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About Literature / Hobbyist Emily M.Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
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Last Call
Today I'll have my last drink.
My last sip.
Last chance to savor.
The final swallow.
Tomorrow, I'll start clean.
Let no one in my way.
Allow no temptations.
Not even a little one.
But I'll remember
Remember the flavor.
How relaxed I felt.
With just one sip.
I'll cross my fingers
And of course, pray.
That tonight will be
My last drink.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 0
Another Chance
I'm not quite sure when I started to hate myself. Maybe around when I stopped being honest with myself. Everyone else was put before myself. I've made mistakes. Of that I will admit. But I was born apologizing. Saying, I'm sorry. Even when I didn't mean it. Today is the day though. The day that I put myself first. When I start to take a hard look in the mirror everyday. Instead of just once a week. We'll see how long it lasts. Perhaps, this time will be different. Just maybe, this time it will be.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 2 1
I remember laying in the autumn leaves when I was a little girl. Looking up at the sky and wondering what was up there and could I go? I can see myself now. I was a tiny little girl with dark brown hair, pale skin and blue eyes. I felt so safe laying in those leaves. Surrounded by colors of red, yellow, green and gold. Often, I would bury myself in the leaves. Waiting to do so, once my brothers had assembled a large pile and decided to call it quits for the day. They were lazy, so the pile was never very large and they were never at it for very long either.  In that moment. In that pile I felt safe. No one could hit me. There were no monsters under my bed. Both real and make believe.  Never, was I afraid my oldest brother would find me and hurt me. Or that my mother would take out her frustrations on me.  One day, I was too big to be hidden by those leaves. But I still look forward to the fall. When all the leaves fall down and hide me once again.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 0
Here I Wait.
Where was I?
Where have I been?
Where were you?
When I needed you?
I sat on your banks,
And I cried.
I sat in your church,
And sobbed.
Where will I be?
Where will you lead me?
Where will you leave me?
When will my time come?
I called your name,
And heard no sound.
I cried the day I felt you leave,
And wondered what I'd done.
Lord, I ask for your forgiveness.
Lord, I pray for your love.
Lord, I am your lamb.
Lord, Here I wait.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 0
I Thought
I thought of it the other day.
I though of moving on.
Erasing things, nice and clean.
And moving on.
I thought of letting you go.
I thought of saying goodbye.
Erasing you from my life, simple.
And walking away.
I thought of letting myself float.
I thought of letting go.
Erasing myself, a clean break.
And letting the world drift away.
I thought of getting in my car.
I thought of not caring anymore.
Erasing my feelings of you all.
And walking a new path.
I'm still thinking.
I'm still considering.
I'm still wondering.
I'm still....
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 1 0
My Words
Words come,
Words go.
When I'm angry they spill.
When I'm sad they cascade.
And here I am in happiness.
With no words to spill.
And here I am in bliss.
With no words to cascade.
So I let my words ramble on.
I let them sit silent.
So I let my words disappear.
I let them sit in the abyss.
I wish I could tell you,
Tell you how I feel.
I wish I could show you,
Tell you the who of me.
But here I sit.
But here I am.
But there I'll stay.
But off I go..
To think of words,
To think of light and dark,
To think of the world and me,
To think of where I'm going....
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 5
I'm jealous of you.
For what you have,
And what I don't.
I'll look.
And shift from foot to foot.
And yet
I torture myself.
Going back again
To what reminds me.
Of some of my pain.
Some of my sadness.
I'm jealous.
Jealous of you.
For catching what fell in your lap.
For being so calm to take it as it is.
For being so comfortable and happy.
For having what you have.
So I'll glance away.
Take a step back.
Not forever, just now.
And fade away.
Maybe I'll return.
Most likely.
With a smile on my face.
And a better act.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 0
I looked over my shoulder.
And there you were.
Your head on my shoulder.
Your arm around my waist.
I let myself be played.
And there it lies.
There on the floor.
Laying alone.
My pride is gone.
My strength weakened.
My heart broken.
My face moist.
But I'm reluctant to move.
Reluctant to slide away.
So hold tight, darling.
Hold me tight before I fall away.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 2
We're Sorry
Where are our children?
Where are their morals?
Have we lost our strength?
Have we no wisdom?
My mother taught me respect.
My father taught me kindness.
I feel old in this time of disrespect.
Am I the only one left with old values?
