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Woahly damn it's been a long time since a journal update. DB (Though there are plenty of tumblr updates! I am mostly there these days.) How have you been? I've been really busy being dead; you know, after you murdered me.

Things are chuggin' along over in this corner of the wide wide internets. Mostly busy with my job these days, haha. But I am also workin' on projects~ for the next few months that will--hopefully!--lead to something awesome soon.
Oh hay so. I am back, eeeeeeee! :iconthe-kapt: is not back to her home yet, she is still in my town with me! But I am back, and for a quick synopsis to possibly be expanded upon later, we went to the San Diego Safari Park, Dinneyland, then stayed aboard the ~*~haunted Queen Mary ship~*~ then travelled up the gorgeous coast of California, went to Hearst Castle (technically Hearst Ranch, but that is another story), then stayed overnight at another safari park, and could hear lions as we went to sleep in a tent-cabin-thing. AND THEN WE HAD IHOP HERE. AW YEEAAAAH.

Overall it was a totally awesome time and you should head over to :iconthe-kapt: and tell her THANK YOU for inviting me to come along on her awesome trip! :heart:
Guess what! I am in Dinneyland! 8D That is right, I am down here in Anaheim at the moment, waiting for :iconthe-kapt: to get out of the shower, so that we can head down to the park! This is actually the second day at the park, I just forgot to say... anything. 8I Oh well. Haha, we spent a good twelve hours at the park, and by the end my tiredness was turning into something like a drunken stupor. Even wokeup with a hangover. %D

OH MAN WE SAW FANTASMIC AND IT WAS AMAZING AND AJSDLHALJSHGSJKDG also we got tiny delicious snacktrays during the show with like the best cheese ever.
Um! :C To people I owe art and whatnot, I know that stuff is already... like REALLY late, but. Uhm. I need to postpone it... some more. I've just got a lot of stress going on right now and just need to take a little bit of it off right now. You will definitely get it, just... don't expect it for a while.

Again, I am really really sorry and feel like a huge douche for doing this, but I gotta. :C

You know what you should follow? :iconvanishoct: This thing is gonna be the shit. Ghosts, paranormal, victorian europe kasdjgflkjsdfkgjdf c'mon how can that not be awesome? I also know the creator, and she is a sweet gal who totally understands that OCT = story, not artistic caliber.

Also awesome? :iconsovereignstates: The ultimate world-building challenge! Go from stone age to atomic age, creating cultures, histories, philosophies, etc., and see what culture comes out on top of it all!
I am back! As it turns out uhhh. My little hiatus maybe helped me get a little bit out of a funk, but instead replaced it with a head cold and sore throat! :I Oh universe, you fickle mistress.
I am gonna be takin' a break from the internets and especially Deviantart for at least a few days! I will still be on IMs if anybody needs me though!

See you guys in a little while! c:
look it is a thing


whiskey in the jar by Buuya

Go give Buu lots of love and WATCH HER IF YOU DO NOT WATCH HER BECAUSE YOU ARE A FAILURE OF A PERSON TO NOT WATCH HER brb having tears of happiness
YES my paypal has been fixed, and I am now able to not only GIVE but RECEIVE money for commissions! 8D Info about pricing riight heeeeeere~

And I will open up ten slots to you bros! It is first come, first serve, I am afraid! But first, we gotta go through some rules. :C I am sorry! It is how I roll, dawg.

1. I could get in big trouble for sending porn over the internet, so don't make me do it. 8C I will make the call on what is "tasteful nudity" or just "nudity that I will draw." Don't hesitate to ask! Just remember that I do reserve the right to say, "Uhhh no sorry."

2. Fandom characters... ehhhh. I'd really prefer not to do ANY, buuuuut... if it's a series or whatever that I really like...? I might make an exception. And yes, I will never draw Sonic the Hedgehog or anything from it, sorry~

3. Full-payment beforehand! c: I am sure you guys are cool bros, but still, gotta be safe! c:

4. Send a request for commissions by note! I may respond to comments here, but I will only reserve you a spot if you send me a note! It is much easier for ME to keep archived if you do! <3

5. If you see something in my gallery that you LIKE, but isn't necessarily on the commission pricing sheet, feel free to talk to me! C: I love experimenting, and am happy to barter a price for anything not on the list!

