles on my arms;
‘Round my ankles, I busted them, too.
I’m free because I let go of you.
I prayed for an answer, and I got one:
God confirmed that it was time to be done.
A new kiss gave me the strength to yank
On the chains I’d put on myself in a cell so dank.
I’m breaking out of my self-imposed prison.
I will no longer pine over or miss him.
I deserve better, to finally move on,
And I’m happy now that you’re gone.
New opportunities lay before me—
The old yoke was really starting to bore me.
Heavy the burden was, and laborious,
But now I cast it off, bright and victorious.
So now you best be wary
Of the jail bird singing like a canary,
Because if she stops, run for the hills!
She’ll give you more than just chills.
:iconSyryusMystyca:SyryusMystyca
:iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 0 0
Ember by SyryusMystyca Ember :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 6 0 Aethelinda [UPDATED!] by SyryusMystyca Aethelinda [UPDATED!] :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 7 0 New OC - Messina the Mage by SyryusMystyca New OC - Messina the Mage :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 5 0 UT GANG UT GANG UT GANG by SyryusMystyca UT GANG UT GANG UT GANG :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 1 0 And By His Stripes We Were Healed  by SyryusMystyca And By His Stripes We Were Healed :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 1 0 Moonwalker by SyryusMystyca Moonwalker :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 4 0
Literature
Twenty Years, Twenty Fears
Twenty years I've walked this earth.
Twenty years since my wintry birth.
Twenty years I've experienced, loved and lost.
Twenty years I learned new lessons, some at high cost.
Some days I've walked in a warm, sunny field;
Others, I nearly gave up hope, thinking my fate was sealed.
I would consider my life done, unable to recover.
Those days mostly haunt me now, especially with my lost lover.
In those days, I feared failure in deed, thought and word.
It plagues me to this day, and often it powerfully hurts.
I'm sad all the time, and I can't find a way out;
I find myself lost in an ocean of doubt.
Cut off from my lover, I cry myself to sleep a lot---
My brain never shuts off, and tortures me with thought.
I fear more loss, more guilt, more shame---
I fear bearing nothing but bad things to my name.
I'm sick at heart, and likely in mind.
It's brought on by people who to me were unkind.
It was years ago, when I was but an early teen,
When I blindly saw everything through a rose-tinted sheen.
:iconSyryusMystyca:SyryusMystyca
:iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 2 0
Behind These Eyes by SyryusMystyca Behind These Eyes :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 1 3 Sir Clucksalot by SyryusMystyca Sir Clucksalot :iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 2 0
Literature
Adrift
Set adrift in a sea full of sadness,
I’m lost in the realm of my own madness.
I’ve tried and tried to pull myself out,
But at this point my heart’s gone south.
Shivering alone in this January cold,
Very recently turned 20 years old;
One year older, but none the wiser,
My willingness to live controlled by a miser.
I don’t wish to die, but it’s so hard to live—
Being in love with someone who cannot give.
My hope for the future fades away fast,
And it feels like happy days are a thing of the past.
You haunt my dreams almost every night.
Sometimes you leave again, others you stay in my sight.
In either scenario, at the end of each spiel,
I always wake up, and none of it is real.
My entire being screams out to God to bring you back.
Every fiber, each cell, they ache for the love they lack.
The pain can be temporarily lifted, but at a cost:
For every small joy, I must remember what I lost.
I’m a victim of my own hubris and my head,
Searching for a cu
:iconSyryusMystyca:SyryusMystyca
:iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 2 3
Literature
When the Poison Is the Antidote
To the one my heart refuses to stop loving,
I may have spoken my peace, but I am not at peace.
For almost a month I thought I could move on without a hitch.
At the end of that almost-month, I realized that I was lying to myself.
I thought I had feelings again for one of my friends, but that’s not the case.
I merely wanted from him that which I actually want from you.
I lied to myself, saying that the feelings I had for the other never went away, but the reality of it is that I’m still in love with you.
It’s a crushing reality, because I have no control over the situation, over my heart, over how I have felt.
It’s also a weird conundrum, because as often as I think about you, the result of such thoughts produces one of two results at any given time.
The first effect is that I feel the familiar, numbing sadness that’s followed me for two months now, whether it made itself obvious or not.
The second is a warm sensation, a temporary comfort, and a whisper of h
:iconSyryusMystyca:SyryusMystyca
:iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 0 0
Literature
There
You pulled me out of that deep hole,
You gave back the joy that he stole;
You held me as I cried that night,
When I thought I’d see no light.
You gave me, once again, a sense of hope
As onward I trudged the upward slope.
Even after I hurt no one but myself,
You didn’t abandon me up on a shelf.
Even when I did stuff that was dumb,
Even when I felt nothing and was numb,
Or when I felt loneliness’ bitter chill,
You gave me a warmth that he couldn’t fill.
You have no idea how much I love it,
Knowing I have a friend like you to help me rise above it.
I could never repay you or thank you enough,
For pulling and pushing me through all this stuff.
Ultimately, I know it’s up to me
To completely set myself free,
But I think I have, and now I’m ready
To set things straight, make them steady.
I guess what I’m trying to say
Is that I hope you never go away;
That with me, you’ll go anywhere,
And for me, you’ll always be there.
:iconSyryusMystyca:SyryusMystyca
:iconsyryusmystyca:SyryusMystyca 0 0

