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Woooow long time!

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 17, 2010, 3:31 AM
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Woooooooooooooooow long time, looong time!
And I have absolutely nothing to say..... Except, well, my 'new' youtube channel is dead again of course. I should have known myself better than to 'promise' to keep something up, while I'm not even all that interested :P Or better said: my interests constantly sway from one thing to another and it's hard to keep my focus on a thing. It's just a way I work and it's something I've come to accept, saying that my state of denial about myself is coming to an end.

Rant! But seriously, I don't have a lot of things to say. But those who are aware of our shifting into the age of aquarius, and eeeeverything that goes with it, will understand when I say: ammaGAWD are we there yet??? O_O
Don't get me wrong - I'm enjoying the ride, actually. I feel emptier and more lightweighed than ever before in my life and well.. we need to ditch all of our useless loads if we wanna make this climb up the mountain and towards 'heaven'. Things really are changing, not just here directly around me, but everywhere in the world, and I do notice it's affecting me as well, in this little personal aura in which I am embraced.

It's in fact SO long ago since I wrote here, that I'm very pleased to surprise (some of) you that.. I have a boyfriend! For over half a year already, though =P Things are shifting about in our relationship as well and things are different now that he's away fulltime, but different doesn't automatically mean bad! It's in fact all very good. A little difficult at times, but hey it's a trying era anyway, so it's all good!

Let's see, anything else... Nothing much, except I can say I'm doing very good, empty as whatnot so it's hard to say how exaaaactly I'm doing, but very good overall. Confusing eh? Yea, I think so too. Tee-hee!

Still vacation, waiting for work to start and then it's gonna be a tough ride to save up money for college. Yes, that's right, college! I'm going back to college! Didn't I mention that? Suppose I didn't... Applied Psychology is gonna be the thing, then to carreer advisor, followed by a blast off towards the life coaching profession! Ah yes, I have a plan and an actual view of the future for the first time in my life! Naturally, things always change, so I'm trying to be wise enough not to cling on too tightly to all I have planned. Going with the flow is still a useful magic formula!

Anyway, out again. Hope you all are doing well! =D Hugs all around!


Oh yea, I deleted my website. Bit of a part of deciding not to hold on to anything I'm not taking forward with me. It's cute to have a website, but in my case it's just more unneccesary load =D


Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu: :iconmyths-and-legends:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: Buddha Bar Ocean
  • Reading: A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle
  • Watching: Naruto Shippuuden
  • Drinking: Green Icetea

New YouTube Channel! Video Blog

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 14, 2010, 5:29 PM

www.youtube.com/user/MySkycast…
I got a new youtube channel for my videoblog "My Skycastles". It's about my daily life as a Lightworker, or indigo, or.. you know. All the "Lightworker" vlogs I found on youtube were all about... the new era and salvation and evolution, things like that. Of course they can be very helpful for those who seek that information, but I was more looking for lightworkers around the world, who would just show you they were and what they do in daily life..
Since I couldn't find one, I just decided to start a vlog myself. It's very strange and awkward, because I have stage and camera fright, but this seems to be a good way to work on it. Also, I rant a lot.. which becomes very clear, even to me now :XD: because of the vlogging.

So if you're at all interested in what I do and what I'm like (though I almost turn into a different person when on camera o_0), go to My YouTube Channel right here: www.youtube.com/user/MySkycast…

And subscribe, rate, fave, comment, the whole thing. Please. My wish is to get a lot of views and therefore feedback, and perhaps I can expand my vlog to also answer and help other lightworkers. Because well... we all need each other, don't we?

Oh, and spread the word!
Thank you!


Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu: :iconmyths-and-legends:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: FF Crystal Chronicles OST
  • Reading: Enneagram Workbook
  • Watching: Naruto Shippuuden and Merlin
  • Drinking: Green Icetea

New Website: Skycastles, rantings of the New Age

Journal Entry: Wed Jan 13, 2010, 3:49 AM

I cancelled my website Paulien's Art Studio (takes some time to get it offline), simply because... I don't exactly use it for anything else but file storage nowadays. I'm not very good at blogging, often because I can't think of anything relevant to write. My thoughts go from here to there, when there's an external impulse my thoughts can spin into a totally different direction. I'm not so much good at keeping up a journal and writing one-line stories, but I'm like... a pro when it comes to ranting and random weaving of thoughts.

Soo I decided to open a new website, which won't be just for me. It will be named "Skycastles", after my failed Nanowrimo novel. I quote: "Thoughts can be like Skycastles - they can be big or small, they always float an inch above the surface of your Reason and are often difficult to grasp."
It shall be Skycastles - Rantings of the New Age. I want to put it out there for those youngsters (though it's for all ages, but I feel like youngsters are the ones who need to rant the most), who are having trouble finding their way in life, or their place in the world. These people always have lots and lots to say, though sadly there's rarely an ear prepared to listen to them. On this new website, they can create their own account and post whatever rantings come forth, on all kinds of subjects from family, relations and society to spirituality, ascension and personal philosophies. The conditions are that their posts are in English, without offensive language so it's readable for all (I don't wish for any spreading of hate or hostility), and productive. Because their rantings will have two purposes: to get it off their chests, and allowing their posts to be read by others who might find them very helpful.
I also find that if you rant your thoughts and simply spill them out, they can work very revelating for yourself as well.

The world is changing, both slowly and rapidly at the same time. Those who tend to look at the world in its whole should also have noticed. We've come to a point where you can't very well get around it anymore. I myself find it hard to settle in the world that's now at a turning point.

Sooo... is there anyone here who would like to become a Ranter on this coming website? =D


Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: FF Crystal Chronicles OST
  • Reading: Enneagram Workbook
  • Watching: Naruto Shippuuden and Merlin
  • Drinking: Coffee

The New Year 2010

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 2, 2010, 12:21 PM

Wow, I just had the most epic newyear of my life.

With Tuatha de Lugh, our pagan brotherhood, we got together at the farm once again, to celebrate the newyear together. We haven't seen the Blue moon turning Red, because of the clouds, nevertheless Milady Moon made us feel that she was filled with power. Dear Gods, the energy surges, the bouncing up and down, the pacing, the laughing, the.. everything!

I've felt so timeless, ageless, for three days. Filled with energy and power, happiness and a sense of pure freedom, featherflight. Dammit my friends, we're a bunch of such different people, yet all bound and brought together by the same kind of forces.

During the transition of 2009 to 2010, midnight, we were all standing on the field covered with crunchy snow. Watching the fireworks blasting about on the horizon around us. We were so far away from them, or they from us. I felt so seperated from the outside world, but not in a bad way, more like... free from limitations, free from restrictions and obligations, the outside world was nothing more than a view that time. And yet, I felt so connected to.. everything, to the entire world and all its people. To the stars and planets far away from us, to the moon and sun, everything, the whole lot of it...

Ageless.

