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Lossless Self :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 2
Oh Canada! by SunflowerTwix Oh Canada! :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 1 0 [NSFW] Shit Renamon Model by SunflowerTwix
Mature content
[NSFW] Shit Renamon Model :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 1 1
Hyper Sister face off by SunflowerTwix Hyper Sister face off :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0
Literature
Red in a sea of black and white
My vision is a translucent blur and my head is constantly squeezing tighter, looser, tighter, loser. I feel like a rag drifting in the wind, the only thing that changes me are external factors. I’m not me. I’m not who I am and I’m not a being. I don’t have a sense of urgency, I don’t have a sense of enjoyment, practicality, realisation, enthusiasm or even feelings anymore.
I feel numb. I cut myself and the pain is just colour in a world of distrust and suffering without the pain or emotions. Blood is liquid soul. Red in a sea of black and white.
I feel like I’m marching along with a crowd, without any sense of individuality or uniqueness. Even the picturesque imagery of my mind feels stagnant and irrelevant. I could cry but I can’t feel sad, I would laugh but I never feel joy. I would smile but I don’t have effort. I wouldn’t bother being if I even bothered at all.
I am a prisoner in my own mind and I can’t escape it. Voices k
:iconSunflowerTwix:SunflowerTwix
:iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 1 0
Literature
We are Suicidal
In this world I feel nothing but pain,
In my eyes I see tears and blue,-
In this world I am only the same,
As the worst is the worst of me and you.-
I cry to sleep I cry to death,
I cry until the pains in my head,
Until my heart has stopped,
And until my feelings are shot.
We are the burdens that are in this world,
We are the children that watched it unfurl,
We are the lives that never mattered,
We are the ones whoms ashes aren’t scattered,
Our deaths are only intentional, and our pain is merely conventional, while your excuses about our potential are what remind us of how we’re all two dimensional but to you we’re only attentional. Tensional.
We are the pinnacle of survival in a world that’s cynical and as we breathe in the clinical air and we stare at our own empty binnacle. Unethical. You think that we’re finical because we’re not dominical. In a world that’s difficult and in words of lyrical we’re in a hurt of invisible because of the
:iconSunflowerTwix:SunflowerTwix
:iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0
[Minecraft] 'Render 1' by SunflowerTwix [Minecraft] 'Render 1' :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0 [Far Cry 4] Streams Are Fun by SunflowerTwix [Far Cry 4] Streams Are Fun :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0 [BF4] Zavod311 #03 by SunflowerTwix [BF4] Zavod311 #03 :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 4 0 [BF4] Zavod311 #02 by SunflowerTwix [BF4] Zavod311 #02 :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0 [BF4] Zavod311 #01 by SunflowerTwix [BF4] Zavod311 #01 :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0 'An Oasis In A Destructive World'  [ARK:SE] by SunflowerTwix 'An Oasis In A Destructive World' [ARK:SE] :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 3 1 [Minecraft] 'Good Morning' by SunflowerTwix [Minecraft] 'Good Morning' :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 2 0 [Minecraft] 'Skilliant' by SunflowerTwix [Minecraft] 'Skilliant' :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0 MC Render Test 02 by SunflowerTwix MC Render Test 02 :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 0 0 [Minecraft] 'Automate Your Life' (FTB Special) by SunflowerTwix [Minecraft] 'Automate Your Life' (FTB Special) :iconsunflowertwix:SunflowerTwix 3 0

Favourites

Minecraft Landscape - III by MuuseDesign Minecraft Landscape - III :iconmuusedesign:MuuseDesign 588 44 Goodbye by MisterMech Goodbye :iconmistermech:MisterMech 208 52 Nope Nope Nope [SFM|GIF] by argodaemon Nope Nope Nope [SFM|GIF] :iconargodaemon:argodaemon 1,146 98 Dashing Above [Animated Painting] by HyperDashPony Dashing Above [Animated Painting] :iconhyperdashpony:HyperDashPony 108 12 Renamon Wallpaper by lycanarius Renamon Wallpaper :iconlycanarius:lycanarius 167 26 Open Up Your Eyes by MisuCats Open Up Your Eyes :iconmisucats:MisuCats 181 24 Wub the Night Away by DVixie Wub the Night Away :icondvixie:DVixie 4,503 225 Light Me Up by DVixie Light Me Up :icondvixie:DVixie 3,802 0 Friendship is Magic! by DVixie Friendship is Magic! :icondvixie:DVixie 9,035 0 Island in the Sky by DJ-AppleJ-Sound Island in the Sky :icondj-applej-sound:DJ-AppleJ-Sound 68 21 Green Silence by DJ-AppleJ-Sound Green Silence :icondj-applej-sound:DJ-AppleJ-Sound 154 28 Lullaby for a princess WallPaper #6 by WarpOut Lullaby for a princess WallPaper #6 :iconwarpout:WarpOut 465 15 Welcome to Neo Beijing by johnsonting Welcome to Neo Beijing :iconjohnsonting:johnsonting 2,397 116 Sleepless by maxasabin Sleepless :iconmaxasabin:maxasabin 6,497 530 Blue Plate Special by JeffLeeJohnson Blue Plate Special :iconjeffleejohnson:JeffLeeJohnson 9,093 663 Rainbow Dash - Wallpaper [V. 1] by Xris777 Rainbow Dash - Wallpaper [V. 1] :iconxris777:Xris777 28 0