Favourites

[C] Tidesinger by Lidiash [C] Tidesinger :iconlidiash:Lidiash 184 27 Kissare by NanFe Kissare :iconnanfe:NanFe 420 3 Malek Sidana by NanFe Malek Sidana :iconnanfe:NanFe 508 8 Will Herondale by NanFe Will Herondale :iconnanfe:NanFe 384 3 strolling in the night by NanFe strolling in the night :iconnanfe:NanFe 727 5 Solitary Ground by NanFe Solitary Ground :iconnanfe:NanFe 810 9 open to me.my sister.my love by NanFe open to me.my sister.my love :iconnanfe:NanFe 549 11 And I Shiver by NanFe And I Shiver :iconnanfe:NanFe 823 15 Chip by T1DOtaku Chip :icont1dotaku:T1DOtaku 3 0 Dip by T1DOtaku Dip :icont1dotaku:T1DOtaku 2 0 An Ember In The Night by NanFe An Ember In The Night :iconnanfe:NanFe 886 7 Rowan Whitethorn by NanFe Rowan Whitethorn :iconnanfe:NanFe 360 3 Jace Wayland by NanFe Jace Wayland :iconnanfe:NanFe 810 19 Luminessence by NanFe Luminessence :iconnanfe:NanFe 491 7 Evelynn (nsfw optional) by Asteltainn Evelynn (nsfw optional) :iconasteltainn:Asteltainn 669 16 Rowan Damisch by NanFe Rowan Damisch :iconnanfe:NanFe 1,005 15
Heyyyyyy that's pretty good

Groups

deviantID

SyryusMystyca's Profile Picture
SyryusMystyca
Helen
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm a sarcastic asshole who draws a lot
Interests

Activity


I love my university but after a month back home I find myself not wanting to go back because I'll mISS EVERYONE SO FUCKING MUCH
I used to think that people overreacted when finals came around

Yeah no they weren't

help me
y'know homework sucks but man do I love my college

O HECK
I'M SO FECKIN HURT
UUUEEEGHGHH
No but seriously, I don't care.


DISCLAIMER: The tone of this journal entry, I will admit, is rather vicious at times and downright bitchy in others, but again, I am not spiteful toward any of the people I will mention, nor do I hate them. This is a fucking journal and a journal is for writing down feelings and personal thoughts, which includes sorting out events that don't make sense at first. I do not intend for the person I'm writing this about to ever read it, though if they do there is nothing I can do about it. If you do read it, person I'm writing this about, well... you've brought this upon yourself by your manipulative, disrespectful actions.


Proceed with caution, my friends.