A year ago, I made a small forecast, a kind of prediction that 2009 would be the year of Breakthroughs.. This prediction came true, maybe not in its whole, but generally and for most people. I was surprised when 2010 was nearing and I couldn't figure out the tide, the name of this year... But right before our Gathering it hit me: 2010 is the year of Transformation. Not just change, as day turns into night, but like the metamorphosis of a little catepillar changing into a butterfly... Things are going to be very different, and all for the better, I believe in that. Let us face the new year as Adventurers and overcome the challenge; let us face up, learn and grow, let us transform into wonderful and strong beings!

A happy newyear to all of you and hail the Days of the Light!


Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: Damh the Bard - Green and Gray
  • Reading: Enneagram Workbook
  • Watching: Naruto Shippuuden
  • Drinking: Green Icetea

Obliviate to Christmas this year...

Journal Entry: Fri Dec 25, 2009, 4:05 AM

Christmas is passing me by like wind in the fields this year.. I didn't think of getting and sending christmas cards, I even forgot to visit my grandmother. The usual christmas spirit I had always experienced is nowhere to be found, I felt it a little bit a while back, but it's gone now. It seems like these holidays have lost its meaning to me. They say it's a time of peace, tolerance and love, but the way I see it it's more like the time of obligation towards family, fake smiles and a lot of pretending..
Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I like being together with them, but it doesn't feel much different to do so during christmas.
Funny enough, even Yuletide raced me by without a backward glance. I used to write yulecards and spread the wishes, since that holiday has so much more meaning to me. It's not about peace and tolerance, and all the stuff that's being put into christmas instead of being spread over the year... Yuletide is about the return of the light, the slow halt of the darker days and the growth and awakening of all things on Earth..

I've thought about it and I think I know why I'm so obliviate this year.. I'm so done with 2009. I've got everything I could from this year and I wish it was 2010 already. The end of the year seemed nothing to live forward to, because my year, technically, has already ended. The next checkpoint will be the Yulemeet with our pagan brotherhood Tuatha De Lugh, which I deem not the end of the year, but more the beginning of the new, a sort of timeless place in between even..

2010 is gonna be a hell of a ride. Not just for me I think, but for a lot of people... The conjunctions that have taken place during the last few months reach their peak on the 31st of december, when the Blue moon turns Red. It will be like the starting signal for the next race, and I'm so totally ready for it. Bring it on. Whatever may come across, whatever may come in my way, I will face it like an Adventurer. The time of defense and survival is over, now it's time to grow again. I don't know what I will meet in this new year.. And I must admit; I am a bit frightened. But that's alright, because I know that once you beat your way through the obstacles, you always reach the finish line as a stronger person... Let's do it, people.

Merry Christmas and a lovely Yuletide to all of you. May the reborn light warm your faces and show you the next few steps of the way.

Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: Pristontale - Destiny's Tide (fuck yea xD)
  • Watching: Naruto Shippuuden
  • Playing: Tales of Symphonia
  • Drinking: Water

Oh! The Pagan Days!

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 22, 2009, 4:07 PM





Oh! How Pagan I feel today! All we did, Nina and I, all day long was lying and hanging around on the couch, with my new vest and her sheepskin coat, with coffee, mead and Damh the Bard. We also went outside for a walk through the forest in search of her Grandpa Birch for a while, after which we would slip back onto the couch. We also spent at least an hour sitting back in chairs, with our feet upon the window-sill, staring through the window at the red tree against the blue sky, swaying in the wind.

This weekend, Tessa and I went to see Nina. Friday night time just flew passed as we were doing puzzles, drinking coffee and mead, talking and laughing. In the dead of night we went to a small bit of forest and hang back in a deserted playground, staring at the stars in complete silence for what seems like hours.
On saturday we went into Utrecht, first to a book/new-age store, then to the Aboriginal Art museum, where we were mesmerized by the paintings and the weird (and ancient) maps hanging on the walls.
After that, we shortly visited the monastery garden, took a cold beer and then set out to the Irish Pub, where we spent the rest of the evening in complete joy.

And sunday, today, well.. you just read! :XD:
All we did was hanging on the couch with coffee, mead and Damh the Bard. And I've never felt so Pagan in my life.. It was like, totally natural, casual and going without saying.. Even while we were just being lazy, doing absolutely nothing, we were Pagans. How I love being a Pagan, how I love feeling alive! How I love seeing the beauty in the smallest things, like the waving of a leaf, the flight of a bird, the growth of a flower or the tune of a flute!
How I love sharing my ways, my days with my friends.
In this world of doubt, there's one thing I absolutely know for sure: when I die, I will do so packed, up to my crown, with such good memories!

And by the way, go listen to Damh the Bard!
Here: www.youtube.com/view_play_list… and here: www.paganmusic.co.uk/

*sighs*
Oh! How happy I feel today! =D
There's an affection overload!




Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: Damh the Bard - Merlin Am I
  • Reading: Peter Pan
  • Drinking: Hot choco

Castlefest and the bonds of Brotherhood

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 4, 2009, 4:21 AM




Yup, it's this time of the year again. Castlefest is over, though only the festival. Everything else that came with it - friends, emotions, light and life - are things we keep carrying with us.
Castlefest is not just a festival. It's one huge pagan gathering, in a tiny country in the world. There, together, we bring traces of the old ways and ancient brotherhoods back into a modern world. Like daimonie beautifully said, Castlefest is the home of a pagan revival-movement.
Last year that's where I met my new friends and family and it seems our bond has grown stronger with every time we came together. Especially after this weekend, I believe the bonds of our friendship have grown even stronger still. We all stood together as one - arm in arm did we celebrate the good times and we supported each other in moments of sadness. Each of us have also grown closer to particular friends I believe, even though we didn't really get to know each other that much better... Castlefest - festival of friends.

On thursday I arrived on the campingsite with my friends Gilian, Bibiche, Nick and Christ, to join the rest of our brotherhood, who had already arrived there after their lughnasadh pilgrimige. We sat together, laughed a damn lot (so much that eventually I couldn't even stand up straight anymore :XD:) and then unpacked our stuff.

Friday, we grabbed our bikes and went to the festival terrain together (count like 30 people). There we found our usual hang-out spot in the grass near the main stage and then went to do our own thing. We walked through the markets, watched the wonderful bands playing and basically had a great time. On that day, I got a ring from my good friend Linda, my first real ring ever! It's a silver broad ring with a rune charm carved in it. I've never worn rings before really, because they always bugged me. This ring though, doesn't bother me at all, but on the contrary: I actually miss it when I'm not wearing it!
I also bought the most lovely little dress that I wore the rest of the weekend, just because it was damn cool.

On saturday, we were so damn glad to finally see the band Valravn again! Damn, how much we looked out for that and they were as awesome as ever. This is also the day when we put our sacrefices into the Wickerbeast's belly. I had written a letter with my frustrations and prayed for the ashes of my pain to be swept away, and for my dreams to be lifted into the universe and rain down on me. On this moment, Sietse was there to support me. At night, our brotherhood gathered at the Beast for the sacrefice of our banner - we held it together and walked through the terrain, singing "The River is Flowing", before returning to the beast and offering it.
The Wickerbeast ritual at night was simply too beautiful, we stood at the front with a group singing as loudly as we could, as Omnia played Auto Luonto while they sat the Wickerbeast on fire. We sang together with Old Man Tree and that's when I wished we'd be together for as long as possible, if not forever.

