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literature

I Am A Therianthrope

SummonerWolf's avatar
By SummonerWolf   |   Watch
27 28 1K (1 Today)
Published: June 29, 2008
Someone asked me the other day what my definition of therianthropy is.
Whenever I hear this question, I am sure that I am about to be ridiculed and rejected. But then again, I usually think I’m about to be ridiculed and rejected, so I suppose that’s not relevant.
Firstly, there’s really no way to explain the way I feel when I’ve ‘shifted’. I am not thinking in English, my mind doesn’t form words like culture says it should. I don’t think about what I am, or what’s happened earlier, or what’s happening later. I think about whatsthatsmell or iseesomethingmoving. And nothing else really matters because thisisnow and iamhere.
Mind you, of course I know that I am never fully animal or fully human. It’s my sliding bar of life. Now I’m 30% animal, 70% human. Yesterday I was 80% animal, 20% human. Roughly, you know.

I’m struggling to put ‘my definition’ into words right now, because it seems so complex and yet so simple, so fluid and yet so incongruent. It was easier when I was sure I was wolf, but now that I’m not so sure, it’s easier to wonder if I’m fooling myself. But then I feel a little more ‘animal’, and I’m so, so sure that this is what I am, regardless of whether ‘therianthrope’ is the right word.

I am a therianthrope because of the fur I know should replace this bare, naked feeling. I am a therianthrope because of the big sharp teeth that should be here instead of these dull, flat molars. I am a therianthrope because of the wet black nose, the long muzzle, the sensitive ears that feel right compared to my fleshy nostrils, my short face, and the tiny ears on the sides of my head. I am a therianthrope because I want to run on four paws, because I desire the sharp crunch of bones in my mouth, because I want to raise pups instead or children, because I want to piss in the grass, because I crave the taste of raw flesh, because I know that this is not a game and I hate the romanticizing and I feel the need and instinct pressing in and it’s not fun.

