Hello world.

3 min read

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streamline69's avatar
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Hi. As some of you may have noticed, I was gone for a while. And by "a while" I mean four years.

There's a reason for that. It may not be... well... reasonable for most of you, but I will put it out there none the less, as there are some good folks I met here that I left with no explanation whatsoever and I feel bad because of that.

The thing is, I'm bad at many things, one of them is being able to receive critique. And no, it's not like I think my stuff is ideal, heck, I don't even think it's decent. And when someone points out some of the flaws I have to agree. But I'm aware I won't be able to fix them, because I'm not skilled enough and I'm not able to devote enough time to improve, so I'm not making enough progress to be able to get substantially better within my lifespan. Which usually makes me put away drawing for a while, till I manage to sort stuff out in my head.

Anyway, I stopped drawing for a year because some guy on the forums decided to harp on every detail of every picture I ever posted here after I wrote (under his critique request) that I liked his stuff but he should work on his colouring. Which, in hindsight, was probably a bad thing to say. Then, when I finally came back to drawing, I was sure my art is not good enough to show to anyone (especially after a year without any practise), so I didn't post it anywhere, anymore.

For a while, everything was good. Drawing stuff just for myself and then locking it in a (digital) drawer helped me in using that unsatiable drive to create, to make stuff come into existence. Not wanting to show off, not wanting to impress. Just to create. It felt refreshing.

But not being able to post it anywhere made me realize how much being able to share my art actually meant to me. And I don't mean the praise (which is unwarranted anyway and I can't really benefit from it if I want to be honest with myself), I mean the very act of taking stuff in my head, transfering it to visual media and showing them to other people. It feels almost intimate, like you are sharing this unique link with other person, if just for a brief moment.

I was fighting it for a while now, knowing I would risk the same situation happening all over again. But I have this sorted out and I think I'm better prepared this time.

So, hello again. I hope you will enjoy sharing all the backlog of emotions I accumulated over the years.
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© 2016 - 2021 streamline69
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MarahScott's avatar
I can remember when you were posting frequently and then seemed to have left. All I can say is I have always felt you are an immensely talented artist and I always looked forward to seeing your art. I hope you never stop creating because you are wonderful <3 
1tsJess's avatar
Hello! I just found your artwork today and I think it's amazing! I Just wanted to say I'm sorry about people such as those who are above me as well as people that harshly critique you, I can wholeheartedly empathise with you when you say it can upset you and stuff, I remember drawing something I was proud of someone critiqued the crap out of me and I cried for a good hour haha but it's okay! I think a lot of the time someone doesn't mean to do it as a personal attack (and if they do then they're a poo face and who needs them) just try to keep your head up high! If you don't agree with them that's okay! That's the great thing about being an artist, it's your art and you can do whatever the hell you want to do with it and another persons opinion doesn't have to matter. Either way I'm glad to hear you're back! :)
streamline69's avatar
Thank you.

It's not like I blame anyone but myself, I'm not angry at the dude who went apeshit over my stuff (or at anyone who ever critiqued any of my art, for that matter) as he was probably as insecure as I was and it was his own defence strategy and I should be more considerate because I know what it's like. I'm also well aware of the fact that a reasonable, sane adult should not react the way I did. The thing is I'm not a reasonable person, my irrational anxieties are too many to count, I'm insecure and I give up too easily. I feel ashamed of my reaction and it was hard to admit, because it just feels so petty and unimportant, but I figured that acknowledging a flaw is the first step to fixing it and I'm willing to try again, with better mind set this time.

In my opinion, anything that stems from the sole drive to create, anything that comes from the heart and carries emotions and feelings is art. It may not be as technically perfect as some of the stuff out there, but that's not a reason not to cherish it none-the-less. It took me way too long to figure that out, but the realisation helped me a lot. I will never be as good as the people I look up to are, that doesn't matter, as it's the creative process that makes me feel happy and fulfilled, not the final outcome.
1tsJess's avatar
That's a really good mind set to have! It's always going to be hard to admit to acting petty and wrong etc, but having humility is important and I deffo think it's a first step into fixing it! :) I wish you the best of luck!!
kimsol's avatar
Awesome that you are back ... I loved the style of your photomanips (and also your drawings and paintings). So it's absolutely fabulous that you are back and sharing your artwork with us again :love: 
streamline69's avatar
Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.
Me-MAI's avatar
You are too much mentaly vulnerable.
streamline69's avatar
You don't need to tell me that.

I work on it. Or at least I try.
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