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But I'm trying to find a new home for my crap anyway. Figured I'd update this to let people know I'm not dead, I'm just really, really busy. With diapers and shiz.
  • Listening to: LOTRO soundtrack
  • Reading: Ranger's Apprentice
  • Watching: LOTRO
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: Violet Crumble
  • Drinking: tea or possibly water

Speaking of Expecting...

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 10, 2015, 1:39 PM


I missed a perfect opportunity to tack this on to my chicken post.

Due July 4th. We don't know yet if it's a boy or girl, and because this will be the last one, I'm not sure if I want it to be a surprise or not.

Here's another chicken picture.

Welsummers by SunGryphon

  • Listening to: my son play Portal
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: the monitor.
  • Playing: with portals
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: water until my teeth float

I'll just leave this here

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 8, 2015, 11:43 AM


Just trying to bump down my journal because gosh it's been since MY BIRTHDAY since I posted. So here's a picture of some chickens. Sadly one of these girls is now deceased, but the other is doing fine. I have 5 ladies currently and will be expecting 6 more in May.

Compost Bathing by SunGryphon

  • Listening to: my son play Portal
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: the monitor.
  • Playing: with portals
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: water until my teeth float

Thank you for the birthday wishes

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 13, 2014, 12:30 PM


And while I'm not in a good headspace to reply to all of your comments individually, I did read them, and thank you all :hug:

  • Listening to: my son play Portal
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: the monitor.
  • Playing: with portals
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: water until my teeth float

A Little Ramble on Depression

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 12, 2014, 7:10 AM


Warning: The following post is very personal and might be uncomfortable to read if you do not know me well.



I've been wanting to write about Robin Williams because it's my birthday today.

This is significant because it might not have been my birthday today.

Depression is silent and deep and cold, and it's easy to be in the bottom of the trench, unable to breath from the weight of the pressure above you and think "Why not just end it now?"

Why not?

It's easy for someone who has never been in those pits to say "Oh, just snap out of it!" or "Come on, stop being so dramatic. It's not -that- bad." or the worst one I've heard directed towards me, "You're just making it up for attention."

I wish. Because then instead of thinking about ending it now, I'd be eating some chocolate and laughing how I made all those people sorry for me. (I'm not thinking about ending it NOW, but I was thinking about ending it THEN.)

People don't understand when they look at you and can't see anything visibly wrong. They don't understand what it's like to read things or see things that remind you of the worst things that ever happened to you, and then the worst thing happens to you again because your brain just KEEPS GOING. It doesn't stop and go "Whew, glad that's not how it is NOW." No, your brain goes, "You want to remember that. OKAY HERE WE GO!" and like a roller coaster, you can't stop or get off until it's over.

It's hard because even now, there are tears in my eyes because of things I've gone through that I'm still not ready to face, that I'm still not -remembering- because... well, because.

Depression is real. So very, very real. And it can be deadly. Whether by suicide, or by accidentally overdosing on medications used to try to escape the pain, depression can kill.

And it almost killed me.

Which is why I am writing this on my birthday.

Because it might not have been my birthday.

Some people who have never been depressed are looking at Robin Williams from the outside and seeing his humor, his kindness, his brilliance. And now they are wondering how someone so full of laughter and life could end his own.

Some people who have been depressed are looking at Robin Williams and wondering if someone so full of laughter and life couldn't make it... how can I?

To those people I say you can. You can. You can. Taking the first step is the hardest. It's so very, very hard.

And it can feel shameful. And embarrassing.

But it's not really either of those things.

Taking the first step to get help is the bravest, most courageous thing anyone can do. And if you know someone who needs help taking that first step, be there for them and help them take it. Be kind. Don't be dismissive. Remember that depression is real, and can be deadly.

The person on the other end of the veterans crisis line got to hear me blubber for five or ten minutes before I could even get the words out.

"I'm having a hard time, and I need help."

Am I still having a hard time? Sometimes. It's only been a few months and changes don't happen overnight.

But I am doing so much better.

And that is why I am writing this, because today is my birthday.

Happy Birthday to me.



  • Listening to: my son play Portal
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: the monitor.
  • Playing: with portals
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: water until my teeth float

Hey, you. Yes, you.