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Lossless self.

I wanted to die today. Whilst a harsh mistress may be called, and the judgement of a thousand years may plague your thoughts and representations of me. Simply put. Death is my outlet. If not death, then pain goes from torture to ecstasy. I lust the idea of self-closure, of a self-worth...but in the end what relevance does it have in a today's society?

I'm not a Deity, I'm not a god or a king. I'm not a teacher or a mother, or a father. I'm only a disappointment...a bother. How do we go from smiling faces covering our most painful strides in the time it takes to forget...not forget...but wish. To blink and say everything is okay, when deep down we're extruding the last glimpses of hope we have left.

We all have our own stories, but we don't all share the same prologue, mid sections or endings. We have similar experiences but we never fit each other’s expectations of each other.

I wanted to die today. I wanted to fall indefinitely, infinitely, out of sight of everyone...as though like I have lived...die the way I felt I've lived. Alone...falling...out of control. Metaphors don't exist in my world, purely the ideologies of a torturous society. Social means aren't what we explore anymore. Social means are self-justified properties that remind us of how we're expected to act...not how we're forced to.

I wanted to jump off a bridge onto a concrete surface. Exhaling for the last time, a devilish grin on my face, knowing that I never amounted to anything. Wasteful oxygen, yet a lossless self. We can die and we can never exist...but to be ourselves is always untimely. Something we never lose is who we are, even when we lose...anything.

I wanted to know the feeling of the seconds before impact what it's like to have visions of the past. The regretful decisions only strengthening my bond to my newfound reality, death. I wanted to escape those that expect of me, and those that belittle me. Those that merely use me as a joke. Those that know I'm hard but not stone. Malleable with society, yet not fitting in the fitting of places.

Cries for help are just waved off with humility thrown aback. My back...breaking it slowly, toppling me to the floor emotionally. Reminding me that my happiness is never a priority. Society. All the Deity. I only ask for help, and I'm reminded of the pain that forces my hand to ask. The pain that pushes me off the edge. The pain that leans me off that ledge.

I wanted to die today. I wanted to feel the blunt trauma of a train line imprinted down my spine. The weight of my thoughts pushing me down until I'm a physical mess...just like my emotional mess. My mental mess...My spiritual mess. I wanted to be reminded of how unjust I treat myself. Be reminded of how unjust I'm treated by others. The Deities that live around me, surrounding me...crowding me. Tying me to the track. Laughing as the tears drip onto the rusting lines. The vibrations slipping them off...the heat pounding against my skin and the horn deafening me for a final time...the deafening call of the names I'm called...the deafening ring that reminds me of the pain I've felt through my life. But what relevance is it in today's society?

Suicide is always frowned upon, but it's the most significant way to express emotions. To end it all is to never return. To never return is the ultimate expression. To sign the letter, to ring the remainders and load the Glock. A hairline trigger stops the hesitation...a hairline trigger stops the lack of expression. Of desperation...from the Deities. Why am I here? I don't deserve to die. I don't deserve to live, and I never even said goodbye.

I wanted to die today. I asked for help. I went to help...the help was from me, not for me. Stage-less humor and thrown to the shadows. A portable punch-line, guttered in the streets of a society. A mere zephyr reminding those of what has been. The gunshot echoing through the streets of my "peers" and "friends". Those who mistook me and misunderstood me. Those who'll learn a lesson that they won't remember. The Deities who will mourn, but will forget. Who will promise a change, but laugh on it instead, laughing in the face of my own adversity? Reminding me that my expression is everlasting, yet never lasting…always lossless.

I wanted to die today...Just me...and my lossless self.
[NSFW] Shit Renamon Model
NSFW. Lost the source to this. Sorry.

Was making it for a friend for VRChat, then realized (whilst other problems that could be easier fixed) it had wayyyy too many vertices. Kick in the gonads. But here anyway. Gave up doing bump mapping on it.
Loading...
Hyper Sister face off
Thought I'd throw this unpolished piece out.