6. Yeeeeeas~ I do get to put your commission in my gallery if I wish! Sometimes I really like these pictures! 8C And wish to show them off! Proper credit WILL be given though, I assure you. <3

That said, I don't really have an other rules! C: LET THE LISTING BEGIN.

1. :icondeepest-thoughts: Done!

I hope you guys are watching this.
I'm always amazed to watch revolutions going on; people as almost a single unit, letting their voice be heard. I hope all of you are watching what's going on in Egypt right now, because if not you're... idk, you're missing out on something big. It's incredibly inspiring, and kind of terrifying, the events going on in Egypt. The fact that Egypt has something like a giant kill-switch for the entire Internet is scary to me, at least.

Protesters, please don't hurt the mummies though. D:
Today... something strange happened.

I was angry, I was hurting, I felt so upset and disrespected I had to walk away for a while. My heart had been broken, not in a romantic sense at all, but... by someone's words and assumptions of me. Things I... couldn't believe someone could think of me that way. After knowing me so long, it hurt to know someone thought of me that way.

I knew what was happening. They were lashing out, and in a way I'd accepted that, ready to move on. I spent a lot of the day stewing and saying "Fuck them, fuck this shit," to try to move on faster. We were done, and I got myself angry so that I could stop caring, because caring hurt. It was like watching someone cut themselves and being utterly unable to do anything about it; watching someone make this decision to hurt themselves when you want the very best for them, when you know what it will lead to down the road.

I was ready to be done and end it in pain, and let the pain eventually go away, as has happened with all badly-ended relationships in the past. And then... the most curiously coincidental thing happened.

My sister came up and handed me an envelope, and I opened it, and inside... was a Christmas card.

From the very person with whom I'd ended a friendship, and felt so disrespected by. I thought for a long time. I thought about tossing it away, never even thinking about it again. It hurt... it hurt too much to think about what could be inside. But I took a chance and opened it, and saw the picture drawn for me, and the message written--written before... changes happened. Something did change in how they saw relationships. And that led to our ultimate discontinuing of our friendship.

But inside was a hopeful message... Something from before when these changes happened. When you had an open mind...

The summation of the message was "Thanks for being there for me." This message struck me like receiving a phonecall from the dead, or a soldier's letter long after he's died on the battlefield.

I tried for a long time to hear your feelings. When you were sad or scared, I was there for you. I wanted you to open your feelings to me because they are a heavy weight to bear on your own--made so much easier with help.

At one time, you knew this... Then things changed. You began to suspect me of terrible things--things I just... couldn't understand how someone could suspect of me. This idea... hurt, so much. You changed... and you were no longer the sweet person I had met long ago. The person I carried on long philosophy conversation with, and who cared about the plight of the awkward and outcast in society, and just... cared about her friends. And respected their ideas. Who in turn respected hers.

I took the card and I did not throw it away. I put it someplace special... like getting a card from a friend who was long overseas, and maybe somewhat lost, but... hopefully might come back someday.

I'm sorry I don't have... the kind of fortitude you need. I'm sorry I'm not a stronger person. I am human... I am trying to be stronger, for myself and my friends. But I don't have the kind of strength you need. And so I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that in a time of hurt, I can't be there.

A deep wound has been inflicted that... needs to heal. Maybe someday, when it's healed, I can have that strength you need.

I'm just sorry I don't have it now.
Well! In my own research it appears 2010, as a whole, has been a year of change, change, change for almost everybody out there--mostly bad change, from what I hear! That is sad. :C I am always glad to hear "my 2010" journals that involve happy years! But safe to safe, good or bad, 2010 has been about CHANGE.

There's certainly been plenty of change in my own life this year. Almost the entire first half seemed to be nothing but terrible drama and darkness, and for a long time, I wasn't sure if there'd be anything BUT that. Why would it? I don't really believe in a God myself, so I don't really believe in eye for an eye and always getting what you "deserve." Who's to say what you deserve, anyway?