    So, just a couple days ago, one of my "friends" (for the sake of anonymity, we'll refer to her as "Becky") decides to--completely out of the fucken blue--break off our friendship. On top of it being out of nowhere, it was really disrespectful. Not disrespectful in the sense that she was nasty about it in tone, but disrespectful in the sense that she dropped all these unfounded accusations against me without even trying to back them up, even when I confronted her about it. Becky is being a complete yellow-belly about the whole thing, and honestly, it makes me feel like I'm dodging a bullet here by losing her so-called "friendship". One of the things she said is that we only became friends through shared trauma, and you know, that makes me feel really gross because it's as if everything after the crisis passed was nothing but a sham. I feel used and stabbed in the back. I expected better from someone like her and I definitely didn't expect that any friend that I made at my parish would do that to me.
    Becky claimed that I was rude to her friends recently and I honestly have no idea what she's talking about. I mean yeah, I may have broken off a toxic friendship with one of our shared friends, but unlike Becky, who has been a total coward about the current situation, I tried to be as nice and conciliatory as possible. If needed, I can procure the messages I sent the girl with whom I broke things off to prove my innocence. Even before I ended things, I hadn't even spoken to this girl (we'll call her "Diane") for months. I slowly deleted Diane from all my social media accounts and that was it. Furthermore, Becky's accusation here holds no water considering in the "recent past", I have moved to a different state for school and, as a result, have not seen any of my Michigan friends in a month and a half. I don't have much time to talk to a lot of them, either, except for my best friend and a couple of others, and even then we can't talk all the time because we're all dealing with dat college griiiiind. Your move, Becky.
    Now, of course, being the kind of bluntly honest person I am, who stands for integrity and clarity in intent, confronted Becky with a Mom-and-Dad-approved letter, which I sent to her via this website because I felt it was too long for a Facebook message (over 2 pages long in Word, haha). I related to her how I felt about this whole charade and held her accountable for the bullshit claims she was laying against me, and I can produce this letter upon request. Now Becky and I have had a history of us having these little feuds, including one in early 2017 that resulted in a five-month hiatus where we spoke not one word to each other. The inciting incident showed that both of us were kind of being idiots, but on my side, and I say this objectively as possible, I had a good point. She was complaining too much, she was being really annoying about it, and when all was said and done, she refused to apologize to me for her side despite me taking the initiative and apologizing first. Other times have come up when I would call Becky out for her behavior, which, according to my numerous counsels, was objectively immature, manipulative, and even hypocritical. However, in all of these--and trust me, I've gone back to our DeviantArt notes, text messages, etc. and checked this shit--she never apologized, never really took responsibility, and even though she said she'd get better about not doing this, it was all lip service. Of course, it was lip service, because it happened again and again. I wrote and sent her the letter to try, once again, to hold her accountable for these things, because even though her side of the friendship was apparently a lie, mine wasn't. I actually gave a shit and was trying to be a good friend and hold her accountable for stuff she objectively did wrong. That is what real friends do. It happened that she could call me out for being "insensitive" or "too blunt" (and actually, a lot of my friends actually appreciate my bluntness, sooooo), and granted, sometimes I probably can be too blunt, but if I ever tried to call her out for either contributing to or provoking the situation, o heck, d00d. O friccin heck, how darest thou think that I'm anything but a super-sensitive, sweet little flower that must be protected at all cost and my feelings are SACRED, I TELL YOU. Becky, sweetheart, the world does not work that way. The sad part of this example is that my other friends would always take her side, because I'm the insensitive one, blah blah blah, and it was me who had to apologize for being a monster because I was the one who was completely in the wrong. This is probably going to happen again because they've known Becky longer, they "know her better", and now one of them (Diane) isn't my friend anymore by my own volition, so I'm here in my own corner again hoping that they don't betray me too. How do I know that Diane didn't twist what I said to her in breaking off our friendship and make me look like a villain to Becky? How do I know that Diane didn't become a conniving little weasel because I rejected her?--and not even permanently! I said in my texts to Diane that "I'm open to reinstating the friendship if major changes are made". I put that in quotation marks because that is word-for-word what I said to Diane. How do I know that Diane isn't spiteful of me now and is trying to ruin my good name? I'm not saying she did any of this, and furthermore, I am not spiteful of Diane, although I'd have every right to be if my suspicions come out as being correct. But I digress.
    So I sent this parent-approved letter to Becky late in the evening of October 10, 2018, hoping for a mature response in which Becky clarifies and backs up her unfounded claims. At 12:51am on October 11, 2018, I was greeted with this message on Facebook:
Not sure why you decided to message me on DA... Anyway, I didn't discuss this stuff with you, because I didn't want to, because I don't want to be friends with you. I wish you the best. May God grant you every happiness and peace. Sincerely [Becky]
    Ho ho ho, there she goes, dodging my questions again, not taking responsibility, and feigning niceness. This response, I kid you not, had me literally shaking with anger. It seemed as though she did not even read the carefully-crafted letter, and indeed it was carefully crafted because it went through a lot of rewrites due to the sheer amount of warranted anger that she has caused me over the whole matter. I have left her with this scathing message so that, hopefully, she will read the letter and let it sink in:
Wow. Did you even read it? I sent it on deviantArt because I thought it was too long for a Messenger text. I just can't believe you're not even considering taking my feelings into account, especially when you make such claims like I was "rude" to your friends. You CAN'T make those kinds of claims and not back them up. Honestly, you've treated me rather badly, not taking any blame for things you've done, EVER. That's super cowardly of you and I hope you know that how you've treated me will likely translate into your other relationships if left unchecked. You're being really irresponsible about this whole thing. I expected better from you. I'm so angry and tired of this charade you continue to put me through. You obviously have some growing up to do. You can say "God bless you" all you want but I don't believe anymore that you ever really cared about me beyond that situation with Jon*. I'm doing this because I know that I care.
(Some emphasis was added for clarity because I don't understand how, in the many years that text messages and the like have existed, they can't implement a fucking italics/boldface/underline option, GAWD)
 