Our children run in streets with guns,
Killing their peers and hurting their mothers.
They claim to be more advanced, smarter.
But intelligence is nothing without respect.
Where are our babies going?
Off to fight a war with old men.
Dying in foreign lands we've never heard of.
Dying for a cause we've lost interest in.
How dare you ?!
How dare you use my youth.
I've lost friends, brothers, sisters.
To a war I have no hope in.
My generation is crumbling.
From the weight of our peers.
From the weight of old men.
I'm afraid.
Afraid I'll crumble with them.
Afraid my children will fall prey.
Dear Lord save us.
We're sorry.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 1 2
A Simple Joke
You're lucky.
Did you know that?
Lucky to have someone.
Someone to love.
You're lucky.
I doubt you realize.
Lucky to have someone.
Someone who loves you back.
You forced me to become strong.
You forced me to hold my head high.
To keep my distance.
To keep silent.
But when I'm alone.
I cry.
In envy.
In jealousy.
I'm lonely.
I admit this.
I'm envious,
I'm tired.
Tired of looking.
For that person.
Tired of being me.
Being me.
I fear I've already lost it.
Lost my pride.
I fear I've missed him.
Overlooked him.
Ain't life funny?
I'm always with someone.
Yet so alone.
It's just one big joke.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 0
Dear Mother,
Do you see me crying?
Do you see my dying inside?
Do you see my tired eyes?
My heart crying for release?
I doubt it.
Doubt you look past the smiles.
Doubt you see me fading.
Doubt you feel my fatigue.
Doubt you hear my prayers.
Dear Father,
Do you see my pain?
Do you see sorrow?
Do you see through my lies?
My eyes wary?
I doubt it.
Doubt you look past the jokes.
Doubt you look past my laughter.
Doubt you listen for very long.
Doubt you watch my eyes.
Dear Friends,
Do you see me hiding?
Do you see me shying away?
Do you see me shaking?
My head dropping?
Doubt you look long for me.
Doubt you notice my fear.
Doubt you see my tremors.
Doubt you'll help me raise my head.
So I can regain myself.
Stop crying, lying, dying.
I say I'm ok, I'm better.
But I'm floating.
Floating on a lake of my own tears.
Floating in my own sorrow.
And one day I'll drown.
Drown under my own weight.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 0
You Left A Message
You called, left a message.
Made me cry with memories.
You told me I'd think of you,
I guess you're right.
I dreamt of your arms,
Wrapped around me
As you hugged me tight
And told me I was your first love.
You meant well,
I suppose.
But now I'm reminded.
Of heartache.
I had let go.
But you called.
Left me a message.
Told me you remembered.
So I cried.
I shook with tears.
And remembered.
Remembered all we had.
But I can't
I'm too afraid
So I'm sorry.
I'm too afraid.
To lose again.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 2 2
Thank You
You left a piece of you.
Did you know that?
I doubt you did.
But honey, you did.
To the one I loved first.
You left me with my anger.
I suppose it'll never go away.
Too bad for you.
You left me with love of music.
I suppose I should thank you.
For making me more creative.
But no thanks.
To the one I hate the most.
You left me with fears.
I know they'll never go away.
Too bad for you I remember.
You left me with strength.
I suppose I should thank you.
For making me harder.
But no thanks.
To the one who filled me with doubt.
You left me with worries.
Worries, I can't lose.
Too bad they're not about you.
You left me with self confidence.
I suppose I should thank you.
For making me wiser.
But no thanks.
To the one who ran away.
I looked and you were gone.
I'm still looking.
Just not for you, anymore.
You woke me up.
I suppose I should thank you.
For widening my eyes.
And I do.
Thank you.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 2
Last Night
I took a shower last night
And cried.
I cried for words I said
I cried with regret
I cried with thoughts of pain
I cried
I took a drive last night
And thought
I thought of all my mistakes
I thought of letting go
I thought of you
I thought
I went to a club last night
And sang
I sang my woes
I sang my worries
I sang of lost love
I sang the blues
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 0
You say you see me.
Do you see me when I'm alone?
Do you see me when I'm crying?
Do you see me when I'm shaking?
Somehow, I doubt it.
You say you listen.
Did you listen when I said sorry?
Did you listen when my voice shook?
Did you listen when I started to sob?
Somehow, I doubt it.
You say you're a good friend.
Where were you when I was falling?
