Artistic Anxiety

I don't usually make submissions like this, but I felt I needed to touch on the subject ever since I came onto the art scene in 2014.


I'm someone who has a much higher emotional sensitivity than others. Even though I have admiration for many artists, the truth is, I'm too afraid to approach any of them to speak about requests, commissions or even permission to use their work. I didn't used to be like that. There was a time when I was an amazing social butterfly, chatting happily with many people online.

That is... until 2019.

I soon found out about the dark side of some fan artists. It doesn't matter to them what the purity of your intentions are or if you just want to be friends. Casting pearls before swine and trying to give dogs what is holy is not a wise thing to do. For swine will trample the pearls underfoot and dogs will turn and attack you. After 5 years, the wounds inflicted on me are still fresh. But that's the kind of thing my life has become. Ever heard the phrase "once bitten, twice shy?" That is me now. I've been burned so badly on multiple occasions that social interaction with fan artists now terrifies me.

I look around myself and I see nothing but monsters everywhere I go. I see artists claiming to love God and preaching christian values, until you do something that offends them (even if you aren't trying) and their true colors bleed through, revealing the black hearts that beat underneath and the deadly sins they hide, like greed, wrath and pride. I see artists in the form of fearsome dragons, guarding their works like a hoard of gold, never once giving out of charity or the kindness of their heart. I see artists with the tongues of serpents, just waiting to whisper lies about you to others. I see artists who throw salt on your open wounds and give you no sympathy for the pain you've suffered, calling you a fool for both trying what you did and having the gumption to speak to them. I see artists who believe that having a business that they run gives them licenses to do and say anything they want.

All of these things have created an air of uncertainty within me, instilling a sort of fear within my soul that chills the very marrow in my bones. I feel like a lamb lost in a wolves den, small and helpless, fearing for my life. Because my heart has been shattered so many times by those I admired, I have become too afraid to approach any other established fan artists because I do not want it broken again. As far as I know, I am the only one who has given my works freely to anyone who wish to use them. I possess a quality that less than 0.1% of the world has:

Empathy

But no matter my situation, I have to pick up my cross and carry it through the darkness that surrounds me, acting as a beacon of hope in a world gone mad. I hope you found this submission interesting and I thank you for viewing.

God Bless!