But, if there is an ultimate reason that things began to look up, it is because... I am still here. Because I am alive, because I kept at it. I was not "rewarded" for my efforts. It was a logical consequence of my actions.

Another tremendous reason for things beginning to look up was the friends I have met, and everything they have taught and the inspiration they have given. It was through friends that I realized I needn't bottle my feelings, that my feelings were no more important than the next person's, and the next person's no more important than mine, because everything is relative, and we can only judge based on our tiny viewpoint of the world. Through friends, I have begun to think on a deeper level, thin critically of my own actions and words, and become more self-aware.

I am not without my mistakes. Through the year I have been humbled, and I have learned, and begun to take my mistakes with responsibility--to neither overcompensate or undercompensate. Either is unhealthy.

Uh, I hope, anyway. :U Again, my own tiny viewpoint of the world. Haha, look at me ramble, and I'm not even done!

I've had my mental breakdowns, I've had my high points. I've begun to realize how I work, how I think, what kind of person I am. I have both stopped caring, and started caring, how other see me. I care about the messages I put out, the words I say and how they are received, but I know longer care if I am considered lesser than others.

Okay, that's a teeny lie, I still care kind of, but I am working on it!!

Most of all, what I've learned in 2010, as this year of enormous change, is that through the change... you cannot give up. You can adapt, certainly! Those who adapt are those who survive, as Darwin preaches. But you cannot give up and reject it, for you will fail and fall behind.

Even through dark periods, there is always POTENTIAL... for things to get better. They may not! But no one knows how things will work in the future. THE POTENTIAL is undeniable, indisputable, and therefore, to dismiss it is to waste it.

In the darkness, if we try to work towards better things, we can say there is about a 50-50 chance of achieving it. It is not 100%. But if we do not try, there is no chance of better things. And 50% is better than 0%, amirite?

tl;dr Good and bad, Selene has also seen much change in the world. Selene has grown from this change, and adapted.

Selene cannot fucking wait for a little break in 2011!!

Also, party at my house, 12/22/12.
Haha, so I realized I have been terribly quiet here for a while! I am sorry, I have just been busy! We recently moved from our old house, so I have been busy getting ready for that and just recovering from life in general. I have really just not had time for drawing, or when I spend it doing other things, like resting or some shiz. Or just zoning out, idk.

I tend to lurk around DA though, as some of you might have noticed! I will try to get to submitting things soon, now that we have moved and things just be settlin' down now on all fronts! Carry on, my wayward children.


Courtesy to Kayzig for making it!
Omg best meme.

Think of ten things (offline or online) you like to do with your friends that cheer you up! (Meme courtesy of heysawbones!)

:bulletblack: Worldbuild Oddjotts with The-Kapt/nerd. this. shit. up.
:bulletblack: Listen to TheCrowchan SPECULAAAATE/listen to her psychic powers
:bulletblack: Eat out with Sephiramy!
:bulletblack: Discuss worldbuilding in general with Kayzig
:bulletblack: Share drawlans with all of the above (and more)
:bulletblack: RP with all of the above (and more)
:bulletblack: brb thinking of more things/going to an interview
1. Tell us about your favorite writing project/universe that you’ve worked with and why.
Well, as of current, I’ve only worked with two original universes, and both are still in progress! Both are entirely different from each other and present different genres to play around and fiddle in, so it’s a bit like picking between apples and oranges! If I had to go with one though, it would be Eddy’s canon universe of Oddjotts (what is this???? :0 ). Oddjotts deals primarily with ghost stories and the paranormal, both of which I have been hugely dear to my heart since I was bbSteph. I’ve wanted to be a ghost hunter (and still do!) since foreveeeer, so this is ma thang bro.

2. How many characters do you have? Do you prefer males or females?
Oh God, uhm. Well, there are many characters of mine that haven’t technically disappeared but I haven’t touched in over a year! Do they count? D: Officially, I believe there’s some twenty or thirty though. I definitely have a larger number of males, because females is hard bro! (Though I don’t particularly prefer one over the other.) Sephiramy has been helping me conquer that fear though! Thanks bb!