Where were you when I was scared?
Were you concerned for me?
Somehow, I doubt it.
Somehow I doubt that I care anymore.
Somehow I doubt your friendship.
Somehow I doubt your words.
Somehow I doubt your caring.
I'm done doubting.
I'm done worrying over your words.
Worrying over your thoughts.
Worrying over your opinion.
Worrying over you.
I've left my worries behind with you.
So I'm leaving now.
With a few worries in my pocket.
None that belong to you.
None concerning you.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 0 4
I'll Remember That.
Do you remember when,
When I asked you to hold on tight?
When you laughed and walked away.
I remember that
Do you remember when,
When I told you I loved you?
When you told me I was being silly.
I remember that.
Do you remember when,
When you told me I was horrid?
When I sat in shock and amazement.
I remember that.
I'll remember that.
When you need a hand to stand.
When you need an ally
I'll remind you of your words.
I'll remember that.
When you think of me with regret.
When you ask to start over.
I'll remind you how I felt.
I'll remember that.
When you say you're sorry.
When you say you were wrong.
I'll laugh and call you silly.
:iconsunbeneathmydoor:SunBeneathMyDoor 1 2


Origami Crane Mobile by Valley-of-Egeria Origami Crane Mobile :iconvalley-of-egeria:Valley-of-Egeria 2 0 Street by poop-is-funny Street :iconpoop-is-funny:poop-is-funny 4 0 wut by piratemonkey42
Mature content
wut :iconpiratemonkey42:piratemonkey42 1 0
Lakeside Sunset by Singinchic7 Lakeside Sunset :iconsinginchic7:Singinchic7 16 12
Kill Everything
How broad I smiled, my wisdom numb
It bit the hook where hope was hung
I began to ache, to shiver and to quake
and my pain was hers make no mistake
my child wake me from this dream
there nasty winds won't shake my screen
and in every thought of her I know
my mortal flesh won't crave you so
I walk the streets of coffin homes
with Dearly departed on every stone
the words of dead men, mourners all
scrawled and writ on marble halls
The sight must have broke me down
so I dreamt I died in a tavern town
with bruised remarks on both my lips
that kissed your own both, bibulous
:iconthebloodwriter:TheBloodWriter 1 14
O that autumn day
standing at a door,
searching for a word to say
you and I, we met.
Blue jeans you wore
a smile so shy you had,
but you were there.
Few weeks later we walked
hands entangled, through the snow
We had talked, minutes ago
high and low
and something made me stay
when I heard he sung
Four consonants, one vowel
as easy as a rhyme
When I lay my eyes upon you
my heart feels like a millionaire
Your hair, your skin
softness begging to be caress’d
Your look, your strength
My body ‘gainst yours; sweet sin
Your smile it weakens me,
your touch it is a cure
What I feel must be express’d
O you
you stole my heart, my dreams, my rest
Hear me, listen, stop your quest
for head over heels I fell for thee
like, on grass, pure drops of dew.
:iconchokladmoose:chokladmOOse 3 10
Begging for You
I've written of Kings I've written of Queens
I've written of Muses with Ebony wings
and never before did I know such suffering
A silent phrase a damning thought
I cut these curtains and let them drop
My sin was done or so I thought
For now i've learned its just began
Even though this year is gone
Can you Forgive this Sin i've grown?
did you Hope? did you Know?
Did you come to realize?
the love I Felt is still alive
It's barred inside and it won't leave
No matter how I beg and plead
But secretly i want it there
I want to love I want to Care
you give me sugar I bring you pain
but thats the way its always been
Im sorry Dark Seraph...
But I wish you were mine...