Sadly I've lost source links for original vector artists. If you find them or know them, please comment them below so I can add them appropriately. Thanks.

left; Nightmare Moon
right; Daybreaker
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My vision is a translucent blur and my head is constantly squeezing tighter, looser, tighter, loser. I feel like a rag drifting in the wind, the only thing that changes me are external factors. I’m not me. I’m not who I am and I’m not a being. I don’t have a sense of urgency, I don’t have a sense of enjoyment, practicality, realisation, enthusiasm or even feelings anymore.
I feel numb. I cut myself and the pain is just colour in a world of distrust and suffering without the pain or emotions. Blood is liquid soul. Red in a sea of black and white.

I feel like I’m marching along with a crowd, without any sense of individuality or uniqueness. Even the picturesque imagery of my mind feels stagnant and irrelevant. I could cry but I can’t feel sad, I would laugh but I never feel joy. I would smile but I don’t have effort. I wouldn’t bother being if I even bothered at all.
I am a prisoner in my own mind and I can’t escape it. Voices keep me awake at night, voices I don’t even hear or see.

I’ve given the universe enough of a letter that I’m struggling yet the only help I hear are the voices that I don’t hear and the people I don’t see. Just the red in a sea of black and white.
The people who I once cared for no longer care for me. I’m a hot blanket in summer. I feel unappreciated and uncared for. I feel loyalty is a thing of the past. The past I only ever see. The reason I see red. Red in a sea of black and white.

So for this is the final time I’m testing my patience. Next time I make my move. Next time my breath of peace will be a breath of fire. My stale mind will be a pained expression. My words of emptiness will be words of hatred and truths.
Next time I’m not going to be “me”, no, next time I’m going to be ME.
  • Eating: pills and vodka
  • Drinking: pills and vodka

We are all the same, yet we are so different.

Life through tears isn’t a bearing to joy, nor a road to death.

My breath becomes dry.

Strife is what we make of it, but not to interpretation.

Depression is a sadness we don’t understand, yet you think you do.

The world passes me by but you feel alive.

Crying is pushed below the surface, yet you think it’s weak.

“Tonight I swear.”

I want to be happy, so do you.

Yet I’m sad, but so are you.

You’re often right and I’m often wrong.

Things change for me yet are stagnant for you.

“Tonight I swear.”

I bleed blue and cry red. Blood dripping from my thighs and madness inside. This is the end of my life.

“This is it.”

You think I’m just weak and soft. You think you’ll see me tomorrow.

This time I’m right, and you will be wrong.

You are now below me, and I’m on top.

“It wasn’t even painful”

Suicide is the cure to all problems.

Death is the cause to all problems.

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

I scream “Help me!” with smiles and laughter.

Like a creek I stream, covering my hideousness.

I hide me with not me.

“You still never listened.”

All the pain I was in, yet you remained broken.

I listened and I understood.

We were equal. You were me and I was you.

“It’s finally over.”

My last breath was bliss, yet yours will begin to dry.

My days are cold and dark, but happy and bright, yet, yours are now passing you by.

“Fin.”

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SunflowerTwix
Matt.
Artist | Student | Varied
Australia
I'm Australian and do various pieces of multimedia studies. Some of which give me an end result that I can post here. So I do. I'm not an artist, I'm not a 3d modeler and I'm not an author. I just delve into it all until I can find my true passion. (Which has been music for a long time)
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Comments


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:icondopewalkaa:
dopewalkaa Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2015
Thank you so much for adding me to your deviantwatch :D thats nice :D
Reply
:icondopewalkaa:
dopewalkaa Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015
Thanks for the fav :) maybe you might like some of my other stuff too
Reply
:iconsunflowertwix:
SunflowerTwix Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015  Student General Artist
^-^ I'm sure I will!
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:iconpixelsartshop:
PixelsArtShop Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you
Reply
:iconsunflowertwix:
SunflowerTwix Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh? What for??? *looks very confused*
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:iconiluvhalo:
ILuvHalo Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday :D
Reply
:iconsunflowertwix:
SunflowerTwix Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank youuuu <33333333
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:iconiluvhalo:
ILuvHalo Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the faves :la:
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:iconsunflowertwix:
SunflowerTwix Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you for the badge! I even followed you. ^.^

You have a great skill and I'm happy to see more of it! I'm a music pone, so I have no drawing skillz. :P <3
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:iconiluvhalo:
ILuvHalo Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yay! THANKS!!! :happybounce:
(sorrry for the that jeje, I always forgot to say thanks for the watch ^^; )
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