3. How do you come up with names, for characters (and for places if you’re writing about fictional places)?
Hmmm… Usually places and people will be references to other people and ideas or ancient countries that don't exist anymore! (Niko Asimov = reference to Isaac Asimov etc.) Also insert copious misuse of foreign words.

4. Tell us about one of your first stories/characters!
Princess Pink Pegasus of wherever-land who gets a stomach ache and gets better! Idk!

5. By age, who is your youngest character? Oldest? How about “youngest”?
What do these quotes mean around “youngest.” I have a couple kids, but I believe the youngest is a ghost named “Miss June” who is about five years old. On the other end of the spectrum is Euclideus, who is also a ghost, and about eight centuries old. Of living characters, Niko is probably youngest, being about 20-21. Oldest is Renard, who is about 70, 75. I give estimations because ages here are biological, and chronological ages could vary. The character who acts youngest is Eddy, who acts like a permanent dickwad 17-year-old.

6. Where are you most comfortable writing? At what time of day? Computer or good ol’ pen and paper?
I am most comfortable writing in my room, on my laptop, at about one to three in the morning.

7. Do you listen to music while you write? What kind? Are there any songs you like to relate/apply to your characters?
Last question is moot because I have entire playlists dedicated to characters. I do very much listen to music while I write! For laid-back writing (such as RPing) I will listen to about anything, but for serious writing I prefer music without singing. I love finding music that fits scenes, and I feel like it helps me write the scene closer to the mood I am going for. (Epic music for epic scenes, etc.)

8. What’s your favorite genre to write? To read?
To write, I love action/adventure! Though honestly, I have written in just about every genre, and love almost all of them! I have fun writing whatevs. To read, I love fantasy and nonfiction, haha, you see what a confusing individual I am now!

9. How do you get ideas for your characters? Describe the process of creating them.

<insert twenty more lines of this>

Let’s parody some iconic figure! Also I like this person I have known and I don’t like these people let’s toss in those too.”

10. What are some really weird situations your characters have been in? Everything from serious canon scenes to meme questions counts!

11. Who is your favorite character to write? Least favorite?
My favorite character to write is more than likely Eddy, haha. It’s like writing for a redneck Dad, I get to pull out all of the socially inappropriate idioms, and a scene later have him wielding a fucking shotgun with all the badassery of a backwoods hunter (he does not actually own any guns). I don’t really have a least favorite to write, honestly!

12. In what story did you feel you did the best job of world building?
Oooh, that is hard! Both stories in progress are very very in-depth, and I put equal effort into both! Captain Sasha’s canon is a little more “original” though, in that more things were made up, compared to Eddy’s which is (at first glance) very much our own world.

13. What’s your favorite culture to write, fictional or not?
Medieval/Renaissance. I have a huge boner for it, have years of research behind it, and can play it accurately and well. Don’t fuck around me with medieval.

14. How do you map out locations, if needed? Do you have any to show us?
Derp derp squiggly drawing here’s a map! I have maps but they cannot yet be shown as they are actually kind of spoilery!

15. Mid way question! Tell us about a writer you admire, whether professional or not!
-insert everyone I RP with and let me gush about them forever-

16. Do you write romantic relationships? How do you do with those, and how “far” are you willing to go in your writing?
I have written romantic relationships before, and I don’t think I am necessarily bad at them, they are just not some of my favorites to write though! I honestly have few squicks about anything in writing, and am willing to go as far as needed! (i.e., penis in vagina, cum all over the face idgaf what else it’s all amusing to me.)

17. Favorite protagonist and why!
Hahahaha oh God. Probably Eddy. Again. He’s a jerkface redneck genius who’s socially dysfunctional but cares way way way too much deep down inside. He’s the ultimate nerd success story, and at the same time, is a terrible failure emotionally, trying as hard as he can to ensure the success of people around him and actively pushing away kindness of sympathy and love toward himself because he cannot handle the idea of having his heart broken again. He’s a secret philanthropist and visible misanthropist with a cantankerous disposition who, deep down inside, wants you to be safe and wants to teach you to be the best you can be but must shield his heart for fear of it breaking again, or you be used to break that heart. He’s fun and tragic and he’s the kind of guy legends are made of and loves to soak up those legends with a snake-oil smile and glass of whiskey, before jumping off out of an airplane to skydive.