You can never please everyone, and there are some people who would read this and call me a faker. That’s why I left the online community, in favor of only keeping in touch with those therians that I am close to. But now I find that I am much more sure of myself, even if I am in the process of re-studying myself, and I have decided to come back, if in a small way. I am lurking for the most part, but submitting my thoughts here on DeviantArt. And I know, now that I’m returning, becoming vocal once again, that I’ll have to prove myself to everyone, every single soul I meet eyes with.
I’m okay with that. I want to tell the world what I think, and to Hell with those who don’t like it.
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© 2008 - 2019 SummonerWolf
:iconnkiay: was the one who asked me that question, and I got myself all fired up for a good argument. Fortunately, she wasn't looking for an argument, so I get to relax again. Hurr hurr.
Keep in mind, a lot of these explanations have been used before, i.e. the talkinglikethistoexplainhowithink and the sliding bar comparison.
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This phantom tail i cannot see This misplaced soul inside of me I walk on all fours Yet i do not have paws I wish i could fly away But in this place i must stay Sometimes i wish i could growl Or at least bark,yip or howl Do not give me the boot because im an animal in a human suit Just because you dont understand This is not something that i planned Please dont cage me Put me in a straitjacket Or in a soft white room Maybe if you set your mind free, Your inner therian might bloom
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I have never wanted to howl, So badly as I do now. I can feel the tightening in my chest, My maw raising toward the sky, Flattening my ears, And singing to the moon To my brothers and sisters, To my soul that lives out in the forest. All of it. I want to drink in the air, As it swirls around me, I want to growl, play and bark, At my pack who live around me. I just want to be freed, Of this retched life. I want to wag my tail And feel the soil between my paws. Most of all, I want to howl, I want to sing my soul for all to hear. I just want to be free, To be free in the wild. Yet I am forced to hold back the feeling. The t
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I can feel her, Tensed up and ready to strike, It's almost like a rubber band, That's been stretched too thin. Such tension, Her golden eyes waiting for the band to snap, And then, she'll pounce. I can feel her when I'm angry, When I'm annoyed and stressed, She purrs and reminds me, Of what she would do if she were let out. Strike, Claw, Snarl,  Growl,…attack. But then she also compels me, this beautiful cat. She is truly beautiful, Wise, Patient, Calm, She is the best and worst part of me all together. When I am angered to the cliff's dangerous edge, I can feel her stretching her lean muscles, Preparing to take over
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Comments28
anonymous's avatar
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xXDarkpawXx's avatar
xXDarkpawXxHobbyist General Artist
I'm a North American Timber Wolf. I know exactly how you feel. I don't know any Therians irl. None of my friends knew what it was until I felt they should know what I am. They do not support or believe me but I can't blame them or hate them for it. It's their own choice. But it does leave me feeling lonely and upset. I've no one to connect or run with, to 'socialize' the way I used too. But remember this, you were never alone. Never will be.
Monkeypants786's avatar
Monkeypants786Hobbyist General Artist
Your not alone. Im a cat therian (I like it! :D)!
skullzhead's avatar
skullzheadHobbyist General Artist
Therians are really fascinating.. I think I was one once, but I've lost my touch with it or something.
Dragonwolfnurona's avatar
DragonwolfnuronaStudent General Artist
I feel very similar to this... though the slider bar is slightly more equalized on my scale
PistolVaunWulf's avatar
PistolVaunWulfStudent Writer
okay, um... i know this deviation is like two years old, but i feel i need to add my two-cents... so i will...
I sincerely feel your pain. I too am unsure of myself, and my "therian-ness" varies from day to day, and i get a LOT of phantom ear shifts, and rarely a tail... and most non-therians aren't terribly kind to us, but that's mainly becuase they don't understand what's really going on in our heads; that goes especially for internet communities... But thank god for the curious people that want to learn instead of just saying "those therian people are crazy!"...
Inkitsuyasha's avatar
InkitsuyashaHobbyist Digital Artist
I always have my phantom ears and tail some days stronger than others I know what you mean and maby one day us Therian will find the answer to becoming what we once were
SummonerWolf's avatar
Sorry, love. I don't really know what you mean by 'what we once were'.
Inkitsuyasha's avatar
InkitsuyashaHobbyist Digital Artist
our old animal self's?
Lexilovesfoxes's avatar
I thank you so much for putting this on here. I'm glad that I've found a definition that makes sense.
dogagilitynut21's avatar
I am a very recently awoken therian (like the past two months), and I have never experienced any phantom limbs, however, what you wrote is what I feel almost every day. Thanks so much for posting this and it feels good to finally know that Im not the only one feeling like this. :)
:hug:
SummonerWolf's avatar
Glad to help! If you'd ever like to talk, or need to be directed to some therian information, feel free to drop me a line anytime. ^^
Negoran's avatar
If you don't mind me asking, if you'vehad any phantom limbs? If so, what?
SummonerWolf's avatar
I have experienced phantom limbs, usually the ears and tail, sometimes the muzzle.
However, in a slightly different way, while talking with a stray cat and asking her about her ailments, I experienced a feeling of having her entire body, with pain and tingling in the right leg and cheek.
How about you?
CelticMagician's avatar
CelticMagician General Artist
I'm a recently awoken Therian, so I too understand the frustration you're feeling...I also tend to be a little wary of online communities for reasons similar to yours, so I hope I'm not intruding as well. I wish you the best of luck with your search. ^_^
SummonerWolf's avatar
Intruding? Of course not!
I'm actually a little amazed to see a newly awakened therian who has immeadiately recognized the problems going on in the communtiy. Most newbies, myself included at one time, seem to get swept up in trying to gain respect for themselves and trying to become popular.

Good luck to you!
Negoran's avatar
I know what you mean, by them trying to become popular.I mayself, am newly awakened, but the strange thing is that I always knew. Right now is actually the first time I've said I'm one on the internet, so I'm not really searching for poularity. Me, I really don't care for most people in this world.
Yakarin's avatar
I know what you mean, I'm re-studiying myself as well, now I'm not really sure, if I should qualify as a therian, but I do know there's something within me, dunno, good luck with your search =)
SummonerWolf's avatar
Good luck to you as well!
Restudying one's self once in a while is always a good idea, I think, though slightly scary sometimes.
Yakarin's avatar
Oh yes indeed! Even more when someone really close to you would think you're mad if you told them what you think you are..
SummonerWolf's avatar
Hehe. Yea, being accused of madness is generally not fun.
Nkiay's avatar
NkiayStudent Photographer
:hug:
anonymous's avatar
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