Journal Entry: Wed Jan 8, 2014, 7:22 PM


This is to any of my watchers who have horses as characters or virtual stables. They can be whatever color/kind of horse as long as there are no demon horns or fangs or odd bits that make them not-horse. No unicorns or pegasi (yet).

So if you have a horse or virtual stable, pick a favorite and give me the reference. I don't want to say what this is for yet because I don't know if it will work, but gimmie anyway!

Or, if you watch someone that this would apply to and think they have a particularly awesome horse character, suggest them too :)

Thanks!


  • Listening to: my son play Portal
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: the monitor.
  • Playing: with portals
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: water until my teeth float

Looking for a Commission?

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 7, 2014, 8:37 PM


Please consider :icontaclobanon:. He is one of those affected by Typhoon Haiyan and is a fantastic artist doing 12$ sketches right now. I know there are more but for now he is the one I am focusing on.

  • Listening to: my son play Portal
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: the monitor.
  • Playing: with portals
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: water until my teeth float

Rocket City (edit- fair warning)

Journal Entry: Tue May 7, 2013, 6:30 PM


So, much like many others who have taken their characters away from Paragon City and into their own 'verse, I've decided to do the same. For a long time I've been trying to figure out where my heroes would be based out of and what the place would be called, but today on the radio I realized I already had a good one. Rocket City is the nickname for Huntsville Alabama, which is close to where I live right now. There's a high number of technical and military businesses out here so even though the town itself doesn't have huge skyscrapers or anything, it's still a hub of scientific activity and will serve nicely as a base. So I'm claiming Rocket City for my character stomping grounds!

Oh yeah, I guess this means I'm writing again. So maybe I'll find time to put something together to post or start editing past posts in between studying for school, unpacking the house, taking care of the kids, and working a part time job.

I know I have a ton of characters and only a few watchers who even know City of Heroes, sooo... is there anyone you'd like to know more about? Any characters I should write about first? I'm open to suggestions.

****EDIT****FAIR WARNING****

I just looked through my character references and realized I have not uploaded my final character reference screenshots from before CoH was shut down. So I'm going to be uploading those tomorrow. I apologize ahead of time for the spam. There are 106 characters, including actually played characters with bios, joke characters, half of a duo characters, "hey I've got an idea for x" characters and "hey I've got a great name" characters.

  • Listening to: Tangled
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Tangled
  • Playing: with portals
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: water

Where I've Been Lately

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 17, 2013, 4:12 PM


Introducing Serenity Grace by SunGryphon Serenity Grace by SunGryphon

This is Serenity Grace. She took us by surprise 4 days ago and we only got out of the hospital this morning. I went to my weekly checkup on Monday and there was no hint of imminent labor. In fact the doctor thought I'd still hit my original due date of the 21st. Tuesday I started having some contractions but I figured they were just more of the normal false labor ones I'd been having. By evening they were getting very uncomfortable and closer together. I finally started timing them and while I wasn't sure this was true labor, I thought maybe I'd better go to the hospital anyway.

NightGryphon got off work at 11pm and was back at the hotel about 10 minutes later. We piled in the truck and took off down the road. By this time the contractions were about 3 minutes apart. I was driving so naturally I took advantage of my condition to put on my emergency flashers and do 80 whenever I could, and ran a lot of red lights (safely, I might add, I did slow down to see if anyone was coming).

We got to the hospital and were admitted around 11:45 or so. They took me back and started prepping me. They asked if I wanted an epidural and of course I said yes because I was primarily having back labor. If you haven't had any experience with this (such as being a guy :P) back labor is really, really painful, moreso than "normal" labor.

They checked me and I was about 2 cm dilated. They called my doctor to see if she wanted me to stay. Well DUH. Things moved pretty fast after that. I remember they gave me an IV and gave me a little bit of something to take the edge off. But after they left me alone for a couple minutes to do something or other, I started feeling like I had to push. Not a good sign when your doctor isn't even there yet.

So I told them so. And they told me "Don't push, you have to wait for the doctor."

Going against instinct, especially one like labor, is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. It's like being under water and being told to breathe.

I held on as long as I could. As soon as the doctor showed up, I said "Glad you could make it!" and Serenity was out maybe 2 minutes later, at 1:58 AM.