18. Favorite antagonist and why!
Well, I don’t actually have many antagonists, or characters who could easily be defined as antagonists! The closest is Hijrah, the Arabic lady recently seen! She wants power, she knows how to get that power, and can use it well. Also sex is awesome. Which is why you will have sex with her. She is the woman in charge, bitch.

19. Favorite minor that decided to shove him self into the spotlight and why!
Euclideus! The fruity buck-toothed ghost most of you only know because he looks like Renard. He was ORIGINALLY going to be a fairly minor character for a time-travel RP! That RP never happened, but I’d already made him and liked him too much to get rid of him.

20. What are your favorite character interactions to write?
Canon: Euclideus + everyone. Non-canon: Eddy and Sephiramy’s/TheCrowchan’s Hunter. Pseudo-son and BFF respectively. :’Dc

21. Do any of your characters have children? How well do you write them?
Euclideus has many many children! Most of them are dead. :/ But minus a couple dozen generations, Eddy is his child! Sasha’s grandchild is Niko. :> Renard’s grandchild is The-Kapt’s Lindsey!

22. How long does it usually take you to complete an entire story—from planning to writing to posting (if you post your work)?

23. How willing are you to kill your characters if the plot so demands it? What’s the most interesting way you’ve killed someone?
I am a terrible writer and am much too attached to my characters. The official excuse is that most of my characters fit the definition for “redshirts,” or at least fit the bill for characters who are usually offed in stories! Which always, always pissed me off, and why I decided to not do that myself, if I could possible help it!

24. Do any of your characters have pets? Tell us about them.
Renard obvs. Has Charlie. Eddy has a robotic cat (lol) named Isaac! Niko has a husky named Moroz! Skye has a cockatiel named Rex! Charlie is perpetually happy, Isaac is cuddly, Moroz is a bit of a prude, and Rex is kind of crazy and as enthusiastic as Skye. And a dragon.

25. Let’s talk art! Do you draw your characters? Do others draw them? Pick one of your OCs and post your favorite picture of him!
Yes. Yes, to my perpetual astonishment.

26. Along similar lines, do appearances play a big role in your stories? Tell us about them, or if not, how you go about designing your characters.
Yes, very much so! Generally I try to keep to clothes that fit the particular race/culture, taking into account age as well. Eddy dresses in button-downs, jeans and boots, in a very Southern/country manner. The kind of clothes you might find a grandpa wearing (he insists it’s just what they wear in Tennessee, fuck y’all). Hijrah is heavily Arabic/Bedouin, thus wears fitting clothes, etc. etc. etc. for every character. Niko is technically Russian, but is young and very much into contemporary society (Tweeting, blogging, internet savvy, blah blah, y’know). So his clothes are very “young” so to speak.

More than just clothes, which come from finding a base culture and then RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH, physical characteristics are very big. Intellectual characters tend to be very thin or lanky, with angular features (see Eddy) while cuddly characters have rounder features (see Renard, who is both). For example: Eddy has many of the typical features of a villain (villain eyebrows, angular features, perma-scowl), but his enormous, round glasses help offset that, and help key the viewer in that he is not actually a villain, imo!

