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Here I am again, sitting in a bright room, with a dark mind, and no self-control. I do not belong here. I am Wolf, and they are trying to corner me again. I want to fight back, I am so afraid. But I dare not, for I am small, and they have fixed their Leash of Society on me. I fear it as much as any material leash.
The elder woman turns her eye on me once more. My ears pin back in fear, and I barely hear what she has to say. I weave a lie quickly and gulp down the urge to whimper.
I have them riveted, with my miracle recovery and my charming speech. But inside I am so afraid, so afraid. I am an Omega, a scapegoat. Scum.
Yet still I am inclined to bite her when she growls in that fake, mother-to-pup voice. I can taste the disdain in it, it's so blatant. She doesn't want to ask me how I've been, she wants to snarl at me, push me to the ground and make me submit. Deep down.
And deep down, I hate her. No.... I don't hate her. I am afraid of her, as I am afraid of everyone. No.... Not everyone. I do not fear my packmates. Not anymore. Not much.
She flashes that fake, sickly smile at me again. I part my jaws in a grimace weakly. She gibbers something else I only half understand, but the words translate to images in my head. I nod and stand up, glad to be done with another phyciatrist visit.
Yea, that's me.
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:iconmoonschild93:
Moonschild93 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2009
very well written! I may not be a wolf but I can relate. My step-mother talks to me like she's sizeing me up for dinner, my dad acts as if i'm a lone pup: not his pup.
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2009
That sucks. :(
I'm glad you liked it!
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:iconitachixme:
ItachiXme Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The only people who know my wolfness...is my packmate (which are another werewolf and a werecat), my closest friends (some of which don't belive me, but thats their loose), and my boyfriend (whom is just human....but i see nothing worng with that. I know who you feel, when one of my "friends" (just a guy I talk to) makes me mad (which most of the time) I growl at him, and some time threat to bite...and some times do...I'm thought of weird through out my whole school...but I find that fine...and I keep my being what I am secret...only unleashing my ture nature at my home, around friends, and my boyfriend
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2009
Yea, I think that's a common issue for therians; the discomfort in having to 'behave' and not act the way they feel is natural for them.

Thank god for the internet, huh? xD
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:iconitachixme:
ItachiXme Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*nods* I had always felt that I wasn't....how should I put it....quite human...I've always felt more wolf...but I didn't know others felt the same way I did...and so I was confused, I knew what I was but I hid it, from everyone, afraid I was the only one out there with these feelings...and I had no advice or anything....I felt almost alone in the world...if it weren't for my friends, I would have been...then I learned about us..and that we do exsit, I always thought we did...now I feel more confadent...I'm Alpha of my own pack now, so in all I'm happy....I also have a bf too! ^_^ Hes cute and he knows of what I am...but he says he still loves me, it just makes me that more specail in his eyes
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009
That's neat. My boyfriend seems uncomfortable with it, but he doesn't complain or anything. He's a good boy. <3
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:iconitachixme:
ItachiXme Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
^_^ I suspect he has some wolf in him too...he says he used to run great distances at night around a full moon, with out triing easily...but he clams hes not a were...oh well...I hes first girl friend ever and as far as hes conserned no other girls matter...so yeah, our relationdhip is strong even if we're a state apart...*random change of subject* On a different note I have successfully p-shifted! ^_^ I'm very happy about it...even if the only things that shifted were my my senses (which are wolf mode all the time any way)...mind prosses (which again is in wolf mode all the time anyway)....my teeth, and I could feel a tail trying to come out...but I was in school and I thought 1) It would be very uncomfertable to sit on....and 2) If I removed it from being hidden in my pants....well I might get some preatty odd looks from those who don't know I'm a were....so I kept that from happening...but when I serpressed that the teeth changed back too...so it was only for a minute at the most...but progress nevertheless
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009
Uh.... yea... You should know, up until this point, I thought you were pretty intelligent, but there are a million and one reasons why physical-shifting is impossible.
It's entirely possible for you to experience heightened senses and a shift in awareness, among other things that more or less form the basis for the therianthropy theory. However, the change in DNA (which is what p-shifting would be) is entirely impossible.
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:iconitachixme:
ItachiXme Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hmmmm....you look at things in a scienctifical matter...I like that...but it could truely be just a really strong Phantom shift....*shurgs* but hey even sience can't prove everyting...you never know....*sighs* >w< I almost bit one of my best friends today....he sneeked up on me, pulled on my backpack without saying anything...and well instict kicked in and I turned around to bite him, then relized who it was. I said I was sorry I almost bit him, next time he really should say something...or at least give me some kind of warning
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner May 10, 2009
Science, as we think of it now, doesn't take into account everything that is around us. I am confident that sometime in the future, the things we see as spiritual now will come to be much more scientifically accepted.
lol, I've almost bit my friends before too. Usually I just snarl a little bit when I'm surprised, but sometimes I get a little more scared.
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(1 Reply)
:iconloyalmindfreak:
LoyalMindfreak Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2009
Wow this is so riveting, I love it.
I haven't told anyone about my (wolf) therianthropy. I don't know how really..they'd lock me up.
:heart:
adding you!
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009
Awww, they probably wouldn't lock you up. But I agree, some people are uncomfortable with it. Thanks!
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:iconcaninehybrid:
CanineHybrid Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2008  Professional General Artist
This is a very well written piece... I really enjoyed it and love your comparisons, especially the leash part. That's one reason I wear a collar around my neck: to signify how I am bound to this world and this society and this body, yet it helps others indentify my affiliation with candids and reminds me of who I really am.