No time for an epidural so I accidentally got what I wanted - a drug-free birth. It wasn't as bad as I thought, and honestly I feel fantastic now, where my previous births had a lot of recovery time. The only reason we had to stay in the hospital so long was because she lost some weight and had some jaundice and they wanted to make sure she was gaining again before they released her.

So to recap: Serenity Grace Halbrooks, 7lbs 11oz, 20.5in, 3/13/13 at 1:58 am.
Introducing Serenity Grace by SunGryphon Serenity Grace by SunGryphon

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

It's a girl!

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 18, 2012, 9:20 AM


Just a quick update to let everyone know that I finally had a conclusive ultrasound today, and I'm having a girl. Her name will be Serenity Grace, and I'm due March 21. I do have ultrasound pictures but I need to get them scanned in, and right now it's off to the dentist for Griffon, who is very excited about having a little sister.

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

Goodbye Paragon City

Journal Entry: Sat Dec 1, 2012, 7:13 AM


Goodbye, all you people,
There's nothing you can say
To make me change my mind.
Goodbye.


I am mourning. That's the only word for it. I cried last night when I logged out for the last time. I cried when people started reporting servers down in the livestream chat. I feel on the edge of tears right now.

To anyone who has played City of Heroes, we know it was more than a game. We know the magic, the creativity, the inspiration that made it so you could play for 8 years and never see a character with your name, never see a character with your costume, and lately, never see a character with your exact build. Of the hundreds of characters I made, each was unique. Even the ones I gave identical costumes to as a team were unique.

I'll be uploading many characters over the next few weeks, to preserve their costumes and stories. I'm not going to apologize for the spam. If it makes people unfollow me, so be it.

My heart is broken. There never was and never will be another game like City of Heroes.

And for those who don't know "the story" though I'm sure I've said this before, almost 8 years ago, in February 2005, I met a man in City of Heroes who completely captivated me. Within two weeks, I knew he was the mythical "The One" that people talk about, within three I knew we were going to end up married.

I was right.

I found NightGryphon because of the game. Griffon and baby Talon would not exist if not for City of Heroes. I can't fathom not having them... and now I'm crying again.


I just can't finish this.

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

Moved

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 20, 2012, 10:44 AM


Well I've been a little lax on the updates here, haven't I? We're now officially living in Alabama. I've been trying to get Medicaid because the job that NightGryphon got does not have benefits. It's also a pay cut by about half so needless to say we've had to do some adjusting. Thankfully we don't have a lot of bills, we paid off my truck before we left so no car payment, and Night's family is giving us a good deal on rent (we're staying with his brother and family).

NightGryphon has finished his first term at school (Congratulations, honey!) and I'll be finishing my term in January. I found a local training center that does bootcamps for Network+ and Security+, both of which have been really difficult for me to learn on my own. After January I'll be taking a 3-month term break because come March 21, I'll be wanting to focus on the new baby rather than school.

During that time, I'll also be focusing on making some jewelry to sell. I haven't decided if I want to use Etsy because I don't like their business practices, and my domain provider offers a really easy store set up so I could make my own website with a store. Any suggestions for a store name?

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

Moving

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 18, 2012, 9:30 PM


You know, I think some of the best decisions are also some of the most terrifying.

We've made the decision to move to Alabama.

Next week.

We are running out of money here, and we need to leave while we still have money for a U-haul (it's going to take almost all the money we have left to move). But NightGryphon does have a guaranteed job so he can start working as soon as we get there. We'll also be staying with his brother, his brother's wife, and their two kids. I get to remain being a stay-at-home mom, but this time I'll have three boys to look after (mine is oldest). My hubby is going to keep looking for a better job while he's working (it doesn't pay as much and no benefits).

I am petrified. But the biggest thing I am scared about is what will my two older kids think? I don't want them to think I'm  abandoning them, but there's simply no way we can stay here as we are. Hubby's applied for jobs and we've had a few 'yeah we'll set up an interview soon' but soon is not soon enough if we can't pay our rent. My kids are the whole reason I came to Florida in the first place, and the idea of leaving while they're still  here just kills me. I love them so much and it's making me cry just writing this. I'm trying to resign myself to seeing them for holidays and summer, but it's so hard. I miss them so much even when I was getting to see them every other week.