:iconthebloodwriter:TheBloodWriter 2 3
Interlude II
A note from the writer
as my story unfolds
the words here outsider
were meant for the bold
the Capture has summoned
the perilous five
all captures condemmed
and all trapped inside
the man dressed as clown
with a devils black grin
has brought all my pieces
so my game can begin
dust falls from my ears
and coats the pen in my teeth
all that I fear
is that i'll fall asleep
into empty glory
and my secrets will keep
that in the end my story
should rest incomplete
:iconthebloodwriter:TheBloodWriter 2 0
through the course of my story
I've told several turns
but reader don't worry
In the end you will learn
That writers have no voice
to the scripture they tell
that a writer is forced
into the depths of his spell
where alone with his talent
and a memory true
that in times he need call on
his story for you
reader beware: words can still lie
for the end only heralds the newest part
and the ending only comes when you decide
to close the book confine it's art
my moment of renown draws near
mixed emotions in this time of fear
something I thought would never be said
"It has been a pleasure, Welcome to The End"
:iconthebloodwriter:TheBloodWriter 1 10
Explosive Sunset
I paced the corridors of your heart for too long
I played on your heart strings too pleading a song
and I tossed my composure into the sea spray
to roll and break on the rocks and the quay
while you were dancing on bony boys bones
I was lamenting what I should have known
that pretty ones are picked clean from the trees
if not by magpies then by a sudden breeze
sunset blast me up to my feet far too late
when I had thought I had all day to take
but the shimmering stars were captivating
they hung in my heart there, scintillating
this was your time this was for my crime
of letting you soak in the seas and the brine
now the heart is locked now the key is safely kept
by one who might hold you and keep you yet
:iconthebloodwriter:TheBloodWriter 2 8
I am nothing more than myself
I am nothing more than myself
But nothing less than a unique individual
I am average in many, many ways
But still I know I am beautiful and special
I am nothing more than a woman
But I can stand out among a crowd
I am petite and small in stature
But with my voice I can be loud
I am nothing more than a mortal
But with every thought I can fly
I am something of a day dreamer
But there’s more to me than meets the eye
I am nothing more than a teenage girl
But I have the potential to grow with age
I am on a road I never would cross
But I won’t let that hold me in a cage
I am nothing more than myself
But the future is in my generation’s hands
I am somewhat young and naïve
But my hope won’t be cut into strands
:iconsinginchic7:Singinchic7 5 25
Lost Pianist by lostdrawings Lost Pianist :iconlostdrawings:lostdrawings 13 3 tree line by AnotherDayToRegret tree line :iconanotherdaytoregret:AnotherDayToRegret 1 0
We are not a part of your advent calendar
Our potential doesn’t die when you decide to pull the tab
We are not something to be covered up
Refuse, to follow a set schedule
The world doesn’t stop when you day dream
I don’t need you to be my garbage man of emotions
You can’t gloss us over; sweet talk is no longer effective
You forced us to learn a lesson
We are the only ones with our remote control
The logic of the past is like mercury to me
Deadly touch, and unconventional at best
It always shifted, from one philosophy to the next
But now the truth is drawn
We have the remote control
We can recycle on our own
We are immortal to ourselves
I don’t need to be rewarded anymore for patience
Good things come to those that wait but
What is the point in waiting?
With these hands I throw out my advent calendar
My freedom is reward enough
Thanks for being so humble Mr. Garbage man
But it’s about time I flip the switch to manual on my life
The moment is now
:iconloudwisdom:loudwisdom 5 26
School Clouds - Morning by Dizzy-Dreamer School Clouds - Morning :icondizzy-dreamer:Dizzy-Dreamer 5 4



Emily M.
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Current Residence: Hudson Valley, New York.
Favourite genre of music: country, jazz,
Favourite photographer: Margaret Bourke-White. :)
Personal Quote: "No one can make you weak without your permission."
Well I'm back to school. Doing online classes only...meaning I'm online more..hopefully I'll do more artwork. Not enough time to think about rhyme schemes and funny twist of words. But I'll try. Just a reminder still no replacement camera so for now, just a word woman. Hope everyone is well and just a quick hello to loudwisdom if he ever does log on...
  • Listening to: some grouchy music. eh.
  • Reading: library card? whats a girl to do?!
  • Watching: my gamer boyfriend playing some game ...
  • Playing: with my food
  • Eating: something I shouldn't
  • Drinking: favorite tea...yumm..


Add a Comment:
Singinchic7 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks a lot for the favorite!!
SunBeneathMyDoor Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
no prob!
chokladmOOse Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2008
thanks so much for the :+fav: :)
SunBeneathMyDoor Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
no prob
TheBloodWriter Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
thank YOU for the watch.
SunBeneathMyDoor Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
no prob. I enjoyed your gallery
TheBloodWriter Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
thank you. What have you liked if you don't mind my curiosity?
SunBeneathMyDoor Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
my absolute favorite? Otherwise I think you get what ones I like.
(1 Reply)
xLadyCrashx Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I enjoyed reading some of your recent poetry.. great gallery :)
SunBeneathMyDoor Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
thank you
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