I used to visit a therapist, not for any real problematic issues, but just to help me balance my life in a healthy manner. I eventually told him about my identification as a therian... he'd never even heard of something like that before. I kinda had to educate him, but I never felt completely confident that he actually understood me to the point I wanted him to. Same goes for my parents. I... actually never intended to tell them about it, but they know about it now. I don't really know what they truly think about it and I'm sure they've got to be slightly uncomfortable with it. Or maybe it's just me that's uncomfortable with them knowing, I don't know. But I pin back my ears just thinking about it. God I'm so submissive sometimes, even for naturally being a very dominate, leader-like individual.

One thing that brings me hope however is my mate; he has been the light in this world for me. Do you have anyone like that in your life?

Yeah... sorry for just ranting on about myself. I just needed to type that all out. Ok, I'm done now. ^^;
Oh and :+fav:
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2008
Thanks!!!

I wear a collar for a similiar reason that you do. Yey! xD
And I imagine that if you went to a therapist voluntarily, it might be helpful. But I was taken, and needless to say, I didn't like it. I did think about telling one of the therapists about my therianthropy once, but I chickened out, and I decided it was better off not said.
The same goes for me with my parents. I didn't mean to tell them, but since I talk to them a lot, eventually I slipped and they asked. Thank goodness, my parents are understanding, but they still kinda think it's a phase or an identity crisis or something.
"God I'm so submissive sometimes, even for naturally being a very dominate, leader-like individual."
I feel the same way there too. Actually, I consider myself forthright and assertive by nature, but... because of an experience I had when I was young, I became a very insecure and submissive person.

Hey, we both rant about ourselves, it's even. xD

As for my mate, well.... I love him, very much, but he's a very technical minded person. Anything that isn't able to be proven is... not worth believing. I can understand where he's coming from, but it really does break my heart. Not to mention it drives me crazy, having my human side constantly on top, and my wolf side never acknowledged, never stimulated except perhaps by a stray scent.
So while I consider my mate a packmate, purely because I trust him so much, I usually end up looking for social interaction for my animal side elsewhere in my pack. People I love very dearly, but are not my mates. Sadly, these people seem to be very rare, but I'm lucky to have two or three.

Thanks for the nice comment and the fave! It made my day!
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:iconcaninehybrid:
CanineHybrid Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2008  Professional General Artist
You wear a collar too? :D

Yeah, the therapy sessions were alright... not my favorite pastime in the world but I do like talking about life, though I'd prefer to discuss things like that with my pack and close friends. I had the hardest time telling my therapist about being a therian that I typed up this whole "coming out" letter and read it to him, covering my face with the paper so I didn't get to see his face or reactions. I kinda wish I had looked now, but I was so scared then.
Yeah, I slipped in the same way to my mom and I guess she told my dad... I haven't directly talked to him about it yet.

I guess it's only natural to be in conflict with your own self because of the way we are, but I hope to work at it to find the best compromise between the two. A lot of the time I have to keep my feral side shoved off into the corner and then I start to feel stressed out and guilty after awhile. I feel uneasy with myself when I display such submissive qualities. It's a shame it has to work out this way sometimes; I hope that you improve in this area as well.

Ah, yes I see where you're coming from on the issue with your mate. I hope that you two will work it out somehow because keeping a part of you locked up will only damage your relationship further. It happened to me before, and I'm sort of glad that we had a conflict because it ultimately made our relationship stronger... I drew a picture of how I felt in my gallery when your relationship was tested. But it was of course a different issue from yours as both me and my mate are therian. He was just having some personal issues and questioning himself. But now we are completely open and honest with each other; I'm closer to him than I've even been to anyone else in my life. It was out one year anniversary last month too. :3 Him and my brother are my closest packmates and I'm very lucky to have them. I'm glad you have others like that too.

You're welcome for the comment; yours made my day too :aww: Good luck to you!
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2008
Yup, my pretty choke chain, though I hate them when used improperly on dogs.