I wish they could come with me.

The benefits of going to Alabama though are huge. The entire family is up there so there is a lot of support, something I've been missing here since my mom moved back to Ohio, and now California.

It really is the best decision.

Even if it is the scariest.

PS I'm selling a ton of DVDs here www.gryphonhall.com/salemovies… if anyone is interested in anything. We're trying to sell a bunch of stuff to have more money for the move. It's going to be expensive with the U-haul and gas to go up. Also I have a craigslist ad here if there's anyone in Orlando or nearby who wants any of this stuff orlando.craigslist.org/gms/334…

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

Times, They Are A-Changin'

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 11, 2012, 5:54 AM


Well, we had a  pretty big life upset yesterday so I figured I'd go ahead and write about all my news at once.

First, I'm expecting. I'm about 16 weeks along but currently have complete placenta previa, which will guarantee a c-section when the time comes. We think we're having a boy but do not have confirmation yet. So far the names we have picked out are Drake and Talon, leaning towards Talon if we can come up with a decent middle name.

Second, my husband (NightGryphon) quit his job yesterday. I won't go into details suffice to say I support his decision 100%. He's now looking for another job, but if where you are working is hiring, we are not against moving. He's already submitted resumes to places in Rochester, NY and is looking also at Texas, Georgia and Alabama.

Third, school is going swimmingly, when I can concentrate. I'm working on my Network+ class and there is so much information to absorb that it can get overwhelming at times. But now I have even more reason to buckle down.

So, there's how my life is. Not fantastic, but not horrible either.

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

City of Heroes is Shutting Down

Journal Entry: Fri Aug 31, 2012, 11:49 AM


na.cityofheroes.com/en/news/ne…

I'm in some serious shock right now.

Crowdsource CoH thread boards.cityofheroes.com/showth…

Save CoH petition www.change.org/petitions/ncsof…

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

I have caek

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 12, 2012, 4:34 PM


Because today is my birfday (my daughter gave me a cake badge). I don't get to celebrate today because we are broke, but I am anxiously awaiting my student loan disbursement so that I will actually be able to celebrate my birthday, along with my middle child who turned 11 last month, and my eldest who turned 14 this month. Yay!

I have some other news that I am sitting on for the time being, but I will announce it soon™

School is insane. I am cramming for a Cisco network class right now. SO MUCH INFORMATION.

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

If you are an artist, you need to watch this

Journal Entry: Fri May 18, 2012, 1:55 PM


vimeo.com/42372767

Watch it, and absorb, and learn, and do. It is an incredibly inspirational speech given by Neil Gaiman to the University of the Arts class of 2012.

Make good art.

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

Do you like puzzles?

Journal Entry: Fri Apr 27, 2012, 5:12 PM


Highly suggest you check out :icondoublecluepon:'s latest journal and investigate the links therein. There are puzzles to decipher, sneak peeks to be retrieved, and swag to be gotten.

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

What I've Been Up To

Journal Entry: Fri Nov 11, 2011, 9:31 AM


Sadly, this years NaNoWriMo is going slower than a sponge migration. Here's what I've been working on instead. plus.google.com/photos/1052914…

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea

Why I Could Give Two Fucks About DDs

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 8, 2011, 6:02 PM


I've noticed a growing trend lately, and maybe it's just me, maybe this has been going on since day one and I just never spent enough days in a row browsing DDs to notice it.

Over and over again, I see a DD given, and the ONLY thing that's in the Daily Deviation box is "Name by name, featured by name" with an occasional "suggested by name" in there.

Often, this happens on a piece of artwork with a description of "..." or "."

This is unacceptable.

WHY is this piece a DD? What makes it worthy of being a DD? What caught your eye? What did you feel? WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A DAMN DESCRIPTION OF WHY I SHOULD CARE THAT THIS PIECE OF ART IS A DD?

I'm sick and tired of seeing DDs with no insight, no clues, no "The colors of this piece made me think of..." or "This is a great tribute to ..." or even "This piece made me smile."

I just don't think I'm going to bother looking at DDs anymore.

  • Listening to: Pandora.com
  • Reading: the monitor.
  • Watching: Whatever Griffon wants
  • Playing: LOTRO
  • Eating: tea
  • Drinking: tea