When you lose a best friend
When we said friends forever and crossed pinkies like grade-schoolers, I could only believe those words lodged in your heart like they did mine because every time I think back I can't help but remember the late-night conversations under star lit constellations, and study sessions where we learned more about each other than we did Biology but now it's clear that each beat of your heart has made those words fade, and you could care less about crossed pinkies but I'll still see you, and hear your voice whispering forever, and I'll still wish the meaning hadn't changed- like you.
I sit and listen quietly To your gentle screams No matter how hard you try This is going to be a dream No matter how hard you close your eyes Or how quick you dry your tears I'll come after you I'll fill you with numerous fears Running away won't help Neither will trying to hide I'll follow you wherever you go And you'll come back to me with lies You say it won't get out of hand That you'll control it this time But both of us know the truth That you will never be fine I'm the one you rely on I'm the thing for you You can't beat this fatal disease You can't make it through No matter how hard you try and deny it You will
The Thoughts Behind Anorexia
Youre killing yourself. Youre not eating. Its funny how such unexpected things come from unexpected people. As my mother and I walk up the street together, me lugging handfuls of shopping bags, nearly falling over from the weight of them on my empty stomach, I keep my eyes fixed ahead of me: the view of grey London buildings Ive grown up with, swathed in November fog. This is what I want, I have to keep reminding myself. My life has become a series of monotonous events. I hate myself for not breathing when my lungs expand, for not truly seeing when my eyes open, and for not fully feeling what I touch. I
When I woke up, I expected you to be alive. I expected the end of your letter To say something like, "I'm right behind you, You moron!" But that never happened. When I woke up, You were still dead. You aren't dead to me. You should be alive, You should be here with me! Where are you? Why did you leave? You didn't have to go! I would've cared for you! I would've rescued you! There are still people who love you! You didn't have to kill yourself! You didn't have to die. I can't believe you're dead. I can't believe you're dead.
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