Sunday started as quiet and rainy day, though it cleared in the afternoon when the crowd came in. I had bought a little bottle shaped like a turtle with a cork in it, that was actually a small necklace. Then I noticed my friends all had one too and they had put ashes of the wickerbeast in it. I thought it was a really cool idea, but I had my doubts of whether I, personally, should do it too.. Since the ashes of my letter were supposed to be swept away by the wind. I decided to try it anyway and there suddenly it went wrong. After having a conversation with my friends about a subject that fell too hard on me, I suddenly went completely downhill.. As quiet as my head was before, it became a total chaos again and my belief was totally broken, I couldn't even enjoy Omnia anymore because I was too absent. Then Gilian said that I could still spread the ashes personally and that's what I eventually did, with him by his said. As I spread the ashes of the creek near the terrain, I prayed for a phoenix to arise from the ashes - a phoenix of life and light. After that moment, everything went back to normal and better. I noticed my bond with Gilian had grown stronger after that.
After this last day of Castlefest, we went to the beach with a group where we said our goodbyes to the sea, to Castlefest. We wrote our prayers, names and thoughts in the sand as the tide came in, to let the sea take them along. There we sang Old Man Tree together, and just enjoyed each other's company, and that of the sea... Then we waved our goodbyes and went back to the campingsite.

The next morning, yesterday morning, it was time to say goodbye to each other again. Which is never easy, but this time it was simply painful. But at the same time, we all slowly realized that we were very happy, in spite of everything each of us is going through. I promised myself I wouldn't cry when I said a dozen of goodbyes to Nina, but eventually in the train when Gilian started singing Caledonia, my first real tear came out. At home, when my father played Old Man Tree on his radio, I started crying for real, which last till I finally went to bed... But you know, I don't think I cried just because I was sad about having to leave my friends again... but I think I cried more because I am happy - happy that I have those friends, no matter where I would go. Our brotherhood is not decided by distance, after all.

Dear Tuatha de Lugh, our brotherhood, it's been a year since you became my family. And therefore, happy anniversary! I never dared dreaming I would be a part of a group as special as you guys, I love you very much, my pagan brothers and sisters.

Castlefest - festival of brotherhood.

^_^
Happy Lughnasadh!


Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: Omnia - Old Man Tree
  • Playing: Pristontale
  • Drinking: Icetea

Something to write...

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 9, 2009, 8:16 AM





Thought I'd let you guys in on the news...

I had a job, and it's gone again. The guy who started that entertainment company decided to put the start off to the end of 2010, or even later than that. So I'm left with nothing once again.

That seriously burst my bubble you know, I have no idea what I'm doing anymore, or what I'm doing it for...

Just a few more weeks and it's Lughnasadh, time for castlefest. I'm looking forward to it very much.

I've written a ritual I want to perform next week. It's called "Blueprint" and it's literally about returning to the basic blueprint of the soul... I haven't worked magic in a very very long time, but I feel I need it again, to get my head straight and to remind myself who I am again and what I'm supposed to be doing here...


Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: Ozark Henry - We Were Never Alone
  • Reading: Inkheart, soon
  • Watching: Digimon 02
  • Playing: Pristontale
  • Drinking: Icetea

I got the Illustrator Job!!! =D

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 18, 2009, 3:31 AM



THATS RIGHT!

At the start of this week I found a job ad for illustrator, for a brandnew company here that's gonna make entertainment for kids and family. Such as books, colouring pictures, comics, e-cards, online games, etc etc etc...
I responded, sent my portfolio and was invited to an interview very quickly. This morning!
And I got the job!

It's a new kind of system, the team of artists and writers get together to work on various projects and designs. We have an office desk with mail and such, and photoshop, plus one big working area with drawing tables and all materials gathered for us.

My job: illustration, storywriting and music composing.
Neat huh!? =D

All in one! It's gonna be a constant process of creativity and design. I expect it will be kinda tough in the beginning, going from parttime/unemployed to fulltime. I won't be able to do freelance stuff anymore (not that I need to =P) and no time for my homestudy. But that's okay too, because the way I consider it it's a job, a dream and scholing in one! The payment is fair, it's just ahove the minimum salary. But that's alright, it's all worth it!

Ahh.. I can hardly wait. I'm starting at the end of august. But in the meantime I've been given the assignment to design some mascottes for the company, for a freelance payment.

YAY! Dreams don't die! *strikes pose*

I have the feeling it hasn't completely sunk in yet, but well... I have to be a little bit of a critic though, since it's brandnew and they only know how it's gonna work in theory.. It's not yet been brought into practice. But no worries, I'm gonna do my very best!

I love you guys, and thanks for everything!

PS: 6 weeks until Castlefest, ohhh yea! =D


Clubs:
:icondapagan: :iconpagan-and-proud: :iconunseenartists: :iconfinal-fantasyviiclub: :iconpharaoh-atemu:

Moderator of:
:iconindigochildren:

Stamps
Castlefest Stamp by stardrop Mother Earth Stamp by 7thhokage FFVIICC Zack by madcoffee pagan stamp by theMary-go-Round Indigo Stamp by Luinloth Equality Is For Everyone by chibi-angel GEEK by Pyrox666xPheebs Citizen of the world stamp by lennyconil

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  • Listening to: You Can Do it (from Pokemon)
  • Watching: Inuyasha
  • Playing: Zelda: The Twilight Princess
  • Drinking: Icetea

Homemade Homeschool Time!

Journal Entry: Sat May 2, 2009, 3:38 PM



Got something good to tell! :D
It's funny how some things in life work. It always seems easier to fool yourself and shadow your doubts, than to give in to what you truly desire and truly think is right. Or is it? If you follow the mainly set up path it's easier to be accepted and to gain access to the big world of success. But then again, is it right? When walking such a path, will it be easy at times when you're forced to face yourself?
I really don't think so... The path I've chosen presently isn't easy, not when it comes to being accepted and embraced in the big people world. People continue to look down on me, to frown at what I'm doing and believe in. But following a path that's not lain down for me would be harder I suppose, because then I'd be in a constant struggle with myself. Been there, done that. I gotta say, I'm done following paths that break me down and shape me to what the big people think is right, like I'm some clay figurine.
Nope, I'm not in school. Yeah, here I go again, same old story and subject. But it's been one heck of a war regarding education, and I do think it deserves the proper attention.
In my previous journal I told about a lady of the test central, who eventually concluded that a general study wouldn't do for me, and that I could create my own study with everything I know and everything I love. That last one is what I decided to do.

Today I went to the libraby with my dad; I seriously haven't borrowed a book in YEARS. Now I have three: The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho, a book about crop circles and a book with 100 great tips for drawing with pastel.
And so I decided it was time for my homemade homescholing programme! My own art education is about to begin, starting with basics of course. I just finished my schedule for the next 30 weeks. Every subject will be covered in a period of 3 weeks, with a final assignment as a sort of exam. Thus:


:bulletwhite: Pastels
Week 1: Basics and colour study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Combinding with other media
Final: Selfportrait (cover for The 9 Pieces of Lisa)

:bulletwhite: Coloured Pencils
Week 1: Basics and colour study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Combinding with other media
Final: Portrait Larissa (my niece)

:bulletwhite: Grey Pencils
Week 1: Basic shade study
Week 2: Basic practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Animal drawing

:bulletwhite: Charcoal
Week 1: Basic study and choice
Week 2: Basic Practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Landscape

:bulletwhite: Watercolour
Week 1: Basics and colour study
Week 2: Basic practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Fantasy scene

:bulletwhite: Acrylics
Week 1: Basic and colour study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Combinding with other media
Final: Illustration for Urban Angel

:bulletwhite: Markers
Week 1: Basic study
Week 2: Basic Practice
Week 3: Extra
Final: A cool poster

:bulletwhite: Ink
Week 1: Basic study
Week 2: Basic practice
Week 3: Effects and detail
Final: Illustration for Dalni and Morrigan

:bulletwhite: Digital Painting
Week 1: Style study
Week 2: Special Effects
Week 3: Extra
Final: Digital Painting


As you can see, I took the stuff to study quite broadly.. Did that on purpose. I've never been good at sticking strictly to schedules, so I won't punish myself if I wander off a bit. As long as I stick to the path and won't slack off. The reason I took it all in a broad concept (extra, special effects - could be anything) is because I don't know yet what exactly I'll be studying for each subject. I'll only know that when I've got the right books in my hands. My studying books, which I'll get from the library. Of course, I'll make sure that the books I borrow will contain info about the stuff I've put in my schedule.

*happy sigh*

I feel good. I really do. Of course, I still have some boggling things on my mind, such as finding work. But you know... life is like learning how to paint: first come the basics - the foundation - and after that the special effects and details. I know all will be fine and everything will fall into place, as long as my being is at peace. If it's not, if everything's shrouded by doubt and turmoil, how will I ever see the road?

Music and writing are not included in the home schooling I've set up here, but it's alright, there's a time and place for everything. I'll still work on them as I go of course, but who knows, maybe they'll get their special attention during the 'next school year' ;) Still gonna start on my demo soon, when exactly I don't know. But soon :D Still writing my book, I feel I'm getting close to the point of being able to finally properly continue on it.

So.. I wish you all well my friends!

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


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Updates: Time to kick ass!

Journal Entry: Fri Apr 24, 2009, 9:53 AM

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Alright, it's sure been a while, so I'm just gonna give updates about what's going on here, for anyone who wants to know.

The last several months I've put my energy mostly into finding work, in vain which is more like killing than kicking. I'm still unemployed, but I did get myself back on track halfway again.

Last week I had an intake interview for a couple of tests that would test my intelligence and personality. Of course I already knew most of the results, but now I have them on official paper which can help me with finding a job. The intelligence test was a little surprising, though, I scored higher than I expected. Not with numbers, though, the scores for that and math was really low..

Anyway, the woman that interviewed me was extremely nice and the tests were actually meant to help me get back into school. But at the end of the interview she concluded that school just isn't my path. Which is something I already knew, but to have an actual professional telling me this, it was really special...
She asked me what I wanted to do and become in the future and I listed the things I always do: musician, writer, painter, illustrator and maybe something with clothing or merchandise. When she asked me what activities I do within those fields I told her that I'm writing music and that I wanna record a demo, and record a cd before the end of 2010. Next to that I'm writing a book, next to some spiritual prose, and that I'm illustrating a children's book as an amateur. And that it was hard for me to find school for that field because for neither of those things do I believe I need an actual education.
When she asked me why exactly I wanted to go back to school, I - after listing out all those things - simply couldn't answer it. I didn't know why! Probably for a paperwork, I said. But she urged to me that going to school for other people instead of myself isn't a very wise decision. I totally agreed and then I suddenly found my way again, I was back to my original plan. She did well me to keep up the spirit and follow short courses and just make my activities my own education. I need to keep planning, need to be consequent and concreet and keep my head above the surface.

Right now I have a serious energy and inspiration problem. When I lay this down before her today - when we discussed the test results - she told me this is a very normal thing for someone who's unemployed. It was quite a relief to hear that. Her advice to me was to find a part time job, not with money - but with energy and inspiration as the main reason. That actually got me more motivated.

So, my plans:
:bulletwhite:Get a new guitar (semi-accoustic), get recording equipment and make a demo. And a cd before the end of 2010, whether it's officially published or just released on the internet, either one is alright. Getting a new guitar can take a while though, so until then its practice practice practice!
:bulletwhite:Write a manuscript for my book and spread it to publishers for information and advice. Then keep going with the book and find a good publisher to bring it to life. If all goes well, then it's on to the next one.
:bulletwhite:Finish illustrating that children's book and see what the results are, silently hoping for some popularity and people to approach me after it. But only if I deserve it of course.
:bulletwhite:Get money to refill my paint supply... And get artisic!
:bulletwhite:Also helping out my brother a bit with his gameshop, with which he's truly going through this time. I told him I cannot be his partner, because now I've got my own activities. But I can go with him to conventions and markets as his assistent, as I will this sunday to a retro game fair.
:bulletwhite:Find work! Which is honestly my biggest problem, because I'm somehow quite picky, which is not exactly handy when you're in need... I'm trying to let that pickiness go, but it's not as easy as I thought. Nevertheless, work!
:bulletwhite:Finally get somebody to lend me a psp and crisis core, because I have GOT to play that one! :XD:
:bulletwhite:Also, it's my birthday next month and we're gonna have a kickass party. I feel up for it very much!
:bulletwhite:Next week two beltaine celebrations! :XD: One with my family here, and one with my friends in the weekend.

Well I guess that's it. It becomes you all well, luv ya!

xx
stardrop


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Happy Ostara! UPDATE: photos and videos!

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 23, 2009, 6:52 AM

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U P D A T E:
Photos: s73.photobucket.com/albums/i22…
Videos: www.youtube.com/user/Gerbert

---

Moments of reunion after a time of being seperate, where you get ready for what you know is about to come...

Explosive moments, where you impulsively decide to throw aside your bag and to run like crazy through the trees on the side of the road, simply because you can...
Hilarious moments, so badly that you don't have any breath left in your chest, but you cannot stop laughing either...
Lovely moments, where you run towards the field with the sun on your face, en drop down into the grassy bed of Mother Earth, to wish her a very happy Springtime, too...
Spacing moments, where you suddenly feel that the ground is going downwards... o_0
Confusing moments, where bizarre identity swaps take place and it just makes no sense to anyone anymore...
Musical moments, where ever the radiator and the blackboard were involved in...
Moments of *lol*, like seeking eastereggs on a saturday morning, in the field, in a tree, anywhere...
Relaxing moments, like one that lasts at least 7 hours, where you sit down in the field at 11:30am to relax, and go back inside at 6:30pm...
Dumbstruck moments, when somebody suddenly wants to announce something, and you totally didn't see it coming that it was about a gift from them, to you...
Moments you need to cope with something you can't comprehend right away, that keep amazing you how wonderful friendship and brotherhood can be, in such a way it leaves you speechless, because you never expected yourself to be part of that, too...
Moments of nostalgia, such as the Power Rangers, Alfred Jodokus Kwak, Darkwing Duck and a teletubbie with a red dreadlock...
Freezing moments, so badly that at night you decide to put on your coat, then your vest, and then your slippers, hoping you'll warm up at least a little bit...
Embarassing moments, where you finally wanna dedicate your own song to your friends, and that on that very moment your voice has been completely butchered...
Perplex moments, especially when you'll see the beautiful pictures that have been taken...
Heartwarming moments, like every time someone gives out a hug, because they are truly always welcome and never needless...
Moments of understanding, where even one word such as 'Tjilp' kan have a thousand meanings, but still everyone knows exactly what you mean...
Daydreaming moments, about a square with a sundial, a village called Paganheather and about the hope that one day we'll be able to create our own sacred places - such as temples -, too...

Moments of making choices, where the whole groep doesn't fit into the same bus and it has to be split up...
To decide to wait for the rest at the station for reunion, because the one minute at the busstop simply didn't qualify as a proper goodbye... Together, or not at all.

Moments of saying goodbye, that always make you realize how crazy you are of about your friends and sad that our ways are seperating once more, but on the same time you also know for sure that...
... we will meet again soon.

And that was the Ostara Meet with our own little group Tuatha De Lugh.
It was awesome guys, I can't describe in any word, in any language, how much y'all, and our brotherhood, mean to me...

Merry Ostara/Spring everybody and may it be joyful and flourishing!


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Letters to Origin: This is Me...

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 13, 2009, 8:02 AM

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Dear Origin,

It's 12:55, the 11th of March. The sun is shining outside, in such a way it shows real signs of a new season. I'm sitting here in the same place I have been for the past number of weeks. But now I think it's a good time to tell you who I am. When I'm done, I will read it over, so that I know who I am myself, too.

My name is Paulien. I'm nineteen years old (nearly twenty!) and live in Breda, where I was born. And at this point I'm actually staring at the screen, wondering what to write next.
I'm not very good a judging myself properly, like I can't very well say of myself that I'm kind or sympathetic, or maybe arrogant and not kind at all. So I will leave that to those closest to me.

I know I'm a very creative person, in various ways. And not just with my hands, with crafts, but also with my mind.
Every second of the day the gears in my head are rolling and they weave new worlds, characters and stories. I'm a writer, not so much a poet, but a writer. I love writing stories that are filled with imaginairy beauties and combinding them with my own illustrations. I want to write my own books, illustrate them myself and let them be published.
Only a few months ago did I also start to look on myself as a musician. Sure, I've played flute for over two years, and guitar even longer. But it wasn't until after we started Cleiti that I realised I'm actually a musician, too. I used to compose MIDI songs and they were pretty good, now I picked it up again a little. Also, I love making videos, music videos but also the kind to support my songs. Like my own artist music videos. I want to build my own little media studio here in my room, simply with just a fine headset and a proper videocamera. My dream is to bring out a solo album before the end of 2010, whether it's an officially published one, or just a free release on the internet.
Most people see me as an artist with a paintbrush and a pencil, though. It's the kind which I've clung to for as long as I can remember, not understanding the other various kinds of creativity resting inside me. But for the last year I have come to understand them, I know now that I can do more. I still love painting and drawing, though. The visualisation of the many worlds floating in my head and it still gives me great rest just to sketch a bit on paper. I want to use these skills to create my own illustrations, but I also love to paint on cloth, walls, anything.
But next to that, I also do artisan crafts like sewing and working with clay. Though I don't work with clay that often, just once in a while, since I don't have the material lying about to start on it randomly, like I usually do with other stuff... But I also love making clothes and gadgets, such as skirts, pouches and bags. It's all nowhere near professional (have no idea how to operate a sewingmachine), but it sure is great. I even came up with my own clothing label, just for fun, so that if someone one day requests like a bag, I can put my own label logo on it! The label name is Origins, dedicated to you. One day I want to learn how to use a sewing machine and expand my abilities in textile crafts, but I also want to learn the craft of leatherworks.

I'm a neo-pagan, or just simply pagan. Let me explain that. I believe in a greater "source" or "force" (which is you) and that everything is part of a greater Whole. Even scietists declared that if you come far down to it, everything is energy. And if everything is eventually energy, to me it means that eventually everything and everyone is One. But that everyone and everything is still an individual within the whole, like individual cells that form one body, like countless of gears that form a clockwork.
I gave you, the greater source I believe in, quite a few different names, such as the Great Divine, Energy, but of all I think Origin suits you the best. For you are the origin of everything, whoever, whatever and wherever you are.
Like all pagans, I'm more than fond of nature, animals and crafts of the old ways, and my interests also go to mythology and ancient cultures. Personally I'm also very fond of runes, symbolism and the concept of chaos and creation, which I often combine with my artisan crafts.
I believe that magic doesn't just come forth with spells and detailed rituals, but that there is magic in everything we do and everything that exists.
I see myself as a modern pagan, because I don't desperately cling to the ways that once were, but I look at what once was and bring it to the now, focusing on creating the future moments from the present. Next to that, I'm just a modern kid with computers, technology, and other stuff from this very age.
My spirit animal is a pygmy owl, and I realise that those totems can change over time. But the funny thing is that ever since I found out a pygmy owl was my spirit animal, I began to see owlies everything I went. Statues on a camping site, little decoration owls at fairs, I even started to notice that my dad had a few owls hanging around the house, too.

Okay, let's see. I'm also a new-age child, or an Indigo as it's sometimes called. But I'm not sure what to say about that, in all honesty. It is said that Indigo children represent a higher state of human evolution. They show "symptoms" that often lead to them being labeled to have autism, ADHD or ADD. They're natural rebels because their sense of justice and logic often don't go along with those that are considered "normal" or "true". They're also often considered arrogant and selfish, because they strive to stand out for their individual, no matter what tries to oppose them... Now, whether these things apply to me or not, I will leave that to people who know me, since I can't really say myself...

I'm quite a lucky person by nature, I'm not sure what causes it, though. Sometimes things just come on my path that seem all to convenient, but well I don't believe in coincidence, just in synchronicity. Meaning that everything that happens is made to be so. And I'm not saying that you, Origin, is responsible for making everything happen like it does. But we ourselves, are. By everything we do, think and say, we shape our own courses. But anyway...

Let me just say something I usually don't bring up. I think everybody has different personalities, like a light side and a dark side. I do, too. They're always in a struggle, in some sort of conflict. When the light side takes the upper hand, I can get very lucky, as described above. But when my darker side jumps forth (like it does now), I can get sort of "lifeless", silent and a thousand dark thoughts swish through my mind in one day. But I believe that even in the denser darkness, a light always exists. So now, in this dark time, I will also keep searching for that light.

Well, not sure what to write next, I think this is about it. But let me finish this letter by listing a few details about me, that I still think define me in some way.
I'm lefthanded in writing and painting, but in almost everything else I'm a righty, such as sports, cutting and playing instruments.
I'm also quite small, like 153 centimetres in height, and I know it's a bit cheesy but I still think that's a part of who I am, and I like it. I just wouldn't be me if I were tall!
My favourite color is brown, any shade. I also like black and green, but other than that I'm having a hard time finding or combinding colours when it comes to clothes.
I'm nearly twenty years old, but I'm still a kid. I can get all bouncy when birds are singing, get all nostalgic by watching Power Rangers or X-men. Hah, I thought I would have quite a few things to say about this, but I don't really. I'm just still a kid, that's about it, and I love it. Being grown up means little to me, since the regular defination of 'adult' seems like something I really don't want to be. But that doesn't mean I'm immature or irresponsible.
Ermm let's see, what else...
I'm very sensitive, I can get emotional with whatever touches me. You name it; books, video games, movies, music, anything. From sniffing and shedding a tear, to crying for hours or be depressed for a week. If something touches me, then emotional I get.
To serve and protect! Haha.
I guess that's it.

Origin, this is me.
In all love and gratitude, I'm now sending this letter out to you.
Thank you.

Love,
Paulien.


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News and Updates: My room and the Song of Hope

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 24, 2009, 2:38 AM
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Hi guys!
It's been quuiitte a while, so I'm gonna post some little pieces of news and updates to lett y'all know what's going on.

1. We'll start off with: I got short hair (click: 94.100.114.133/491250001-49130… )!! There's about 20 - 25cm gone from it, as a refresher for my head and hair. I like it, but I must say that I do like my longer hair a bit more. Somehow this short hair adds a personality to me that I'm not so fond of 0_o

2. I started a new YouTube channel! www.youtube.com/user/Paulienvd…
Yes, it's specially for music, allthough ofc I'll still post fun friends video's on there. Thanks to new inspiration I've decided to get back to midi composing and this time combine it with vocals, perhaps flute and guitar, and cool video's.
And I finally managed to make the Song of Hope into midi PLUS vocals!! Click: www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGM-y_…

3. Still looking for a job.

4. MY ROOM IS DONE!! Which is probably the biggest news here! Those that follow me a bit know how long I've been working on that sh*thole haha and now I finally pulled through. With the feng-shui tip of course, spend around 4 days painting, dragging stuff, drilling holes (actually, my dad did that =P), throwing stuff out, redecorating, aaahh! And the result? I'm happym VERY happy, about it! ^_^ Wanna see?? Go here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJgl-M…
I'll write an article with photo's and stuff about it in the near future.

5. I finally know how to play The River mantra on guitar! And while I've been making it hard on myself trying to figure it out, the chords simply are Dm and Am. That's it. Hahaha :XD:

6. Luv ya all! <3




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Wew, this theory/philosophy just came into my head.. Well actually, I’ve kinda always had it, but only just now did I find the words and formulation to describe it. I imagined what it would be like to move and lift a feather, using just my mind and energy. Because yes, I believe in that stuff. And I can explain it perfectly, well to me it counts as an explanation.. I guess those with very narrow minds would consider it nonsense and foolishness.

Anyway, how could I possibly move a feather without touching it? I would only use my own energy to bend the energy around the feather, moving it. It’s like water: if there’s an object in a pool and you give pressure to one side with water it will shift, as though the shaping of the water determines the position of the object.

I believe that everything is connected, everything is ONE. When you come far down to it, everything is energy, many people have already said so over the ages, even scientists themselves. I believe this energy, the ‘power’ to move the feather without touching it, is a technological natural energetic force.  Quite some long words perhaps, let me put it down in a simply way by using some examples. They might sound very geeky and perhaps stupid, but try to keep an open mind.
This kind of energetic force returns even in like movies, books and videogames. But also many cultures and philosophies. Like in the chinese culture they call it Chi, which means Lifeforce, or spiritual energy. It flows through us and everything that exists, and circulates through the earth.
You could even compare it to the Force in Star Wars ( XD) and this energy even comes back in many videogames (especially rpgs) and is known as Mana (which originally comes from mythology and ancient cultures that believed Mana was a power needed to perform magic, and was said to be more important to life than water).  You could even compare it to the concept of the Lifestream in Final Fantasy VII. I know this might all sound weird, but keep one thing in mind: the concept of this cosmic energy was NOT based on videogames. Those kind of videogames, or movies like Star Wars, were based on the concept of this cosmic energy (the Lifestream is originally based on pagan/earthly beliefs and philosophies).
Now, some would think “But how can you bend energy between you and the feather? There’s just thin air!” Thin air isn’t Nothing, there’s water vapor, there’s the air itself. And those contain their own “Mana” too.
It’s an energetic force that connects everything, moves everything and continuously strives to maintain balance (yin and yang) and rhythm (turning of the seasons, day and night, etc). It holds everything together, it’s the one and final thing before absolute Nothing, and it is the origin of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

This, by the way, is the ultimate “thing” that I honour within my individual religion. I guess you could consider it some form of a God, though the basic God is considered a male form, and the “thing” I believe in is both male AND female. It’s Origin, Energy, the Source, the Great Divine.

I imagined how it must feel, this energy. What would it feel like? Within a second I realised the answer, of course… Love. Experiencing this Energy feels like love, unconditional, based on equalty and respect. I knew it because I have already experienced it! There’s no one who hasn’t, even though they might not rememeber, or might have noticed it at all.
It’s the feeling I get from watching ducklings in the river (which I can seriously do for hours…), when I bathe in the sun or when I watch the trees turn reddish in late summer. Because cosmic energy is everywhere and it feeds us all, with Love.
Why Love? Well, to me it’s very simple, I’ll try to explain.
Love is the ONLY emotion, the only feeling, that we can truly GIVE someone. We cannot give hate, we cannot give anger, or sadness. I cannot give my neighboor the feeling of curiosity, these are emotions we generate ourselves. By interpretating something, by experiencing something in a certain way, we decide to hate, be angry and sad, even though that decision might likely have been subconsious.
But Love is something someone can give you, something you receive from another being. It’s the one emotion you can pass on to another, and it can be given without reason, without condition, just for the sake of love. And in turn, that love generates happiness and gratefulness.
This Energy passes on Love, because it’s the purest of all emotions, it can only be given and never be taken, it’s what makes everything grow and flourish. And by that, I might consider.. that Energy IS Love.
And everything is Energy. So everything is Love.


Written by Paulien van der Krift a.k.a. stardrop
Original Article: www.pauliensartstudio.com/?p=2…

Forecast 2009 - Happy Newyear!

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 1, 2009, 6:14 AM
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Let's review 2008, in short, first:
2008 was the year of new beginnings, new roots and the planting of new seeds. Or the fresh sprouting from former seeds. It was a year of eye openers and puzzlemakers, a wonderful year that can only be seen as a result of the years before, and the start of those after. 2008 was a year of transition.

Now 2009!
It will be the year of breakthroughs. Breaking through old traditions and customs will be central and people will really begin to see that they have a true Self.

In 2009, more people will stand still to ask themselves who They are and what they Truly want. This will cause quite a few conflicts in certain families and environments, because breaking away is not appreciated always and everywhere. Nevertheless I'll be cheering you on and don't give in! Do what you believe is truly right and don't let anyone tell you different. As long as it's True.

Some teenagers and youngsters will be seen as even more rebellious children, while in fact they are starting to stand out for who they are. Their conciounceness has opened and they will fight to defend their feelings of justice and judgement. I ask those people who have children, or work with children, to have an open mind and ear for them! They are not being rebels without a reason, children all have a say and they crave for someone who will not just hear them, but will listen as well.

2009 is the year of strength and courage, to become who you Truly are and to decide what you Really want to do.

It will be the year of consciousness and awareness. People will stand still to think and to listen to each other, but, most importantly, to themselves. People will become aware they They have the right to exist in the way they desire. The question will not be 'Can I do it?', but it will be 'Do I truly Want it?'. And there's nothing else to it. Because beleving is the first step to making dreams come true. And that is reality.

Once again I will press the matter that 2009 is the year of breakthroughs. People will break through old patterns and habits to discover that they are strong on themselves. They will conquer the conflicts that keep them back and dismiss the illusions that have always cloaked their vision. 2009 will be an eye-opener to many people. But more importantly than that: 2009 will be a heart-openener!

2009 will also be a year of conflict. Not just in families and households, but on inner fronts as well. Nevertheless, 2009 is the year of strength, courage and love, and these battles shall be won by those who make a stand, are open and honestly try.


2 + 0 + 0 + 9 = 11.
11 is a Master Number. It stands for inspiration, energy and intuïtion. It holds the power of creativity, spirit and awareness.

2009 is a year of realising dreams.


Have a very happy, strong and loving 2009, everybody!
Remember we stand together. And so we'll stand strong.




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Quick Updates!

Journal Entry: Sun Dec 28, 2008, 2:36 AM
Website  |  <a href="stardrop.deviantart.com"/gallery>Gallery</b>  |  My YouTube  |  Cleiti


Links fixed ^^ Forgot to enclose the links in ".." >_<

Hai!
I'm gonna do a quick update, so stay with me!

The Mandala ritual wasn't performed, because Simbelmyne-hills couldn't get off from work, so we're gonna do it in january.

My Christmas was alright, didn't really have a holiday feeling, but I know that's because I'm more looking out for 2009. I feel up for it!

We haven't done much with our band Cleiti in the past couple of weeks, except for donating money to the Red Cross.

I'm painting my chair red! =D

Can't wait till I can start rearranging and redecorading my room! It'll be a continue of the dairy I once started, I'll write a report about it in the process!

My paintings are back at home from the exhibition at the new-age store. I'm actually really glad to have my Father Sun and Mother Moon back on my own walls again.

I'm writing (another >_< ) book called The 9 Pieces of Lisa, though in Dutch. It's gonna be a formulation of my own beliefs, experiences and feelings.

I got a passepartout ticket for Castlefest for Christmas!

For the holidays I work at this Homecare thing, I clean for people who can't do it themselves (anymore), for whatever reason. And I don't like it. It's grateful work and highly appreciated (underpaid too), but really no, it's too heavy for me. Especially mentally.

I wrote a song! Clickie: nl.youtube.com/watch?v=JJIjlLL…

My head is drifting from one thing to the other. It's gonna be heck of a year!

That's it for now, bye guys, luv ya! xx


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The 10 Days of Yule: Mandala's

Journal Entry: Wed Dec 10, 2008, 3:00 AM
<a target=_blank href=www.pauliensartstudio.com>Website  |  <a href=stardrop.deviantart.com/galler…>Gallery</b>  |  <a target=_blank href=www.pauliensartstudio.com/?cat…>Spiritual Prose  |  <a target=_blank href=www.pauliensartstudio.com/clei…>Cleiti Paganfolk


Mandala's of the Yuletide! =D

Yesh!

So I wanted to do something different this year with the winter solstice and then I thought of the 10 Days of the Yuletide. But I wasn't sure what I should do with those ten days. Just now I was talking with my friend :Simbelmyne-hills, who also wanted to do something special (because next to that, her birthday's on the 22nd =D).

We decided that together we're each going to make a mandala in ten days, starting tomorrow, and finish it on the solstice. Then we're going to cut it into four pieces, and offer each piece to one of the elements: a piece for the fire, a piece for the air, a piece for the water and a piece for the earth.

She is going to make a Mandala of the Night, I'm going to make a Mandala of the Day. And on the 21st we will bring them together and send them out to the world together... ^_^

Yay, starting tomorrow! I will write a post every day with pictures of the process and how it looks. Finishing of course with a nice photo report of the day on the solstice, as we bring the Mandala's together and release them!

Happy holidays, everyone!


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I just got an OgilHug o_o

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 27, 2008, 3:19 PM
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Wooptidaisy o_o

I just got a big damn hug from Derek Ogilvie o_o I was just talking about it with a friend of mine, and she too agrees that this guy actually the understands the concept of “hug”. It’s not just a simple embrace, no it’s a biiig embrace of affection, The Hug >_< And this guy knows it... But damn, do I have a story to tell you.. o_o

So, I was standing in De Marentak, right, the new-age store where my paintings are up for the exhibition. I went there to add one more painting (Mother Moon), which I promised to do on a thursday night and it had already been postponed the week before, so I just had to do that… Next to that I had some other shizzl going on and so I had decided not to go and see Derek, who was giving a signing session in the Selexys bookstore on the other side of town… Plus, I had decided I would one day meet the guy, and whenever and wherever would be up to the moment, I always figured it would happen one day and it would be the right time and place… And that time would yet come.
So I was standing in De Marentak, chatting with the saleswoman, from the power of creation and feng-shui, to the crop circle phenomenon and 2012… When all of a sudden, I got a mobile PM from my friend Bibiche: “Hey Plien! We just got a really big Derek-hug! And a long one, too! He’s so great! Have a nice evening, big hug from Bibo and Giel”.
And I was standing there with my phone in my hand going like: “SHIT…! FUCK…! Nooo…. Damn!”. I immediately turned to the saleswoman and told her what was going on and I said I was sorry, but that I HAD to go XD! She understood of course, so I jumped outta the store and started running… to the other fuckng side of town, seriously when I got there my chest even burned, like, I’d never experienced that before >_< Don't suppose I've ever run like that in my life >_>
Anyway, when I got there I looked around for Bibo and Gilian, but they had gone already. Two minutes later they closed the doors of the store, so I was right on time, as well. Breathing the goddamn lungs outta my chest… >_< There was this family before me in line; mum, dad and a kid of like 9 years old. Who, by the way, seemed really smart for her age and she was really funny. So we just fooled around, laughed at lot to kill the time in line and eventually Derek came in view, and me and the little girl went like OMGz, lol :P But seriously, Mr. Awesomeness himself standing 3 metres away, what would YOU do? >_<
Somewhere in between Derek himself was on the phone with, I think, a friend of his and by the sound of it, it wasn’t going all too well… Well I had no idea so I’d no trouble letting it go, but he did seem a tad… sad or something..
I had always said like, I don’t need a lot from the guy.. I don’t need an autograph, no picture, sure I’d like a reading but not so immediately… I just wanted a hug. A powerful thing, the Hug >_<
Well, I was last in line, which to be honest I quite liked… That way I wouldn’t have to hurry or whatever. So, you know, when it was my turn I gave him a hug (and I nearly drowned in his… XD) so I, you know.. thanked him for all he’s done, because.. you know, why shouldn’t I, right? o_O But but but he looked at me and said like “Thanks, I really needed that…”, and I was like que? o.o
Dammit, I felt an urge to cry like, he was just so sad O_O So I gave him another hug, rofl. After that I gave him my businesscard and then he asked me who I was with. So I said nobody. And he was like, you’re here all by yourself? Stupid thing is, I actually looked around me, realizing that I WAS alone there.. Sure I knew that, but I hadn’t really, you know.. taken it as an issue or even stopped to realise it o_o And he just found it so great that I had come there, by myself, to see him… o_o
So what the hell… I came there tonight because I really wanted a hug from Derek, and I kinda needed one, too.. But instead, this happened the other way around? I guess… it was the right time and place, after all… o_o
I just added this to my “awesome experiences” list… Damn.. the emerging “meant-to-be” moments seemed to happen more and more often… Not that I mind, on the contrary, keep em coming! Sometimes it’s just a little too powerful and it feels like I have to really keep up… Of course, it’s damn awesome and wonderful, I’m still quite flabbergasted about the whole thing…
Thanks Derek, really thanks, I just dunon what else to say… Well, I actually wanted to say this, but I didn’t really have the courage, so I dunno if you’ll, like, ever read this or not… but without a doubt do I believe in you, and I dunno what was going on, but someone like you can overcome anything.. Because for all the beautiful things you give, you get em back with love in like tenfold and you deserve that.. It becomes you well! And thanks again….

I’m so glad I ran my lungs outta my chest… XD


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Still Alive! XD

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 19, 2008, 4:20 AM
<a target=_blank href=www.pauliensartstudio.com>Website  |  <a href=stardrop.deviantart.com/galler…>Gallery</b>  |  <a target=_blank href=www.pauliensartstudio.com/?cat…>Spiritual Prose  |  <a target=_blank href=www.pauliensartstudio.com/clei…>Cleiti Paganfolk


Still Alive XD

Sooooow I think it's time for a big update, no? :XD:

I'll tell a bit about what I'm up to these days. First of all I'm having trouble finding a job, which really shouldn't be so hard now that the holidays are nearing. But no worries, I'll find one soon.


Concerning art, last week I more or less realised something. After years and years of pressing about building a future blahblah, I've decided to let go of what people and society expect of me.
I simply wanna be an artist. A whatever kind of artist, a varied artist, an artist of all kinds. And you know what... I already am! So it's that simple, I wanna be like I am now, only greater perhaps and more experienced, for we never stop learning.
And yes yes, of course I intend to make money out of this, too.
But that's pretty much it. I wanna be a painter, a musician, an illustrator, a writer, a photographer, a craftswoman, and all other kinds of artist within my reach. Beecause I love it, that's why!
Art isn't just about making paintings or pictures, or statues nobody can understand and it's just I've only just came to realise that... Art is simply so much more.
And next to that, I wanna be an inspirer, a spiritual and philosophical beaken. Meaning simply that I wanna help and support people in their endeavors to make their own dreams come true. Because that's what I believe in, for those who still wonder why we exist here on this Earth: we exist to make our dreams reality.


Next to that, last sunday we had another rehearsal with our band Cleiti, and it's just going so incredibly well! It's not even been four months since we started and we got about 4 (semi-)finished songs, and like 10 others waiting in line. I greatly enjoy it, it's just so much fun! If you're curious about our music and who we are, go here: www.pauliensartstudio.com/clei…


Let's see, what else... Oh yea, I've had a little frustration attack a while back. It's really a long o-tello, but I've made a blog about it, so if you wanna read what's going on in my head now, go here: www.pauliensartstudio.com/?p=9…


Also, I'm planning on buying a pet! =D A bird, that is! I haven't had a pet in like ten years, mainly because I'm not all that good in raising and taking care of animals... But now I believe I'm ready for it again and I adore birds, so that's where I'll start. Yayness ^_^


Oh right! I'm rearranging my room, right, I started with that like.. too long ago, and it's still not done. So, here's the problem: there's a disturbance in the energy in my room. I never really noticed that before, until I decided to open up to my high sensitivity again (I kinda turned it low for 6 years because it made me crazy before...). I see now that it's highly unbalanced here and all kinds of energy are just waving and swirling around each other, making it very hard for spirits to manifest (Don't ask >_> ) and for good energy to take place.
And the reason why I'm always stuck in the middle of redoing stuff here is because I can't find the right positiion for everything, the right arrangement.
So I've decided to use a guidline: feng-shui! I had never really read or studied about it before, but now that I have it's actually very damn interesting. Not just that, the principles and patterns of this philosophy quickly got me, as though it really seemed familiar. It's simply directing energy with arranging and decorating and it just.... feng-shui just makes sense :XD: So that's my way to go.
Of course, I won't be finishing my room 100% according to the feng-shui, I'm still me and I got my own beliefs and symbolism as well. So I'll throw a little bit of "me" in the process :XD: I'll write a good blog about this all soon!


And Charmaine, dear Charmaine, I'm so sorry >_>
When I suggested the art trade it all seemed like I could do it in two days time, but I just don't know how to explain the changes and processes that are suddenly happening here, it's like I'm going through a metamorfoses and it's taking up all my time, energy and thought...
But I wanna make it up to you. Let's say I cancel this art trade now... and in exchange, to make it up to you, I will make you something really goodie in the new year, when my mind allows me again. I will make you a small painting of Illora and her kitty and send it to you by mail. What do you say? ^_^


So, anyway, that's enough update for today. I'm planning on making a special blog for the feng-shui thing, so keep an open eye =D

Love you guys! :hug::XD:


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  • Listening to: Cleiti - Wake up Dancing
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  • Playing: Scrambled eggs with bacon and shrooms =D
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