I
literature

I Need A Pack

SummonerWolf's avatar
By SummonerWolf   |   Watch
5 42 1K (1 Today)
Published: August 19, 2008
I need a pack. (Or do I want a pack? I am not able to distinguish sometimes) I have screamed and cried and howled for this since I discovered that ‘therianthrope’ was the word for what I am.
I need someone to run with me run with them, be with me be with them, need me need them, understand me understand them. Be my fellows. Pack.
At the very least, I need someone to give me scritches, wrestle with me, throw a stick or a tennis ball, play with rope, give me treats. Embrace my caninity. Friends.

Look, I love my friends. They’re great. They are (for the most part) loving, accepting, and kind. But there’s a certain lack of awareness around most of them. Those I have told about my therianthropy will generally look me in the eye for a moment as if determining whether I’m serious, utter a quick “oh” or some inquisitive questions, and then drop it and never mention it again.
I know it’s a hard thing to understand, but it is my daily life, it is my very existence. To make a comparison: You are (I am speaking to those who are) fully human. You live every day as a human, and if everyone were to behave as though you were something varying slightly from human, you would likely feel very dissatisfied with it all.
Well. I am a unique (though no less veritable) blend of human and wolf. When I am constantly treated like something varying slightly from that, (i.e. as fully human) it makes me feel extremely frustrated.

To my friends directly: I am not asking anything of you, I promise. I do not want you to change your behavior in any way that makes you uncomfortable. However, as I have already stressed, wolf and human are part of me. In the same way that bisexuality is part of me. You do not simply ignore it when I am ogling a woman on the street (at least, most of you don’t), so why should you ignore it when I whimper for your attention?
If anything, I am asking you to merely accept it.
If it confuses you, ask me more about it. If you want to, talk to me about it. If the urge strikes you, feel free to give me a scratch behind the ears. I won’t mind, I promise!
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© 2008 - 2019 SummonerWolf
Just something that was whirling through my head as I sat under a tree in the dark. Not really that well done, but it's another attempt at explanation, no?
Please, friends, don't take any offense from this. It's merely something that is difficult for me.
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Comments24
anonymous's avatar
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YayDei's avatar
YayDeiHobbyist
God the first paragraph...I do not see myself as a wolf (although I wish I was), but that first description is EXACTLY what I've been thinking to myself for a long time now! Nicely done, very personal!
WolfKrazyKid's avatar
WolfKrazyKidHobbyist General Artist
gosh i feel for you sometimes i really want a ear scratch so i do it myself hehe
jacktheripper92's avatar
I'm always quite interested and always oh so curious about that and anything i feel inside me as a giddy wolf pup would feel.

I dont know if i have nearly the same urges as you my dear, but i do feel you<3
SummonerWolf's avatar
Thanks hun. I'd be interested to hear more about that from you, if you'd like to talk about it. <3
LiaBark's avatar
LiaBarkHobbyist General Artist
Took the words right out of my muzzle..
Nkiay's avatar
NkiayStudent Photographer
:heart:

I know the feeling of loving your friends yet still feeling seperate.
SummonerWolf's avatar
It seems to happen to a lot of people, therian or non. Pity, really. <3
Nkiay's avatar
NkiayStudent Photographer
yep pretty much
Mongrelistic's avatar
MongrelisticProfessional Digital Artist
Well said my friend.

I have to say I think I am fortunate to have a few friends who not only accept my spirituality, but actually embrace it. They are interested in it, even though it may or may not apply to them exactly.
SummonerWolf's avatar
Lucky you!
Well, in time I may find some friends like that. Not everything is instant, no?
Mongrelistic's avatar
MongrelisticProfessional Digital Artist
True!
And there's always internet friends if you need someone to talk to as well. >w<

But sometimes it's nice to be able to talk to someone face to face that you've known physically for an extended time. More comforting.
dragonslorefury's avatar
I'm sorry you've yet to find a pack in the way that you would desire.
This actually reminds me of a poem I wrote watching my partner (who is a wolf therian), playing frisbee with his non-kin friends. It's the feeling of "how can they not see what I am as clearly as I can feel it?" in some ways.
What you said about your friends reaction reminds me of most of the people i've told. They'll allow you to skim the topic with them and then not mention it again. Really is best not to pry though- it's a reaction of "I don't understand it but it changes nothing".
I really liked this ^_^
SummonerWolf's avatar
Thanks! Yea, it is hard. I mean, I understand that whole "that doesn't change anything" but, well, it does! xD It's like, look, I believe I'm part wolf in spirit! How does that not change anything?
lol. I love my friends. I can't stress that enough. But living in a small town, with small ideas... it's hard to find people who really understand.
dragonslorefury's avatar
Yeah this is where the long-distance internet forum packs really come in handy.
I think it's easier to think "Okay my friend thinks shes a wolf but I don't have to freak out because theres no difference" than "Okay my friend thinks shes a wolf and now she wants me to talk more indepth about the idea, crap what do I not know about this person".... if that makes any sense at all?
SummonerWolf's avatar
Yea, that makes perfect sense. Thanks.
I've tried internet packs. They're great and all, but it's really not... enough for me, if you know what I mean. A 'real pack' (excuse me) is so much more intimate, so much more real than that. But in a pinch... *shrugs*
dragonslorefury's avatar
Yes I should think so.
My partner has had a desire to talk to more therians but never felt the need for a pack that I know of. He does seem to enjoy playing and running with his dogs in the local woods though. I guess that can be a worthy substitute.
SummonerWolf's avatar
Yea, playing with my puppies does help, along with my human friends, does help. It's nice to have some interaction for both sides, even if I can't have both in the same beings.
If that makes any sense...?
dragonslorefury's avatar
Aww puppies! What breed?
Yes that does make perfect sense, it's good to get as close as possile to both sides. Also doesn't hurt to keep them balanced either. But yes that makes sense.
SummonerWolf's avatar
Actually, they're all adult dogs, but I'm silly. My own dog is a hound of some sort.
I also have many 'friends' that are dogs. My closest are a golden retriever named Lily, and a golden/ spaniel mix named Yoku.
^^
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ForeverChagrin's avatar
ForeverChagrinHobbyist Traditional Artist
its really hard to do that whole love and lost thing
I used to have a pack and then it just blew up in my face. Bad thing is having pack members that aren't really, aren't the same as you. They don't understand the close knit feeling the never ending loyalty.
SummonerWolf's avatar
It is a pity. I imagine that other therians might understand it a bit more than most people, but even so... everyone is different, no?
Greaver7's avatar
Damnit now I REALLY wish I lived in Boyceville
anonymous's avatar
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