Wow, actually, I applaud you for being able to tell your therapist. I wouldn't be able to tell most people, and even if I did, I'd write the letter and hand it to them, not read it to them. *coward*

And my mate and I have... definitely had such issues. I won't go into it, because they're complicated and personal, but... I do think they made us stronger.
Congratulations on teh anniversary! My mate and I will be together two years in december.

Thanks for the watch, and I definitely look forward to hearing more from you! Might watch you too, judging from the deviations I see so far. ^^
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:iconcaninehybrid:
CanineHybrid Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2008  Professional General Artist
Ooooh, a chock chain? Neat! I agree with you...

Thanks ^^; Yeah, I'm glad I was able to do it myself. I'm better about telling people now. Coming up in my creative thinking class, we're going to have a day where we talk about and share beliefs, opinions, etc. and I'm considering mentioning something about therians... but I donno. I want people to understand who I am and why this is so important to me but it's risky and difficult to do. I guess we'll see how it goes.

I'm glad that things are working out better for you two, and thanks!

You're welcome! I'll be keeping an eye on you. And yeah, my gallery is quite... dead currently. I've got tons of art, yeah, but I'm still moving over from my other account and trying to keep up with school and developing some better art and whatever else. Hopefully I'll be uploading more stuff soon and you'll be interested enough to keep an eye on me as well :3
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:iconhowlergirl93:
howlergirl93 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
My comp isnt letting me hit 'reply' hehe sorry. here is what I was going to say as a Reply.


"I havent told anyone. Not even my alphas or littermates. Even close friends.
I fear to lose them.
There is one, however, another wolf in my comunity whom I just started talking to.
I am not sure if she is therian though. But she still shares the same love of wolves as I do.
And she enjoys howling.
I used to be friends with her a year or two back but we havent really talked that much.
I just started talking to her the past few months.

I just want there to be more therians in the world. I dont understand why people fear [therian] wolves.?
They treat us like monsters? Arent they the montsers for locking us in cages?
Humans are confusing."
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
It seems to me that there are a lot of us. But maybe that's the kind of people I seem to attract.
I'm glad you've found someone to talk to about it. It's always nice to find someone who you can talk to about it.


As for being treated like monsters and locked in cages... I don't think I know what you mean. My bad experience was in the person I told dismissing it, not condemning me.
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:iconhowlergirl93:
howlergirl93 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
There arent a lot where I live.
Maybe its just there arent a lot in my age group?

And as for the cage thing.
When I was unsure of what I was, someone told me to look up the word therian.
I did and I found that most every site explaining them labeled the people crazy or insane.
Most of the people were locked away. Placed in insane asylems [speeling is wrong I know]
That is why I fear telling my parents the most.
I dont want to labeled at Crazzy.
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
Wow, really? I haven't seen any sites like those. Where did you search it, and do you know any of the sites offhand? I'm curious to see them.
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:iconhowlergirl93:
howlergirl93 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
I just typed 'Therian' in the google search bar and I just clicked on some links and a lot of them said that Therians were mentally disturbed/ill and such.
I'm sorry I dont know any off the top of my head but that it just what came up from searching in google. but I know its not true so I kind of just shook it out of my head.

People who arent therians have a hard time understanding how we see life.
And what it means to be a Therian.
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
Very true.
And even within the community, there are many different ideas, some which I would go so far as to call misled.
I'm going to go check Google and see if I can find those websites. Yay, I make myself angry. xD
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:iconhowlergirl93:
howlergirl93 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
Haha.
There isnt really a Definition of Therian. Mostly people just say a strong spiritual connection.
But everyone is their own definition of the word.
There is no right or wrong.
Unless someone is posing to be one. I dont know who would do that though.

But it is something one can not fully define.
Which is what makes being one so wonderful.
there is no wrong or right way to act or look at it.
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
No, that's true, but I think I've seen some that I don't agree with. The Therian Temple is one of them.
I also think that p-shifting is bull, and that you cannot become a therian.
I'm reading a book right now that makes me that much more disgusted with some therians. It's 'The Magic of Shapeshifting' by Rosalyn Greene. (Don't bother reading it, I just wanted to say I don't like it.)

I wish I could be as accepting as you, but unfortunately, I've come into contact with way too many people that test my patience.
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(1 Reply)
:iconhowlergirl93:
howlergirl93 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2008
wow. this is really good!
I fear to let anyone know my wolfen side.
When I am alone in my room, I often whimper out to unseen packmates.
:lonely:

Lovely writing! :hug:
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:iconsummonerwolf:
SummonerWolf Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2008
Thanks bunches!
It's a scary thing, you know? But out of all the people I've told (it adds up to less than five) I've only had one -bad- experience.
And, well, he isn't very open-minded.
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