The lights in my eyes have been left on since the night I woke up and realized you were dead - permanently gone from my life - should your ghost decide to make your way to me in the middle of the night and make a home in me once more.
I’m the woman whose soldier husband - you - is off fighting battles and wars somewhere while I’m left all alone in a town with dozens of other men who are dying to scale my tower, attracted by the light in “the windows up there” - those eyes - but never do make it because only you have the keys to my entrance and an access card with your name on it for the elevator intended for your use only because obviously, you’re the sole proverbial resident of the apartment unit named my heart.
The elevator shaft still stands forlorn and desolate to this day, never ascending or descending again since the last time you rode it downstairs with your packed bags and military outfit on before blowing me one last kiss at me standing in the balcony, and going off on your way…
…away from me forever.
There wasn’t even a glance behind.
You never came home.
You’d lost the battle - whatever emotional turmoil you were going through concerning me at the time…
…but won the war - the war with every other “perfect” being in the universe that exists over who could be the most perfect because you - you are just the height of perfection a man can ever achieve.
I got a letter the next day written in your hand even though I knew in my heart you were dead - a text from you - telling me to “Not have expectations anymore” and that we obviously weren’t meant to be, signed with a “Don’t forget me”.
I’d burned that epistle upon receiving it.
You can guess what I did with that text in reality.
But what you can never guess is the number of unsent letters - poems - I’d written to you over the past few years since your figurative passing, rolled-up, put in bottles, and floated over the ocean known as the world wide web for everyone else to see - for everyone else to know about - but never you…
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I'm a Malaysian girl of Indian descent who used to be a "butch"(cross-dressing female) before this. My rather odd username was made when I was still living out that phase, which was when I was 15 years old. I wasn't a lesbian or anything-like most girls who adapt to the cross-dressing/"butch" lifestyle but still I was one- a butch, that is (hence the name straight-butch) Then I added my date of birth, which is the 29th of March to it and it became 'straight-butch29' , get it? Teens go through many phases in life, which is what I was obviously going through and I think this username will serve as a reminder of THIS particular phase forever. NOW...I'm obviously a girly-girl My hair's longer and I like leaving it loose and I don't mind being in skirts and dresses. Oh...and make up too
In the meantime,