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...

beats beets
flowers on my tongue
blossom into song
melody malady
fine-grained mahogany
safely nestled
in a branching
rapt raft
clamped onto the damp
river quiver
as i release
our magic fish
into the deep tumble
of distance

...
quiver of my lips, whorls of your hair

1/16/02
an other poem

bjork made me do it.
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:iconalendra:
alendra Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2003
hi. it's a paperclip. have i not been dumped enough and listened to enough emo shit to realise it's "deep meaning"?
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:iconjaggy:
jaggy Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2003
Beautiful. A speaking poem.
The sounds of words are usually so unappreciated. I am happy I got to see this.
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:icondeejbard:
deejbard Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2002
wonderful. the final line alone would be worth it all:

quiver of my lips, whorls of your hair



-----
I divide my time as follows: half the time I sleep, the other half I dream. I never dream when I sleep, for that would be a pity, for sleeping is the highest accomplishment of genius.

S°ren Kierkegaard
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:iconanon-y-mouse:
anon-y-mouse Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2002
so beautiful the words and flow

*crying*

why did i wait for 'tomorrow' to comment when i first read this, i'm sorries

*hugs you through the beyond*

blessed be, peace.

~me
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:iconlustrum:
lustrum Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2002   Writer
oops, my quasi-alliteration is a fraud! "their" should be "they're". hrm. well that's no fun. originally it said something else, and when i changed it i forgot to change that word as well!

**s**um
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:iconlustrum:
lustrum Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2002   Writer
long commented goodness! :P (Razz)
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:iconlustrum:
lustrum Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2002   Writer
Well, i guess i am reading this to the wrong tune right now (Morbid Angel, Gateways to Annihilation), but ill give my 2 cents all the same, aye!

i could dissect a variety of pieces here.. but ill just look at the most obvious, and leave the content to its own, if you dont mind (like the words i use, sometimes your content is the same for me: i just leave it untranslated and it exudes that mystery and familiarity that is oddly ever-present in your work). the word play, if you will - !

"beats beets" now that is a very typical "neo-suma" literary appearance: consecutive double words that sound the same but mean something different.

next we have a pair of lines:
"flowers on my tongue
blossom into song"
and the symmetry flows nicely from the first line introducing a flower on the tongue, wherethen it transforms (on the second line) into a "mature flower", signified with its blossom, and the tongue matures in its own right: by singing.

"melody malady" again your wordy-word quasi-alliterations, only this time they are very contradictory of each other (what i would consider another inhabitant of your usual poetry - grand indeed!).

"fine-grained mahogany
safely nestled
in a branching"
and here there are three lines (and maybe the fourth line, too) that have some symmetry. there is the refined "mahogany", "safely nested" (which inevitably conjures an image of a "nest" - once in the original standing tree perhaps?), and "branching", (which runs down the same path as the whole tree theme, only this word has brought up a bit of the past: is signifies that the tree still has branches, and is still alive, maybe, when the other two lines indicated that the tree had been cut down and 'made into something').

"rapt raft" double words again, only this example is a little deviating, in that it doesnt actually rhyme but appears to. so i guess, in a sense you could say it is an abstract visual rhyme. a visual double wordy-word quasi-alliteration!

"clamped onto the damp" and "clamp" and "damp" somewhat echo and vibrate a definate cold, wet feeling.

"river quiver" quasi-alliteration!

"as i release
our magic fish
into the deep tumble
of distance"
and the last 4 lines i like because the images are easily seen, and the feeling changes in comparison to the rest of the poem. i like the eerieness of the "deep tumble of distance" and the "magic fish".


there, their all there, and they're all i should say while im here. ciao Mari!

lustrum zarÓzskur
http://www.lustrum.org
A labyrinthine tale of God.
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:iconciudadlejana:
ciudadlejana Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2002
i like the rhyming, gives the poem rhythm as you read it outloud

Reality is a constant source of pain -- Ana´s Nin
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:iconekoshyun:
ekoshyun Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2002  Hobbyist Interface Designer

nice.. its really melodic and flowing
______________

.ekoshyun.
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:iconsillygirl35126:
sillygirl35126 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2002
A lovely sing out louder. Gotta love those.

And ye harm none, do what ye will
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:iconvalhalla13:
valhalla13 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2002
simplistic and savory.
woven wonderfully

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:iconsomnambulist:
somnambulist Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2002
brevity, smoothness, and something about the tone of this that's very original (perhaps it's the quick yet childish rhythm of this?). :) (Smile)

----------------------------------------
Poo It happens, blame the Kitty-chan
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:iconklf:
klf Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2002

bjork is wonderful.

you don't miss a beat with your writting, such a nice rhythmic sound flows out of this.
your imagery in this is so smooth, beautiful poetry.

Reply
:iconsolstice:
solstice Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2002   Writer
you should listen to bjork more - the imagery and styles playing within this poem fit so well to her raw and mystical music - i love it.

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:icondreamz13:
dreamz13 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2002
I just love the sound of it. beat beets, melody malady, rapt raft, river quiver...nice play with words and that's a very beautiful screenshot too. I would never know that paper clips would look so nice.

8) (Cool) where dreams meet reality 8) (Cool)
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:iconfrail:
frail Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2002  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
great singsong style

you know what I'm really beginning to like, though, are your trademark screenshots

001.0008
002.6302
004.0195
001.2706
003.9125
002.0060
000.8103
006.0520
009.9608
001.0247
000 https://frail.deviantart.com
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:iconstupidperson:
stupidperson Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2002
very nice, i like it a lot. also, the paper clip picture looks great too. good job. :) (Smile)

--+- Signatures are Stupid -+--
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