2 min read

Deviation Actions

"Words don't mean anything. I'm all about action." she said to me.
... I didn't answer her.  She left;  forever.

~'You can tear me out of the picture, but i'll be there when you close your eyes.'~

i typically don't like america's thanksgiving holiday.  it's a yearly reminder to me of old memories, a lot of things i'd rather forget.  i try to like it because it's a good time to reflect and be thankful.  but it's just not working for me this year.
this year's edition of the holiday includes a new memory i'd rather forget.  it didn't just stop one day.  no, unfortunately it was drug out over months of sporadic talking and needless accusations.  that has left me slightly pissed off - not raging pissed off,  just feeling like "aw fuck!.. i fell for that same bullshit again".  i was deliberately dealt the 'maybe it can still work' card and like a fool i played it for an inside straight.  i have no one to blame but myself for being so naive, stupid and willing to do something that i absolutely, already knew, how it would turn out exactly.. exactly!... i wasted my time and that pisses me off the most.  
so, for occasionally being fun as well as a being a huge pain in my ass - and - for stringing me out for all these months i just want to say - happy thanskgiving to a non-american nonentity.
© 2011 - 2021 StickANeedleInMyEye
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I suppose I could come up with some noble sounding (and puke-making) cliches, such as "it's always darkest before the dawn" and "every cloud has a silver lining". But we both know that's mostly bullshit. Every cloud has a silver lining? How about "every silver lining has a cloud". In situations like this, you always find out who your friends really are. Not the fair weather kind, but those who will be there for you when the shit gets hip deep. And I find that to be a great comfort. Here's hoping you do, too, because you deserve the best. :love: :tighthug:
StickANeedleInMyEye's avatar
Thanks love !! :heart:
"mostly bullshit" is right on.
I know who my friends are.
I'm determining who my enemies are. :dead:
LeashaHooker's avatar
Well that just stinks my friend, but I can completely relate :( That's what happens to those of us with hope... we just keep on hoping even though we know better... Thank god I finally put my shitty situation to rest once and for all, but through it all, I never gave up hope... I have found, without even looking, the person of my dreams who treats me the way I deserve to be treated... so don't ever give up hope, you will find your magic and and all these lessons along the way will be looked at as great learning experiences... :love:
StickANeedleInMyEye's avatar
thanks for the encouragement Leasha :D
i remember your situation a little bit. that wasn't fair or nice at all. i'm glad that you got out of it when you did even though it took a while. now life is good at your house and i'm so happy for you. :hug:
in my situation it was partially my own fault and partially the fault of the other crazy me !! lol !! seriously, it was a lot my own fault, but, it takes two to patch things up and want to forgive and keep going. that's been the hardest part i think. it was part of the reason i couldn't get hooked up with you during the summer in san francisco. we'll get together the next time i'm in california. i never think of myself as a mean monster type or generally a bad person but that's just my opinion. there are people who hold that opinion but uhhh.. well they're entitled to their own opinions i guess. i wish i could do it all over again but that's not going to happen. So.. life moves on and as you said and have proved, someday this will be a great learning experience. so, hurry up someday!! ;p
love you kiddo!! :heart: