Devious Journal Entry

2 min read

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For the last three years I've experienced doubt, jealousy, hate, negativity, and a sick obsession. This obsession overwhelmed me. I devoted my life to it and it consumed me. I let all the negative emotions get the best of me. I forgot who I truly was. I was so obsessed. The doubt produced jealousy. The jealousy produced hate. The hate produced insecurity. I blindly wanted revenge, but it was never worth it. In the end I said to myself  "things can't go on like this, it's time I made a change". So I did. I'm not sure to what extend the change was successful but it was a fact never the less. It wasn't easy but it was far from impossible. I became more relaxed. I became more confident and focused. I gained some new skills and did some stuff I only dreamed about doing. It was time I handled my own life as I should have done long ago. So I did. I think I avenged my hurt pride in my own kind of way :). And now I feel strange. As if I was born only yesterday. As if I am truly awake for the very first time. I know with every passing day life will make more sense. It's all in one's head. I'm not quite sure whether I blinded myself intentionally for these thee years or it was just a state of my personal mental evolution. Whatever it was I am a new and better me now. I've always loved the process of evolving and I think that's the meaning of life: to evolve in what you do, to become a better and wiser person. It was no accident what I went through during these years. I'm sure the experience I've gained and the lessons I've learned will help me make the right decisions and learn from mistakes in the future. What doesn't kill you, indeed, makes you stronger. I don't know why I'm even writing this!!! Just thinking out loud helps me realize the actual situation. I hope who ever reads this would find it interesting and would make some conclusions for themselves.
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