27. Have you ever written a character with physical or mental disabilities? Describe them, and if there’s nothing major to speak of, tell us a few smaller ones.
As far as physical disabilities go, Sasha has a bad knee that, when turned or twisted the wrong way, or when it’s too cold, will severely hinder him. His scar is more a physical mutilation, not a disability! He can still see out of the eye affected. Eddy has arthritis in his dominant hand, though this is not really a huge factor in most scenarios and more an annoyance. And uh. Is old. And a smoker. And boozer.
For mental disabilities, that is hard! None of them are disabled in any way, per se! Niko has mild OCD, which is about as close to a “disability” as any character goes! Again, more an annoyance than anything! Technically, Euclideus, as a ghost, has some forms of PTSD, but when or if they ever show up or even matter is hard to say! He has been described as terminally whimsical though. :’D

28. Final question! Tag someone! And tell us what you like about that person as a writer and/or about one of his/her characters!
I am not tagging anyone, but I will talk about a few people and why I like them and their characters!
:iconsephiramy: As others have already stated, she is a superb writer, and tends to bring to light the things I would have never thought of! Her characters are deliciously complicated and three-dimensional, severely endearing and empathetic, and author’s comments never cease to crack me up.
:iconthecrowchan: Whimsy and banter! Another writer who makes me feel awed in her presence, she can find ways of describing things that can either break my heart or send me into asthmatic fits as I laugh. Her characters, as much as she won’t give herself credit, are lovely and full of depth and how does she know how characters work so well. Seriously, don’t believe her, she’s totally fucking psychic about characters and inner motivations.
:iconthe-kapt: As bare as her damn gallery is, she is a wonderful writer with creations that simply boggle me as to how the fuck did she come up with that. Her aliens are biologically sound for however fucking awesomely out there they are, her characters are thoughtful and realistic, and tell her she needs to bring them out more.
:iconkayzig: Mobs! Mob mob mob mob stories and delicious gore. Girl knows her mobs, knows the intricate delicacies of organized crime, and isn’t afraid to research what needs to be researched. Her monsters are easily as awesome as any of Hellboy’s, if not moreso. She is a very honest writer, and comes with some pretty fucking awesome interpretations of mythological characters!

If anyone has any further questions concerning characters, things I am planning, whatevs, feel free to ask here!
British queer, not American--yeah, you get it.

For the most part, I am just getting rid of the previous journal! Though admittedly, I am still pissing myself with joy (a little, okaaaay you don't know me etc. etc.) over that picture, but all good things must come to an end!

I don't really know what I'm going to put. :I So! I thought I'd ramble a bit on some worldbuilding topics!

One things that always interests me in worldbuilding is the idea of worlds that share similarities with our own. Urban fantasies are some of my favorites, I think because it's so easy to suspend disbelief with them. And okay, I squee a little when historical references are made because I am a huge fag for history.

One thing that always puzzles me though, is just how much do you reference from the real world? Say, in a steampunk Victorian setting, how much do you actually reference to Queen Victoria? How much can you add without turning it almost into another planet completely? How much can you intersect fantasy and reality without sending your readers through a loop?

One thing I am very adamant about staying close to "reality" with are mythological creatures. Yes, I do think a harpy should be part hideous woman, part bird. Why? Because that's the heart of the "idea" of the harpy. I don't necessarily care how the woman and bird are mixed! Just that they are (perhaps even vaguely) woman and bird. When a harpy starts to become uhhh... let's see, what's a good reference... oh! The harpies from the recent Clash of the Titans film. When a harpy starts looking like this:… I think you are losing the "idea" of the harpy. It is like loving a character for being, "dark, depressing, emotionally traumatized man" when in fact... that isn't the character at all, and the character is in fact fairly light-hearted and happy. You aren't loving the character then; you are loving your interpretation, which is wrong and well, simply another character entirely.

This is not to say that if there are a million interpretations of a creature, or it is vague in the first place, not to sometimes stretch it a little! Sometimes that can add a very intriguing element to them! But y'know. If there's a pretty narrow interpretation to a creature you may want to perhaps stick close to it. imo, of course.

How loose and how narrow do you guys think interpretations of mythological creatures can go?

(Also draw a penis is every comment. I demand it.)
I am sorry for the literal emo journal before! I thank all of you guys for lovely comments of sympathy. I cried for a long time, but seeing those comments honest-to-God helped. You may all be across a screen, but you are all real people, and knowing real people care helps lift a heart out of darkness, even just a little bit.

Y'know what also helps?

Things like this.

I am putting this in a journal so that I can look at it for like a week without losing it in my favs.