    *An ex-boyfriend we both dated at separate times. This is the shared trauma that made us friends in the first place and I have written about him a few times on this website.

    It took me several minutes to write this message, because again, I was so incredibly angry that I was practically convulsing (and again, I am not exaggerating) so it was difficult for me to type and it took every good fiber in my entire being to hold back the string of insults I wanted to lay on Becky. I didn't do it because it would prove her point, and I wanted to show her that I was above such things. In truth, I am above those things when I'm not angry. I'm trying very hard to not be like this and what I did (or rather did not do) was an exercise in reining in my temper.
    All this said, I'm just saying "Fuck it, I don't care" and moving on with my life. I'm in college now and I don't have time to deal with all of Becky's petty drama. I feel like this is a good thing considering how manipulative, immature and unapologetic Becky is, and so I'm going to end this word vomit by saying this:

    "Becky", you have hurt me for the last time. I will never back down from what I've said, though I may apologize for how I have said it. I am so disappointed in you. I expected better. I trusted you. But you have let me down too many times, and that is unacceptable.
Have a nice life. God bless.

~
Melon
  • Listening to: Smash Into Pieces

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconsuperowlet:
Superowlet Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2018  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for the fav! Your art is really beautiful! 
If you want we can do an art trade some time. :3
Reply
:iconsyryusmystyca:
SyryusMystyca Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh you're welcome, darling! Thank you as well for the favs and the watch!!
I'd love to do an art trade too :D
Reply
:iconsuperowlet:
Superowlet Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2018  Student General Artist
Oh awesome! Send me a description or pic of what you want me to draw and I'll do the same :)
Reply
:iconlyraviola:
lyraViola Featured By Owner May 3, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
You're art is beautiful !! Keep up the amazing work *-*
Reply
:iconsyryusmystyca:
SyryusMystyca Featured By Owner May 3, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
D'aww thanks love!! <3
Reply
:iconvixerlen:
Vixerlen Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2017  Student Writer
:bulletblack::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletblack:

Hi there! :wave: Thank you so much for joining :iconxx-book-worms-xx: :la:

Please look at this guide journal for information on folders.

I hope you enjoy your stay with us! If you have any questions or concerns feel free to tell me so! :tighthug:

:bulletblack::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletblack:
Reply
:iconpaintfeathers:
PaintFeathers Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2017  Professional Filmographer
Happy birthday to you!
Reply
:iconsyryusmystyca:
SyryusMystyca Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww thank you!! <3 <3
Reply
:iconpaintfeathers:
PaintFeathers Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2017  Professional Filmographer
Hope it was good!
Reply
:icon1chick1:
1chick1 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav
Reply
Add a Comment: