Published: September 13, 2007
I think you know what's going on by now. This narrating job is now obsolete.
The big party was in two days. Tobi and Kisame returned from their magical dancing adventure at the Dance Dance Revolution arcade.
Tobi: Hot damn, I'm the dance master!
Kisame: Nuh-uh, you cheated!
Tobi: Come on, don't be jealous.
Kisame: You covered my screen with squeezy cheese, and put oil on the dancing platform! Then you set me on fire!
Tobi: It made you dance better.
Kisame: ...Well, it did, but it hurt like hell!
Hidan bursted through the door.
Hidan: S'up, bitches.
Tobi: Holy crap, Hidan's back! YAY!
Tobi runs toward Hidan and hugs him tightly.
Tobi: Don't ever leave us again, Daddy!
Hidan: Daddy?! What the hell have you been smoking?!
Kisame: Some of Leader's stash, probably.
Hidan: Get off of me, dumbass.
Hidan shoves Tobi on the ground.
Hidan: I'm just here to get my shit.
Tobi: So you're not coming back? But... But Daddy, we missed you! Mommy and Tobi missed you so much!!!
Hidan: You can both drop dead for all I care. I'm never gonna get Kakuzu's money plotting with you asshats. I've paired up with... DEIDARA.
Dramatic music blares in the background.
Kisame: Where did that music come from?
The three look around, puzzled.
Hidan: Who cares about the music? Deidara and I are gonna get the money, so you can just give up and go do whatever the hell it is you're doing.
Hidan grabs a suitcase full of stuff, walks out the door, and slams it on the way out.
Kisame: That's not good... Deidara is smart, we should start planning more and- Hey, are listening to me?
Tobi is playing a video game.
Tobi: Oh no, the zombie is trying to eat my head! Gotta mash the A button! Press A! PRESS A!!!
Kisame: Fine, screw it, you're not paying attention to me anyway. Let Hidan and Deidara get the money, I give up.
Kisame also goes out the door and slams it on his way out. He walks down a few hallways and into the master ballroom, which was just installed a few days ago for the party. Leader and Konan are hanging banners on the walls.
Leader: Hey there, Kisame! Are you finally gonna help us with the party decorations and junk?
Kisame: Yeah, I guess so.
Leader jumps up and down, clapping his hands in glee. This is not a good idea, since he's standing on a ladder. Konan pinches his ear to make him stop.
Konan: I swear, you would've killed yourself five times over if it weren't for me.
Leader: (In whiny voice) But Konan...
Konan sighs heavily.
Konan: Kisame, help us out here. Grab another ladder and help us hang some banners.
Kisame grabs a large banner from the corner of the room. It says, "IT'S PARTY TIME, WHOO!" in bright, florescent colors. Kisame climbs a ladder to the left of Leader and attaches one side of the banner to the wall. From the corner of his eye, he sees Kakuzu walk into the room.
Kakuzu: Hey guys, if you need help with that, I can attach the other banners for you.
Many black, thin tentacles come out of Kakuzu's arm.
Leader: Eww... Kakuzu, put those away, will ya?
Kisame: (In head) Damn that Kakuzu, trying to be all helpful, when he's hiding our money in that stupid stomach of his... I can't give up now. Gotta make a plan.
Kisame jumps down from the ladder.
Kisame: Sure, hang up the rest of that ladder. I...uh... Left some cookies in the oven. They'll burn if I don't take 'em out. See ya.
Leader: Dude, you made cookies?! That's rad! Hurry up and get them, I'm getting the munchies!
Konan: PEIN, what have I told you about smoking marijuana?! You're grounded!
Leader: But KONAN...
Konan: No buts, mister, you had your chance.
Konan walks through a hallway. She approaches Leader's room.
Konan: What's the smell...?
She knocks on Leader's door.
Konan: Pein, are you smoking pot in there??
Leader: Ummm....... MAYBE.
Konan: Open the door.
Konan: Do you want to get grounded?
Leader: ...Okay... I'll open the door...
A huge rush of smoke comes out and engulfs Konan.
Konan: DAMMIT, PEIN!
Leader: Come on, be cool, I'll stop, I promise.
Konan: Fine, I'll let you off this one time. Give me the joint.
He gives her the joint, and has a sad look on his face. She crushes it under her heel.
Konan: Now, no more of that. Just remember, if I catch you getting high one more time, you're grounded.
Konan: You've been a bad Leader, so I'm grounding you. You won't be able to go to the party on Saturday.
Leader: WHAT?! You can't do that to me! I HATE YOU!
Leader jumps down from the ladder and runs away crying. Meanwhile, Deidara and Hidan are plotting and stuff.
Deidara and Hidan: *Plotting noises* Teh heh heh, we're plotting.
Deidara: We're plotting lots of plots like you've never seen before!
Hidan: And how!
Suddenly, Kisame and Tobi burst through the door.
Kisame: STOP RIGHT THERE!
Deidara: What the hell are you-
Tobi: SILENCE! We're here with a message for Hidan!
Kisame: Hidan... We're holding your cookie hostage.
Tobi holds a knife to a cookie.
Kisame: Because you're working with Deidara!
Tobi points vigorously at Deidara.
Tobi: That's you, bitch!
Hidan: Well... That would explain why an 8-foot fish bowl was stalking me...
Kisame: Teehee, I'm am so very stealthy.
Hidan: But there's one thing...
Hidan: That's not my cookie.
Kisame: It's not?
Tobi: Then who's cookie is-
Zetsu bursts through the wall.
Zetsu: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY COOKIE?!
Zetsu sees the cookie in Kisame's hand.
Zetsu: YOU STOLE MY COOKIE, I EAT JOO NOWZ! OM NOM NOM NOM!!!
Deidara's hair suddenly bursts into flames.
Deidara: My hair's on fire again!!!
Sasori's ghost floats above Deidara's head.
Sasori ghost: That's what you get, you unartistic transvestite! Eat spooky ghost flames, BITCH.
Tobi: ZOMG, I see dead people! I SEE YOU, GHOST MAN!
Kisame: Tobi, what have we told you about eating paint chips?!
And now for something completely different.
Itachi sits in a patch of flowers, somewhere in a meadow. He looks up to the sky with a blissful look on his face.
Itachi: Never before have I seen something so beautiful. My heart is filled with glee. If only I felt this way before, maybe I wouldn't have slaughtered my entire family. MAYBE.
Itachi's cloak suddenly bursts into flames.
Itachi: WHY IS MY CLOAK ON FIRE?! OH GOD!
Sasori's ghost appears above Itachi,
Sasori ghost: That's for killing me over a game of DDR! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
*Back in present time, yay!*
Leader looks at Tobi with a disturbed glare.
Leader: What the hell is wrong with you people?!
Tobi: Yeah, Thursday was pretty weird. I don't know what happened. It's like two teenagers with nothing better to do took over our universe and started making us do horrible things for their own amusement.
Leader: That idea is preposterous. Shut up before I strike you with a sharp object.
Leader: You shall recount your story later. I'm going to go for a...bathroom break. Yeah. Bathroom.
Tobi: Are you gonna go get high again?
Leader: NO... Yeah.
Konan appears behind Leader.
Konan: PEIN, YOU ASSHOLE!
She lunges at Leader.
Leader: Oh God!
Tobi watches as Konan beats the living snot out of Leader.